Fortunate Son by Jay Crownover
Bowe
I WATCHED WITH wide eyes as Ry shoveled a second massive breakfast burrito into his mouth. It was closer to dinnertime than breakfast, but he insisted he wanted something full of bacon and smothered in cheese and green chili. He’d always been a big eater, but usually it was reserved for boring, unseasoned food in large quantities that he used to replace the calories he burned. The only time I really remembered him indulging in much of anything was during the holidays when everyone gathered together, or when he allowed himself to slip and drink just a bit too much. Bad things happened when Ry’s suppressed bad boy managed to slip his leash. I had first-hand experience with just how different he was when he let himself run wild.
“Are you eating your feelings right now, Archer?” I pointed the end of my fork at him and grinned when he glowered at me from across the table where we were seated at a small Tex-Mex place close to my house. “Keep eating like that while you’re down here, and you’re going to have to double your workouts when you go back for training.” I cocked my head to the side and asked, “Do college football players even get summer break like regular students, or are you really breaking the rules and playing hooky?”
I wasn’t very interested in sports. My dad’s best friend, who was also my godfather, was a former college all-star just like Ry. He’d tried his best to get me interested in football before his first daughter came along and thankfully showed an actual interest in sports. Granted, Glory picked figure skating and not football, but my Uncle Rowdy was just as supportive and excited for her to compete on the ice as he was to watch Ry on the field. My cousins also tinkered around when it came to sports. They were quite a bit younger than me since, as my mom always put it, “Your Uncle Asa took forever to get his shit together.”
But one of the boys seemed pretty serious about football and was following in Ry’s footsteps. The other, well, I was pretty sure he was just doing whatever he thought would get him the most girls and make him popular. I’d overheard my parents mention they were worried that my Uncle Asa was getting his just desserts by being blessed with a baby boy who was exactly like him, and that it was a good thing he already had an in with the local law since his mom was a police officer. I thought both boys were super cute and a lot of fun, but they were closer in age to the twins, so the four of them usually spent time together when they visited.
Ry wiped his mouth and slumped back in the terracotta-colored seat. “I was supposed to stick around and help a few other guys and one of the assistant coaches run a summer camp for the incoming class and future prospects. Summer training doesn’t start until June. It’s recommended we pick up a couple classes in the summer to lighten the load during the season when we’re so busy and committed to other things, but I decided not to enroll this summer because I wanted to have a little bit of free time to spend with Aston before we both got busy with school and life. I have to take a full course load anyway since I’m focusing on Chemistry as my major. I thought we might even take a trip out to New York to see Royce before school started since neither one of us has seen him in a while. Probably pissed a few people off by not being there for camp, but they’ll get over it.”
I dropped my fork on my plate and reached for my glass of sweet tea. “When are you going to call your folks and let them know you’re all right? Daire has been texting me since this morning. She’s managed to hold them off for now, but you know your dad. If you wait too long, he’s going to show up and demand answers. He’s going to be pissed you made your mom worry, and he’s going to be even more upset that you left without saying anything to him. You know how protective he is of you and your sister.”
Ry’s dad and mine grew up together. They were super tight and honestly really similar in a ton of ways. My dad was a little more easygoing, but both were the type of men who would move mountains and conquer any obstacle for their families. I knew that the twins and I were always my dad’s first priority in anything he did, and I knew Ry’s dad felt the same way. I never really understood why Ry put so much pressure on himself to achieve so much and be so perfect. His old man didn’t seem to give a single shit about accolades or accomplishments. He wasn’t the kind to brag or boast unnecessarily or one to live vicariously through his children’s achievements. He wasn’t the one pushing Ry to do so much, to work so hard, but he was always there to make sure his kid was okay and ready to offer a boost when Ry burnt out. They had a weird dynamic I could never put my finger on, but I was sure it played into why it sometimes seemed like Ry had two different boys living inside of him.
Ry pushed his empty plate away and patted his annoyingly flat stomach. “I’ll call my mom when we get back to your place. I need another day or two before I’m ready to be yelled at by my dad for being inconsiderate.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and asked with a smirk, “Are you going to tell your parents I’m crashing at your place? Your fanboys don’t scare me, but your dad does. He might not like you being alone in that house with a guy, even if the guy is a childhood friend.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “When my parents agreed to let me take a year off before discussing going back to college, they agreed to let me live on my own. They don’t get to tell me who’s allowed to stay in my house.” Not that they would anyway. They trusted my judgment for the most part. Aside from my lack of restraint toward the handsome boy across from me, I’d never really been one to make questionable decisions.
His smirk turned a bit condescending. “Oh yeah? Who’s paying the rent while the other two rooms are empty? Because even if you’re working or managed to score a gig here and there, there is no way in hell you’re paying for that entire house on your own.”
Goddamnit. I hated how observant and perceptive he always was. The boy never missed a thing. Even something as innocuous as empty rooms. “Don’t worry about who’s paying for it.”
He chuckled and leaned forward, crossing his arms on the edge of the table. “They might have agreed to let you live on your own, but as long as they’re paying the bills, they have the right to pop in whenever they want. I’m not saying they will, your parents are too cool for that, but it could happen. You should keep that in mind if you’re going to have skinny, mouthy, punk rock guys showing up out of the blue. And you might want to move some of your stuff out of the common areas before your roommates show up. It looks like a recording studio, not a house.”
I scowled and grabbed the discarded wrapper from my straw so I could throw it at him. “I was planning on finding a place for everything before they show up. They aren’t supposed to move in until late July anyway. And you heard everything I said this afternoon. He wasn’t invited over, and I had no intentions of letting him in. He plays bass in my band. He’s actually the brother of my keyboard player, who is a really good friend of mine. Maybe he was just protective because you took him by surprise. I think anyone would be intimidated if they encountered you opening the door unexpectedly… especially half-dressed.”
I knew that wasn’t the case, but for the sake of keeping things cool within the band, I hoped to play it off. Nyle had been hinting harder and harder lately that he would like to take our casual friendship to a different level. However, I didn’t date anyone I played music with. I’d seen more than one band break up when the romantic entanglements overshadowed the music, and I wasn’t about that life. I wanted to write songs and create something amazing. I wasn’t interested in finding a boyfriend or falling in love.
I’d been burned by those foolish desires when I was younger. Back then, Ry was the one holding the matches and the one who started the blaze. Everything about him was hot. And not always in a good way.
Ry snorted. “He was about to tell me you were his girlfriend if you hadn’t shown up when you did. Sounds like you better put someone in their place before it gets out of hand.” He tilted his head slightly to the side and considered me silently for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his deep voice was surprisingly serious and missing the snark and sarcasm he usually used when speaking to me. “You got your mom to agree to let you take a gap year. What are you going to do if the band doesn’t take off, or you don’t achieve your dreams within that time frame? Are you worried that you’re going to fall behind everyone else? Are you scared you might have to consider going to college like the rest of us if things don’t pan out with the music thing?”
They were all questions I’d heard before. In fact, my mother had more and asked them repeatedly when I told her I had no interest in going back to college after I flunked out of my first semester. Higher education was never my calling, but I promised her I would try. It ended up an epic failure, so now I had no choice but to make music work for me.
“Not everyone has their life planned out in finite detail the way you do, Archer. Not everyone is so afraid to fail they refuse to even try the way you do. Who says I’ll be behind if I change my mind about school in the future? There are students of all shapes and sizes these days. Going to college right after graduation isn’t the answer for everyone. There are so many options to consider. Even if someone like you,” and my mother, if I was truthful, “can’t see them.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Besides, I’m never going to give up on making music even if it ends up as nothing more than a hobby I do on the side down the road. Don’t you feel that way about football?”
He had played for as long as I could remember. He was always running off to practice or for a game. He seemed as dedicated to his performance as I was to creation and the stage. It was the one thread we had in common, or so I thought.
He shrugged his broad shoulders and reached out to toss the wrapper back in my direction. “I’m good at football. Always have been. That’s why I keep playing. You’re good at making music. Isn’t that why you’ve stuck with it all this time?”
I recoiled and shook my head; the violent action made the purple ends of my hair stick to my lips, so I reached up to pick the pieces free from my lip gloss. “I stick with it because it’s part of me. I feel empty inside when I’m not working on a new song or playing an instrument. I’m happiest when I’m performing for others and sharing something I made with a crowd who is just as passionate as I am. I’m a musician. That’s who and what I am. Aren’t you a football player? Isn’t that a huge part of what defines who you are?”
He gave me a blank look that started to make me uneasy after a bit. Eventually, he broke the silence and stare-down by telling me he would take care of the bill and mentioning he was ready to go. We still needed to grab some stuff from the store. He refused to give me an answer when I demanded to know how long he was going to stay, which made me think he didn’t know the answer himself.
Uncertainty wasn’t something I often associated with Ry Archer, but he’d surprised me more than once during the course of lives.
I followed him out of the restaurant to his truck. I glanced down at my phone as it pinged with messages, one right after the other.
The first was from Nyle’s sister Joey asking for all the details about Ry. Apparently, her brother had wasted no time filling her in about my surprise visitor. I ignored that one and instead focused on the one from Daire. Just as I expected, she told me her parents were threatening to get on a flight to Austin if they didn’t hear from Ry soon. She gave me a heads-up that her dad had been in touch with my dad, so there was a solid chance I might end up seeing my parents sooner rather than later if Ry didn’t pull his head out of his ass.
I messaged her back letting her know that he promised to call their mom before the day was done. I even snapped a quick pic of him where he was standing by the bed of the truck, watching me behind the lenses of his sunglasses, as I lagged behind. I hoped it would serve as proof of life and keep all the parents involved in place until the boy pulled his shit together and got back to acting like his bossy, responsible, hyper-perfectionist self.
“I play football, but it’s not who I am. I don’t have anything to define me the way music does you.”
I stumbled to a stop at his words and froze when he lowered his glasses and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite define.
“I honestly think I’m totally empty on the inside.” He sounded kind of hollowed out and gutted. “Half the time, I don’t know who I am or what purpose I serve. At least I know what’s required of me on the football field. There’s no guesswork there, and if I’m not good enough, I know exactly why.”
I wasn’t sure how much of this had to do with his recent breakup or if he was actually having an existential crisis in this parking lot.
I sighed and fished my own sunglasses out of my purse. I covered my eyes because it was hard to keep him from seeing how deeply his words affected me. He was the last person on earth most people would feel sorry for. On the surface, he had everything, but I knew because he had so much, he often felt he was unworthy of any of it.
That was the reason he worked so damn hard all the time.
“You’re not empty. You’re full of breakfast burritos and green chili.” I moved toward the passenger door. “You also told me you needed clean underwear, so let’s take care of the little things we can actually manage and worry about the big, life-changing issues when you aren’t also dealing with being freshly dumped. Everything seems so much harder than it is when it’s weighed down by despair.”
Once we were seated inside the truck, he slid his sunglasses down his nose and turned to look at me.
“How can you sound so certain about that, Bowe? Have you had to look at things through the lens of a broken heart? When have you ever cared enough about anyone else to let them mess you up like that?” He sounded genuinely curious, and I didn’t blame him.
I’d long let it be known that while everyone else was running around trying to find someone to make out with or hook up with, I’d been convincing my dad to buy me a new guitar or take me on tour with him. I was never lovestruck, or at least, I didn’t let it show the one time I was.
I reached out and used my index finger to push his glasses back up over his icy blue eyes. I nervously cleared my throat when I felt the heat radiating from his skin. A muscle jumped in his cheek as I pulled my hand back and shifted anxiously in my seat.
“I wouldn’t say my heart has ever been broken, but there was a time when it was definitely bruised. It ended up a little bit black and blue when I forgot to be careful with it.” I could feel him staring at me even as I turned my head to look out the windshield. “Let’s go. I have things to do at the house, and you need to call your mom.”
I didn’t want to continue the conversation.
I didn’t want him to keep asking questions.
And I really didn’t want him to know that the one time my internal fondness meter tipped from like to love was the one summer when I forgot how much I hated him and how different we were.
That summer, I let him steal my very first kiss and let myself blindly stumble down a path of exploration and experimentation there was no coming back from. Like I said, I was his first everything as well. Neither one of us knew what we were doing or how it would end. There had always been a spark between the two of us, but I don’t think either of us was ready for what would happen when those little embers caught fire and burned hot enough that we were both left singed and scarred.
I would never forget that summer. Or the way my young, fragile, untried heart cracked just a little bit when I heard that Ry was suddenly dating another girl. And she wasn’t one who always chased him and lingered around, waiting to be noticed. She wasn’t one who was simple and easy.
No. This girl was the total opposite of me. She was someone he knew just as well as he knew me. She was someone he wouldn’t dare throw away or mistreat. And since I knew her, had grown up with her, I couldn’t deny the two of them were a good match. They were a much better fit than he and I would ever be, regardless of how we were drawn to one another.
It hurt, just like he said.
Having a bruised heart was no fun, but I bounced back fast.
I told myself over and over again when I tried to forget all about him that I was never going to let him get close enough to do that kind of damage again.
That was just one of the important life lessons I’d learned from Ry Archer.