Antidote by LC Lehesaho

4

I know there won't be anyone like her in my world.

I don't actually want to hurt her, not really. Only when I know she likes it, needs it, from me. She doesn't want anyone else, and I would give her my left nut if she would ask. The way she takes the pain is incredibly hot—I won't lie. It turns me on faster than anything else.

So, when she is in the shower in the women's locker room, and I'm in the other doing the same, I can't help but help myself out. I wish it would be her, taking me in and swallowing down everything I give to her. Her bloody lips around my dick and her lust-filled eyes up to meet mine.

But nah, just me and my hand.

Glorious.

After I'm done and showered, I dress in my dark jeans and a black hoodie from my locker. Those were there because I was prepared for this. My hair won't obey any commands, and one wisp drops down to my cheek all the fucking time. Cursing under my breath, I walk out from the locker room to meet Cobra, expecting that I have to wait for her, but apparently, my one-person party made me spend more time in the shower than her. She watches me as I walk closer, and I love how relaxed she looks. I did that to her.

Me. I'm taking care of her like a good brother would.

Her mind is a tricky thing, and I haven't found a way to make her let go of that endless chasing for perfection. That's what it is. She wants to be the fucking angel Leo calls her, and he doesn't even realize that he makes it worse every time he calls her that.

Cobra punishes herself for failing because she thinks that doing so somehow lowers Leo’s respect for her and that it makes his past not so fucking horrible if she can keep from making even one mistake. We've talked about this, but I can't make her understand that even angels fall, that it doesn't make them any less an angel.

She's perfect as she is, I wouldn't change a thing.

But Cobra would fucking pluck the moon from the sky if Leo would tell her to because she wants to be the perfect daughter.

We've done this for years, but still, no one else knows about it. Cobra spars normally with others, as do I, but when she needs me like this, I always give her everything she wants. Sometimes it lasts longer, sometimes she's done in five minutes. I never know what I need to do to get her to tap out. That's the only rule for this; when she taps, it's over. I could do anything I want, but I've learned that’s her poison.

Cobra gets off when she can't breathe, and I don't blame her—we all have our kinks. I've wondered many times if she wants it also while fucking someone, but I've come to the conclusion that she wouldn't ask. If she would fuck me, I know she'd want it.

I could blow her goddamn mind if she'd just let me.

"Will you ride with me?" I ask her when getting closer.

Cobra tilts her head to the side. "Only if you keep the wheels on the road."

"You're such a wuss." I tease her, but she gives me a murderous glare, so I lift my hands up. "Fine, the wheels stay down."

She's not a fan of my Yamaha, never has been. Should be, because my bike is fantastic.

The mansion is empty, only two guards inside and the same number outside. The rest of our family is either at the university or with Leo, and I had counted on it. I knew how she would feel after waking up, so I skipped my class on purpose. Cobra is a loose cannon if she lets that shit pile up for too long. I bet she'd been awake less than half an hour this morning when she came down to the shared kitchen already shooting lasers out of her eyes.

We walk to the front door until she suddenly stops and grabs me by my arm. "Tiger, how's my face? Fuck, I need to do something about—"

I cut her off. "You look great. Badass."

"I don't want to look badass!"

"Fine, you look like Pinkie Pie, who fell down the stairs. Happy?"

"Oh, my God." She turns around. "I need to—"

"No, you don't, c'mon." I take her by her arm and pull her to my bike. "We need to go, and you look amazing. Don't stress over things you cannot control."

"What? I can control this, it's my face."

I smirk at her while handing her the helmet. I bought it for her the day I got this bike. "Are you controlling it now?"

Cobra rolls her eyes. "You're an asshole."

"I'm many things, worm," I tell her and put on my own helmet. "C'mon, we need to go."

Murmuring curse words, she pulls the black helmet on and throws her leg over the bike, sitting behind me. She wraps her arms around me, not as tight as I want, so I'm gonna change that. When I turn the Yamaha to our long driveway, I make it move. Fast. Cobra's arms tighten around me like she's holding on for dear life.

I smirk to myself.

I don't drive straight to University because we still have time before class starts, so I take us to the beach. It's still warm in Shangri-la, and a couple of joggers are running on the shoreline, but it's not too crowded yet. It will be later. Cobra lets go of me when I stop the bike and kill the engine.

"What are we doing here?" she asks after taking off the helmet and jumping off the bike.

I place my helmet on the handle, nodding toward the sea. "Enjoying the view. Wait for a second, I'll come back soon."

Cobra pushes her hands in her jeans pockets and gives me a questioning look but stays in her place when I go to the coffee shop. There's one couple inside, and I can see it from their faces that they recognize me, and so does the cashier behind the counter. It's not like we walk around killing people, but apparently, most of the citizens of this city think there's a possibility.

They are not entirely wrong; I am a little bit short-fused at times.

Three pairs of eyes stare at me when I take the strawberry ice cream bar from the freezer and walk to the counter. At that second, the cashier looks everywhere but at me, and it stays that way until I've paid for the ice cream and turned around. Then the staring continues. People are so fucking curious but chickenshits at the same time that it's ridiculous.

Cobra is sitting on the railing beside the bike, watching the sea. Her long pink hair is floating in the air from the slight wind, and her white hoodie brings out her tan, which is not from the bottle. She’d actually lain in our yard almost the whole summer to get it.

I was there with her, worshiping her gorgeous body in my mind. Cobra is the girl who loves sweets, and even though she works out there is a little extra on her ass, and I fucking love it. The reason for her round ass and full tits might also be her half-Colombian heritage. Whatever it is, I want her to be mine. She's been my best friend for the past five years, and I'm done with the friend-zoning.

Her tight jeans are folded from the hem so that they leave her Chucks fully on display. Like this, she looks like a normal twenty-year-old, and sometimes I wonder what she'd be like if she'd been born into a typical family.

But we aren't a typical family.

"Here." I hand her the ice cream, which I unwrapped for her and lean my elbows on the railing. Cobra takes it but gives me a look. "It will help your throat."

"Thanks." She takes a bite and watches it with a thin line between her brows. There is something she wants to say, I can see it from her face. The silence grows longer until she turns to look at me with an uneasy expression on her beautiful face. "Are you happy?"

The question takes me by surprise.

I rub my jaw and think about how to answer. This isn't supposed to be a hard question, but...

It is.

I look at her hazel eyes. "What does it mean to be happy?"

"I think…" Her gaze wanders to the sea. "I think it means that you're satisfied with where you are now."

"Then I am happy," I answer to her truthfully. I'm happy right now. "Are you?"

"I think I am, but… sometimes I wonder if we are missing something." Cobra shakes her head like trying to clear a thought out of her mind. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Then I feel like shit for even thinking about it because Dad has done so much for us, and I'm an ungrateful brat for thinking what it would be like… to be normal."

She's never said this before. Never. And seeing her turmoil makes my stomach convulse.

I jump over the railing so I can get in front of her and take her jaw between my fingers. "You don't have to feel bad about it, worm. It's okay to be curious about things you haven't experienced."

Her eyes glimmer from tears, so I step closer and place my other hand on her thigh to make room for me to get between them.

But she shakes her head. "Not here, Tiger. We're out in public, someone can see us."

"I don't care. I want to hold you when you're feeling blue." I squeeze her thigh, but she shakes me off.

"This is what I mean. I want you to do it." She wipes the tears from her eyes, and the misery in them makes me die a little bit from the inside. I hate to see her sad. "It sounds stupid, but I want to hold hands in public, cuddle wherever and whenever, and be like those careless couples in love. But I can't have it. We can't have it. You and I could never be like that, and I hate it. I hate it so fucking much."

My heart is pounding out of my chest when I look at her. "Are you in love with me?"

Cobra swallows loudly and furrows her brows, looking past me. "I've always been in love with you, and you know it."

"No, I…" I ran a hand through my hair, shocked that she actually admitted it. "We can find a way. I'm sure—"

She cuts me off. "Tiger, stop. I promised that I wouldn’t lie to you. We can never be anything more than this 'cause I will never put you in danger like that. You know exactly what would happen if Dad or Wolf found out." She wipes her face again, agony shining from her features. "I needed to get this out 'cause I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I'm sorry, I just… sometimes I want to be someone else, and I hate myself for it. I hate that I love you."

There are so many thoughts running through my head that I don't know what to think.

I want her. I want us.

A sudden realization occurs in my head, and it's not a good one. I glare at her. "Have you always wanted me to hurt you just so you could hate me for it?"

Cobra's eyes come to mine. "No. I want it to be you 'cause you're the only one I trust completely."

"You can always trust me, baby," I answer, and I have to stick my hands in my pockets because I just want to fucking hug her. "I love you too, you know?"

She looks even sadder. "You really shouldn't. I don't love myself, so no one else should love me either."