Fortunate Son by Jay Crownover
Ry
“I’M SORRY, MOM. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I know I was irresponsible and not behaving like myself.”
I blew out a breath and dragged a hand down my face as I peered into the darkness that filled Bowe’s tiny backyard. I could hear the ruckus from the busy street a few blocks over, and the squeak of some kind of bug. However, over all those sounds, I could hear my mother trying to keep her cool on the other end of the call.
My mom was most definitely the disciplinarian in our family. She was the rule maker and the regulator. She doled out punishment and made Daire and me face the consequences of our actions when we screwed up. My old man was a bit too unconventional and very much marched to his own rhythm. He often encouraged some of the bad behavior that drove my mother bananas. He didn’t like conformity of any kind, so he was far more lax with us kids when we were young. That wasn’t to say he tolerated any bullshit, but he wasn’t so big on reprimands. He would much rather we learn from our mistakes and figure out how not to make them again on our own. He often told me that experience was the greatest teacher I was ever going to have.
My mom was also a hero.
She saved lives for a living. She was brilliant and probably the most compassionate woman in the whole world. She worked hard, which meant she was often absent from important events, but I never felt like I lacked her time or attention. When she was home, she was solely focused on the family, sometimes to the point of being overbearing. She and my dad obviously had opposite parenting styles, which I guess covered all the bases and needs me and my sister could ever have.
My mom sighed, and I could picture her trying to pick her words carefully. She was a very deliberate and thoughtful woman. She put others first without a thought and hated to hurt anyone. She was also an absolute perfectionist, so when I really thought about it, I realized I took after her a little more than I ever thought. I was sure she was ready to tear me a new one for taking off without a word and for waiting so long to check in, but she knew I was dealing with a flood of new feelings since getting dumped, so she was treading lightly.
“Did you consider what could have happened to you out there on the road all by yourself in the middle of the night? Your truck could’ve broken down and left you stranded. What if you got into an accident? Your dad and I didn’t even know you were gone. We wouldn’t have been able to help you at all if something happened. I’m not upset that you felt like you needed to get away or that you needed space. I’m hurt that you didn’t consider how worried the people who love you would be about you when you dropped off the face of the earth. Your poor sister. Do you know she was in tears until you finally answered the phone? And your cousin.” She signed again. “Your dad and uncle nearly came to blows when he went over there to question Zowen about where you might be. You owe a lot of people an apology, Ry.”
I nodded toward the night even though she couldn’t see me. “I know. I really wasn’t thinking. It all took me by surprise, and I just wanted to put as much space between me and Aston as possible. I didn’t want to do or say something I would regret. I’ll talk to Dad and Uncle Rome tomorrow. I’ll also clear things up with Zowen. Don’t worry.”
She let out a little laugh. “I’m your mom. It is my job to worry about you. I’ll do it until the day I die. It doesn’t matter how grown you are. You’re still my baby.”
I propped an elbow on my knee and leaned forward, frowning into the darkness in front of me. “Mom,” I trailed off as I tried to wrestle my convoluted thoughts into some sort of order. “You’re a doctor.”
The other end of the line went silent for a second before she replied with obvious confusion, “I am. I always have been. But I’ve also always been your mother. What’s your point?”
I gave my head a confused shake. “I don’t know that I have one. I was just thinking about how you’re a doctor, and Dad’s an artist. That’s not only what you both do, but it’s part of who you both are. I don’t think I have something like that, and it sucks. Mostly because I’m not sure how I find something that defines me.”
My mom was quiet for a minute. Again, I knew she was trying to pick the right words rather than just saying anything that might hurt more than it helped. When she did speak, her voice was soft and soothing. It was the same one she used when I was little and scared of the dark or the monsters under the bed.
“There are a lot of things that make me who I am. I’m a doctor. A mother. A wife. An aunt. A friend. A daughter. An advocate. All those little pieces make the whole. I didn’t have them all when I was your age. I collected them one by one as I lived my life and experienced new things. As I grew and learned and taught others. You have some of the pieces of who you’re meant to be already, Ry. Don’t be in such a rush to collect them all too soon. I understand that you really liked Aston and that you were serious about her, but you are both still young. You have so much more to look forward to than just being someone’s boyfriend. Once you’ve had some time to heal this tiny hurt, you’ll recognize that.”
I barked out a startled laugh. Funnily enough, I hadn’t given Aston a second thought since my conversation with Bowe earlier. I was stuck on her question about being a football player. Was it something I was doing because it fulfilled me and made me happy? Or was I playing because it was just what I’d always done, and it made sense? Did I want to be an athlete because it fulfilled some need I had, or just because I didn’t know how to be anything else?
Kind of like being with Aston.
I was starting to wonder if I convinced myself to fall in love with her because it made sense rather than because I was genuinely overwhelmed with feelings for her. It was all pretty damn confusing now that I had the space to step back and look at my failed relationship objectively.
“Yeah. I guess I’ll figure it out. I’ll be back soon. When I’m ready to head home, I promise I’ll give you and dad a heads-up this time and keep you updated along the way.”
She made a relieved sound. “Good. I was worried you were going to go rogue and skip summer training altogether. You’ve worked so hard for so long to give everything up now.”
She didn’t always love that I played football because it meant I got hurt a lot. But she would hate me walking away with no reason even more because she was right. I had dedicated my entire teenage years to being the best player I could be.
“I know. I’m not about to let a bruised heart ruin everything.” I was too stubborn for that, regardless of how confused I felt about everything in my life at the moment.
My mom hummed quietly. “Bruised? Not broken?”
I chuckled at the question and cast a look over my shoulder toward the house. Through the glass door, I could see Bowe sitting in the living room with a guitar in her hands. She had massive headphones on, and she was fully engrossed in whatever she was playing so I could stare at her all I wanted.
“Yeah. I think it might just be bruised. I didn’t realize there was a difference until someone explained it to me. If my heart was really broken, I couldn’t use it anymore, and it seems to be beating just fine under certain circumstances.” Like when Bowe reached up and moved my sunglasses onto my nose earlier. It was beating so fast at that moment, I thought it might break free from my chest.
“Well, that’s good to hear. Jet and Ayden know you’re staying with Bowe at the moment, so be on your best behavior. I have to say, I’m surprised that out of all your friends and family, you picked a sudden trip to Austin to drown your sorrows. You and Bowe have always been kind of combative. She’s the only little girl who didn’t adore you at first sight. She had to warm up to you over time. I thought you drifted apart when she stopped coming to Colorado for the summer a few years back.”
I grunted and climbed to my feet. “We did drift apart, but she’s always stayed in touch with Daire. I can’t explain it. Everyone in Denver is tight with both me and Aston. I knew when they heard we split, they were going to be torn between which one of us they should be trying to make feel better. And they were going to want to know why we suddenly split. Since I can’t even answer that, I just decided to take myself out of the question. Bowe is equally indifferent to me and Aston. She wasn’t going to pick a side to blame or grill me about what happened. I knew she was going to be pissed no matter what the circumstances were. I showed up out of nowhere, and even though she was annoyed, she didn’t turn me away. I wasn’t thinking straight when I started driving, but going to see her was the one thing that made sense.”
My mom made another soft sound, but this one I couldn’t decipher. She sounded like she was holding back her laughter when she told me, “I see. All right, call home if you need anything. I have a million other things I want to say to you, but I know you’re honestly apologetic for making even more of my hair turn white. Never forget that your father and I trust you because you’ve never given us a reason not to. We’re always on your side regardless of what happens in your personal life. We’re going to support the choices you make for your future, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t going to question them along the way.”
I laughed. “Mom, your hair being white has nothing to do with me.” It really didn’t. Both her and my sister were so blond their hair often looked white in the right lighting. “I’ll talk to you later. Tell Dad I’ll call him tomorrow.”
I hung up as she was hollering that she loved me. She never ended a call or let me leave the house without those words. I heard them so often they usually went in one ear and out the other, but tonight they resonated. It was never good to take someone’s love for granted. There was no guarantee that the love or the person sharing it would be there the next time you needed it. It should be treated as something precious and delicate. Not like something indefinite. I pushed to my feet, shooting a quick text to my mom telling her I loved her, too, before heading back into the house.
I paused mid-step when I heard what Bowe was playing.
Looking at her and knowing her lineage, it would be easy to assume she favored loud, aggressive punk rock or heavy metal music. And while she had definitely experimented with those sounds when she was younger, she really settled into a more indie, alternative sound that leaned more heavily on her songwriting. From the little I’d heard when Daire forced me to listen to whatever it was Bowe was working on, it all sounded moody and melodic. The lyrics were always deeply personal and touched on whatever was going on in her head at the time, as well as the state of the world. Even when I didn’t understand her and she seemed like an alien, I could get a bit of insight if I listened long enough to the music she made.
I made my way into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I was going to ask her if she needed anything, but I doubted she could hear me with those headphones on. I sent her a text and waited near the fridge in case she was going to reply. To my surprise, a moment later, she put the guitar down and walked over to prop herself up on the other side of the long counter that separated the living room from the kitchen.
Bowe nodded when I asked her if she wanted a water. She awkwardly caught it when I threw it to her. I grinned at the near-fumble as she made a face at me.
“I’m not one of your teammates. It’s not my second nature to catch whatever you throw.” She cranked the top off and gave me a curious look. “Everything okay at home? Your dad isn’t going to show up and drag you home, is he?” Her eyes widened as she let out a fake gasp. “He’s not going to make my dad do it, is he?”
Her question surprised a chuckle out of me. “Your dad is too nice to drag anyone anywhere.”
“You’re right. But my mom isn’t, and she would do anything your mom asked her to do.”
It was true. My mom and her mom took being best friends to a whole new level. They were as close as sisters, and there wasn’t a move one made that the other didn’t know about, regardless of the distance between them. They even managed to stay super close despite their own crazy-busy careers and growing families.
“You ever wonder why our parents are still as good of friends as they are? Do you think it’s weird they have all these friends from when they were our age that they still keep in touch and do things with all the time? Don’t people usually outgrow those friendships as they get older and their lives take them in different directions? I’ve often wondered what happened when they were young that made them determined to keep their friendship alive and made them believe all their kids should be just as close as they are.” I leaned on the counter across from her, tapping my fingers on the surface.
Bowe lifted a shoulder and let it fall. The motion caused her oversized t-shirt to slip off her shoulder. I told myself not to stare, but my eyes didn’t listen to the stern warning. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the elegant and sexy bend where her neck met her collarbone. Her skin was a pretty golden color that set off her warm, golden eyes. She looked like she’d been dipped in honey, and this wasn’t the first time in my life that I wanted a taste.
“Both my folks had shitty childhoods. My grandparents on both sides are trash. The twins and I have never been allowed to have anything to do with them. I think when our parents were young, they really only had each other to rely on. They found family with each other because their real families let them down pretty consistently.”
“I guess that makes sense. Daire and I see our grandparents on my dad’s side all the time, but the ones on mom’s only like once or twice a year. They’re so uptight. It’s never a very good time.” I pulled my eyes off her bare skin and cleared my throat. “Don’t let me interrupt you. As you’ve so kindly reminded me, I wasn’t invited to stay here. I don’t want to get in your way or infringe on your time. You can keep practicing or whatever. I’ll play a game on my phone or something and stay out of your hair.”
She reached up and fiddled with the ends of her ponytail while averting her gaze. “Did you hear any of what I was playing?”
She seemed nervous, which was very much not like her, especially when it came to music.
“I caught the end of it.”
“What do you think? This is the first time I’ve written music with an actual band. It’s normally just me and a guitar. Having all the other instruments and the opinions of the other musicians is a whole different experience.” It was her turn to tap her fingers on the counter. “I always wanted to be in a band like my dad, but I guess I didn’t realize how challenging it could be.”
I lifted my chin a bit and looked down at her consideringly. “It sounded good. But I only heard your part. I think everything I’ve heard you play sounds pretty good. I’d have to hear the whole song or the whole band play to tell you if I liked it beyond your part. You’re very pretty and obnoxiously talented. You have that certain something that makes people want to watch you and listen to whatever you’re saying. You pull people in without trying. I don’t know why you need to be in a band. You could be successful all on your own.”
She seemed to be pondering the words when she had a lightbulb moment. Suddenly, she reached across the space, separating us, and grabbed my bicep.
“Come to practice with me the next time I go, if you’re still here. You can listen to a couple of songs and leave. You don’t have to stay long. I’ve had a few friends swing by to get their opinion, but I know you’ll be honest. You won’t be nice just to avoid hurting my feelings. Please, Ry. I really need the feedback before we start playing in front of big groups of people. We’ve had a few small gigs here and there, but we’re about to open for a pretty well-known local band at the end of the month. I don’t want to be embarrassed. I don’t want to stumble before I even get started.”
I was taken aback by the request. I had no idea she trusted me or my input that much. In the past, she always acted like she couldn’t care less about my opinion on any subject. Like when I told her I wasn’t sure hooking up was a good idea, she informed me that I was an idiot and refused to listen to my reasons.
“Sure. I’ll go with you and listen to your band. I wasn’t planning on heading home tomorrow anyway.”
She bounced up and down on her toes and clapped her hands together, looking happier than I’d seen her in a while.
I really hoped the rest of the band didn’t suck, because I didn’t want to stomp all over her dreams and enthusiasm. She already had a lot to hold against me. I didn’t want to stack the deck even more, not when it finally felt like some of the distance she’d forced between us had started to fade.
The last thing I wanted was for her to be out of reach all over again. I realized suddenly it shouldn’t be so easy to reach for one girl while I was supposed to be letting another one go.
But here I was, doing exactly that.