Outback Secrets by Rachael Johns

Chapter Thirty-six

‘Sheila!’ As his dog darted out of the bar with more spring in her step than she’d had for days, Liam looked to the entrance to see what had excited her.

Henri.

His heart jolted and he reached out to steady himself on the bar. He wasn’t sure whether he was horrified or thrilled to see her. Sheila, clearly the latter, jumped up at Henri, landing her paws right into the middle of her stomach.

‘Shit!’ Liam watched in alarm as Henri stumbled backwards and fell onto the floor, her crutches clattering down beside her.

Snapping out of his shock, he rushed over to help her. He couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying by the time he got to her, but Sheila was in her element, bestowing sloppy, wet kisses all over her long-lost love’s face.

‘She really missed you,’ Liam said as he restrained the dog with one hand and held out his other to help Henri.

She merely stared at it and then her eyes narrowed. ‘You’re the mysterious benefactor, aren’t you?’

‘What?’ Her question took him totally by surprise. Since Sexy Rexy’s confession last night, he’d been more relaxed about his secret than he had since Logan had started sniffing around a few months ago. He honestly could have kissed the man. ‘Haven’t you heard—it’s Rex Carter?’

‘Yeah, whatever. I may not have known you long, but I can tell when you’re bullshitting.’

‘What makes you think—’

‘Oh, it’s obvious in hindsight,’ she cut in. ‘I can’t believe no one ever twigged before. But the enlightening moment for me came just now when Tilley mentioned that a whole load of new trestle tables had been delivered to The Ag Store for the hall. An anonymous donation attributed to Sexy Rexy, Bunyip Bay’s new hero.’ She held up her finger and pointed at the red mark. ‘You ordered them when I told you about my splinter, didn’t you?’

‘I …’ His shoulders slumped and he let out a resigned sigh. ‘They weren’t supposed to get here until after Christmas.’

When Henri Forward would have been far away, unable to make the connection.

She just stared at him as if now that she knew the truth, she wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.

‘Have you told anyone?’ he asked.

‘No. Not yet,’ she said, and he breathed a sigh of relief. ‘But why do you do it? How do you choose who to give money to? How have you managed to keep it a secret so long? And why don’t you want anyone to know it’s you?’

He glanced around—the pub was deserted except for Rex, the usual young blokes by the pool table and a couple of families of tourists finishing up dinner in the dining room, but he still didn’t want to risk anyone overhearing.

‘I’ll tell you,’ he promised, ‘but not here.’

‘Okay. Where?’

‘In my office.’

‘Now?’

Liam nodded and offered his hand again to help Henri stand. In the days since they’d last been together, the sparks hadn’t faded at all. He tried not to react as he touched her and suspected from the way she refused to meet his gaze that she was doing the same. The moment her crutches were safely tucked under her arms again, she scooted off to his office, Sheila dashing after her.

He followed and then closed the door behind him. It wasn’t a small office, but with all the tension and chemistry in the air, it felt claustrophobic. As Henri lowered herself into his chair, all he could think about was the last time they were in here, yanking desperately at each other’s clothes.

‘Can I get you a drink?’ He could do with one himself.

She shook her head, then changed her mind. ‘Actually yes, I’ll have a glass of cold water. That hill is deadly.’

He frowned. ‘Where’d you come from?’

‘Church,’ she supplied, which made sense because it sounded like Campbell had conned almost everyone into attending the Christmas Eve service. Liam had suspected that was the reason the pub was practically empty tonight.

‘And you walked all that way? With crutches?’

‘I’m not sure walked is the word, but I’m here, aren’t I?’

Yes, here she most definitely was, and she sounded almost as surprised as he was. He nodded and went to get her drink, relishing a few moments away from her to get his head together.

Lara and Dylan jumped apart as he returned to the bar. He raised an eyebrow at their obvious canoodling on his time, but it wasn’t like they had much else to do and he didn’t really care anyway.

‘Will you guys be okay out here for a few minutes?’ he said as he grabbed a glass for Henri.

‘Sure,’ they said in unison.

‘Is Henri okay?’ added Lara.

‘She’s fine,’ he replied, with no idea whether that was true or not.

‘You look like shit,’ Henri told him as he put the glass down on his desk in front of her a few moments later.

‘Thanks.’ He pulled up an empty milk crate and sat opposite her. ‘It’s been a tough couple of days.’

‘Because you were so close to being discovered? Why did you choose Sexy Rexy to cover for you? Surely you could come up with someone slightly more believable.’

‘I didn’t choose him. The moment Logan confronted me, he just put his hand up. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t actually think anyone would buy it, but Rex is a pretty convincing storyteller. If I didn’t know the truth myself, I think even I might have believed him.’

‘So, what? He knew it was you all along?’

Liam nodded. ‘Yeah, I spoke to him briefly after Logan left and he told me he’s suspected for years. I guess he’s more observant and with it than anyone gives him credit for. He worked out long before Logan did that all the people and groups who received money or some other form of assistance, had been in the pub prior. I told you people talk to me. Well, he overheard some of them too. They tell me things they’re too scared or ashamed to admit to anyone else. Especially when they’ve had a few.’

‘But …’ Henri pressed the cold glass against her forehead. ‘If they tell you, then wouldn’t some of your beneficiaries have guessed?’

‘I make sure I’m very subtle. If possible, I wait a little after someone talks to me before I help them. And I’m careful about delivery.’

‘Yeah. How do you do that? Frankie said sometimes there are cheques—how has no one from the bank seen you?’ she asked before taking a gulp of the water.

‘I never collect the cheques myself. I’ve got a solicitor in Geraldton who helps me. I take cash out when the amount isn’t too big. It sounds complicated, but I’ve got a system and it worked until Logan’s boss decided he wanted to get to the bottom of it.’

‘Okay …’ She nodded and then gave him a small smile. ‘So, are you loaded or something?’

He blinked, but Henri’s lack of propriety was one of the things he loved about her. ‘Let’s just say I bought the pub with spare change. The supermarkets my parents owned were sold for a couple of million each and Mum and Dad both had good life insurance. That, on top of the money from our house and my parents’ share portfolio, mean I’ll never have to worry about money again.’

‘How do you choose who to give to? Do you have criteria or something?’ She sounded more like a journalist than Logan himself.

‘No, no criteria. I just help where I can.’

Henri glanced around. ‘This is a nice place, and your apartment is comfortable, but you don’t live like a man with millions. Apart from your bedsheets. What are they? 1000-thread count or something?’

‘Yeah, I don’t scrimp on bedding—I’m a terrible sleeper, so I figure I should do everything I can to try and help in that department.’

‘I think I fell in love with your sheets before I fell in love with you.’

Her eyes widened as if she hadn’t meant to say that. His skin tingled. The weirdest sensation filled his chest. It was both the best news and the worst news he’d ever heard.

‘You love me?’

‘Never mind about me.’ She downed the rest of the water like it was vodka, but her cheeks were even redder than they’d been when she arrived. ‘We’re not done talking about you yet. Why?’

‘Why what?’ He was still hung up on the love thing. His own heartache had been bad enough to deal with these last few days, but he’d consoled himself that Henri didn’t feel the same way about him.

‘Why do you do it?’ she asked.

‘To make a difference. To help people.’

She shook her head. ‘I’m not buying it.’ She leaned forward and looked him right in the eye. ‘Why?’

‘Because …’ He let out a long, deep breath as heat rose on the back of his neck. ‘Because it helps me deal with the guilt. I was supposed to be working at the Silver Ridge store that day, but …’ He shook his head—the reasons didn’t matter. ‘I should have been there. I should have stopped the guy. I should have saved them.’

‘Oh, Liam.’ Henri’s eyes filled with tears. ‘The shooting wasn’t your fault. You can’t stop some people doing crazy things.’

He shrugged. ‘Maybe. But why did I get to live? My little sister hadn’t even graduated high school. She hadn’t had a boyfriend. Mum and Dad loved what they did but they had big plans to travel the world together when they retired. None of them got to do any of those things. I guess spending their money on helping other people goes a small way to making me feel like their deaths weren’t in vain. Stupid, I know.’

‘It’s not stupid. It’s not stupid at all.’ She sniffed and wiped her eye with the back of her hand. ‘Can I ask you one more thing?’

He nodded.

‘Is it because of the guilt that you won’t allow yourself to get close to anyone—because if your parents and sister can’t have a loving relationship, why should you? Or is it because Kate hurt you by falling in love with someone else when you needed her the most?’

She had it all wrong. Familiar guilt filled him, and he struggled to find the right words. ‘It’s not either of those things,’ he admitted. ‘It’s not because Kate hurt me. It’s because I hurt her.’

‘What?’

‘I was the one who broke us, and I can’t risk putting anyone else through what I did to her.’

Henri frowned. ‘What do you mean? You didn’t cheat on her? Abuse her?’

He could tell from the tone of her voice that she didn’t believe him capable of such things and he was glad of that, but he didn’t want there to be any doubt. ‘No, of course not.’

‘Then why? I won’t tell a soul that you’re responsible for the anonymous gifts and donations, but please, tell me exactly what you mean?’

‘After I lost my family, I went through a very dark patch. I threw myself into work to try and numb the pain, but it didn’t really work. I made big mistakes, stupid decisions, and then I kinda just checked out. Most days I couldn’t even get out of bed. Kate took over the management of both stores and ran herself ragged, while I stayed at home, refusing to see anyone, do anything. I barely ate, I stopped shaving, I didn’t even shower.’

‘You were depressed,’ Henri said quietly.

He nodded. ‘Yeah. Kate got me to see a therapist, but things had changed between us by then. My mental health was too big a burden. It was like there were three people in our relationship—me, her and the black dog. It got her down too. She felt helpless, and eventually she found the companionship and intimacy I was no longer capable of giving her, with someone else. I’m happy for her. Truly. She deserves someone who doesn’t drag her down.’

‘Do you see anyone about it now? Do you take something?’

‘I’m on medication, yes. Maybe I always will be.’

‘How did you cope after Kate left? Surely that would have been a crippling blow?’

‘Yes and no. I didn’t blame her, but I felt like her leaving gave me the freedom to sell up the businesses and get away from Silver Ridge. I hoped that fleeing far from the scene of the shooting and doing some travelling would help me heal.’

‘Why do I get the feeling it didn’t?’

Damn, she was perceptive. ‘You’re right; it got worse. Much worse. I travelled almost on autopilot, each place making me feel more guilty for being able to do what my family never could.’ He paused. ‘It was Christmas Eve ten years ago when I drove into Bunyip Bay …’

* * *

Henri held her breath as Liam spoke—everything he’d said so far made sense and it only intensified her feelings for him. The knowledge he lived through what he did every day and still managed to be a beacon of light for those who came into the pub, only made her love him more.

‘I don’t think I told you, but the shooting … it happened … my family were killed on Christmas Eve.’

Oh God. It made something that was already impossible to comprehend even worse.

‘The shop was covered in lights and decorations, carols were blasting from the speakers as the shots were echoing through the store. Every time I see a Christmas tree or hear so much as a “ho ho ho”, it takes me right back to that day. I didn’t think I could take it any longer, so that Christmas I decided to end it all.’

No. Bitter cold flooded her lungs—the thought of the world without Liam wasn’t something she wanted to contemplate. Somehow, she managed to withhold her gasp, not wanting to interrupt him.

‘I’d seen a lot of Australia and although almost every place I went to was amazing, I still couldn’t help feeling it should have been me who died. I was exhausted, tired of the demons in my head, and I couldn’t see any reason to keep living. I came here, to The Palace, for one last meal and I met Arthur McArthur. We talked like I hadn’t talked to anyone since the shooting and when I thanked him, still planning to finish it all that night, he said simply, “No need to thank me, it’s my job.” I realised that’s what I wanted. A vocation that gave me meaning and the power to help others. Being a publican might not be the obvious choice, but just an hour with Arthur showed me it had given him the kind of purpose I was looking for. If I could help one person the way he helped me, my life would be worth it.’

‘And you have,’ Henri said, thinking of the conversation she’d had with Rex Carter. ‘And then some.’

The smallest blush crept into his cheeks.

‘I’m so glad you met Arthur that night.’ Henri wished he was closer so she could take his hand.

‘So am I.’

‘So today is ten years since you made the decision to live?’ she said.

‘Yeah. But it’s a decision I’ve had to make every single day since. I’m not cured, Henri. I can’t guarantee I’ll never follow through.’

Every part of her ached at his words. For the first time in her life, she found herself wanting to stay in Bunyip Bay—she wanted to be here every single day so that she could make sure Liam never got so down again that he did follow through.

‘I’m sorry, Henri,’ he said, his tone heartfelt and his expression solemn. ‘I’m sorry for abandoning you without an explanation the other day. I overreacted. I should have just told you that I couldn’t do Christmas lunch. Instead, I was a complete and utter ass.’

She nodded. ‘Yes. You were.’

But now she knew why. And now she berated herself for not making him talk to her sooner. You weren’t supposed to give up on love—you were supposed to fight to the bitter end. Instead, Henri had let her hurt and stupid pride stand in the way.

Yet still something told her he wouldn’t have run away, he wouldn’t have given her nothing but a vague text message if he didn’t care. If there wasn’t something about her that scared him. And that gave her hope.

‘Hypothetically,’ she said, curling her ponytail around her fingers, ‘if it weren’t for your mental health and if I didn’t work away most of the year, do you think you might ever have developed … feelings … for me?’

‘Feelings?’ Liam looked pained, then something seemed to snap. ‘Feelings?’ he repeated, his tone incredulous. ‘Henrietta Forward, I have all the damn feelings for you! That’s why I lost the plot. You make me crazy. You could work six months a year on the moon for all I cared. It wouldn’t matter to me. I’m not some fickle fool like Max who’d cheat on you because you weren’t always around. I’m not scared of long-distance. If I wasn’t terrified of hurting you, I’d call you every day, send constant text messages … but this is for the best, I promise you.’

He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. ‘You’re not the only one who fell in love, Henri, but love isn’t always enough.’

He loved her too?

Her heart felt as if it might shatter, but this time because it was suddenly too full.

Not caring about her ankle, she shot up and hobbled around the desk, then dropped herself into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

‘Yes, it is,’ she said forcefully. ‘Love is enough! And you need to remember—I’m not Kate. I’m older than she was, and I know the score. You’re a different person than you were then too. You’ve managed your grief and your depression for ten years, but you don’t have to do it alone. Not anymore. Please. Let me be part of your life. Let me be your friend, lover, sounding board and support. Don’t push me away because of some misguided, self-sacrificing sense that it’s the right thing to do!’

And then she kissed him because she was terrified of what he might say and at least wanted to taste him one last time before he smashed her heart into a zillion pieces all over again. For long, painful moments, it was like she was sitting on a wooden soldier, desperately trying to give it mouth-to-mouth.

And then—just when all her hope was slipping away—Liam slid his hands up into her hair and kissed her back. Tears poured down her face. She was crying over a guy.

And it was absolutely worth it.

‘I’m not man enough to say no,’ he said, holding her tight against him when he finally broke their kiss. ‘I hope you don’t regret this, Henri.’

‘I won’t,’ she replied with absolute certainty. And then she started to laugh.

‘What? What’s so funny?’

‘You know how I told you your touch would have to be pretty damn magic for me to start fantasising about a happily ever after with you?’ She shrugged. ‘Well, turns out it is.’

His lips curled into a smile and then he too burst out laughing as he crushed her against him again. It was the most beautiful sound Henri had ever heard.

‘Can I stay the night?’ she asked when their amusement had contained itself. ‘You don’t have to come to the farm for Christmas, but—’

‘I’m coming,’ he said before she could finish her sentence. ‘That’s if the invitation’s still open.’

‘Of course it is, but … are you sure?’ She didn’t want to do anything to hurt him.

He cupped her face in his hands and stared at her in a way that made her feel more wanted, more cherished, more loved than she ever had in her life.

‘Yep. I’m sure. Apart from Arthur, I’ve never told anyone what I told you tonight and you’re the first person I’ve wanted to talk to about my family. You give me hope. It’s time to try and live a normal life again.’

Then Liam went out to close up the pub early and while he argued with Jaxon and Brad—who told him it was far too early for last drinks—Henri checked her phone and saw a text from Tilley.

Where are you, sister dear? Mum’s getting frantic.

Tell her I’m staying at the pub tonight.

O.M.G!!! Does that mean things are back on between you and the Bay’s sexiest publican?

Smiling down at her phone, she tapped out a reply.

They sure are. And you can tell Mum we’ll have an extra for lunch tomorrow after all. See you then.