Cold Dark Heart by Julie Kriss

Twenty-Five

Damon

She’d killed me.I lay with my eyes closed, flickering in and out of a decadently satisfied doze as Andie went to the bathroom to clean up. I should probably be gentlemanly and help her, but I wasn’t entirely sure my legs worked anymore.

When she got back into bed with me, the lace teddy was gone and she was naked. Her dark curls were deliciously tangled, her lips reddened. She was a living fantasy, and she had no idea.

She pulled the sheet over both of us and propped herself on one elbow, looking down at me. “Are you okay?” she asked, a smile curving her lips.

“I’m great,” I said, meaning it. “I am very fucking great.” I’d just been mauled by a wild woman, and I’d loved every second of it. In this moment, I was a happy man. We’re a lot simpler than women think.

“Good,” Andie said. “I think I should warn you about something.”

“What?”

She bit her lip briefly, then plunged forward. “I was married for a long time. We’re not going to talk about that. But let me just say that there are some things I never got to try. And I’d like to.”

That woke me up all the way. “You want to try things? Like what?”

“I’ve put some thought into it. I can make a list if you want.”

She had a list of sexual experiments? Only Andie. “Jesus. I think I’ll have to join a gym. The running isn’t going to cut it.”

She nudged me with her elbow. “Well, you’d have to agree to everything first. That’s why I suggested the list.”

I shook my head. “I’m trying to think of something you could suggest that I’d say no to. Nothing comes to mind.”

“That’s very sweet. I just think, what if there’s something I haven’t tried yet that I’d really like? I would like to find out. But only with you.”

I propped a hand behind my head and looked up at her. It better be only with me, I thought. What I said was, “Whatever you want, we’ll do.”

After all the talk of sex, that made her blush. “Well, I’m not done yet,” she said. “I’d also like you to meet Miles.”

“I’ve already met Miles.”

“I mean meet him properly. Come for dinner, but actually get dinner this time.” She paused. “That is, if you’re planning to stay in Salt Springs.”

I watched her closely, seeing the nervousness stealing into her expression. “You’re asking me to be your boyfriend.”

“I guess so. I mean—it isn’t—if you’re not—”

“Hold on, Andie.” I scrubbed a hand through my hair, thinking. I had to be careful here. It was one thing for a woman to ask you to be in a relationship. It was another thing for that woman to want you to get to know her son. No mother took that decision lightly.

The fact that she’d suggested it meant Andie was serious.

Was I serious?

When it came to Andie, I was very fucking serious. I just wasn’t sure she should be serious about me.

“What is it?” Her voice quavered. Great—I’d freaked her out. The sex had made me stupid. I needed to think, or I’d lose her forever.

“I’m not sure you know all the bad things about me,” I explained. “You should have all the information before you make a decision like this.”

Andie frowned. “You told me you used to do drugs. Years ago.”

“I said I was an addict,” I corrected her. “I was. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, both. I sold drugs so I could make money to buy more drugs. If I hadn’t quit, I would have died. I quit, but addicts are never cured. They’re addicts forever. I still go to meetings here in Salt Springs.”

“You do?”

I nodded. “Every Thursday night. I hadn’t been for a while, but quitting smoking shook a few things loose. I needed to start going again.”

“I’m not going to apologize for that,” Andie said. “You needed to quit.”

“You’re right, I did. I just want to be clear what you’re dealing with here. You also don’t know everything that happened with my brother, Alex.”

Now she looked surprised. “You have a brother?”

“Yes. And he hates me. Or he did for a long time. Maybe he still does. Neither of us really knows.”

She tried to process this. “Okay. I’m going to need some backstory.”

I didn’t want to tell her. Not now, not ever. But this was Andie, and I needed to man up and tell the story. If we got serious, she’d find out about Alex sooner or later. One of the things you learn when you’re a recovering addict is that shit like this doesn’t go away just because you ignore it. It only gets worse.

I let out a breath, running my hands through my hair again. “When we were around twenty, Alex met a woman named Kat. They were crazy about each other. Perfect for each other. They were really happy. Everyone could see they were going to get married.”

Andie sounded wary. “Okay. And?”

“And I wanted to ruin it, so I tried to sleep with Kat.”

“Tried?”

“Yes, tried. She said no. Still, Alex was pissed that I was trying, which he should be. We got in a fight one night, and it got physical. He beat me up good. I could have just let it drop, but I pressed charges. He went to prison for a while.”

“Oh, my God.”

“Let me finish, because it gets worse. When Alex got out of jail, I told him I’d slept with Kat while he was inside. He believed me. They got divorced.”

Andie’s eyes were narrowed as she listened to this. “I take it your claim was a lie.”

“Yes, it was. Kat never wanted me, only my brother. I’ve never even touched her. But I wrecked what my brother had, and I did it on purpose. And after that, he hated me. I assume Kat did, too. I hadn’t spoken to Alex for thirteen years until I went to Texas to see him right before I came to Salt Springs.”

“I see,” Andie said. “And how did that reunion go?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. He didn’t kill me. I didn’t kill him. He and Kat got back together, got married for the second time. They invited me to the wedding in Italy. I didn’t go.”

There was a long silence. “I have questions,” Andie said. “So many questions.”

I tried not to wince. “Go ahead.”

“Why?” her voice was surprisingly gentle. “Why did you do it? Were you in love with her?”

“With Kat?” Jesus, was that what it sounded like? That Kat was some kind of love of my life? “No. I wasn’t in love with Kat. She’s a great woman, don’t get me wrong. She’s sexy and smart and her legs go for miles.”

“Okay, okay. I get it.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little as I looked at her face. Jealousy looked sexy on her. “You know what I mean. Kat is fantastic—for Alex. They’re made for each other. I’ve been alone with Kat maybe twice in my life, to be honest. I don’t even know her very well.”

“Then why?” Andie asked. “You went to all that trouble, all that heartache. You didn’t have to do any of it. Why do it at all?”

Leave it to Andie to get to the heart of it. To blow past all the theatrics and drama and ask the hardest question of all.

I swallowed. “Because Alex was happy,” I said. “Because I couldn’t stand it. Because I wanted what he had, and deep down, I thought I’d never have it. Because when you’re as angry as I was, it’s easier to tear something down than to build something. So I wanted to tear something down.” I shook my head. “We didn’t have much of a childhood, Alex and me. Our father hit us and our mother did nothing about it. Alex left home at fifteen and moved in with his friends. I hung out for a few more beatings, and then I left, too.”

“Oh, Damon.” Andie’s voice was quiet, but it wasn’t pitying. “That’s such a burden.”

“Sure it was. Drugs made it easier. Alcohol made it easier. Being an angry asshole made it easier.” I looked at her face, so beautiful here in bed with me, at her soft halo of dark hair. “I’ve fucked up,” I told her. “I screwed myself out of thirteen years with my own brother, and I still haven’t fixed it. That’s who you’re asking to come to dinner with your son.”

Andie shook her head. “You think you’re the only one who has screwed up?” she asked. “I met Terry when I was twenty-one, and I fell for his line of bullshit because I had practically no experience with men. Then I got pregnant and had to marry him. And Miles wasn’t a mistake—he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me—but I stayed with Terry. I thought no other man would want me and I had nowhere else to go. Deep down, I knew that our marriage wasn’t right. I knew that Terry wasn’t good to me. But I chose not to face the truth because it was easier for me. I’d say that neither of us deserves Miles, but now he’s had his own screwup. Maybe it’s best if all three of us just start over.”

I couldn’t quite believe we were still having this conversation, that she hadn’t kicked me out yet. “You’re serious?” I asked her. “You still want me to stay?”

“Well, let’s see.” Her starchy tone was pure Andie. “Are you going to cheat on me?”

“Fuck, no.”

“Are you going to be unkind to Miles?”

“What? No.”

“Are you going to dump me and leave Salt Springs?”

“No.” It was the truth. I liked this town, weird as it was. And the thought of leaving Andie—No, I was not leaving Andie.

“Well, then. I think we should have dinner.” She leaned down and kissed me. She tasted like sweet, hot woman. When she broke the kiss, I saw her smile. “Congratulations,” she said. “It looks like you’re my boyfriend.”

* * *

Hours later,after a second round—we had started on Andie’s list—I was in a deep sleep when I heard my phone go off.

I blinked, instantly awake. My phone wasn’t ringing; it was an alarm. “Shit,” I said. I rolled out of bed and found my jeans where I’d dropped them in the doorway of the bedroom. I could see the phone lighting up in the pocket. I pulled the phone out and swiped it on as the alarm continued to sound.

Oh, holy fucking hell.

I dropped the phone—it was still sounding—and dragged my underwear on. Then my jeans.

“What is it?” Andie’s voice came from the bed. When she saw me throwing my clothes on, her tone was alarmed. “Damon? What is it?”

“Stay here,” I said, pulling my shirt on.

“What? Where are you going?”

“To the Wild.”

She sat up. “Why the hell are you going to the Wild?”

“Because the app on my phone that connects to the security system just went off,” I told her. “Someone’s breaking in.”