Cold Dark Heart by Julie Kriss

Twenty-Three

Andie

It was a beautiful day,one of the first really warm days of spring, as I left the café and got into my car. The Colorado sky was a clear, blinding blue with barely a cloud in sight. The landscape was starting to turn green. In the distance, the mountains stood majestic and unchanged. I’d lived in Colorado all my life, and on days like this I knew I never planned to leave.

I fished through my purse for my sunglasses. I’d just had lunch with Ginny Newtown, the owner of Newtown Brewing. It was supposed to be a business lunch to discuss the payments I was making on our account, as well as the new products Newtown was going to roll out for summer. I hadn’t needed to bring Damon, since I didn’t need any protection from Ginny. I’d left him at the Wild, and it was just her and me.

She’d looked me up and down when I came to our table, and said, “Hottie Bodyguard, huh? Girl, you’re having fun.”

“Is it that obvious?” I’d asked, pulling out my chair.

“Oh, honey.” She shook her head. “Let’s order.”

We’d talked business for all of five minutes, and we’d spent the rest of lunch talking about…everything. Books, movies, motherhood—Ginny had a son and a daughter, both in their late teens and headed to college. We talked about the booze business and Salt Springs and house prices and where to buy the best coffee. Before I knew it, lunch had lasted two hours and my stomach ached from laughing so much.

We didn’t talk about Terry. Except for that first greeting, we didn’t even talk about Damon or my sex life. From one look at me, Ginny knew everything she needed to know. I have an actual friend, I thought with wonder as I got in my car. And as much as I hated that he still took up space in my head, my next thought was that Terry would have hated me having a two-hour lunch with Ginny, a woman who wouldn’t sleep with him. He’d make nasty, belittling jokes about it—two hours swapping makeup tips, huh? Does it really take that long to talk about lipstick?—until he wore me down, and the next time Ginny asked me to lunch, I’d say no.

For a second I felt like screaming and crying, because fuck Terry. Fuck all the times he’d made me feel less than enough. Fuck all the years he’d taken from me. Fuck all the horrible things he’d said.

I had the feeling these moments of rage would be with me for a while, but for now, this one passed. Terry was gone forever. We were legally divorced. The West was mine, my money was mine, my decisions were mine, and my future was mine. I could have as many two-hour lunches as I wanted with whoever I wanted.

And yes, I could have hot sex with my security consultant on my desk at work. I started the car and turned on the air conditioning, because every time I thought about that wild banging session even now, a week later, my body overheated. Holy hell, that had been amazing. And risky. And fun.

I pulled out my phone and texted Damon, who was at the Wild. Lunch went long. Everything okay?

All good,was his reply. New cash drawer being installed. The guys are almost finished.

The latest upgrade at the bar was to the cash register, which until now had been opened by a simple switch. Honestly, anyone could have gotten into that thing—I had no idea what Terry was thinking. Damon was having it replaced with a proper cash drawer that could only be opened when an authorized employee was using the register, using a security code. Just one of the many things my hot security consultant was doing for me.

Since the day on my desk, we hadn’t been able to get together again. It turned out that being a single mom, while also being a single woman who was having sex with a hot lover, was complicated to schedule. As it was, because of my long lunch, Miles’s school day was over soon and he’d be heading home. He’d had his bicycle privileges suspended for a month because of the drinking incident, and he was taking the school bus with all of the other kids. He’d be home by four. And because we were both making an effort right now, I needed to be home at four, too.

This wouldn’t be forever. Someday, Miles would earn my trust again and we’d figure out new rules so he could have some of the freedom he craved. But for now—and especially until his grades came back up before the school year ended—we both had to put the work in to make our family feel whole again.

It was important. But it poured cold water onto my sex life. It was an unsolvable problem.

As I was about to put the car in gear, my phone rang. It was my father. I stayed parked, turned off the car, and answered him. “Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, honey. Where’s Miles?”

He asked me this every time we talked lately, as if since the drinking incident, I was at constant risk of misplacing my son. “Since it’s the middle of a school day, he’s in school,” I replied.

“Did he re-take the English test?”

“Yesterday. He doesn’t have his marks back yet.”

“I hope they’re good. I want him to get into a good college.”

Was it worth pointing out that at thirteen, Miles’s English test marks would have nothing to do with college? No, it wasn’t. Was it worth pointing out that my dad had never once suggested I go to college? Also no.

All of this should make me crazy, but for some reason, today I just shrugged it off. My dad was my dad. He and Miles loved each other a lot. That was all that really mattered. “What’s this call about?” I asked.

“I was calling to remind you about the lake weekend.”

“That’s next weekend.”

“No, it’s this weekend.”

I sat up straighter in the driver’s seat. I knew my calendar by heart, and I definitely had the lake weekend down as next weekend. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. The guys and I have been planning it all week. I want to pick up Miles at six o’clock on Friday.”

The lake weekend was an annual thing in which a group of cops, and former cops like my dad, went to a nearby lake, three hours away, to stay in a cluster of cabins there. They went fishing and boating and went feral, coming back smelling awful. They also brought their sons.

It was a true guys’ weekend, and my father had started bringing Miles last year. Miles had loved it.

I’d thought they were going next weekend, but somehow I had the date wrong. They were going this weekend, which meant—

I was going to be home alone. All weekend.

“Of course you can pick him up!” I practically shouted at my dad. “That sounds great!”

“Are you okay, Andie? You sound overexcited.”

“I am excited! For Miles. I told him the wrong date, so this is going to be a pleasant surprise for him. He’s going to be so happy!”

“Well, okay.” Dad still sounded confused. “Just make sure to tell him when he gets home from school. And there are a few things you need to pick up for him. Sunscreen and bug spray and such.”

“I’ll get right on it!” I couldn’t keep the cheer from my voice. “Such good news!”

“What will you do all weekend?”

“Oh, I’ll catch up on paperwork. Tax time and all. I’ll wear my jammies and watch Netflix. I’ll be just fine.”

Smooth, Andie. So smooth. You got this.

“Better you than me,” Dad grumbled. “Talk to you later.”

We had barely hung up when I called Damon. He picked up right away.

“Hey, Andie.” I knew from his neutral tone that he was in the bar, probably within earshot of other people. He sounded calm and businesslike.

I had the sudden urge to say something scandalous and completely filthy in his ear, to see if I could shake him. I started with: “I just heard some good news.”

“Yeah?”

“I thought Miles was going away with his grandfather next weekend. I had it wrong. He’s going away with his grandfather this weekend instead. From Friday all the way to Sunday.”

There was a pause, loaded with significance. Then Damon said, “That’s very good news for Miles.”

He was definitely in earshot of other people. “As soon as he leaves, I’m going to get naked,” I said. “I’m going to…” I wasn’t any good at dirty talk. I’d never practiced. But I decided to try. “I’m going to lie in bed, and I’m going to put my hand between my legs, and I’m going to rub myself. It’s going to feel so good. But I’m going to be lonely.”

There was a strangled cough on the other end of the line.

“Damon?”

“I’m listening.”

“I’m going to be naked all weekend. Do you plan to join me?”

“I’m pretty sure I can clear my schedule, yes.”

“Good to hear it. Eight o’clock Friday night. My place.”

“Got it, boss.”

I hung up smiling. I had just over an hour before Miles would be home from school. I could drop by the Wild, try and get a little work done. Or I could go home early and put a load of laundry in, clean the house.

In the end, I didn’t do either of those things.

I went lingerie shopping instead.