How Much I Love by Marie Force
Chapter 9
JASON
Iwake to a text from Wyatt that he’s gone out with Dee. I told her everything, so don’t worry. It’s all good.
His words are hardly comforting. Dee knows about his health situation and came to pick him up in the middle of the night, which means they’re only more involved than they were before he and I talked last night. As I make coffee, I feel unsettled and deeply concerned about this development.
I was relieved after hearing he’d decided to take a step back from Dee, and finding out they’re back on this morning isn’t great news. I love Wyatt like a brother. I have for years, and Dee is terrific. She’s been such a great friend to me since Carmen made me part of their family. The possibility of my close friend with her would be fantastic if it weren’t for the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over Wyatt’s life. I hate that uncertainty for him, but he likes to say it beats the alternative. It sure does, except for when my wife’s adored cousin gets caught in the storm.
By the time Carmen joins me on the deck with her coffee, I’m picturing all sorts of hideous scenarios, each of them leading to my wife blaming me for her cousin getting her heart broken—again.
“What’s wrong? And don’t say it’s nothing. You tossed and turned all night.”
Since Wyatt told Dee about the transplant, I feel like it’s okay to tell Carmen. I have to tell her because it’s killing me to keep it from her. “Wyatt took off with Dee in the middle of the night.”
“Wait, I thought he was with her before that.”
“He was, but he came back here after you were asleep because they’d decided to take a chill. Apparently, that’s off now.”
“Why’d they decide to chill?”
“He told her he doesn’t do relationships, and she decided it was too risky for her to spend time with someone who’d drawn that line in the sand.”
Carmen drinks the Cuban coffee that Abuela says will put hair on her chest. “So what changed?”
“He was honest with her about why he doesn’t get involved.”
“And why is that?”
“If I tell you, you have to swear it stays between us. It’s important to Wyatt that this not be something everyone knows.”
“Okay…”
“Promise me, Carmen.”
“I promise.”
“No one—not even Maria or your grandmothers.”
“I get what ‘no one’ means, Jason.”
She already sounds pissed, and that’s the last thing I need. “When Wyatt was seventeen, he had a heart transplant.”
“Oh. Wow. He’s okay, though, right?”
“He’s done great for seventeen years.”
“Why do I hear a ‘but’ in there?”
I put my coffee cup on the table and lean forward, elbows resting on my knees. “Because he’s six years past the average life expectancy for heart transplant patients.”
Her little whimper says it all. “Jason…”
“I know.”
“This is why you’re worried about him spending time with Dee.”
“Yeah.”
“Does she know?”
“I guess he told her at some point after I went to bed, and now they’re off somewhere together. It’s just that after what she went through with Marcus…”
“Is he… Is he going to die?”
“There’s no reason to think he’s in any imminent danger. He takes excellent care of himself.”
“This is why he doesn’t drink.”
“Right, and he’s very, very careful in all aspects of his life. Protecting his health is vital to him. He’s never had so much as a scare in all these years.”
“So it’s possible he could keep beating the odds, then, right?”
“Anything is possible, but the odds are stacked rather heavily against him.”
Her eyes fill with tears that tug at my own heart. I hate to see her upset. “Dee knows about this, and she’s with him anyway?”
“I guess so.”
“I need to talk to her.”
“That might be a good idea.”
Carmen reaches for her phone and dashes off a text to her cousin. “I told her to call me.” She stares at the phone as if she’s willing it to ring. It chimes with a text that she reads to me. “‘Can’t right now. Wyatt and I are going fishing. Talk later?’ Ugh, not good. The more time she spends with him, the harder it’ll be for her to take a step back.”
“It doesn’t sound like she’s stepping back. It seems like it’s the opposite.”
“I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“I’m sorry about this.”
“It’s not your fault. Wyatt is a great guy, and I hate to hear this about him. I’m sorry for him and you and everyone who loves him that this is such a big worry. But Dee…”
“I know, babe. I get it.”
“She’s the softest one of us. She loves so hard, and when she breaks…” Carmen’s deep sigh says it all. “I’m worried about her.”
“Me, too.”
DEE
The idea to go fishing is sparked by Wyatt sharing a childhood memory of fishing with his grandfather when he spent summer vacations with his extended family on Cape Cod before he got sick and everything changed. “Those were some of the best days of my life,” he said.
As soon as the sun began to rise, we headed for Knaus Berry Farm to pick up their famous cinnamon rolls—Wyatt is hungry, again—before continuing to Black Point Marina. I’ve done a lot of fishing, too, with my dad and Uncle Vincent, so I know just where to go to rent a boat and the equipment we need.
“This is awesome,” Wyatt says when he sees the marina.
It’s tucked away off the beaten path, and you’d have to be a native even to know it exists. I love showing Wyatt places the tourists rarely find. The older guys who work in the marina store recognize me after I give them my name. “My favorite restaurant in the world,” one of them says. “How’s your uncle Vincent and aunt Viv doing?”
“They’re great. Going strong.”
“Do your grandmothers still think they’re in charge?”
I don’t correct him. Abuela is my grandmother in every way that matters. “They don’t just think it.”
Laughing, he says, “Love how nothing ever changes there. Is your fishing license still active?”
“Sure is. My dad renews it for my birthday every year.”
“Excellent. Here’s a one-day license for your friend, sweetheart.” He hands me the keys to one of the center console boats they rent. “It’s all set up with everything you need, and here’s a coupon for fifty percent off at the restaurant. Pick up some lunch on your way out.”
“Thank you so much, Mr. Gordan.”
“My pleasure. Tell your family we said hello. Gotta take the missus in for dinner some night soon.”
“You let us know when, and we’ll get you a good table.”
“Will do. Have fun today, and be careful.”
“We will.”
They give us two life jackets, and we head down the main dock to the slip with our assigned number. “Here we go.”
“This is so awesome.” Wyatt bought a swimsuit and tank in the marina store and changed in the men’s room. “I can’t believe you do this so much that you have a license.”
“It’s one of my favorite ways to spend a day.”
“Mine, too,” he says, smiling at me.
That smile makes me all fluttery on the inside. He’s so handsome all the time, but when he smiles... Yum. I produce sunscreen that we both slather on before we head out. We stop at the restaurant to pick up sandwiches—grouper for me and a shrimp po’boy for him—as well as bottles of water and some other snacks before we head toward the open ocean. It’s a gorgeous day with hardly any wind or seas, the perfect kind of day to fish.
Wyatt slips his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. “You’re a very sexy captain.”
His words send a thrill down my spine. Part of me wishes I’d taken him home to my bed when I had the chance earlier, but I’m glad we’re doing other stuff and getting to know each other better before we jump back in bed. The night we spent talking in the car was the best time I’ve ever spent with anyone. I loved hearing his stories and his laughter and sharing in the pain of his memories from when he was ill. I want to hear everything he has to say.
Our connection is like a live wire that sizzles with awareness and desire. “I’m so glad we could do this. I used to love coming with my dad and uncle. It’s been a while since I went with them because I was away.”
“Did Maria and Carmen like to go, too?”
“Oh hell no. They both get seasick, and Carmen can’t bear to watch them clean the fish. She once threw up on Uncle V’s shoes when he was cleaning fish in their driveway.”
“Aw, that’s so cute.”
“He didn’t think so!” Speaking of Uncle V, I send him a quick text asking if he can get me a table for two around eight.
He writes right back. For you, kid, anything. Save me a minute after brunch tomorrow, ok? I want to talk to you about an idea I had.
For you, anything.
He sends back the laughing emoji. Love ya, see you tonight.
Love u 2.
Wyatt is watching over my shoulder. “Your family is adorable.”
“They’re pretty great.”
“Do you ever fight?”
“Oh my God, I used to fight with my brothers like crazy. Especially Nico. He’s always been so full of himself. Drove us all crazy, but he’s a good guy. He and Milo have really stepped up for my parents since my mom got sick. It’s good to know they have it in them.”
“You didn’t fight with Maria?”
“Hardly ever. We always got along, and the three of us, including Carmen, were together all the time.”
“She’s an only child?”
“She is. Her mom had nine miscarriages before she had her.”
“Yikes. That’s awful.”
“I guess it was pretty bad. My aunt and uncle had all but given up on having a child when she came along. She was the most coddled child in the history of the world. When she needed to bust loose, she came to our house.”
“You guys had so much fun.”
“We still do.”
“So what kind of fish are we looking for out here?”
“Anything from grouper to swordfish to sailfish. Tarpon is the most commonly found fish in this area, but they’re out of season until about May, so it’d be rare to find one this time of year. We’re heading out to the Bodenhamer wreck, one of the best spots in the area. We might see some snapper and amberjack out there, too.”
“It’s very sexy that you know all this.”
I waggle my brows at him. “Wait till you see me bait a hook.”
“Hot as fuck.”
He makes me laugh as easily as I breathe, and I love being with him. I don’t care what we’re doing or not doing. It’s so easy with him. I realize that’s the way it should be, and because we might be short on time, I want to share that with him. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“I’ve never felt an easier connection to anyone who wasn’t my family than I do with you.”
He draws me in closer to him with an arm around me and kisses the top of my head. “I feel it, too. Why do you think I came back here?”
“You had a job interview.”
“If there were no Dee Giordino, there’d be no job interview.”
“Ah-ha, I knew it! You did come back because of me.”
“Of course I did. You were there in that hotel room after the wedding. You know exactly why I came back—for more of that and more of this—the talking, the laughing, the fishing.”
I bump my hip against him. “You didn’t know we were going fishing.”
“I knew I’d have all the fun with you. And it turns out I was right.”
“But you didn’t plan to tell me about your situation.”
“No, I didn’t. I hope you know… It’s just so ingrained in who I am after all this time that not telling people is my default.”
“I get that. I wouldn’t want to be defined by something like that, either, especially with everything you’ve accomplished since then.”
“That’s far more important to me. I’ve tried to make lemonade from the lemons, and I’d much rather focus on that.”
“I’ve only known you a short time, but I’m so proud of how you’ve handled what had to be such a huge challenge.”
“Aw, thanks. I wasn’t always admirable. I was an awful patient. I drove everyone crazy with my impatience. I wanted out of that hospital in the worst possible way.”
“That’s kind of funny when you consider what you do for a living.”
“I know, but there’s a big difference between being there because I want to be and not being allowed to leave because of the machines keeping me alive.”
“That had to suck.”
“It was the worst.” He gives me an affectionate squeeze. “Thanks for letting me talk to you about this stuff. Hiding such a big part of who I am can be exhausting sometimes.”
“I always want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, and you have to promise me that if you ever don’t feel well, you’ll tell me. You can’t hide it from me.”
“I won’t.”
I look up at him. “You promise?”
“I promise.”
We seal the promise with a kiss that quickly turns into two kisses and then three.
I break apart from him, laughing, and glance behind us to see the zigzagging pattern of the boat’s wake. “Look what you made me do.”
“Um, ma’am, are you under the influence?”
“Yes, Officer, I’m under the influence of a sexy doctor who’s very distracting.”
His hand slides down my back to cup my ass, and it’s all I can do to remain standing. I want him so much. “In that case, we’d better take you in and give you a full exam.”
I swallow hard. “Is that necessary, Officer?”
“Very necessary.”
And then we’re kissing again, and I couldn’t care less if the boat spins in circles. I have the presence of mind to pull the throttle back to idle before I curl my arms around his neck and open my mouth to his tongue. Dear God, the man can kiss like a dream, and I just want to gorge on him. I have no idea how long we stand there kissing each other’s faces off, but it feels like it could’ve been an hour. Or maybe it was just ten minutes. Who knows? Who cares?
“We’re supposed to be fishing,” I remind him when we come up for air. “The fish won’t catch themselves.”
“Ah, right. Fish. I’d forgotten about that.”
I love the way he makes me feel so desired. That’s such a revelation to me. Being with Wyatt has shown me I love his kind of affection and the emotional connection that comes with it.
We spend the afternoon at one of my dad’s favorite spots, made up of a reef created around the sunken O.L. Bodenhamer Liberty Ship. I know exactly where it is because I’ve been there so often. We’re the only ones out here, and the fish are cooperative. Wyatt quickly catches a grouper and then a snapper. We put them in the Styrofoam cooler full of ice the marina provided.
He’s so excited to be fishing that his joy has become mine. Just that quickly, if he’s happy, so am I. I’ve stepped way outside my comfort zone over the last few remarkable hours with him. I was with Marcus for six months before I told him I loved him. To be all in with Wyatt this fast is a huge departure for me, but nothing has ever felt so good or so right.
I get another text from Carmen. Jason told me about Wyatt.I need to talk to you. Call me.
I know what she’s going to say: Are you out of your ever-loving mind? Maybe I am, but I’m not going to let her or my sister or anyone talk me out of loving Wyatt for as long as I possibly can. I don’t care what happens in the future, and I sure as hell don’t want to hear all the reasons it’s a bad idea.
While I ignore my phone, I troll for sailfish, impressing Wyatt with my technique. The lure skips across the surface of the water. I hit the jackpot with a twenty-pounder that fights me every step of the way. My arms are toast by the time Wyatt helps me land him.
“You’re a total badass,” he declares when we have my fish on ice with the others.
“I’m exhausted.” I shake out my arms. “I’m glad I’m off this weekend.”
“I’m glad you’re off, too. How’d that happen, anyway? Aren’t weekends prime time at the restaurant?”
“They are, but I alternate weekends with Sofia. She’s a single mom, and her ex has her son every other weekend, so we take turns. Her son had a brain tumor, and Jason operated on him. He discovered it when he was volunteering at the free clinic where Maria works. He saved Mateo’s life.”
“That sounds like Jay. Speaking of badasses. Neuro is the rocket science of medicine.”
“Cardiac is pretty impressive, too.”
He shrugs. “It’s not neuro. Jason is one of the most brilliant doctors I’ve ever met. He was a rock star from the start in med school. The rest of us had to scramble to keep up with him.”
“That’s interesting to hear. He seems so normal.”
“He is, but he’s also fucking brilliant. I’d love to work at the free clinic with him if I get the job here, but I couldn’t do patient care. Too much exposure to germs. Maybe there’s a board of directors I could sit on or something.”
“I’m sure they could find a way for you to help out.”
“Can we take a swim to cool off?”
“Sure.” I toss the ladder down and execute what I deem to be a flawless dive off the boat. When I resurface, he’s grinning down at me.
“That was hot.”
“What was?”
“You just diving off the boat like that.”
“Been doing it all my life.”
“First time I’ve ever seen it.”
“Are you going to join me?”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
He dives in and comes after me, making me scream with laughter as I try to get away. His arms come around my waist, and the next thing I know, we’re kissing like fools in the water.
I only come to my senses to make sure we don’t stray too far from the boat.
After the swim, he continues to cast while I stretch out on a bench seat as the sleepless night begins to catch up to me. Between the sun, the lull of the ocean and the view of shirtless Wyatt fishing, I’m as content as I’ve been in a very long time. This last year has completely sucked, and it’s so great to feel good again. I want to hold on to that feeling with both hands, and I’m not going to let Carmen or Maria or anyone else talk me out of it.
The next thing I know, Wyatt is kissing me awake. “I think we’re almost to Cuba.” He smiles down at me, and I reach for him as if we’ve been together forever, and we do this all the time. Wyatt responds enthusiastically and ends up on top of me with my arms and legs wrapped around him. I arch into the thick erection that presses against my most sensitive flesh, letting him know what I want.
“Dee…”
“Now, Wyatt. Please.”
He moves quickly to push down his swim trunks and to untie the bottoms to my bikini. And then he stops. “I don’t have a condom.”
I reach for him. “I’m on the pill. I haven’t been with anyone but you in more than a year.”
“I’m clean. I get tested regularly.”
I smile at him and run my fingers through his thick dark hair. “Then I guess we’re good to go.” He’s so beautiful. His skin is sun-kissed from the afternoon on the water, and his eyes are blazing with desire as he pushes into me.
“This is a first,” he whispers against my lips.
“What is?”
“Two things—sex on a boat and sex without a condom.”
“What do you think of it so far?”
He rolls his eyes back in his head. “Sublime.”
It’s been five months since Car and Jason’s wedding, but I’m right back to the pleasure we found together during that unforgettable night. I emerged from that hotel room changed by him. “You taught me to set my expectations higher,” I whisper to him as he fills me.
“Did I?”
“Oh yeah. I had no idea what I’d been missing.”
“Me, either.”
“Really?”
“Hell yes. It’s never been like that—or this—for me.” He pushes my cover-up out of the way and frees my breasts from the bikini top. “Hello, beauties. I thought of you gorgeous ladies so often after our last visit.”
He makes me giggle while having sex, and that, too, is a first.
As he makes love to me, I feel free and sexy and happy—truly happy for the first time in longer than I can remember. Like the last time I was with him, I experience the highest of highs when he touches me and fills me so perfectly.
“I love this,” I whisper in his ear.
“I love it, too. I love every single thing about being with you.”
“Same.” I place my hands on his face and kiss him. “Thanks for breaking your rules for me.”
“I have a feeling that’s going to turn out to be the best thing I ever did.”
