Sinner Like Me by Avril Ashton

Thirteen

Syren kept his promise. He slept in it. Woke up in it. And the subsequent plane ride to Costa Rica was a very uncomfortable one for Kane. But the soreness was one he’d never experienced and he welcomed it. He also didn’t miss the shit-eating grin his husband kept sending him every time Kane squirmed in his seat. That one was all kinds of conceited in the aftermath.

He had all rights to be.

Kane enjoyed every minute of it. And yes, he’d be going back for more. That would be a staple on their bedroom menu from now on. Lots of things to look forward to.

Hours later they were at the beach house, surrounded by their family. Because that was what the men around them were. Family. Kane might not have picked them if given the choice in the early days, so he was glad he wasn’t given the choice. Syren, Càtia, and even he, would have missed out on some really great people. They were loud, especially Mateo, talking shit. Ribbing each other. Càtia was on Angel’s lap, one finger tracing the tattoos on his biceps that peeked out from under the sleeve of his t-shirt.

There was definitely something going down with Isa and Nina. Syren had pointed it out to him, but he’d dismissed it. Now, he saw the way they looked at each other, Isa’s perusal bold and darker. Nina’s much more subdued, hesitant. Shy even. But Kane grinned. He loved the two women for so many different reasons. They’d each been through their own versions of hell. To see them find each other was great.

He walked outside to the veranda. The air was getting cooler now that the sun was setting. From their position atop a hill, the setting sun was visible, swathed in a gorgeous array of fuchsia, purples, and blood orange. The beach below was almost deserted, the voices of the few stragglers carrying on the gentle breeze. He loved it here. The contentment. He was glad he’d convinced Syren to keep the house when he’d proposed the idea of selling.

Someone touched his shoulder. “Hey.”

He glanced at his brother as Gabe stood next to him, staring out at the sunset. “What’s up?”

“Did you fix whatever it is you’d done to hurt your husband yet?” Gabe’s jaw ticked, but he didn’t look at Kane.

Kane sighed. “Syren and I are fine. Things weren’t what they appeared to be.”

“Meaning what?” Gabe faced him this time, and Kane saw the disappointment in his brother’s eyes. Kane frowned.

“Gabe, do you seriously think I would cheat on Syren? That I’d put my family in jeopardy?”

“I wouldn’t have thought it.” Gabe shrugged. “But then I heard you kissed someone else, and I had to consider it.”

“No, you don’t.” Kane explained the entire Vince situation to Gabe in a clipped tone.

Gabe snorted with disbelief when he finished. “And Syren didn’t fuck him up?”

“It wasn’t his fight. That was mine, and I dealt with it.” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe that shit. He’s completely lost it.”

“Obviously something else is at play here.” Gabe slapped his back. “I’m glad you took care of him. Wouldn’t have wanted to see how Syren would have handled it. Although,” he growled, “if someone took that kind of liberty with Angel, things would not have gone down quite so neatly.”

Kane chuckled. “You’ve been around Angel way too long.”

Gabe shrugged, then crossed his arms. “One year later,” he said smugly. “How are you liking married life, big brother?”

“Loving it. No regrets.” But then he’d known the rightness of it, felt it in his bones the day they’d spoken their vows.

Gabe smiled, his gray eyes twinkling. “Didn’t think you had any. You’re good for him, and you, he’s good for you. I see you again, not the man so broken by Bailey’s death.” He glanced away. “It’s really fucking good to have my brother back.”

Kane stepped up and pulled his little brother into a hug. “It’s good to be back.” He patted Gabe’s back, eyes squeezed tight. “Really good.” He pressed a kiss to Gabe’s temple then stepped away. Holding Gabe by the nape, he peered into his brother’s eyes. “How are you?”

Gabe flinched and stepped away. No other words were needed to clarify the meaning of Kane’s question. Their surrogate kept losing the babies and Kane couldn’t imagine the toll the most recent miscarriage was taking on Gabe and Angel.

“Gabe.” He placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder when Gabe didn’t speak. “I’m so sorry.”

Gabe nodded. His face was expressionless, but his eyes. Fuck, they killed Kane. “Me, too.” His chin quivered. “I’m sorry, too.”

“It’ll happen.” He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do, but he had to make it happen. “Gabe, look at me.” When his brother met his gaze, eyes overflowing with sorrow, Kane heard his own heart crack. “It will happen. I promise.”

“When?” Gabe demanded. “When, Kane? Because I’m tired of this empty feeling inside me. I’m tired of the guilt and the blame my husband puts on himself. I’m tired of feeling so fucking helpless.” Fists balled, his shoulders slumped in obvious defeat. “It hurts,” he whispered. “And I don’t know if the pain will go away.”

God. All Kane could do was gather him in his arms again. Gabe trembled against him, and Kane just held him. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to do, what else to say to take away the heartbreak in his brother’s eyes. In his voice.

“There are no explanations,” Gabe murmured against his neck. “We’ve been tested a million times. Everyone’s been tested. Nothing’s wrong, and yet, every fucking thing is wrong.” He shook his head then shifted away. “I don’t know how much more I can take. Seriously. I can’t do it anymore. I’m not sure if any of this is worth it.”

“Don’t say that.” He’d never seen Gabe like this and he didn’t like it. “What does Angel say?”

“He’s not saying much of anything. When he does broach the topic, it’s with guilt. He thinks it’s all his fault. He beats himself up and I—” Gabe turned back to stare down at the beach with a sigh, running impatient fingers through his hair. “Reaching him in those moments is impossible.”

Kane didn’t like how his brother sounded. “Gabe, are you guys— Are you okay? The two of you?”

Gabe was silent for so long, Kane started to panic.

“Angel is my first priority. My only priority.” Gabe pounded his fists on the veranda rails. “We don’t have a child, we might never have one.” His voice cracked only a little, but he continued. “I have my husband, and I will always have him. I can’t forget that. I won’t. We’ll be okay.” He squared his shoulders and faced Kane. The smile on his face wasn’t the biggest or the brightest, but he smiled. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Damn right you will.” Kane cupped his brother’s face with both hands. “I’m so proud of you.”

Gabe grinned. “Me too.”

They chuckled and Kane patted his cheek as someone cleared their throat. He looked over to the doorway. Nina and Syren stood there, hovering.

“Hey.”

Syren smiled. “We didn’t want to interrupt.” His eyes said they’d heard the conversation.

“You’re not.” Gabe pulled away. “Come on.” He motioned for them to come on over and stepped back from Kane. “I’m gonna go find Angel.”

“Càtia has him in her bedroom, brushing his hair.” Syren snickered. “Poor guy.”

Nina touched Gabe’s hand as he walked by her. “Gabe, can I—” She cast a nervous glance at Kane and Syren. “Can I say something to you?”

“Of course.” He looked confused, but Gabe smiled at her anyway. “What’s up?”

She bit her lip. Kane frowned at the nerves in her stance and in her expression. “I-I…um. I heard you and Kane talking and I wanted to say…” She took a breath. “I’d like to give you something. If you’d agree. I’d like to be your surrogate.”

Syren gasped. Kane’s breathing cut off. Gabe paled and staggered backward.

“Wh-what?”

Nina wrung her hands. “I’d like to give you a baby. If you and your husband agree to it. I’ll sign anything you want me to.”

Gabe braced himself with one hand against the wall. He looked bewildered. He shook his head and Nina blanched.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I s-shouldn’t have—”

“Angel.” Gabe looked lost. “I need Angel.”

“I’ll get him.” Syren raced into the house.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Nina said softly. “I just, you’re good men and I want to give you this if I can. I want to give you a child. I’ve never been interested in having any of my own, but I’d like the chance to make your dreams come true.”

Gabe made a sound. Hell, he looked like he was in pain. Kane went to him.

“Gabe, talk to me.”

But Gabe just shook his head, eyes closed, lips moving without sound.

“What’s going on?’ Angel stepped out onto the veranda, Syren on his heels. “Gabe?” Gabe held out a hand, and Angel took it immediately and stood at his husband’s side. “What’s wrong?”

“Nina—” Gabe looked up at Angel, and Kane had to glance away at the naked emotion in his brother’s eyes. “Nina has something she wants to ask us.”

Angel frowned as he looked from Gabe to a very nervous Nina. “Nina?”

“I heard Gabe talking about you losing another pregnancy,” she said. “I offered to be your surrogate.”

Angel blinked. His mouth opened and closed. Fingers slid into Kane’s palm, twisted around his. He squeezed Syren, silently thanking him for the support he didn’t even know he needed as he looked at Angel and Gabe. He felt as if they were intruding on something personal, something intensely private. Especially watching the hope blossom in Angel’s eyes then fade fast.

“Nina.” Angel cleared his throat. “I don’t know what to say right now.”

She nodded slowly.

“This is a monumental decision to make on the spur of the moment.” Angel kept his face expressionless when he said, “It’s also a very complicated process. One we’ve been through too many times to count.” He paused. “One I’m not sure I want to put us through again.”

Gabe sagged into Angel’s solid form.

“I understand,” Nina said.

“Gabe.” Angel looked down at Gabe with so much love in his eyes, that shit was blinding. “Our marriage is much more important.” He cupped Gabe’s face. “I swear to you, cop. It’s much more important than anything else. We have us,” he said fiercely. “I have you.”

Gabe’s head jerked. “I know.”

Angel’s eyes glittered. Kane could tell that to the two men, nothing else existed. Angel cupped Gabe’s face, bent to press their noses together. “Your choice,” Angel whispered, but Kane was close enough to hear. “Whatever you decide, I’ll be behind you one hundred percent. I promise. No wrong answers. Go with your heart.” He reached down, linked their fingers. “Choose for us.”

Gabe wrapped his arms around Angel’s waist. He didn’t break the stare he had with his husband when he spoke to Nina. “Nina, thank you.” His voice trembled, hell, Kane saw his entire body tremble when he said, “We’d be honored to have you as our surrogate.”

Fuck. Kane let out a breath, blinking his wet eyes. Syren leaned into him. Nina was beaming. And Gabe, Gabe was in his husband’s arms, fingers buried in Angel’s hair, kissing his man.