Fortunate Son by Jay Crownover

Ry

THE ICE-SKATING RINK was cold, but not any colder than an average Colorado night in the fall. I still rubbed my hands together as my fingers tingled with the chill. I was surprised when my dad’s friend and business partner, Rowdy St. James, showed up the other day without Glory. But today was the first time I’d seen her in well over a year. She was right between Daire and Bowe in the age lineup, and since she’d gone to the same school as my sister and me until her family moved to Texas, I always considered her a bonus little sister. She was the younger sibling of my heart since she and I actually had the most in common since we were both serious athletes. She wasn’t quite as much of a perfectionist as I was, but maybe that was because she was already ranked close to the top in her sport, and I was still making my way there. Glory didn’t seem to have doubts about what she was doing and all she’d sacrificed to get where she was.

I couldn’t say the same thing at the moment.

“Are you sure you can’t go with me to see Bowe’s band? I think it would mean a lot to her to have as much support as possible there.”

I took the bottle of water she handed me and watched as she flipped a long, glossy black braid over her shoulder. Glory was the perfect blend of her mom and dad. Her mother was Hispanic, and her dad was all-American handsome, minus all the tattoos and his unusual retro style. Glory had dark hair and golden-toned skin. She was tiny, like most professional figure skaters, but built on the curvier side. Her eyes were an odd mix of blue-green and dark brown that most would call hazel, but that was too boring of a way to describe them, if you asked me. She had an irreverent sense of humor and was a little oblivious to what was going on around her at times. She was so focused on being a world champion and a gold medal winner, she often forgot what it was like to be a normal young woman. She seemed far older than her years a lot of the time, and she had no clue she was a total heartbreaker.

I guess it was a good thing her little brother was the total opposite of her. Just like Daire and I. Elio was the comedian of our group. He didn’t take anything too seriously and thought everything and everyone was fair game for a joke or a prank. There was enough of an age difference between him and me that we’d never been in the same school together. But I remembered Daire constantly griping about his antics, even though he was a grade younger than her. She liked to pretend she was irritated by his mere existence, but she took it the hardest of all us kids when the St. James’ left for Texas, and she was the happiest when Rowdy brought the family back to Denver any chance he got.

Glory rapped her glittery nails on the edge of the hard bench where we were sitting next to the ice rink. I’d texted to let her know I was in town after her dad told me she was practicing for some huge qualifier competition. He told me that he hadn’t even seen her in a couple weeks and if I wanted to spend time with her before I headed home, I was going to need to go to where she was practicing. He was obviously very proud of her, but also worried that she was pushing herself too hard. It reminded me of the way my own father talked about me.

She sounded genuinely remorseful as she told me, “I can’t. I have to run through my entire program every single night for the next two weeks with my coach. I’ve been having some trouble landing one of my spins on its own, so I need to make sure I nail it down and not let it ruin my entire routine. I really don’t have any free time between now and the competition. I did take a night off and go to one of her practices when she asked me, though. I told her they sounded fine and that she was going to kill it. I didn’t get home until three o’clock in the morning. I typically get up around five and head to the gym before practice. I was dying the whole day after.” She fiddled with the water bottle in her free hand. “She seemed nervous when I was there. I know this show means a lot to her, but it was weird. I don’t think of Bowe as being anything other than totally confident. She’s always been so certain she was going to be a star. Even more than I was sure I was going to be an Olympian one day.”

I crunched the plastic between my palms and looked out at the smooth surface of the rink. “She’s confident in herself and her ability. But I don’t know that deep down, she has as much faith in her band. Which is why I was hoping you might be able to come and support her.”

Glory hummed lightly and turned her head to look at me. “You know, in all the years we’ve been friends, you’ve never once asked me—or any of the rest of us—to come and cheer for you during one of your games. Not when you played in high school, or even when you made it to a bowl game your freshman year of college. But you always tried to come and watch me skate when you could. And I know you made it to more of Zowen’s soccer games than he did to yours. Now, you’re trying to rally the troops to make sure Bowe isn’t up on that stage without a support system. Have you ever wondered why you’re so worried about everyone else instead of yourself?”

I balked and nearly dropped the empty water bottle. “We’re all friends. We grew up together. We know each other better than anyone else does. Why shouldn’t we all support one another? Isn’t that what friends do?”

“Of course. However, should we do that at the expense of our own priorities and needs? How often did Aston come and see you play, Ry? She was your girlfriend for two years. You gave her anything and everything she could ever want in a boyfriend. What did she give you in return over that time?” Glory wrinkled her nose, making the faint freckles that lived there twitch cutely. “Who’s there to hold you up when it’s your turn to lean on someone?”

I crunched the bottle into a small cube and squeezed it until my knuckles turned white. “You heard Aston and I broke up? Word travels fast. Did my sister tell you?”

She shook her head, sending her dark hair slithering over her shoulder. “No. Royce actually called me. He asked me to check in on you since you were in Austin. I told him I didn’t have time, but I was pretty sure Bowe would take care of you. She always has.” Her odd midnight-blue and brown eyes stared into mine. “I never thought you and Aston made much sense. I told her the same thing when you guys started dating. Neither one of you wanted to listen to the warnings.”

I scowled at her. “What do you mean? Everyone else thought we were a perfect match.” Including me.

“Exactly. You and Aston are a matched set. When you’re with someone, when you plan on giving them your time and your energy, when you make room in your life for them, they’re supposed to make you better. They’re supposed to bring something more to what you already have. You and Aston were so evenly matched, all you did is reflect the same image back to one another. There was nothing new there for either of you to see or learn from. Before you asked her out and you guys started dating, neither one of you ever showed any signs of interest. It was like, BAM, you were suddenly in love overnight and planning a whole, crazy-unrealistic future together. It was odd, but everyone respects you so much and just figures you know best, no one really questioned it. Maybe we should’ve.” She cocked her head to the side and gave me a knowing look. “You’ve always wondered why Daire and your dad are so similar, and why you struggle to connect with him. Maybe that’s because you take after your mom so much. My mom always tells me how different your folks are from one another. Your dad doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about anything. Your mom spent a lot of time when she was your age trying to make all the wrong people happy. You could be looking for yourself in the shadow of the wrong parent.”

I lifted a hand and put my index finger on the center of her forehead, gently pushing her head back. “When did you become an expert on love and relationships? The only committed relationship you’ve ever had is with your ice skates.” It was easier to tease her than admit she might have a very good point about why I remained lost no matter how much effort I put into perfecting myself.

Glory lifted an elegant shoulder and let it fall. Even the careless gesture looked graceful and fluid when she did it. “I pay attention to the people around me. I have to so I know who I’m competing against, what their weaknesses and strengths are. But also, you know I have a hard time relating to people my own age. I’m awkward, so I watch and learn. I’m trying to mimic the proper way to react in most situations. Plus, Aston has always talked to me when she’s sad. I think it’s because I don’t have much to say back. I knew she was having a hard time before the two of you split. I felt like she was looking for someone to give her permission to break up with you. I told her to do it. She wasn’t doing either of you any favors by staying in a relationship where she wasn’t happy.” She looked away and dropped her water bottle so she could wring her long fingers together. “I could be wrong, but I think if the two of you ever sit down and have a real, honest talk about how you got together and why you broke up, you’re both going to realize you have feelings for someone else and the people you were trying to force into a relationship aren’t reflective of who either or you really are.”

I leaned back as if her words had packed an actual punch. “What in the hell are you talking about, Glory?”

Sure, there were girls before Aston. None that mattered, though. Well… except for Bowe. Even now, she still seemed like the most important girl in my whole world. I felt like I should have examined why that was much sooner than right now.

Glory sighed and smoothed a hand down her long braid. “I’m sorry. That was rude. You know sometimes I speak before I think. I’m just saying there is a reason you came to Austin as soon as you were single. And there’s a reason Aston feels like she needs to get out of Denver as fast as she can.” She reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. “If you were running toward someone else, don’t you think it’s possible she may be running away from someone?”

I was baffled. “Who?”

It was arrogant to think that way, but I knew I was the best. Who was better than me? There was no one. Was there?

Glory shrugged again. She climbed to her feet and held out a small hand. “Well, you wanted to be with someone who is totally different from you to make you feel better. If she struggled with the same kind of conflicting feelings, who do you think is Aston’s opposite in nearly every single way? Who’s the last person she would let herself fall in love with because it doesn’t make any sense on paper?”

I let her tug me to my feet and followed her off the raised seats toward the floor as I turned her words over and over in my mind. It was a complicated question, because I wasn’t sure if she was talking about a stranger or someone closer. Though, I doubted Aston would feel like she had to escape to California if she had feelings for someone none of us knew. If her heart wandered, it hadn’t gone far.

“Put on a pair of skates and let me spin circles around you for a little bit.” She shook my arm up and down, where she still clutched my hand. “I can only be on break for a little while longer. It’ll be fun.”

I grunted and pulled my hand free. “Your dad took me to the ground the other day when we tossed the ball around. I don’t think my tailbone can handle another hard landing so soon.” I needed to make it back to summer training in one piece, and mostly functional, or my coaches would have my ass. They were already pissed I’d skipped out on helping with the prep-camp with no warning. “I play football, sweets, not hockey.”

She laughed and reached down to take the guards off the blades of her skates. “Dad said he was limping when I talked to him yesterday. It sounds like you gave as good as you got. I’m going to get back on the ice. I’d tell you that I’ll try to make time to see you before you leave, but that isn’t true. I’m too busy. But I will call Bowe and wish her luck on her performance. When is it again?”

I rolled my eyes and let her use my forearm for balance as she tossed the guards aside and glided toward the opening to the rink. “It’s tonight.”

“Oh.” She blinked in surprise. “Then, I guess I’ll call her tomorrow and ask her how it all went.” Glory turned and gave me a tight hug before stepping onto the ice. “Take care of yourself, Ry. Or better yet, find someone who will take care of you. You deserve it.”

As soon as I let her go, she glided away like some kind of ethereal creature not of this world. I watched her whip around the rink for a few minutes before I headed back into the Texas sun. I sent Bowe a text asking her if she wanted me to pick up anything to eat on my way back to her place. She messaged back that she was at practice one last time before the show tonight. She reminded me that I was on the guest list, so I didn’t need a ticket to get in. I asked her if she wanted me to show up early to help haul her gear in, and she said the guys in the band would handle it.

With nothing to do for several hours, I drove around in a daze, trying to put the pieces of the word puzzle Glory dropped on me together.

She wasn’t wrong that me and Aston becoming a couple had happened out of the blue. It wasn’t like there was a build-up of feelings that neither of us could deny over a long period. Since her brother and I were friends, and she was always hanging around Daire, she was always just there. I couldn’t remember when I started to notice her as something more than a cute kid. It was more like, after things blew up between me and Bowe, and she left me behind without a backward glance, I realized I needed to be with someone the exact opposite of her. Someone calm. Someone rational. Someone who didn’t make me feel like I was going crazy when I was with her, and even crazier when I was without her. Being with Aston was easy, and I was just now understanding why that might be more of a problem than I ever imagined.

I went back to Bowe’s house and showered and changed. I wasn’t sure I had the kind of wardrobe one wore to an indie rock show, even when I had access to all my clothing. It seemed even less likely I would blend in with the crowd when I was working with limited options. Nonetheless, I did my best to make sure I looked good and wouldn’t embarrass Bowe, since she was the one who put my name on the list. That little consideration felt like a pretty big deal for some reason. Rarely did I have to work at making sure I was presentable. My face did all the work for me. But this situation seemed more important than just one old friend going to support another.

I wouldn’t be able to explain exactly why if I was asked, though.

The parking lot was packed when I arrived at the venue. Bowe told me more places were showcasing live music in Austin than almost any other city in the US. According to her, this was a midsized space that catered to more of an all-ages crowd rather than wild nightlife seekers. It made sense since Bowe and the keyboardist were both barely in their twenties. I wasn’t sure how it worked when you were underage but were part of a band that played in bars and nightclubs. I doubted that a technicality was something that slowed Bowe down. She wasn’t the type who let rules dictate what she was and wasn’t allowed to do, or where she was allowed to chase her dreams, before now.

There was a line of what looked like mostly college kids around my age already gathered in the front of the single-story brick building. They were filtering through a set of metal doors that looked like they were designed to come off an old barn as two very tattooed, burly-looking older men scanned their phones and checked IDs.

I wandered around until I found another door on the backside of the building in an alley that the bands and staff used. Bowe told me there would be someone there with the friends and family list that would let me in the venue, so I didn’t have to wait in the line out front.

I had to wait behind a group of giggling girls and a couple of biker-looking dudes before it was my turn to give my name and be ushered inside. There was already loud music playing and the sound of excited voices banging against one another. It was dark as I navigated the back hallway to the open floor space where a crowd started gathering. I kept an eye out for Bowe’s dad because I planned on saying hi if we bumped into one another. My mom texted more than once, reminding me I should stop by and see Bowe’s parents before I headed home. I wanted to see them; it just felt a little weird since they knew I was staying with Bowe at her new place. Or maybe I was the one making it weird since my intentions toward their oldest daughter hadn’t always been exactly pure and innocent.

I didn’t see Jet anywhere as I found a spot near a wall with a good view of the smallish stage. There was a high cocktail table I could lean on. Even if Jet was here, he was probably keeping a low profile. He wasn’t as famous as he was back when he was my age, but he was still really well-known, especially in the local music scene. There was no way he would want to steal Bowe’s thunder or make her even more anxious than she already was. I’d have to wait until after the show was over to find him, or for him to come and find me.

I declined the company of a couple of co-eds and had an awkward conversation with a middle-aged man in a Longhorns t-shirt who was positive he recognized me. He asked if I played football for a local college and looked disappointed when I told him I didn’t. I could see he was gearing up for a full-on sports conversation, but fortunately, the dim lights lowered as Bowe and the rest of the band made their way on stage.

The man moved away and merged with the rest of the crowd as Bowe and Nyle stepped up to the waiting microphones. Bowe looked great. Her black and purple hair fell down past her shoulders in a very sleek style. She had on a pair of very short camo-print shorts over torn fishnets. Those boots that laced up to her knees were back, and I thought it was kind of adorable in a very Bowe-type way that she was wearing a distressed tank top with her dad’s band logo on it. The shirt was tied up at her waist and hung off one shoulder, showing not only her pretty golden skin, but also a decent amount of the black, studded bra she had on underneath. It wasn’t a look I would ever find sexy on anyone else, but on her, it all worked, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

She smiled at the gathered crowd as she situated her guitar. I could tell she was nervous by how tightly she held onto the neck of the instrument. She breathed into the microphone in front of her, and the sound filled the room. She laughed a little, and it was so infectious and cute, it had the entire crowd laughing along.

“Hi, everyone. Thanks for coming out tonight to hear us play. Everyone in the band is a big fan of Cathouse Hotel. We were seriously honored when they asked us to open for them. It’s going to be such a good show. We’re Wayward Victory, and we’re excited to play a few songs for you.”

“You’re so hot!” The compliment was screamed by someone in the audience, and a round of catcalls went up in agreement.

Bowe didn’t lose her smile, but her knuckles turned so white I could see them even with the distance between us.

Instead of responding, she looked over her shoulder to the drummer, who immediately counted them down. A moment later, one of the songs they’d played for me in the rehearsal space filled the venue. It definitely sounded better tonight and had all the heads around me bobbing along. A few dudes who looked like they belonged to a frat, who were clearly only here for the headliners, kept shouting rude comments toward Bowe, but otherwise, everyone else seemed to be really enjoying their set. Bowe visibly relaxed by the end of the second song and started to find her vibe. She looked right at home up on the stage, and by the end of their set, she had every single person in that venue eating out of her talented hand. A girl from somewhere toward the front of the stage screamed, “Will you marry me?!”

Bowe finally flashed a real smile as she replied she would think about it. She thanked the crowd and the headlining band again, and I saw her eyes scan the crowd. I had no clue if she was looking for me or her dad, but when our eyes met, she cocked her head a little, and her smile turned into something that looked more like a smirk, indicating she saw me.

I was proud of her. It was fun to see her getting a chance to live out her dreams. But, if she asked me, I would tell her the same thing I did when I listened to the band rehearse. She was better than the other three combined. She stole the show. All eyes were on her, and not just because she was the lead singer. She was mesmerizing. Her voice was light and airy, but with enough of a growl to make it unique. It was obvious the other three people on stage with her were just there to back her up. She carried every single song, and I still thought they would all sound better if she played them by herself.

I started to make my way through the crowd, which had doubled in size for the headlining act. I was trying to make my way backstage so I could talk to Bowe before the other band started playing. I was sure she was going to want to stay and watch them, but I was ready to call it a night. I was still reeling from my conversation with Glory earlier, and I told myself I was going home after I watched Bowe play. There was a lot on my mind, and I wasn’t up for the crush of people and the noise of the crowd anymore.

I never made it backstage.

Just as I was about to reach the hallway hidden behind a heavy red velvet curtain that was now being guarded by a bouncer, Bowe’s head popped out between the part in the fabric. Her eyes widened when she saw me. She tapped the bouncer on the shoulder and said something, and he waved me back without a second glance. Before I could ask her what she was doing or congratulate her, she locked her fingers around my wrist and practically dragged me out the side door I’d entered.

“Where did you park?” She nearly growled the question at me and noticed she seemed to be shaking a little where she was holding me.

“Uh…a couple blocks over in a paid lot. Why?” I tugged on my hand, but she didn’t let go. “What’s the rush? Shouldn’t you wait to see your dad? He’s going to want to tell you that you did great tonight.”

She didn’t even turn her head. “I want you to take me home.”

I frowned and tugged even harder on my wrist. “I can do that, but do you want to tell me why? I thought for sure you’d stick around for the other band.”

“I just… need to get out of here, especially before I run into my dad. I need something to distract me before I lose my mind.” She finally looked at me, her long hair sliding sensuously across her shoulders and arms. “I want you to take me home so we can have sex. I think that’s literally the only thing that will make me forget what happened on that stage right now.”

I jerked to a stop and pulled my arm hard enough that she had no choice but to whip around and look at me. My heart was in my throat at her words, and there was a rush of blood out of my brain that went right to my dick at the images and memories her declaration brought to mind.

“You were mad at me a few days ago because I kissed you. Now, you want to sleep together? You gotta make it make sense, Bowe.” I wanted so badly to take her up on her offer, but I had a feeling that if I did, she’d start to hate me all over again once she came back to her senses. I didn’t want to lose the minimal progress I’d made with her since showing up unannounced.

She lifted a hand like she was going to touch my face, but let it drop at the last second. She dropped my arm like my skin was suddenly covered in thorns. “If you don’t want to do it, I can find someone else who will. It’s not that hard to catch a willing dick, Ry.”

I could tell by the set of her jaw and glint in her eyes, she was serious. I didn’t know what went wrong, but I did know she was stubborn and reckless enough to get into trouble when she was this worked up.

And the reality was, the idea of her picking up some strange man and doing God knows what with him just because she was upset made my blood hot and my skin prickle.

So really, there was only one option.

“Fine. Let’s have sex. But you have to tell me why on the ride home, and you aren’t allowed to freeze me out again afterward.” I bent down so we were eye to eye. “Promise me, Bowe. You aren’t allowed to try and forget about me anymore if we do this.” That had hurt worse than knowing she hated me, because at least if she hated me, she was still thinking about me.

Slowly, she nodded. This time she reached for my hand and held it like we were heading somewhere together instead of one pulling the other along behind them.

Unlike that kiss the other night, this didn’t feel as much like getting blasted back to the past as it felt like being launched into the future. The kind of future I never dared to imagine because it seemed both impossible and ridiculous. The future I screwed up before I even got a chance to start it because I was scared out of my mind about how deeply and intensely this girl made me care about her from the start.

It was shocking how this felt like something totally new and untouched by everything that had come before it.

It felt like a chance to start over and right all the wrongs we’d stumbled through together.