How Much I Love by Marie Force

Chapter 10

WYATT

The day on the water with Dee is the most fun I’ve had in years. Fishing was great, but being with her made my day spectacular—and it’s not over yet. I carry our cooler of fish to the car while she turns in the keys to the boat. We’re going to drop off the fish at the restaurant on our way back to her place to shower before dinner. I check my phone for the first time in hours and read a text from Jay.

I told Carmen. He doesn’t have to specify what he told her. I know what he means. She’s wound up about Dee getting involved—and getting hurt.

I hate that my friend’s wife is upset about something to do with me, but Dee has all the info she needs to decide whether she wants to spend time with me. I type my reply. Dee knows everything, and she’s making her own choices with no pressure from me. I swear.

He responds right away. You don’t do serious.

I know.

So, this is different?

Everything about this is different.

Before Jason can reply to that, I stuff the phone in the back pocket of my swim trunks and reach out my hand to relieve Dee of the bags she’s carrying. “Want me to drive?”

“I won’t say no to that. I’m tired.”

“Me, too. How about we pick up takeout from the restaurant rather than going back out later?”

“That’s a brilliant idea. I’d be afraid of falling asleep in the soup.”

“We can’t have that.”

“I’ll text Uncle V. What do you feel like?”

“Let me look at the menu.” My mouth waters as I read through the options. “I’ll do Cuban chicken with the black bean quinoa bowl.”

“I had that last weekend. It’s so good.” She texts her uncle. “I told him we’re bringing him some fresh fish, too.”

“What’d you order?”

“Pasta primavera and a house salad.”

“Add another house salad if it’s not too late.”

She sends another text. “All set. He said it’d be ready when we get there.”

“Have I mentioned that I love your family?”

“They do come in handy, except for when they’re up in my business.”

I look over at her. “Are they up in your business now?”

She shrugs and looks out the passenger-side window.

I reach for her hand. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing.”

I squeeze her hand. “We’re being honest with each other, right?”

“Carmen wants me to call her. Jason filled her in, and now she wants to talk about it, except if I do that, she’ll try to talk me out of this and you, and I don’t want to hear it.”

“Maybe you ought to listen to what she has to say.”

“Are you trying to talk me out of this now?” she asks, smiling at me.

“Someone oughta.”

“That ship has sailed,” she says. “No turning back.”

“Today was the best.”

“Was it?”

“The very best day.”

“We’re going to keep topping the best day. We’re going to do it so many times that all the best days will run together.”

She makes me believe that’s going to happen, and if anyone can make it so, she can. If this is what it feels like to be in a real relationship, to feel all the things for someone, I’m in. I’m all in, even if I’m well aware that none of the other reasons why it’s a bad idea for her have changed. If I let myself think too much about those things, this day will lose its luster, and I don’t want that to happen.

We arrive at the restaurant, and I carry the cooler inside. Dee holds the doors for me and leads me into the kitchen, which is alive with frenzied Saturday night activity. Her uncle Vincent is right in the middle of it. I recognize him from the wedding weekend, and he immediately zooms in on the fact that Dee is with a man.

He stops what he was doing to talk to us.

“We got a couple of groupers, a snapper and a sailfish,” she tells him.

He kisses her cheek. “Looks like you got some sun, too.”

“It was beautiful out there. You remember Wyatt from the wedding, right? Jason’s friend.”

“Of course.” He shakes my hand. “Nice to see you again, Wyatt.”

“You as well, sir.”

“Call me Vincent—or V.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve got your order all ready, sweetheart. You want a bottle of white to go with it?”

“Sure,” Dee says. “What do you recommend?”

While they talk wine, I watch the goings-on in the kitchen. The team moves like a well-oiled machine that reminds me of an operating room.

“Can you hang out for a bit after brunch tomorrow?” Vincent asks Dee.

“Yep, that’s the plan. You’re being very mysterious.”

“Nothing bad. Just an idea I want to run by you.”

“Looking forward to hearing more.”

“Wyatt, I hope you can join us for brunch tomorrow.”

“He’d love to come,” Dee says for me. “He’s crazy about the food here.”

“I thought about it for months after the wedding,” I tell him.

“That’s what we like to hear. Enjoy your dinner. I added some dessert for you, too.”

Dee hands him her credit card, and he waves it away.

“It’s an even trade—fish for food.”

“You’re the best, Uncle V.” She goes up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, honey. Have a good night.”

We’re on our way to a clean getaway when we encounter Dee’s Abuela and Nona in the parking lot. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but they’re arguing about something.

“Ladies,” Dee says. “What’s going on?”

“Your grandmother is a menace behind the wheel.” Abuela is tiny with perfectly coifed white hair next to Nona, who’s a foot taller with salt-and-pepper hair. “She nearly got me killed.”

Nona rolls her eyes. “It wasn’t even close. If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve hit the brakes and let them T-bone you right out of my life.”

Dee rolls her lips as if she’s trying not to laugh.

“It’s not funny,” Abuela says indignantly.

“Not funny at all,” Dee replies. “Where’ve you been?”

“We took dinner to your parents before the rush,” Nona says. “I should’ve left her here.”

“Oh, stuff it,” Abuela retorts.

“How’re they doing?” Dee asks.

“Your mom is having some trouble with her port, but Maria was there earlier to check it. She’s keeping an eye on it.”

And then, as if the argument never happened, Abuela seems to realize that Dee is there with a man, and suddenly, the fight ends, and all her attention is on me. Gulp.

“I know you.” Abuela points at my chest. “How do I know you?”

“He’s Jason’s friend Wyatt from the wedding,” Dee says.

“Ah, right. I remember now. You’re a handsome devil.”

“Um, thank you?”

“Don’t embarrass him, Abuela,” Dee says as she curls her hands around my arm.

The two women zero in on those hands on my arm. I can almost feel the heat of their laser beams as they sniff out a story.

We’re interrupted, thankfully, when an older man approaches us.

“Hi there, Mr. Muñoz,” Dee says. “How are you?”

“I’m very well and looking forward to my favorite dinner of the week.” He speaks to all of us, but his focus is on Abuela. “Will you join me, Marlene?”

“No, I will not join you. As you know, I work on Saturday nights. And you know this because I tell you the same thing every Saturday night when you ask me to join you.”

He smiles as if she didn’t just cut him off at the knees. “Can’t blame a man for wanting to share his dinner with a beautiful woman. I’ll see you inside. Dee, I’ll look forward to seeing you next weekend.”

“See you then, Mr. Muñoz. Sofia will take good care of you tonight.”

“Have a lovely evening.”

After he walks away, Dee pounces. “What’s that about, Abuela?”

“That is about nothing. He’s a shameless flirt and old fool who can’t take no for an answer.”

“He likes you, Abuela.”

“Pish.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Who has the time for his nonsense? I’m going to work.” She stomps off toward the back door and lets it slam shut behind her.

“Methinks she protesteth too much,” Nona says.

“Shakespeare,” I say before I think about whether I should.

“Mr. Muñoz is in love with her, and she knows it,” Nona tells me. “He comes in every week just to see her. He sits in C32 on her side of the house and orders a different entrée every week, so he has something to talk to her about. He’s delightful, but she doesn’t give him the time of day.”

“How have I never noticed this?” Dee asks.

“You usually work on my side of the house.”

“That’s true. How long has he been coming in?”

“About four years, since a year after his wife died,” Nona says. “And he asks her every week to eat with him. Vincent tells her she ought to cut the guy a break, but she never does.”

“Aww, that’s so sad.”

“I agree, but I’ve learned to avoid that topic with her. She gets madder than a wet hen over it. I think that means she likes him, too, but is scared to take a chance.”

“We need to give her a push,” Dee says.

“Just leave me out of that,” Nona says. “I worry she’s going to make good on her threat to stab me in my sleep one of these days.”

Dee laughs and hugs her grandmother. “You two are hilarious. You’d take a bullet for each other, but all you do is fight.”

“She’s a pain in my ass, but I love her.”

“And she loves you, too. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You will. I hope you and your handsome young man have a very nice evening.” She waggles her brows for emphasis.

“Hush,” Dee says, her cheeks flaming with color that has me instantly aroused.

That’s not a good idea with her sharp-eyed grandmother watching. I get busy stashing the bags containing our dinner in the back seat of Dee’s car. When I turn back, her grandmother is hugging her and whispering something in her ear that adds to Dee’s embarrassment.

“Go to work, Nona.”

“Love you, honey. See you at brunch.”

“Love you, too.”

I hold the passenger door for her. “FYI, embarrassed Dee is sexy Dee. Actually, all Dees are sexy Dees.”

She covers her face with her hands. “Stop.”

“Never.” I lean in, nudge her hands out of the way and kiss the peach hue of her cheek. “You’re adorable.”

“She is incorrigible.”

“What’d she say?”

“I can’t repeat it. It’s scandalous.”

Laughing, I close her door and go around to the driver’s side. After I’ve put on my seat belt, I turn to find her watching me. “What’d she say?”

“That she hopes I’m taking you home to bed before someone else does.”

I howl with laughter.

“My freaking grandmother.”

“I love her.”

“She’s crazy. They’re all crazy.”

“Nah, they’re funny.”

She pulls her phone out of her bag. “I can’t believe I haven’t even checked on my parents today. Do you mind if I give them a quick call?”

“Of course not. Do your thing.”

Dee puts through the call on the car’s Bluetooth.

“Hi, honey,” her dad says. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m fine. I heard Mommy had some trouble with her port. Is she okay?”

“She seems fine, but she’s got some redness around it that Maria said could be the start of an infection. She’s watching it.”

“I heard you got a special delivery from the restaurant.”

“We did! That was a nice surprise.”

“I thought Nico was bringing dinner tonight.”

“He was, but Nona called him and told him they were doing it. Everyone has been so good to us.”

Her dad sounds a little tearful, which is so sweet.

“What’ve you been up to?”

“I took a friend out fishing from Black Point. Everyone there says hello.”

“Ah, that’s lovely. I miss seeing them. We need to get back out there soon.”

“We will. Are you guys coming to brunch?”

“That’s the plan. We’ll see how your mother feels in the morning. She’s in the shower now, or I’d let you say hello.”

“Tell her I called, and I love her.”

“I will, honey. Thanks for checking in.”

When Dee ends that call, she puts through another to her sister. “Hey, what’s up with Mommy and the port?”

“It’s a little red around the edges and causing her some discomfort. I treated it with antibiotic ointment and have a call into her doctor.”

“Do we need to be worried?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Okay, good. Thank God for you, sister. What would we do without you?”

“Aw, you’re sweet. Where’ve you been all day?”

“I, uh, took Wyatt fishing.”

“That sounds fun.”

“It was. I have to run. He’s waiting for me to tell him how to get to my place.”

“Don’t let me get in the way of that. Have a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, you will.”

After she ends the call, I tell her, “I hate to say it, but I need to run by Jay’s and get my stuff. I need my meds.”

“That’s no problem.” She directs me where to go, and I realize we’re backtracking.

“Sorry, I should’ve said something before the restaurant. Blame it on not knowing the lay of the land.”

“No worries.” She yawns and puts her head back against the seat. “I’ll be lucky to last until eight tonight.”

“I’ll make sure you get a good night’s sleep.”

“And I’ll make sure you get one, too.”

We hold hands on the way to Brickell. My mouth is watering from the smell of the food. “I’m not sure what Carmen and Jason are up to, but if you want, we can eat on their patio. The view is amazing.”

“I’ll text her to see if they mind.” She taps away on her phone. “She says they already ate, so feel free to use their patio and table.”

“Excellent. I’m starving.”

“I’m starting to realize that’s a common theme with you.”

“There’s never a time when I couldn’t eat. The people I work with in Phoenix call me Tapeworm. They like to bring in food for me and then get pissed because I never gain a pound.”

“That’s irritating.”

“I can’t help that my metabolism is spectacular.” I glance over at her. “You want to hear something crazy?”

“Uh, sure?”

“The being-hungry-all-the-time thing started after I got my new heart. I later found out that Emma, the girl it came from, was always hungry, too. She was known for that—and she, too, never gained a pound.”

“Wow.”

“Right? It does happen in some cases. I’ve heard of others who’ve reported similar things, such as a woman who never liked coffee until she got the heart of a coffee drinker.”

“Wow. That’s so cool. It must’ve strange to hear Emma was always hungry.”

“I was! At first, we thought it was because I was healthy again, and my appetite was rebounding along with the rest of my health. But when I connected with her mother, and she told me that…”

“It’s really amazing. Emma is alive in you.”

“That’s how it seems. There are other weird things besides that. Like I used to hate peanut butter, and now I love it. She did, too.”

“My mind is truly blown by this.”

“Mine was, too. It took a long time to wrap my head around the magnitude of someone else having to die so I could live. I had a lot of guilt—and therapy—about that.”

“Did the therapy help?”

“It did. The therapist helped me accept that Emma was going to die whether I got her heart or not, and her death wasn’t my fault.”

“That’s some heavy stuff for a seventeen-year-old to deal with.”

“Yeah, I was messed up about it for a while. It helped to meet her family and to hear more about her.”

“What happened to her?”

“She was in a skiing accident. She crashed into a tree and suffered a severe head injury.”

“That’s so sad.”

“It was, but she saved the lives of five people with her organs. Her family took great comfort in it. They said she would’ve loved that.”

“I find myself feeling sad for someone I’ve never known.”

“I felt that way for a long time after the transplant. All I knew at first was that it had come from a nineteen-year-old woman, so I had these visions at first of her trying to get used to living inside a seventeen-year-old boy.”

“That’d make for a cool movie.”

“My sister has always said the same thing.”

I park outside of Jay’s building and bring the food with me when we get out of the car. They buzz us into the building. In the elevator, I look over at Dee. Her face is radiant from the day in the sun, but her eyes are tired. We both need some sleep before too much longer. “Don’t let Carmen talk you out of this.” After spending today “all in” with her, I’m terrified of her changing her mind. I’ve had a taste of what it would be like to be in love, and I’m already addicted.

She looks me square in the eyes. “No chance of that.”

Carmen is waiting in the doorway of their condo when we come off the elevator. I don’t know her very well, but even I can see she looks worried and stressed. That’s probably my fault. I hope Dee meant it when she said no one could talk her out of being with me. I have a feeling if anyone could, it’s probably Carmen or Maria.

Dee kisses Carmen’s cheek. “Cut it out. Everything is fine. Stop doing that thing with your eyebrows.”

“What’s wrong with my eyebrows?”

“They’re all furrowy.”

“That’s not a word.”

“And yet, you know what I mean.”

“Where’s Jay?” I ask her.

“Out for a run. He should be back soon.”

“Come on, Wyatt. Let’s eat.” Dee grabs silverware and a wineglass from Carmen’s kitchen and leads me to the patio. “Come hang with us, Car, but no furrowing.”

I love the way she’s right at home in her cousin’s place and that they speak so freely to each other. I’ve never achieved that easy closeness with my siblings—or anyone. Probably because I was absent for big chunks of our childhood, and when I was home, I sucked up all the parental attention. I don’t know if either of them resents me for the chaos my illness caused for all of us, but how can they not? I probably would if I were them.

Carmen pours herself a glass of wine from a bottle she already had going and comes out to sit with us.

“Let’s air it out,” I say to her between bites of the best-tasting chicken I’ve ever had.

Dee’s eyes widen as she looks at me as if I’m crazy. Maybe I am, but I can’t bear for my friend’s wife to think I’m going to hurt her precious cousin. She needs to know that’s the last thing I’d ever want.

“I understand you’re worried about Dee getting involved with me in light of what you now know about me.”

Carmen wasn’t expecting me to put it right out there, but I figure I have everything to gain and nothing to lose by confronting the elephant in the room. Dee wasn’t expecting it, either, but that’s okay. I want her to relax and enjoy what’s happening between us and not be upset by her family’s concerns.

“I, uh…” Carmen takes a sip of her wine. “I don’t want Dee to get hurt again. The first time was more than enough.”

“I’m fine.” Dee spins pasta like a pro. “Nothing to see here.”

Carmen’s brow goes from furrowed to raised. “Really?”

“As Jason has told you, I had a heart transplant seventeen years ago. I’m six years past the average life expectancy, but you should know I’m perfectly healthy. I undergo regular checkups, and I take fanatically good care of myself. All that said, I tried to tell Dee I’m a bad bet, but she refuses to listen to reason.” I glance her way and find her smiling like a fool. God, I already love her. How can I not?

“I want Wyatt to know what it’s like to be in love. I want to spend the rest of his life with him, and there’s nothing anyone can say to talk me out of that, so let’s not waste our time going on about all the ways this can go wrong and focus on the many ways it’s so, so right.”

“But you only met at the wedding… How can you know this is what you want?”

“We slept together after the wedding,” Dee says matter-of-factly. “It was the best night of my life.”

Carmen chokes on her wine.

I pat her on the back until she catches her breath.

“What the hell, Delores? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Tell us what?” Jason asks when he joins us on the patio, sweaty from his run.

“They slept together after the wedding!” Carmen tells her husband.

“And it was the best night of my life,” Dee says.

I lean in to kiss her. “And mine.”

Jason seems as stunned by this news as Carmen was. “Wow, how’d you keep that secret in this family?”

Dee shrugs and continues to spin her pasta as if nothing special is happening. “I just didn’t tell anyone.”

“So you’ve been, like, talking all this time?”

“We’ve kept in touch,” Dee says.

I can tell her nonchalance is driving Carmen crazy. She turns her laser beam focus on me. “That’s why you’re interviewing for a job at Miami-Dade. You came back for Dee.”

“I wanted to see her again, but I didn’t come here thinking any of this was going to happen.”

“He told me he couldn’t get involved, and when I found out why, I told him that’s bullshit, and here we are. Involved.”

“Dee…” The single word from Carmen drips with agonized concern.

I don’t blame her. I really don’t. Didn’t I have the same concerns twenty-four hours ago, before Dee blew my mind with her courage and her determination? That seems like a lifetime ago after the day we’ve spent together, in which everything changed.

“I know what you’re going to say, Car, and I fully understand what I’m getting into. I know Wyatt may not live to be an old man, and I’m choosing to care about him anyway.” She pauses before she adds, “Wait. That’s not exactly true.”

“It’s not?” I ask her, surprised.

“I’m choosing to love you, not just care about you.”

Carmen gasps. “But you… you’ve seen him twice.”

“How soon did you know that Jason was going to change your life?” Dee asks her cousin.

“I… uh…”

“You told me you knew the day you met him that he was different from everyone else. I knew at your rehearsal dinner that Wyatt was special, and I wanted to spend more time with him. We were together all day at your wedding. He never left my side except to get me another drink. We had the best time I’ve ever had with any man. And when he asked me to come back to his hotel room, I never hesitated. Did I suspect then that it was going to be more than one night? Nope, but then he texted me, and I texted him, and he came back, and here we are.”

“Yesterday, you were crying over Marcus,” Carmen says.

Oh, low blow.

“I was crying because I thought he tried to take his own life because of me, not because I still love him. Any love I felt for him died the day he married the skank.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Jason asks, drinking from a bottle of water.

“We’re hoping I get the job at Miami-Dade.” I reach for Dee’s hand, and she links her fingers with mine. “And if I do, I’m going to move here and live happily ever after with Dee.”

“Just like that?” Jason asks.

“Just like that,” Dee says, her gaze never wavering from mine.

“What if you don’t get the job?” Carmen asks.

“Then we’ll figure out a plan B,” Dee says. “Either way, we’re going to be together from now on, and that’s the end of it.”

I can tell Carmen has a lot she wants to say to that, but she isn’t sure where to start.

Before she can formulate a thought, Dee says, “Imagine it was Jason who’d been through what Wyatt has. Would you love him any less simply because his life might be shorter than ours?”

“No, but—”

“No buts, Carmen. This is happening, and I’m asking for your support.”

“You have it. It’s just that…”

“I know,” Dee says softly. “But I promise that no matter what happens, I’ll be okay.” She reaches for Carmen and hugs her. “Be happy for me.”

“I am. Of course, I am.”

They hug for a long time, and both are teary-eyed when they pull back from each other.

“Can we go?” Dee asks me. “I’m so tired that I’m about to fall over.”

“Let me just grab my stuff.” I carry our takeout containers inside, rinse them out and put them in the trash. I’m pleased that Giordino’s uses paper rather than plastic for takeout. Having that thought buys me a second to collect myself before I have to face off with Jason, who’s followed me inside.

“What happened to your rules?”

“Dee happened. I’m going to make it so worthwhile for her, Jay. I promise. And afterward, she’ll have all of you to lean on. You’ll get her through it, right?”

He runs his fingers through sweaty hair. “Jesus, Wyatt, are we talking about us taking care of Dee after you die?”

“Yeah, I guess we are. I need to know you’ll be there for her.”

“Of course I would, but this is a lot to process. I’m just finding out about what happened after the wedding. I had no idea it was more than a bridesmaid hanging out with a groomsman.”

“It was much more than that from the minute we met.”

“So you said.”

“I know it’s a lot to wrap your head around, but I’m going to take excellent care of her in every possible way. We’re going to live the hell out of whatever’s left of my life.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“You don’t approve?”

“It’s not about whether I approve. It’s just that you had rules that you lived by for seventeen years, and now you’ve decided to say fuck the rules, and you’re doing it with my wife’s cousin.”

“I’m sorry if this causes trouble for you, Jay. I really am, but I already love her. And I want this. I want her. I want a chance to have what you have with Carmen for however long it lasts. You can understand that, can’t you?”

“I get it.”

“Well, then, I guess I’ll grab my stuff and get out of your hair. See you tomorrow at brunch?”

“We’ll be there.”

I decide to get out while the getting is good. In the living room, I grab my backpack and roll my suitcase to the door as Dee and Carmen come in from the patio carrying wineglasses and what’s left of Dee’s bottle of wine.

“Thanks for letting us borrow your patio,” I say to Carmen.

“Anytime.” She surprises me when she hugs me. “Take good care of my cousin. I love her very much.”

“So do I, and I will. I promise to make her happy every day I get to spend with her.”

When Carmen releases me, I notice tears in her eyes.

Dee hugs her. “See you tomorrow.”

We walk to the elevator and wait for it to arrive.

“Are you okay?” I ask her.

She nods, but her chin is wobbling. I’m not sure if it’s emotion or exhaustion or both that has her on the verge of a meltdown.

I put my arm around her. “Hold on to me. We’ve got this.”

Inside the elevator, she wraps her arms around me and holds on for the ride to the ground floor.

Outside, I stash my suitcase and backpack in the trunk and get in the driver’s side. “Did she say something to upset you?”

“No, just that she loves me and doesn’t want anything ever to hurt me the way Marcus did.”

“I’d never hurt you like that.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” After a pause, she looks over at me, her expression full of trepidation. “She’s probably already on the phone with my sister. The whole family will know by tomorrow. I’m sorry. I know you don’t like for people to know.”

“It’s okay. It’s not something we can keep secret in a family like yours. I don’t care if they know.”

“They’re going to make a BFD out of it—at first—but that’ll blow over. Eventually. I apologize in advance for that.”

“They love you. They’re worried. I get it.” I can feel my phone vibrating nonstop in my pocket, which can mean only one thing. My mother is freaking out that she hasn’t heard from me today. I pull it out of my pocket and hand it to Dee. “Can you check my texts?” She may as well find out now that when I tell her my mother hovers, I mean it.

“Your mom is worried that she hasn’t heard from you today. Should I reply for you?”

“Yes, tell her I was out fishing all day and didn’t have service. All is well.”

She types in the message for me. “She wants to know if you’re taking your meds.”

I grit my teeth against the urge to scream. “Tell her of course I am because I want to stay alive.”

“You want me to say that?”

“It’s okay. I say that to her just about every day when she reminds me, a doctor, to take my meds the way she did when I was a teenager.”

She sends the text. “Your mother says to quit being fresh.”

“And she says that back to me just about every day. Welcome to my world.”

“She sounds sweet.”

“She’s the best, and I love her, but sometimes I wish she loved me just a tiny bit less than she does.”

“What will she say if you get the job here and move?”

“My parents will lose their shit,” I say with a deep sigh. “But that won’t stop me from moving, so don’t worry about it.”

“We’ll have to assure them that I’ll take outstanding care of you.”

“You can’t hover, sweetheart. That’ll drive me crazy.”

“Who said anything about hovering?”