How Much I Love by Marie Force

Chapter 2

DEE

Now someone else knows, and I’m not sure how to feel about sharing something that’s been such a raw wound for more than a year.

“Oh God, Dee,” Maria says, her eyes filling with tears. “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve come!”

“I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want him to know.”

“He didn’t know you were pregnant?”

I shake my head. “I was going to tell him the next time we were together in a couple of weeks. But then… Everything fell apart. He got married, and I lost the baby. I lost them both within four days.”

“Wait… Was this the week last winter when you weren’t answering anyone’s texts, and everyone was calling Dom to find out what was wrong with you?”

Nodding as I wipe away tears, I say, “I told him I had the flu.”

“Yes! That’s what he said. You had the flu. Why didn’t you tell me? You know I would’ve come. Carmen would have, too.”

“I couldn’t. I was… It was so awful, Maria. So awful. And when I came home for Carmen’s wedding, and you guys told me he was telling people he wanted me back…”

“That brought it all up again.”

“Yeah. He’s been relentlessly texting me. I was thinking about blocking him when Bianca called to tell me he’s in the hospital.”

“You should’ve blocked him. He has no right to do this to you. No right at all.”

“He said he’s sorry for what he did, that he fucked up and didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“He didn’t mean to hurt you? What the hell did he think would happen to you when he married someone else?”

“Especially when I had no idea he was even unhappy. The last time he came to New York, we had the best time. We went to Coney Island and saw a show, and…” A sob comes from the deepest part of me. “Everything was fine. I asked him to give me six more months in New York before I moved home, and he was okay with that. I don’t understand what happened, Maria. And I want to understand. I really do.”

“What will change if you know the why of it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe nothing, but I can’t figure out how we went from that great weekend to him married to someone else in the span of a few weeks. After I lost the baby, my doctor asked me if there was anyone she could call, like the baby’s father, and I just word-vomited the whole ugly story to her. That led her to test me for STDs, which was the ultimate humiliation.”

“Jesus, Dee.”

“It all came back negative, but still… It was horrible.”

“I’m so sorry you went through something like that alone.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done.” Thinking back to those unbearable four days makes me ache like it just happened when it was more than a year ago. “I’ve been kind of a mess ever since, and when I came home for Car’s wedding, and you guys told me what he was saying…” I shake my head, thinking about the conversation we had in the limo the night of Carmen’s bachelorette party. “I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”

“From what Bianca told us, he’s legitimately remorseful.”

“I don’t care! Where was that remorse when he was marrying her? I hadn’t heard a single word from him in a year until you guys told me what Bianca said. What do I owe him?”

“Nothing,” Maria says firmly. “You owe him nothing at all.”

“I’ve been spinning for five months since the weekend of Car’s wedding.”

“Which was the same weekend we found out Mommy is sick.”

“Right.” Our mother was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in October and had a double mastectomy with reconstruction in January. She’s undergoing treatment now, and the four of us, as well as our extended family, have rallied around her and my dad. I came home to Miami for the wedding and never went back to New York.

She pushes my hair back from my face. “I have an idea.”

“What?”

“Come to my house for a few days. Hang out by the pool. Play with Everly. Drink wine with me. We’ll get you through this rough patch.”

“You don’t need my sad-sack self underfoot in your happily ever after.”

“Oh, hush. I’m inviting you. I want you to come. You’ll have your own room and bathroom, and you can hide out whenever you want to be alone. I can’t bear the thought of you sad and alone here. Come on. It’ll be fun.”

I’m tempted. Maria’s house is bonkers, the most amazing house any of us have ever been in, and since I don’t work again until Tuesday, I’ve got nothing better to do. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I’m not very good company right now.”

“I’m sure. I want you to come.”

“What about Austin? He has better things to do with his season starting than deal with a grumpy future sister-in-law.”

“He won’t mind, either. I promise. He loves you. You know that.”

I drop my head into my hands, so she won’t see how her kindness has wrecked me. I’ve been so alone with my feelings about Marcus and what he did and losing the baby for so long that it’s a relief she knows the whole story now.

She puts her arm around me. “It’s going to be okay, Dee.”

“Are you sure I shouldn’t go to the hospital?”

“I’m positive. I’ll call Bianca and tell her to leave you alone.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I’m going to anyway. Pack a bag, and let’s go to my place. We’ll order Mexican takeout and drink margaritas. It’ll be fun.”

My phone buzzes with another text, and before I can check it, Maria grabs it, probably preparing to run interference for me with Marcus’s family.

“Um, who’s Wyatt?”

I grab the phone from her, dying to know what he said this time. “Just a friend.” I take it with me into the bedroom and immediately check the text.

I just hope you’re ok. Write back to tell me you’re still out there. Hello? Dee? Come in.

I smile at his silly text and write back. Alive and well. Even if that’s not exactly the truth.

Go out with me when I’m in Miami this weekend. Say yes. Please? I can’t stop thinking about you.

I’m in absolutely no condition to be considering his invitation, but I find myself clinging to his offer like a lifeline. He can’t stop thinking about me. In truth, I can’t stop thinking about him, either, and maybe a night with a man who makes me feel good about myself is just what the doctor ordered—pun intended.

I reply before I can talk myself out of it. Yes.

He writes back right away. Tomorrow night?

Ok.

Where should I pick you up?

I’ll meet you at Giordino’s parking lot at seven-thirty. We’ll figure out a plan from there.

See you then. Can’t wait.

I can’t wait, either. A sexy guy with a crush on me is just what my fragile ego needs to recover from what Marcus did to me. Maybe another hot night in Wyatt’s bed would help things, too. It took me days to recover from the first one. I had aches and pains in places I’d never ached before, which showed me something else—that Marcus wasn’t very good in bed. He’d certainly never tended to my needs the way Wyatt did. He discovered needs in me I hadn’t even known I had, and I walked around in a daze for weeks after the wedding.

And then he began texting me, continuing something that was supposed to have been one and done. As I pack a bag to hang out with my sister’s family for the weekend, I include my sexiest black dress and a pair of come-F-me heels I bought for the wedding festivities but didn’t end up wearing.

My life is a big fat mess at the moment, but Wyatt can’t wait to see me tomorrow night. That makes me feel a thousand times better than I did before I agreed to see him. Not that I’m putting any eggs in his basket. He’s a fling, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

In the other room, I hear Maria on the phone, her voice raised. “She doesn’t owe him a goddamned thing, Bianca. After dating her for years, he married someone else and didn’t even have the decency to tell her. He let her hear that from other people. We’re sorry he’s in the hospital, but you need to stop this guilt-trip shit with Dee right now, or you and I are going to have a problem.”

Yikes. Don’t screw with my big sister.

Thank God she’s taking care of that. I can’t bear to have Marcus’s family think this is my fault in some way. What did I ever do besides love him with my whole heart, which he crushed without a single look back until his “marriage” went bad? Then he was all about me again. To hell with that. To hell with him.

I’m moving on.

WYATT

I’m an asshole. There’s no other word to describe someone in my situation looking for more from a woman who was supposed to be a one-night stand. If only that one night hadn’t been so freaking awesome, I would’ve moved on by now.

But memories of the incredible day and night I spent with Dee have plagued my waking hours and many of my sleeping hours, too. I wake up hard and horny and ready to go, realizing I’ve had yet another dream about my sexy bridesmaid. It’s not for nothing that I’m going back to Miami for the weekend after hearing from my friend Dr. Jason Northrup that the hospital where he works has an opening for a cardiothoracic surgeon.

Before I went to Jason’s wedding, I wasn’t thinking about changing jobs, but now that’s all I seem to think about when I’m not reliving the hottest night of my life.

The flight from Phoenix to Miami lands ten minutes early and taxis to the gate. I used the in-flight Wi-Fi to make plans with Dee, and ever since she said yes, I’ve been flying higher than thirty thousand feet.

Which brings me back to how I’m an asshole for wanting another night with her. I have my reasons for not getting involved with the women I date or sleep with, and I’m usually pretty disciplined about sticking to my own rules when it comes to these things. But everything about Dee is an exception to my rules. She’s smart, funny, gorgeous and sexy as all hell, and what’s best about that is she doesn’t even know how hot she is. I loved seeing her partying with her sister, brothers and cousins, and witnessing their close bond firsthand.

There’s a refreshing innocence to her, especially when she admitted to me that ours was her first one-night stand. How cute is she? I’ve had more one-night stands than I can count, but that’s by design. It wouldn’t be fair to drag someone else into my reality. I know that, and yet I’m elated that Dee has agreed to see me tomorrow night.

I’m definitely an asshole.

Another thought occurs to me, and I’m not sure if I need to check with her or not, but hey, any excuse to talk to her…

Do you care if Jason and Carmen know we’re going out tomorrow?

She doesn’t write back until I’m in an Uber on my way to Jason’s place in Brickell. It’s very difficult to keep anything private in my family, so I guess it’s okay if they know. I’d rather they NOT know we already spent time together if that’s all right.

No problem. I get it. Any chance we can eat at Giordino’s? That’s the other thing I haven’t stopped thinking about since the wedding weekend.

Sure, I can make that happen.

Something else to look forward to. Just landed in Miami. Can’t wait for a great weekend.

When is your interview?

Monday morning. What’re you doing tonight?

Hanging out with Maria and Austin at their place.

I’ll see what J&C are doing, but maybe we’ll connect later. Hope so.

She responds with a thumbs-up.

I hope that means she wants to see me as much as I want to see her. What is it about her that makes me feel like a teenager in the throes of a first crush? Maybe it’s because I never got to crush on anyone when I was a sick teenager. I barely left my house or hospital room. I’m making up for lost time with Dee.

I text Jason to let him know I’m on the way to his place. I wish I’d gotten a hotel now that I have plans with Dee tomorrow night, but Jay would’ve had a fit if I hadn’t stayed with him this weekend. He’s excited I’m interviewing for a job at the hospital where he and his wife work.

Jay responds right away. Can’t wait to see you!

I met him in medical school at Duke, which was the first time I ever lived away from home. When we weren’t studying, I was a bit wild during those years, and Jay assigned himself to be my wingman, making sure I didn’t do anything stupid or dangerous. I’ll never forget the freedom of those years, the fun, the laughs, the friends, the hard work. Those were the greatest years of my life, and Jay is one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

When he asked me to be in his wedding, I was thrilled and honored. After what he went through in New York with his crazy ex, I was so happy to hear he found someone great in Miami. And once I met Carmen, I was even happier for him. She’s awesome, and her family is, too. Their restaurant… Holy shit. Best food I’ve ever eaten in my life. I can’t wait to eat there again tomorrow.

I’ve almost forgotten I’m here for an interview. The job feels secondary to the other “attractions” in Miami. I call up the one photo I have of Dee, a candid from the wedding, taken by the official photographer. Jay sent it to me, not knowing anything about what happened between Dee and me after the wedding, and I’ve looked at it hundreds of times since then.

She was so incredibly sexy in that dress that I was hard for her from the first time I saw her coming toward us in the wedding party processional. When she took hold of my arm to walk down the aisle after the happy couple said, “I do,” her touch sending a charge through me, all I wanted was to get to know her. We had the best time that day, dancing, talking and laughing.

My phone chimes with a text from my mom. Saw you landed. Hope you’re safe.

For God’s sake. She kills me. I know how she worries and why she worries, but sometimes her hovering is just too much. I’m a thirty-four-year-old surgeon, and my mom still checks on me like she did when I was a sick teenager. Wait until she hears I’m thinking of relocating to Miami. She’ll lose her shit—and probably come with me. She’d live with me if I’d allow it. That is not going to happen.

Did you remember your meds?

Yes, Mother. Relax. All is well.

I want to remind her I’m a doctor who knows all too well what’ll happen if I don’t stay on top of my meds. But I don’t remind her of that. She went through hell with me and never left my side through the worst of it. I’d never say anything other than “thank you” to her, even when she’s driving me to drink with her hovering.

She tells me that someday I’ll understand when I have kids of my own, but that’s not going to happen. I’m not bringing kids into this world when I won’t be around to raise them. The thought of them losing me in some dramatic, traumatizing way makes me shudder. But that’s not something I’ve come right out and told my parents. I walk such a fine line where they’re concerned.

“Hey, man,” the Uber driver says. “We’re here.”

I realize I zoned out and had no idea the car had come to a stop. “Thanks so much.” I grab my bag from the seat next to me and get out of the vehicle. Standing on the curb, I text Jay. Here. What’s the secret to getting in there?

Coming down.

I’m waiting outside the main doors when I see Jay come off the elevator, smiling widely. He’s wearing basketball shorts and a tank top and looks nothing at all like a world-class neurosurgeon. After giving me a one-armed bro hug, he takes my bag as we head for the elevator.

I want to tell him he doesn’t have to carry my bag, but old habits die hard.

“Glad to see you, buddy,” Jay says. “I was so stoked when I heard a cardiothoracic spot is opening up at Miami-Dade. I said to Carmen, I’ve got to get Wyatt back here, stat.”

“Thanks for thinking of me.”

“Of course I thought of you. You’re the best of the best, and we’d love to have you here with us.”

“Well, you would, but Carmen might not be too happy if we get up to our old ways.”

“Ha! She knows I’m thoroughly domesticated these days.”

We get off on the seventh floor, and he leads the way to his place, where the door is propped open.

“Carmen, Wyatt’s here!”

Jason’s pretty wife comes out to hug me. “Great to see you.” She has the same dark hair and eyes, olive-toned skin and curvy body that Dee has. Dee is taller than Carmen but not as tall as her sister, Maria.

“You, too. Thanks for letting me crash on your sofa this weekend.”

“We’re happy to have you anytime. Can I get you a drink?”

“I got you some of that lemon seltzer you like,” Jay says. “I’ll get it for you.”

“We have stronger stuff than that,” Carmen says.

“Thank you, sweetheart, but I don’t drink.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry.”

“No worries.” I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t eat red meat. I don’t do caffeine or anything that might endanger my fragile health. The good news is I never got the chance to develop a taste for booze before my doctors put it on the list of forbidden substances.

Jay pours the seltzer for me, a glass of wine for Carmen and mixes a cocktail for himself. We take our drinks outside to their awesome patio that overlooks Biscayne Bay. The spring air is warm but not oppressive like it is in the summer, or so Jason told me.

Carmen goes back inside and comes out with a charcuterie platter that the three of us enjoy while we catch up. I stick to the cheese, crackers and fruit, while they enjoy the salami.

“How was the honeymoon?” I ask, even though I already know they had a blast in Turks and Caicos because I’m friends with them on Facebook.

“It was awful.” Jason grins at his wife. “We hated it.”

“Worst trip ever,” Carmen adds. “So bad we’re already planning to go back for our first anniversary.”

“You have to get to one of the all-inclusive resorts,” Jay says. “You’d love it.”

“I’m sure I would,” I tell him, even though I have a lot of other things ahead of that on my bucket list. And yes, I have a list. You would, too, if your life expectancy was as shitty as mine is. I want to drive cross-country. I want to go to Paris. I want to spend a month in Italy and travel from north to south to see as much of it as possible. I want to spend a month each in London and Dublin. I want to go to Australia and New Zealand. I want to write a book about being a heart patient who becomes a cardiothoracic surgeon. I’m well aware I might not get to do any of it, but I do have a list.

Carmen’s phone chimes with a text. “Maria is asking what we’re up to and if we’d like to come over for drinks and takeout.”

“I’d be up for that if you are, Wyatt. You probably remember from the wedding that Carmen’s cousin Maria lives with Austin Jacobs, the pitcher who recently signed with the Marlins. Their house is sick.”

“Sicker than this?” I gesture to their stunning view.

“Way sicker than this,” Jay says.

Of course, I want to go. Dee will be there. But I try to play it cool. “I’d be down with it. Whatever you guys want to do is fine with me. I just need to grab a quick shower.”

“I’ll get you some towels,” Carmen says.

Thirty minutes later, we’re on our way in Carmen’s car to Austin and Maria’s place. I’m looking forward to seeing this so-called sick house, but more than anything, I can’t wait to see Dee. I think about texting her to tell her we’re coming, but I figure she knows by now.

I wish I knew how she really feels about seeing me again, if she’s anywhere near as excited about it as I am, and then I again feel like a complete and total jerk for being so excited to see her. I remind myself over and over again of the rules I’ve set for my life. There’s no reason for me to take someone else down with me when I go—and I will go sooner rather than later. That’s just my reality.

“Oh shit,” Carmen says, reading something from her phone while Jay drives.

“What’s wrong?”

“Maria texted me. Dee’s ex, Marcus, is in the hospital. They think it could be a possible suicide attempt.”

I sit up taller, tuning in for intel about Dee.

“Is that the guy who married someone else?” Jay asks.

“Yeah, he’s the only guy she’s ever dated. They were together—on and off—for years.”

And he married someone else? What the fuck? I want to know more. I want to know everything, but I bite my tongue so I won’t pepper Carmen with questions. Thankfully, Jay is curious, too.

“I never heard the full story, only that you guys recently got word that he broke up with the wife and wants Dee back.”

Oh, hell no. No fucking way is he getting her back. Easy, cowboy. The rules, remember? Fuck the rules.

“Yeah, Maria and I told Dee the night of my bachelorette that he was telling people he wanted her back. We waited until we could tell her in person. The news blindsided her, to say the least.”

Interesting. So, Dee found out her ex wanted her back two days before Carmen and Jason’s wedding. My stomach twists a bit at that news as it occurs to me I might’ve been some sort of revenge-rebound one-night stand. I don’t like the way that thought lands. Was she using me to get back at him? As disappointing as that might be, it makes a certain kind of sense, seeing as I was her first-ever one-night stand.

Carmen is texting up a storm with Maria. “Mari says that Marcus’s sister has been trying to get Dee to come to the hospital, but she won’t go.”

That’s my girl.

Whoa, rein it in, man. She’s not your girl. You had sex with her, which was probably revenge sex for her.

Whatever, it was the best I’ve ever had, and I want more of it and her—revenge or not.

“They’re making her feel seriously guilty, but Mari is telling her she has no reason to be guilty. Marcus up and married someone else just over a year ago, and Mari is telling me that she and Marcus were trying to put things back together, which I didn’t know. He got married a few weeks after he’d had a regular weekend visit with Dee in New York. He knew she was planning to move home in six months and apparently couldn’t wait. I remember how flattened Dee was after we heard he’d gotten married. It was awful being here when she was far away and so upset.”

My heart aches for her as I wonder how long they were together.

“How long had they been together?” Jay asks.

I want to kiss him for doing the heavy lifting for me.

“On and off for six years! After they went to college in New York, she wanted to stay, and he didn’t. He wanted to come home to Miami. He was our cousin Domenic’s friend in high school. That’s how he and Dee met. Anyway, they made it work for six months and then decided to see other people because the long-distance thing wasn’t working for them. But from what Mari tells me, they’d been back together for months when he got married. God, that makes it even worse than it already was!”

“That’s horrible,” Jay says.

I couldn’t agree more. Carmen will never know how thankful I am for this insight into Dee or how helpful it is as I try to understand this woman who has me so captivated.

“And when he married the skank, as we call her, he let Dee hear about it through the grapevine, which is just complete bullshit.”

“Is the wife a skank?” Jay asks.

Once again, I want to thank him. It’s like our brains have melded or something.

“Who knows? We’ve never met her. We just call her that because she married Dee’s boyfriend.”

“To be fair, he was the one with someone else, not her,” Jay says.

“Oh, we know that, but it doesn’t matter. To us, she’s the skank.”

I love these people and their loyalty to each other. It’s refreshing to be around a family that would, quite literally, take a bullet for each other. Not that my family wouldn’t, but we’re not tight like the Giordinos are. I chalk that up to the years I spent in the hospital while my brother and sister enjoyed a somewhat normal childhood, albeit as normal as it can be when one sibling is in and out of the hospital and often one step away from death.

A critically ill child tends to consume a family, forcing the parents to focus all their attention on the sick kid to the detriment of the other two. My brother ended up with drug issues that he’s since beaten, and my sister got pregnant as a teenager, but my parents don’t know that or how she had an abortion.

The impact of my illness on my family was enormous. I wonder all the time if I might be closer to my younger siblings if my struggles hadn’t dominated our lives for the better part of a decade.

We’re driving through a nice part of Miami, lots of palm trees, colorful flowers and lush landscaping that’s in contrast to the stark, desert topography in Phoenix. Usually, I’d be interested in the scenery, but all I can think about is Dee and what her ex put her through, what he continues to put her through.

“Why are they saying it was a suicide attempt?” Jay asks.

“I guess his blood indicated high levels of something.”

That’s called a tox screen, and it was probably the first thing they did when he arrived at the ER.

“Is he going to live?” Jay asks.

“Sounds like it. I texted my friend Angela, who’s close to Marcus’s sister, Bianca, and Ang says he’s awake and talking but not offering any insight into what happened or why. Ang says they think it was because he was trying to talk to Dee, and she was ignoring him.”

Good for her. I’m unreasonably proud of her for standing up for herself with this guy, even if it occurs to me once again that I have absolutely no business flirting with her, or whatever you want to call what I’m doing with her. She’s had more than enough heartbreak. She certainly doesn’t need more, and I’m a heartbreak waiting for a place to happen.

Literally.

I sag into my seat, disappointed to realize I ought to do the right thing and step back from her before it gets messy. We had a great time after the wedding. That night was, truly, one of the best nights of my life. It’s going to take a lot to top how I felt being with Dee. I ought to tell Jay thanks for arranging the interview for me at Miami-Dade, but I’m going to keep my job in Phoenix.

Dee is better off with me on the other side of the country, far enough away that there’s no chance of me breaking her heart. The thought of taking that necessary step back is depressing as all hell. It’s been a very long time since anything excited me more than the idea of more time with Dee has. I had a “girlfriend” a long time ago, back when I was sick. We were twelve and met in the hospital. She ended up dying from our shared ailment. I mourned her for a long time while I continued to fight for my own life. I often wonder why she died and I got to live, even if I’m living with a ticking clock that makes me painfully aware that time is short and every minute counts.

Later, I was so busy in college and med school and catching up on all the fun I never got to have as a kid that I sort of skipped the “relationship” phase of the maturity process.

I’ve been more about the touch-and-go, emphasis on the touch, followed quickly by the go. That’s how it was supposed to have happened with Dee, but here I am back in Miami, interviewing for a new job. All because of a one-night stand that knocked the cover off the ball.

Speaking of knocking covers off a ball, Austin’s place is as insane as Jay said it was, and I can’t wait to see the inside of it. I follow them in, trying to play it cool when I feel anything but. They’re obviously regulars here, know the lay of the land and where to find the residents.

“Hey,” Austin Jacobs says, giving Jason a bro hug as they clasp hands.

I met him at the wedding, but I’m still a bit starstruck to be in the presence of a Cy Young Award-winning pitcher of his stature.

“You remember my friend Wyatt from the wedding, right?” Jason says.

“Sure do. Good to see you again, Wyatt.”

I shake his hand. “Likewise. Congrats on signing with the Marlins.”

“Thanks. It’s good to have it settled.”

I read about him signing for eighty million for four years so he could stay in Miami with Maria, when he could’ve gotten much more from another team. I have to give him credit for having his priorities straight when most people would’ve followed the money, no matter what.

A little girl comes running into the massive family room, her hair wet and her feet bare. She’s wearing a pink nightgown, and her cheeks are rosy. “Dada! Don’t wanna go to bed!”

Austin scoops her up into his arms and kisses her cheek. “You never want to go to bed. If it was up to you, you’d never sleep.”

“No sleep.”

“Yes sleep.”

“Wyatt, I think you met my daughter, Everly, when you were here for the wedding. Ev, this is Uncle Jason’s friend Wyatt.”

When I waggle my fingers at her, Everly gives me a shy smile before burrowing into her daddy’s chest.

Maria comes into the family room with Carmen and Dee. Maria’s shirt is wet, probably from giving the little one a bath. My gaze is immediately drawn to Dee, and the first thing I notice is that she looks pale and tired. Is that because her ex is harassing her and staging a suicide attempt to try to get her back?

I don’t joke about suicide. I’ve seen far too much of it in my career for it to be anything other than tragic. I heard just enough about her ex in the car to suspect he staged the attempt as a desperate cry for her attention. I want to tell her to stay strong, to not give in by going to see him, but if I did that, I’d have to confess that I know about him and what he’s put her through.

I’d rather she tell me that herself.

Wait, what happened to five minutes ago in the car when we were going to take a step back because she’s already had enough heartache?

That was then and this is now. Dee is in the same room with me, and it takes every ounce of willpower I can muster not to go to her, put my arms around her and tell her she has no reason to feel guilty about what her ex did. I force myself to stand still, even when her dark-eyed gaze connects with mine, and I feel like I’ve been hit with defibrillation paddles. And yes, I know what that feels like, and this is just like that—a shock to my entire system.

“Good to see you again, Wyatt,” Maria says.

“You, too. Hey, Dee.”

“Hi, Wyatt.”

“Drinks,” Austin says. “We need drinks.”

“I’ll do that while you tuck in the monkey,” Maria says, kissing Everly.

The little girl’s head is resting on her dad’s shoulder, where I suspect she makes herself at home quite often. Everly appears to be a perfectly healthy three- or four-year-old, which must be a relief to her dad and everyone who loves her after the ordeal of her illness. I love how Maria met Austin after donating the bone marrow that saved Everly’s life. What an amazing story that is.

After Austin takes Everly off to bed, Maria whispers something to Dee as she looks at me.

Dee shrugs in response to whatever her sister said. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

The sisters share an intense look before Maria goes to make the drinks. We take them outside to a huge patio that has a fenced-off pool and hot tub surrounded by palm trees, flowering bushes, potted plants and subtle lighting. What a setup they’ve got right on the Intracoastal Waterway.

“This is beautiful,” I tell Maria when she joins us, bringing chips, salsa and guacamole.

“I wish we could take credit, but it was like this when Austin bought it.”

I’m happy to see the fence around the pool. I’ll never forget the child who drowned in a backyard pool during my ER rotation, how hard we tried to save him and his parents’ anguish when we were unsuccessful. I still think about that child and his parents.

“Where’d you go, Wyatt?” Jay asks, grinning at me as I realize all eyes are on me.

“I’m thinking about pool fences and how wise it is to have one with a child in the house.”

“That was nonnegotiable for us,” Maria says.

“I was also thinking about a child we were unable to save during my ER rotation. You never forget those cases.”

“I had one of those, too,” Jay says, frowning. “A two-year-old girl. Dreadful.”

“You hear about it far too often around here,” Maria says.

“In Phoenix, too.” I notice Dee is looking at me, which makes me feel like a fifth-grade boy about to kiss the girl he likes during a game of spin the bottle. Yeah, seriously. I’m in major crush mode where she’s concerned. She’s wearing a black shirt with the shoulders cut out, tight jeans that hug her delicious curves and high-heeled wedge sandals that show off a coral-colored pedicure.

She’s wearing her shiny, curly dark hair down around her shoulders, and her brown eyes are fringed with extravagant lashes. I remember thinking at the wedding that her eyes were stunning, but tonight, they convey sadness and stress. Probably because of what her ex did and the guilt that has to be eating her up, even if it’s not her fault.

I wish so badly I could tell her that, but I abide by her wishes to keep our secrets from the others. If I say something, I’ll give away that we know each other better than we’ve let on. We were paired up at the wedding, but that wasn’t any big deal. Until it was.

We talk about Mexican takeout, and when Carmen and Jason go with Maria to get more drinks and use the bathroom, I take advantage of the moment alone with Dee. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You, too,” she says with a shy smile.

She wasn’t shy after the wedding. Not even a little bit. Is she embarrassed by that now? I really hope not.

“Are you okay? You’re quiet.”

“I’ve had a rough day.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I want to tell her I know what happened, but more than that, I want her to tell me about it herself. “Anything I can do?”

“No, but thank you for asking.”

“You want to hang out later?”

“I, um, I’m not sure I can do that. I’m staying here.”

I cock a brow at her. “Do you have a curfew?”

“No,” she says, smiling.

“Come pick me up at Jason’s. We’ll go for a ride.”

She glances toward the window, where we can see the others inside, gathered around Maria.

“Live dangerously.” I send her a goofy smile that I hope she’ll find charming or adorable or maybe both. “Pick me up.”

“Text me when you get back to their place.”

The words are no sooner out of her mouth than Maria returns with Austin and her phone, which she passes to Dee to pick what she wants from the restaurant. “Their enchiladas are to die for.”

“Sold,” I say when Dee has the phone. “Will you add chicken enchiladas for me?”

“Yep.” She orders for both of us and then hands the phone back to her sister.

“What’d you get?” I ask her.

“Same thing. Their enchiladas are so good.”

“Everything I’ve eaten in Miami is so good.”

Her face turns bright red, and oh shit. I realize she thinks that means her, too. Well, it does. Of course it does, but I didn’t actually mean that when I said it. I start to laugh, and I can’t stop no matter how hard I try.

Before I know it, she’s laughing, too, and everyone else is looking at the two of us like we’re crazy. Maybe we are. All I know is I like being with her, and I want more of her.