Antidote by LC Lehesaho

EPILOGUE

Amelia doesn't sleep.

No matter how I try to keep her warm, cradle her in my arms, she refuses to sleep. Her body shakes against mine, and the trembling doesn't stop, no matter what I try to tell her. That we’ll get through this.

I lied, I know it.

We're not leaving here together, he told us.

And laughed. With that devilish expression on his face, he fucking laughed.

"I will get good money for you two."

He talked and talked and talked about money and Germany and everything I know nothing about, and I just wanted to kill him. Like these two years haven’t been enough? He will separate us?

It was after that he'd thrown us back into the cage.

After he had shown his merchandise—us.

It was more than showing. It was strangers, doing all the things he and his brothers have done for years already.

That's why she doesn't sleep.

Amelia rocks herself in my arms, repeating my name and begging me to help her. Like in the beginning, two years ago. She is even more scared now than she was then.

Because they will separate us.

I don't know how to help her. I can't get us out. Free. I've tried many times.

Countless times.

She cries, trembling uncontrollably in my arms. It hurts me more than anything they've done to me.

The two words she's been repeating like a mantra—help me—turns to something else. My heart stops at the plea. It's still two words, but that's not… that's not helping. I can't.

I can't breathe.

No. She doesn't mean it. She can't mean it.

Again, the same words.

No. NO. NO.

Amelia begs me again. She says she can't survive there alone. Without me.

She doesn't want to be alone.

Again, the two words.

She convinces me, it's the only option. She won't leave without me.

They can't separate us.

I ask her over and over again, is she sure.

She says, yes.

Tells me that it's the only way to save her.

The only way to save her is letting her go.

Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

Hours pass and I keep her body against me, tears wetting my face and her hair. No matter how much I hug her, she doesn't warm up anymore. The only living beings in this warehouse is me and the fucking dogs.

I let her go.

Squeezing the lighter in my trembling hand, I watch the flames reaching up to the sky.

Part of me wants to walk into Navarro's house, sit on the floor, and wait till the fire burns me to a crisp. End this.

But...

I'm fucking stronger than that.

Crusador will regret the day he was born when I find him. I will find him.

I will find her.

I close my eyes, dropping my head back as I take a long drag of the smoke. I feel the loss in every cell of my body, making me want to yell at the fucking world, drop to the ground in a fetal position and cry, and then put a bullet in my head. Instead of doing that, I turn all of that pain into rage.

The smoke of the cig burns in my lungs, and the heat from the flames tightens the skin on my face and makes it tingle as Navarro's house turns into a bonfire.

Cobra knows that I'm not going to let her down. That I won't stop until I find her and she will stay strong—won’t let her demons overcome her. But my demons? I invite them to come out, but they don't fucking play games.

I will burn the whole world down so my phoenix can rise from the ashes. That's what she does—she will fucking get through this.

We will get through this.

I failed to save Amelia in the way I wanted, but I'm not going to let Cobra down.

Leo has already raised hell in Shangri-la. At this point, it’s been hours since they took her, Leo has made sure that every soul in the surrounding cities knows Cobra is missing.

But I'm not going back there, no.

She is my everything, and I'm not going to let anyone tell me how to fucking find her.

I'm not a fucking pawn in anyone's game. I could've killed Luke, or Levi, weeks ago. Then none of this would have happened.

So now, I won't let anyone tell me what to do.

I will fucking find my baby girl, and I'll do it my way.