Fortunate Son by Jay Crownover

Ry

I LOOKED AT the headstone with the massive horseshoe carved into it. This wasn’t the first time I’d visited this grave, but it was the first time I was here without feeling an overwhelming sense of resentment and frustration. It was the first time I was here living a life that was all mine and not trying to fit into a mold left behind by the person whose name marked the heavy, stark tombstone.

“Are you sure you’ve thought this all the way through? You’ve been through a lot this year. Maybe it’s a good idea to wait a little bit longer before making such big life decisions.” It was cold now that Colorado was rolling into the winter months, making my dad’s breath visible as he asked me yet again if I was ready to take such a big step. He had his hands shoved deep in the pockets of a heavy Carhartt coat, and the tip of his nose was red. His eyes were even frostier than the frozen ground of the cemetery where my Uncle Remy had been laid to rest all those years ago.

He was the last person I had left to say goodbye to now that I was leaving Denver and moving to Texas. I’d saved this trip for last because I knew it would be the easiest one. There would be no tears shed and no questions flying from every direction about my decision to move closer to Bowe, or my choice to enroll in medical school, even though it was like I was starting college all over again. The goodbyes before this one were brutal and emotionally draining, so I was looking forward to bidding farewell to my uncle and having a moment of quiet, but my dad surprised me by showing up only moments after I arrived graveside. He insisted it was just a coincidence, but I wasn’t so sure I believed him. He’d taken the news that I was leaving Colorado a lot harder than I thought he would. As it turned out, my old man was going to miss me and wasn’t quite sure what to do without me. He was about to be overrun by the women in our family, and I think he was scared out of his mind.

“I’ve given it more than a lot of thought, Dad. I’ve given it all my thoughts for the last few months.” From the minute Bowe left, every minute of every day was spent realizing that whatever I did with my future, I needed it to be something that took me closer to her. The long video chats and short visits in between weren’t cutting it for me. I needed to be where I could get to her in a couple of hours, and since she wasn’t about to move her base out of Texas, it meant I needed to be the one to make some major changes. I fixated on going to med school after the months and months of rehab and supervision to get my body back in working order. I was fascinated by the process of it all, and I took an intense interest in sports medicine, in general. If I couldn’t play anymore, maybe I could help those who were injured but still had hope. I started looking at schools that would be close to Bowe but would also give me the best education and prospects for the future. I applied to several, but my heart was set on a specific med school that was right between Dallas and Austin. I was lucky to get in. My mom reminded me of that fact every chance she got. I think she was secretly thrilled I’d taken an interest in following in her footsteps, but she would have preferred I stayed in Colorado. “I’m not happy being so far away from Bowe. And I think I need a fresh start. If I stayed here, I’m reminded of everything I can no longer do. Plus, I think it’ll be good for Daire if I put some space between us. She’s gotta learn to function again.”

My little sister was not all right. Ever since the night of the accident, it was like her entire personality changed. She dropped out of college after only a week, and my parents had tried to get her help for months, but nothing seemed to stick. She was still hyper-focused on every move I made, and she seemed like a shell of the vibrant, bright girl she used to be. Uncle Rome suggested she might be suffering from PTSD because he’d seen similar characteristics in his fellow soldiers. Whatever was wrong with her, I felt it wasn’t going to get better if I kept coddling her and caving to her wishes just so I wouldn’t upset her. I felt like I’d been walking on eggshells whenever we got together lately.

The same was true with my friends from the team and my former schoolmates. It was like they had no idea what to do with me now that I didn’t play football and had no claim to fame. Even Zowen was acting a bit weird. Bowe told me he’d been the last to show at the hospital after the accident, and when Remy pressed him to know what took him so long to get there, he shut down and acted sullen. He refused to answer about where he was and what he’d been up to, and ever since I’d woken up, he’d been evasive and weird whenever I tried to talk to him. It was almost like everyone I loved needed a bit of a breather, and they would get that was if I was no longer in their face as a constant reminder of what could’ve gone wrong that night.

“But Bowe is always on the road. I don’t get you moving down there and being alone anyway because she’s jetting off to play music in Nashville or God knows where else.” My dad flicked his head to the tombstone and sighed. “I just hate the idea of you being so far away if something goes wrong.”

Bowe had actually just gotten back to Austin after attending an up-and-coming artist showcase in Nashville. She was traveling quite a bit, but she always checked in with me, and when she got a stretch where she knew she was going to be home, she always tried to come and see me or invited me down to stay with her. I thought it was good practice for how we would manage our relationship once she was famous, because without a doubt she would be. That was another reason it didn’t bother me that I would be several hundred miles away from her, rather than in her back pocket.

“I miss my girl, but I still gotta focus on school and making a life for myself. It’s good for us to have a bit of space between us so we can do what we gotta do individually without getting in each other’s way. I can handle having her down the highway. But I can’t stand when she’s entire states away. I want to be there as her music career keeps growing, and just like you said, I want to be there if anything goes wrong.” I reached out and put a hand on the icy cold stone. “And if I need anything, Bowe’s folks are close by, and so are Rowdy and Salem. You and mom worked hard to keep Daire and me surrounded by good, reliable people. I’m never going to be alone with all of them and with you and Mom in my life. It’ll be okay, Dad.” I knocked my knuckles on the headstone and sent a silent goodbye up to the person who helped make me who I was and who helped me grab onto the life I was getting ready to live to the fullest. “When I was on the operating table, I swear I saw Uncle Remy. I’m sure it was a hallucination, but he seemed so real, and everything he said to me in that moment was exactly what I needed to hear. I felt like I was dying, but he wouldn’t let me give up that easily. He told me it was his job to make sure he didn’t see any of the people he loved before it was their time.” I stepped back and put my hands in the pockets of my leather and shearling jacket. “I’ve got people looking out for me every step of the way.”

My dad kicked his booted foot across a patch of snow and heaved a deep sigh. “You and your Uncle Rome should share stories. He said something similar happened to him last time he was seriously injured. It might be a bit more than a hallucination, kiddo.” He looked up at me and said, “Guess I gotta let you grow up eventually. Hate to see you go, but you know you always have a place back at home with your mom and me.”

I nodded and swallowed hard against the emotion that lodged in my throat. “I know. I have never doubted it. Not even when things were strained between us. I’ve always known how much you’ve done for me and Daire and how much you guys care about us.”

I let out a surprised ‘oomph’ as I was pulled into a tight hug. We were close to the same size these days, and I’d only recently been declared fully healed, so I wasn’t used to the rough handling. But that didn’t stop me from hugging him back with everything I had in me. It felt like everything we’d been through since the start of the summer had brought us closer and gave us a better understanding of one another. He didn’t even look embarrassed when he let me go.

“All right. Enough sentimental garbage. Get on the road before the weather changes. Be sure to check in every few hours and let me or your mom know when you get to Austin. Are you sure it’s a good idea to show up unannounced? I thought you said Bowe wasn’t a big fan of surprises.”

I shrugged and lifted a hand to rub the back of my neck. “I’m hopeful she’s always going to be happy to see me, no matter the circumstances.” Or how little time we managed to steal away with each other. It was up to us to make our time count.

She knew I was moving, but she had no idea I planned to come spend some time with her before the semester started.

“As long as the hello is always there to replace how much the goodbye hurts, you’re good. Let me know if you need anything along the way. I don’t think you know how much you’re going to be missed, Ry.”

I forced a grin. “I know how much. Just enough you can let me go, but not so much that you’ll force me to stay.” It was the same amount I missed Bowe every single time we had to separate.

I wasn’t just a fortunate boyfriend; I was also a very fortunate son.

I was pulled into another tight hug before he shooed me away. I think he was trying to get rid of me so I didn’t see him cry. It was kind of sweet and not in character for him at all. My dad was a good guy with a good heart. I could see it all so clearly now. It’d just taken me some time to get where I needed to be. To see him for who he truly was and not who I convinced myself I wanted him to be.

He walked me to my new truck and reminded me to drive safely and check in throughout the trip. It was cold, but it wasn’t supposed to snow for the next couple of days, so I was hoping I could drive straight through the same way I had the first time my heart dragged me to Texas. But I was well aware my plans might have to change if Mother Nature didn’t cooperate.

I was five hours into the trip, and the sun was going down when my sister called. My first instinct was to send it voicemail because any interaction with her had been an emotional nightmare lately, but I promised her I would always pick up when she tried to contact me. I wasn’t about to go back on my word now.

“Hey.” I kept my voice steady and calm so she wouldn’t hear how frustrated I was with her. “Miss me already?”

“I can’t believe you’re abandoning me, Ry. I need you. Couldn’t you have waited just a little bit longer before leaving?” She sniffed loudly, and I knew she was crying.

I sighed and tapped my fingers on the steering wheel. “Daire, there was never going to be a good time for me to go. I miss Bowe. I miss having purpose and direction. None of those things are in Denver for me at the moment. You’ll get used to me being gone, and I’ll be back to see you before you know it. This is a good time to focus on yourself and figure out a way to feel better.”

“I don’t want to feel better. I want you to be here in case I need you and so I can keep an eye on you.” She was almost yelling by the end of her sentence.

I sighed and looked at the long, flat road in front of me. “I don’t need you to keep an eye on me. I need you to deal with all the shit that’s messed up in your mind and get back to being your fun, reckless, wild self. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault. None of that changes if I’m in Denver or in Texas. And there’s someone I want to be with more than I want to play it safe. Bowe is worth taking risks for. I want you to be happy I found someone who makes me feel that way.”

“I hate her! You wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t for her. I wouldn’t have been alone and sad that night if everyone hadn’t gone to watch Bowe play stupid songs.” She was in near hysterics, but this wasn’t a new argument. For whatever reason, Daire had focused most of her misplaced anger and anxiety from the accident on Bowe. It was exhausting, and I felt so bad for my innocent girlfriend. The girls’ friendship was strained to the limits, and if Daire kept going the route she was on, it would be damaged beyond repair.

“I gotta go. I need to pay attention to the road. I’ll let you know when I get there, but if all you’re going to do is yell at me and be nasty to someone I love, I’m gonna need a break from the constant ugliness, Daire.” I never thought there would come a time when I was going to have to enforce strict boundaries with my favorite person on the planet, but something had to be done before Daire went too far.

My sister hung up the call, and I was once again left alone with my thoughts and a drive that felt endless as it carried on through the middle of the night and into the early hours of the morning. I stopped in almost all the same places as I did on my first trip. It was nostalgic and kind of comforting after the argument with my little sister. I felt a lot less guilty this trip when I shoved fast food in my face and indulged in sweets and junk food as the hours dragged on.

Just like last time, I hit Austin right before the sun came up. I pulled into Bowe’s driveway and tried to blink the sleep out of my eyes. I could’ve stopped and rested, but I wanted to get to her so badly, I knew there was no way my brain would shut off or my heart would stop hounding me to hurry. I hadn’t slept a wink, but I pushed through and was greeted with a sense of déjà vu as I encountered Bowe seemingly coming home from either practice or the studio. She was still awake when the world was sleeping, but this time, she didn’t look at all surprised to see me when I climbed out of the truck and started to walk toward her.

She was wearing that team t-shirt she snatched from my closet over a pair of leather leggings. Her favorite boots with all the laces covered her feet, and her hair was piled up on her head in a familiar fashion. It was no longer black and purple. At some point, she’d changed it so it was a silvery-blond with mint green stripes. It was startling the first time I saw her through the video feed, but I liked it much better now that I could see it in person. The pale color made her warm eyes burn; the amber looked alive as she watched me walk closer to her. The wobbly smile that played around her lips grew bigger and less unstable with each step I took.

When I was within touching distance, she launched herself at me, arms going around my neck, legs around my waist, as she squeezed me as tightly as she could. Just like my dad mentioned, it was a hello that blasted away the pain of saying goodbye.

“It hurts so bad.” I whispered the same words I said to her the first time I dropped back into her life unannounced.

Bowe pulled back so she could look into my eyes. “Your heart again? Maybe you should get that checked out, Archer.”

I chuckled and put a hand under her backside so I could hold her closer. “You’re the cure, Bowe. You were back then, and you are now. Are you happy to see me?”

“Always.”

No hesitation. No doubt. No questions asked.

THE END