Nautilus Than Perfect by K.L. Hiers

Chapter 3.

“SO,” MERRICKsaid as he speedily drove them back into the city, “my nephew is inside the ghoul of a thief named Lochlain Fields. He is in the company of disgraced former detective Sloane Beaumont, and they may have killed the professor?”

“I knew something weird was going on!” Chase growled. “Remember when we kept running into them? Like seeing Sloane over at the funeral home where the ghoul body went missing?”

“And at the precinct when Mr. Evans was escorting Mr. Beaumont and those other strangers around despite my objections?”

“Yeah, the ginger pretty boy was Lochlain Fields. Or actually Azaethoth. Can’t you tell if somebody is a god or not?”

“Not if they are hiding their aura. We can blend in as mortals very well.” Merrick scoffed to himself. “It makes me wonder who the ‘love goddess’ was now. Perhaps another wayward relative of mine.”

“The love of your life is right in front of you. You just have to be brave enough to take it.”

Chase remembered the prediction verbatim now, but she couldn’t have meant….

“What led you to confronting Mr. Beaumont?” Merrick asked, interrupting Chase’s thoughts.

“Okay, so I figured out the missing ghoul from the funeral home was Lochlain Fields after I ran the prints, and that was mighty odd since he’s not actually dead,” Chase replied quickly. “He and his new hubby got some property that belonged to Professor Kunst, property Sloane inherited from him after his very mysterious death.”

“Mysterious?”

“Went missing for months until he was declared dead, and the death certificate said some bullshit about him dying at home.”

“Ah.”

“Oh, but there’s more.” Chase held up a finger. “Yours truly went into the file and found a redacted report that his rotten corpse was actually found out in the woods on his property. Isn’t that fun? Then, of all fuckin’ things, his body was cremated with no medical examiner authorization!”

“And Professor Kunst was a Sage, yes?” Merrick made a face. “He should have been shrouded and buried.”

“Well, he was technically buried once. Just, you know, in a grave of the shallow variety.”

“And Mr. Beaumont was involved in his demise?”

“Pretty fuckin’ sure. That’s why I went to go talk to him to get some damn answers. That’s when that bastard Azaethoth erased my memory!”

“And you made no mention of this to me?” Merrick frowned. “Not a word prior to going to see him?”

Swallowing down a lump in his throat, Chase replied, “No, I didn’t.”

“And why not?”

“Milo and Sloane are real good friends, and we all used to work together, you know? I never thought what the department did to him was right, and I figured I could at least give him a chance to explain himself.”

“Even though you suspect him of murder?”

“Only a little!” Chase argued. “I really don’t think Sloane did it, but I knew he was mixed up in it. It was probably your boy Azaethoth! He’s the one who messed up my brain! And that asshole took my badge!”

“My nephew is many things, but I find it difficult to believe he would murder a mortal. He is a thief, yes, but not a killer. He is not that kind of a god.”

“Well, Sloane ain’t that kinda guy.”

“He had the perfect motive,” Merrick protested. “Or did you forget that Professor Kunst was the one who murdered his parents?”

“No, I didn’t forget,” Chase snapped. “That case is why Sloane got fired! He’d been working on it for years—”

“But he suddenly receives a taped confession to close the case right before Professor Kunst happens to go missing? And after he is declared dead, he just happens to leave everything to Mr. Beaumont?”

“I’m sure there’s an explanation,” Chase said stubbornly.

“It is motive.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see.”

“Motive you withheld,” Merrick accused. “Your dishonesty is extremely unethical, and it undermines the trust between us—”

“Oh, that’s real cute, coming from the guy who was lying all this time about being a god!” Chase snapped more harshly than he meant to. “How’s that for undermining trust, huh?”

Merrick was clearly stung, saying nothing as he refocused his attention on the road.

The rest of the drive was silent, and Chase had the weirdest sensation of déjà vu when they pulled into Sloane’s humble apartment complex. He wasn’t looking forward to this, but he trusted his gut.

Sloane wasn’t a killer.

After Merrick parked the car, Chase led the way to Sloane’s building and knocked on his front door.

Chase’s heart was pounding while they waited for him to answer, and he wiped his forehead with his sleeve. He was nervous about possibly facing off against the god who wiped his memory, but then he felt a small nudge from Merrick.

“I am here,” Merrick said, perhaps hoping to alleviate Chase’s obvious stress.

“I know,” Chase said in reply. Though the concern was touching and having another god at his side was reassuring, he still wasn’t sure how to feel about all of this.

He’d woken up this morning like any other, hungover and alone. In only a few hours, he’d found out the Sages’ gods were real, his memory had been tampered with, and a bunch of crazy witches were actively trying to wake up one of those old gods to destroy the world.

Not to mention the man he actively worshipped wasn’t a man at all, but a member of the same ancient immortal family.

The door opened, and Sloane Beaumont was on the other side. He was a handsome young man with black hair and thick eyebrows. Both of those bushy monsters were raised in definite surprise when he saw Chase and Merrick standing on his doorstep.

“Oh!” Sloane blinked. “Hey, Chase. Detective Merrick. Uh, what can I do for you?”

“Who is it?” a voice called from inside the apartment. “Is it the mailman? Because we have unfinished business!”

“I remember everything,” Chase said sternly, enjoying the sudden look of terror on Sloane’s face, “and now we are all gonna sit down and have a nice little chat together. And hey, I want my badge back too.”

“Uh, Loch?” Sloane called out urgently, backpedaling inside. “We have company.”

Chase stepped in first, and Merrick shut the door behind them.

Loch or Azaethoth or whoever he was got up from the couch where he’d been lounging and joined Sloane. He was an attractive redhead with a twinkle of mischief in his eye, laughing when he saw them.

“It’s you two again.” He eyeballed Merrick. “Were you ever able to have anything done about the stick up your—”

“Yeah, it’s us,” Chase cut in. “Now, are you the god or the thief?”

“Mmm, both?” Loch shrugged. “Being the god of thieves certainly qualifies me.”

“Loch!” Sloane hissed. “Think first! Then talk!”

“Look, whatever little mind-zapping you did is gone,” Chase declared, staring Sloane down. “I wanna know what the hell really happened to Professor Emil Kunst and why that guy there is prancing around in a ghoul of a man who ain’t dead.”

“Okay, okay,” Sloane said, holding up his hands. “You guys just wanna talk, we can talk, but I don’t think you’re gonna believe me—”

“Well, what’s stopping me from zapping their memories, hmm?” Loch challenged, narrowing his eyes and grinning like a cat about to pounce. “That seemed to work well before.”

“Because I will stop you,” Merrick said as he stepped forward to face Loch, “and you never could beat me at anything… Azzath.”

Loch was immediately confused, and he stared at Merrick for a long moment. “Uncle Gordoth? Is that… is that really you?”

“I am Gordoth,” Merrick recited, “brother of Salgumel, Shartorath, Yeris, Ulgon, Elgrirath, Zarnorach, Xarbon, Solmach, Eb, Ebb, Ebbeth, and Lozathin. I was spawned by Baub, the child of Zunnerath and Halandrach, they who were born of Etheril and Xarapharos, descended directly from Great Azaethoth himself.”

“Uncle Gordoth! This is where you’ve been? Hiding out in a mortal vessel?” Loch laughed and grabbed Merrick in a big hug. Both of their tentacles wrapped around each other, their voices overlapping excitedly.

“Look how much you’ve grown—”

“I’ve missed you! We tried to find you for the wedding!”

“I missed you as well. It has been too long! Wait, wedding?”

“Too long, far too long! And yes! My wedding!”

“God of justice,” Sloane murmured. He seemed pretty calm for someone watching two gods hugging it out.

“Yup. God of justice. That’s him.” Chase leaned in to catch Sloane’s ear. “And Azaethoth is…?”

“God of thieves and divine retribution.” Sloane smiled hesitantly. “Uh, I’m guessing you didn’t know about Merrick…?”

“No.” Chase watched how openly Merrick smiled with Loch, and he brushed off a quick pinch of jealousy.

As the immortals finally parted, Merrick smacked the back of Loch’s head with one of his tentacles.

“Ow!” Loch pouted. “What was that for?”

“Erasing a mortal’s memory,” Merrick scolded.

“Owwww!” Loch cried, trying to duck the next bop.

“It was unjustified, immature, and sloppy!” Merrick continued to rant. “What if Detective Chase’s memories returned on their own and he came back to arrest you?”

“Zap, zap memories again?” Loch suggested. “I certainly wasn’t going to let him take me or my mate to prison! Pffft!”

Merrick raised a tentacle as if to hit him again.

“Can we get to the part where you guys explain what the hell is going on?” Chase grumbled.

“I did it to protect Sloane,” Loch said stubbornly. “He is my mate, and we have a family to think of now!”

Sloane’s face became a startlingly bright shade of red.

“You have truly taken this man as your mate?” Merrick sounded skeptical.

“Mother really tried to find you to wake you for the wedding!” Loch fussed. “I wanted you to be there.”

“I am sorry I missed it,” Merrick said sincerely.

“You should be. It was spectacular. Very big fire.” Loch beamed. “Mmm, no orgy, but still very nice. Sloane is now my mate. We’ve just celebrated our two-month anniversary.”

“Congratulations, that’s great,” Chase huffed as he stalked over to the living room. He plopped down on the edge of the coffee table, gesturing to the couch. “Now. I’d like to have my badge back and get some answers, if you’d be so kind.”

“Loch?” Sloane prompted.

“Must I?” Loch asked.

“Yes.”

Loch pouted, but he produced the badge, dangling it from one of his tentacles for Chase.

“Thank you,” Chase said shortly as he shoved it in his jacket pocket. “Now, let’s talk, huh?”

“Right,” Sloane said, taking a deep breath and grabbing a seat on the couch across from Chase. “It all started last Dhankes when I went to Milo’s Halloween party.”

“Milo Milo? Our Milo? He knows about this shit?”

“Yeah, look. It all started at his party. That’s where I met Lochlain Fields. We chatted for a minute, I gave him my card—”

“They wanted to mate,” Loch explained in a dramatic whisper as he sat down next to Sloane.

“No! We were planning to go on a date.”

“I understand these things to be the same.”

“They are not. Anyway. Later that night, Lochlain was murdered. He’d stolen a piece of a totem for Professor Emil Kunst, a totem that could wake up Salgumel. Tollmathan came after Lochlain, and—”

“Tollmathan, my nephew?” Merrick frowned, looking to Loch worriedly for confirmation.

Loch nodded.

“Yes,” Sloane replied grimly. “Kunst performed a ritual with my parents nineteen years ago that was supposed to destroy this totem. Something went horribly wrong. It broke the totem into fragments and then scattered them all over Aeon instead of turning them to dust.

“Kunst survived the ritual and spent the rest of his life trying to find those broken pieces. He wanted to restore the totem to destroy it once and for all. He found out Toll was trying to get it, too, and figured he could stop him if he had at least one piece.”

“The piece Lochlain Fields stole for him?” Chase asked.

“Right. Toll went after Lochlain to get it, and well, it didn’t end well for him. That’s when—”

“That’s when I woke up,” Loch chimed in proudly. “Lochlain is a very devoted follower of mine, an absolutely brilliant thief. I heard his prayers that night, and I came to visit him. Unfortunately, he had already been murdered by the time I arrived. I took over his dead body—”

“Why is that a thing with you guys?” Chase mumbled, side-eyeing Merrick.

“—and I found Sloane’s card in his pocket. He agreed to help me find Lochlain’s murderer and offered to mate with me and carry my hot seed—”

Blushing, Sloane quickly spoke over him, “We figured out it was Tollmathan who was behind everything, and he ended up with all the totem pieces. Loch and Kunst managed to steal it back, and we conducted the same ritual to destroy it.” He glanced at his feet. “But there’s a cost, you see, a blood sacrifice to power the necessary magic.”

“Lemme guess,” Chase piped up. “Kunst paid up?”

“He wanted to make amends for how my parents died,” Sloane said, smiling sadly. “It was the failed ritual that killed them, and he felt responsible. He offered his life to power the spell. His sacrifice stopped Tollmathan from using the totem, and it… well….” He stopped to clear his throat.

Loch wrapped a few tentacles around Sloane’s waist and pulled him in close. “Once the totem was destroyed, my beloved mate and I battled Toll to the death.”

“My sincerest condolences.” Merrick frowned, offering his tentacles to Loch. “Taking your brother’s life could not have been easy for you.”

“Oh, I didn’t do it,” Loch said. “It was Sloane.” He held his head high, positively glowing with pride. “My mate is a Starkiller.”

Merrick immediately pulled back his tentacles and stared at Sloane as if he might bite. “Truly?”

“He is the very first since Abigail,” Loch bragged. “Great Azaethoth blessed him with a sword of starlight to vanquish Tollmathan, doubtlessly because our love is legendary and is destined to be written in the stars above for all time.”

Chase couldn’t quite place the odd expression on Merrick’s face—anger, shock, or perhaps even fear? He hated being so ignorant, but he had to ask, “And a Starkiller is what now?”

“A mortal with the power to kill a god,” Merrick replied.

“Well, fuck.” Chase leaned back. “I’m gonna guess that doesn’t happen too often, right? Like lightning never strikes the same place twice kinda thing?”

“Oh, but it did happen twice,” Loch said.

“Who?” Merrick demanded.

“Gronoch,” Sloane replied, surprisingly miserable in spite of being an apparently all-powerful god-killing witch. “He also tried to wake up Salgumel and build an army for him. Well, he tried to make one anyway.”

“Gronoch?” Chase asked, thinking about making flash cards later.

“God of healing and attrition,” Merrick dutifully explained. “Second oldest of Salgumel’s sons, my nephew, Azzath’s brother.”

“Got it.”

“What kind of army was he trying to create?” Merrick asked, hovering beside the couch.

“Gronoch had followers in Xenon steal enough Asran bones to force a god’s soul to astral project and leave their immortal body,” Sloane said. “He then attached the god’s soul to a mortal. Essentially, the mortal was then able to puppeteer all the god’s powers and control them.”

Chase didn’t understand most of what Sloane had said, but he was quick to point out, “But you can’t bind two living souls together like that. It would be way too much magic for one body!”

“You can if the mortal is Silenced,” Sloane explained. “And, well, use a couple hundred binding spells.”

“Did he succeed?” Merrick asked.

“Only once we know of.”

“A very angry little mortal named Alexander,” Loch said with a roll of his eyes. “Smokes way too much, such a terrible habit.”

“And the god bound to him?” Merrick pressed.

“Called himself Rota,” Loch replied. “He couldn’t remember who he was, and I didn’t recognize him.”

“He was definitely old,” Sloane said. “He and Alexander together were very powerful.”

Loch scoffed and mumbled under his breath, “Not that powerful.”

Sloane patted Loch’s thigh, looking to Chase and Merrick as he explained, “Gronoch was using Alexander and Rota to kidnap more potential subjects for the army. They were using the Hazel Research Group as a base of operations for the experiments.”

“The big medical place that went belly up a few months ago?” Chase remembered seeing it on the news and heard the rumors flying all over the precinct. “There was a big fire at their building downtown. Feds were all over it. No local cops were allowed in.”

“That was you two, wasn’t it?” Merrick accused.

“Yes,” Loch said shamelessly. “Oh, and Alexander and Rota, of course. And sweet Galgareth, my dear sister.”

“She was there?” Merrick was alarmed. “How did you even get involved in all of this?”

“They were going after a client of mine,” Sloane replied. “Jay Tintenfisch.”

“Jay?” Chase’s eyes widened. “Little IT guy Jay from the AVPD? Is that why he went on fuckin’ leave for so long?”

“Yes,” Sloane confirmed. “We were trying to protect him from Alexander and Rota. Once they found out I was a Starkiller, they wanted me to help them fight Gronoch instead.”

“Ah, to serve justice for his crimes,” Merrick said with a nod. “A worthy quest.”

“Not quite that noble.” Sloane smiled sadly. “They wanted Gronoch to tell them where Rota’s body was.”

“Didn’t it die after his soul got yanked out?” Chase asked. “I mean, you know, eventually?”

“No. He’s a god. His body won’t die no matter how long his soul is separated from it, and breaking the binding circles to free him could kill Alexander.”

“But then Rota would be able to reclaim his body,” Merrick said, wrinkling his brow.

“Yes, but not in enough time to save Alexander,” Sloane explained. “They’re, well, they’re sort of a thing. A romantic thing.”

“That can’t mate,” Loch whispered loudly. “I believe that’s why Alexander is so angry.”

“Ah, I see. Rota will not break the bindings without his body being close enough to ensure that he can heal Alexander.” Merrick nodded in understanding. “Well, if you killed Gronoch, were they successful?”

“We don’t know,” Sloane said, glancing at Loch. “We haven’t seen or heard from them since Gronoch died. He told them Rota’s body was at the Fountain of the Kindress, and they took—”

“Sloane made out with them,” Loch chimed in.

“Loch!” Sloane was mortified. “You don’t have to tell everyone that!”

“Wait, wait!” Merrick pinched the bridge of his nose, a sign of frustration Chase knew well. “The Kindress? Really?”

Chase held up his hand like they were in class. “And that is who now?”

“Great Azaethoth’s legendary firstborn son,” Merrick replied, still pinching hard. “A being of absolute destruction that is reborn only to die again through an endless cycle perpetuated by Great Azaethoth’s grief.”

“Uh-huh.” Chase wasn’t just going to need flash cards, he was going to need a damn tutor. “So, basically, all of Salgumel’s kids are taking turns trying to destroy everything by waking his old ass up?”

“Yes.” Sloane fidgeted, reaching for Loch’s tentacles and squeezing. “With an unknown number of other gods supporting his return too.”

“We have reason to believe there has been a resurgence in Salgumel’s mortal followers as well,” Merrick said with a frown.

“How so?”

“Freaky-ass paintings were discovered written in godstongue that are rumored to contain a ritual to wake ol’ Sally boy up,” Chase explained. “Fun stuff.”

“Do you guys need help?” Sloane perked up.

“We’ll be happy to give you an excellent discount, on account of being family and all,” Loch said, grunting when Sloane elbowed him.

“No,” Merrick said sternly. “Your previous efforts to preserve this world are appreciated, although I have nearly lost count of how many laws you have violated—”

“Crazy-ass people and old gods are trying to fuck all of humanity with no lube, and you’re worried about that?” Chase scolded.

“I am still an officer of the law,” Merrick said indignantly.

“What are you guys going to do, then?” Sloane asked.

“Guess try to find somebody who can read this godstongue nonsense,” Chase replied, scratching his beard.

“No! About all of the law breaking!” Sloane scowled. “Kinda wanna know if I need to be worried about being arrested.”

“My uncle is not going to arrest you,” Loch insisted. “And even if he does, I’ll visit you in prison every day.”

“Not funny.”

“We will not make any arrests,” Merrick replied, making little effort to not sound disappointed. “Protecting this world supersedes my mortal duties as a police officer, and having a Starkiller incarcerated would deny us a great ally.”

“Plus, I would be very mad at you,” Loch huffed.

“That as well.” Merrick rolled his eyes. “But do not think this gives you two permission to do as you please. From now on, I will expect you to inform me of any pertinent news regarding my brother and anyone or anything trying to hasten his return.”

“Absolutely,” Sloane agreed, though he quickly added, “as long as you agree to share info with us too. We’re all in this together now.”

“I will think about it.” Merrick’s upper lip twitched.

“Well, then we’ll think about keeping you informed,” Loch countered sweetly.

“Azzath,” Merrick warned.

“Gordoth,” Loch sniped, mimicking Merrick’s grumpy tone. “Mother was right. You really do have a stick inside of you.”

Chase snorted and covered his mouth to stifle a laugh.

Merrick glared at him.

“That love goddess, she was your mother?” Chase cleared his throat. “She was a fuckin’ hoot.”

“Urilith,” Merrick confirmed. “Azzath’s mother and my sister-in-law.” He looked to Sloane. “As long as you do not compromise any active investigation or risk potential exposure, we will help you. An equal exchange of information.”

“Wonderful!” Loch exclaimed.

“Who else is aware of our presence here on Aeon? Mr. Evans, Mr. Tintenfisch, yes, but who else?”

“The Super Secret Sages’ club?” Sloane grinned sheepishly. “Well, quite a few.”

“My wonderful disciple, Lochlain Fields, and oh, his mate. There’s also his sister, who is also Milo’s mate….” Lochlain mumbled a few more names as he counted on his fingers. “Mm. Eight?”

“Ten with Alexander and Rota, plus the vessels Urilith and Galgareth use when they visit Aeon,” Sloane added with a grimace. “So, twelve counting me?”

“How the fuck have you guys not been all over the news?” Chase wondered out loud. “Are you passing out flyers?”

“We’ve really tried to be discreet,” Sloane insisted.

“Oh!” Loch suddenly exclaimed. “You must all come by for dinner. Mother and Galgareth are returning soon to help us prepare for the baby. And oh! In your time living as a mortal, have you tried breadsticks yet? The skinny garlic ones that dwell in the freezer?”

“Baby?” Merrick suddenly smiled, gasping in delight. “You have spawned?”

“Unintentionally,” Sloane replied, ducking his head with a short laugh.

“Yes.” Loch proudly petted Sloane’s stomach. “I was very irresponsible.”

“Congratulations!” Merrick clapped. “I would be honored to join you and our family for the Neun Monde festivities.”

“Wait, someone’s pregnant?” Chase asked helplessly.

“I am.” Sloane smiled. “If Merrick hasn’t already told you, yeah, super fun side effect of copulating with a god. Just make sure he’s not thinking about babies in the bedroom and you’ll be fine.”

“We’re not… that’s….” Chase couldn’t even wrap his mind around the revelation that a man could be pregnant, far too busy trying to keep all the blood in his body from zooming up to his face as he struggled to deny the accusation.

If only it was true….

“We are not a ‘thing,’ as you so eloquently said earlier,” Merrick said firmly.

“He’s obviously very attracted to you.” Loch quirked a brow. “Why deny yourself? Or is your namesake that important to you?”

“We are partners,” Merrick replied as he turned his head away. “Fraternization is forbidden by our code of conduct.”

“Oh, but what if you weren’t partners?” Loch pressed, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

“That is not important.” Merrick began to fidget.

Chase caught the movement immediately—a quick twitch of Merrick’s fingers, moving his thumb inward to stroke his palm. It was such a tiny thing, but Chase had only seen Merrick do that when he was nervous.

It was so rare that Chase struggled to think of the last time he’d seen him do it, and he didn’t know how to interpret it.

“What is important is now we have cultists to go apprehend and paintings we cannot translate, since the only known speaker of Salgumel’s godstongue apparently sacrificed himself to save the world,” Merrick declared, and he nodded purposefully to the door. “We need to go.”

“Well, thanks for clearing all that up, guys,” Chase said with a tip of his hat. “Thanks for not zapping my brain again. Congrats on your god baby.” He got up to follow Merrick out. “This has been fun. Educational even. We’ll have to do this again real soon.”

“Wait, why don’t you just ask Ollie?” Sloane scoffed, as if this was plainly obvious.

“Didn’t cross my mind.” Chase gritted his teeth.

“Who?” Merrick eyed Chase suspiciously.

“Ollie. Oleander Logue,” Chase replied with an exasperated sigh. “My nephew.”

“The linguist?” Merrick frowned. “He is your nephew? Why did you not say something?”

“Because the last time we saw each other, I fuckin’ arrested him.”