Strictly for Now by Carrie Elks

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

MACKENZIE

“There,” Isabella says, lifting the mirror to show me her handiwork. “You look perfect.”

I blink at the reflection staring back at me. I look like me but… almost beautiful. Not as gorgeous as Isabella, because I’ll never have a nose that straight or lips that full, not without surgery anyway, but I look good.

And I feel good. Not just because we’ve shared a bottle of champagne tonight.

“Thank you,” I tell her.

She beams at me. “I wish we’d done this years ago,” she says. “I don’t know why we didn’t.”

“Because you were busy practicing and competing, and I was either looking after the boys or at college.”

And then there was the other stuff. The things we don’t talk about. Danny and the way he pulled us apart.

The stupid guy we both fell for and let come between us and neither of us had the guts to talk it out.

“You’ll have to show me how you applied this eyeliner,” I say. “Every time I do it I look like I’m Koko the Clown.”

“It’s all about a steady hand,” she tells me. “You can have all this.” She waves her hand at the bag full of high end cosmetics. “I’m given so much I can’t use it all.”

“Are you sure?”

She grins. “Yep. It’s yours.”

It’s weird how nice it is to have her here. I can’t believe I was dreading it so much. “Thank you,” I say again, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“Thank you,” she says. “For letting me stay with you.”

It would have been churlish not to. My serviced apartment has a spare room, and I know Isabella hates to be alone. She always has, even when she was small.

And yes, I’m missing Eli. He’d normally be here by now, helping me cook dinner, or taking a shower after practice. But it’s only a few days until we can be together again.

I’m an adult. I can deal with that.

“So what happens after this?” she asks me, topping up our champagne glasses.

“I guess I take it all off and go to bed.”

She laughs. “Not your face. I mean after you finish here. Get Gramps’ baby up and running again. Will you go back to New York?”

I swallow. “Yeah, I guess.” I haven’t worked that bit out. Neither Eli nor I have. And we should probably talk about it, but I have no idea how to make this thing work if we’re hundreds of miles apart.

“No need to look so sad,” she says. “I know how much you didn’t want to come here.”

“I like the team,” I say quietly.

She gives me a strange look. “They’re lovely guys. They had a ball trying to dance. Goran, is that his name? I swear he was flirting with me.”

And there it is. The jealousy again. Which is stupid because the only thing I feel for Goran is friendship.

“Eli Salinger, on the other hand,” she says, her eyes lighting up. “Now he’s my kind of hockey player.”

The thought of Isabella flirting with Eli is like a smack to my gut. I feel sick at the thought of it. I don’t think I can listen to her talking about him like that.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” I say.

Her phone rings. “Hold that thought. I need to take this.” She slides her finger across the screen. “Issy Gauthier,” she says, her voice light. “Oh, hi. That’s what you heard, huh? I can neither confirm nor deny.” She’s silent for a minute then gives a little laugh. “Okay, yes. He had a minor issue with his Achilles, but he’s seen the physio today and he’ll be back at practice again in the morning.” Another pause. “Yes, that’s right. In West Virginia. Damn, you know everything.” She catches me looking at her and rolls her eyes as though this is the most boring conversation she’s ever had. “Uhuh. Yeah. Damn, you really do know. I can’t confirm that, no. But when I can, you’ll be the first to know.”

It carries on like that for another few minutes until she finally hangs up. “I’m sorry, the damn gossip sites are getting worse. They found out about Justin’s ankle injury. I’ve no idea how. It only happened this afternoon.” She sighs. “I’m telling you, nothing is secret anymore.”

I don’t point out that nothing is secret because she just confirmed everything to the person she was talking to. But it reminds me that when I come clean about Eli, I need to do it on my terms. Yes, it’s lovely being close to my sister again, but I still don’t trust her completely.

So as much as I’d like to confide in her about Eli, I’ll pass for now.

“I think I’m going to head to bed,” I tell her, feeling suddenly exhausted. “There are a few emails I need to write before tomorrow.”

“Oh.” She sounds disappointed. “Sure. I guess I should head to bed, too. Though I don’t have to be up so early tomorrow. We’re not practicing until the afternoon.”

The team will be practicing in the morning. And probably in the evening, too. “You can sleep in then,” I say.

“Oh, I’m going to see Gramps,” she says. “With the camera guys. And then I’ll probably head to the rink and wait for practice.”

“I’ll see you there.”

She smiles. “Yep.”

“Good night,” I tell her. “Sleep tight.”

“You, too. And don’t work too hard.”

I head straight for my bathroom and take off the makeup Isabella so meticulously applied. Then I step into the shower and let the hot spray rain down on me for way too long. When I get out, I twist my wet hair into a towel and pull on a pair of pajamas before heading to bed, grabbing my laptop and my phone along the way.

I wasn’t lying to Isabella. I have emails to write. But instead of tapping away at the keyboard, I stare absentmindedly at the screen and do some controlled breathing to get my heart rate under control.

It’s not Isabella’s fault I’m feeling so jealous right now. Yes, she did me dirty big time, but it was years ago.

I’m over Danny and so is she. Yes, it hurt when they got together, but we were over long before they ever started dating. And we weren’t exactly close then.

I trust Eli completely. He’s a straight down the line kind of guy. Not at all like Danny. Where Danny abandoned me completely the day I went viral, Eli’s spent the last six weeks teaching me how to skate without falling over.

He’s shown me what it’s like to be taken care of. Again and again.

I pick my phone up and quickly tap out a message.

I’m in bed. Let me know when you’ve finished your dinner and I’ll call. – Mackenzie xx

Just leaving now. Can you wait for ten minutes until I get home? Or I can call you from the car. – Eli xx

I can wait. – Mackenzie xx

I force myself to reply to some emails while I wait, but every minute that ticks by feels like an eternity. When my phone finally rings I snatch it up and answer so fast it makes my head spin.

“Hi,” I breathe.

“That was quick.” He laughs. “You okay?”

“No.”

“What’s up?”

“I missed you tonight. And I know that makes me sound weirdly clingy and I hate it, but it’s true.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I like it.”

I wrinkle my nose. “I guess it does a bit.”

“And I missed you, too. Liam and Sophie were sad you couldn’t join us.”

“Maybe next time?” I say, feeling sad.

“Yeah. I’d like that. So how was your evening with your sister?” There’s a banging sound, like he’s closing the door.

“It was good. We ate pizza and drank champagne and she did my makeup. I think we’re trying to make up for the last twenty years.”

“Good,” he says. “I’m glad.”

“I think I should tell her about us. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I should probably talk to my bosses first. Out of professional courtesy.” And because I’d quite like to keep my job. “What do you think?” I ask him, looking for reassurance.

“I think it’s up to you,” he says. “Of course I want to stop hiding this. But you need to do it at your own pace. Sophie said something tonight that got me thinking.”

“What did she say?” I ask, curious.

“She said it’s always the women who suffer when gossip comes out. And I don’t want you to suffer. So you tell people when you’re ready, and if you need to make sure your job is safe first, then that’s what we’ll do. We have all the time in the world.”

The ache in my chest loosens a little. “Okay. But after the exhibition game, I’m going to ask to talk to him. Is that okay?”

“Yes, that’s more than okay.”

“And I’ll tell my family.”

“Good.”

“And then…” I frown. “What do we do then?”

“Then we get on with living.”

A smile pulls at my lips. “I like the sound of that. But what about the commute between here and New York?”

“We’ll work it out,” he says, sounding sure of himself. “It’s five hundred miles. That’s nothing.”

“Eli?” I say.

“Yes, beautiful?”

“I need to tell you something else.”

“You can tell me anything. You know that.”

I want to tell him I love him. That I trust him. That I’ve never felt like this for anybody before.

But fear pushes the words down. I start to garble. “The guy I kind of dated. The one I wore no panties for…”

“Yeah?” His voice sounds tight.

“Isabella got with him afterward.”

“What?”

I swallow hard. “Just for a little while, they lived together. It ended up a complete mess.” I don’t tell him I was the one to get her packed and back home. “But yeah, after everything that happened we didn’t really keep in touch.”

“Mac, I…” He trails off. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” I tell him. “Anyway, it’s old history. And I’m so glad it is. I think Isabella and I might finally fix our relationship. I’m so glad she came here. And I’m glad my family will be here, too. It’s time for me to stop hiding who I am.”

There’s silence for a moment.

“Did I say too much?” I ask him.

“No, not at all. I’m glad you told me. I’m just sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“It was a long time ago,” I tell him, really feeling it this time.

“Yeah, it was.”

I put my laptop to the side of the bed – the side where Eli usually sleeps, and snuggle down, my phone still in my hand. “Where are you now?” I ask him.

“I’m in my bedroom. Just took off my shoes.”

“Will you keep talking to me while you get ready for bed?” I ask him.

“Of course.”

And he does, his voice low as he tells me about his night with his brother and sister-in-law, about the steak he ate, and the chocolate dessert Sophie had but Liam stole. I snuggle against his pillow – it still smells of him and it makes me feel all warm inside, as I listen to his low voice, my eyes getting heavy.

When I wake up in the morning, the phone is still on the pillow beside me, completely out of battery. He must have talked me to sleep, and I like that too much.

I love it.

I love him.

And after this stupid game, I’m going to tell him that.