No Chance by Lisa Suzanne

CHAPTER 47: HANNAH

One year ago today, I remember driving Brie to the hospital when her water broke. Eight hours later, she had a baby boy. I held her leg as she pushed him out. I held her hand as she cried when he was born. I have been there for every moment, and I always will be for as long as I’m able to.

And that’s why today feels like the perfect day to file the papers.

Chance is at the daycare, and I’m caught up on my work for my photography classes, so I drive the papers down to the courthouse because this feels like the sort of thing that needs to be done in person.

My phone buzzes with a text message when I’m driving, and I wait for a stoplight to read it.

I’m surprised to see it’s from Danielle.

Danielle: I miss you! What are you up to today?

Me: I miss you too! I’m actually on my way to the courthouse. What are you up to?

Danielle: The courthouse? For what?

No sense in lying, I guess.

Me: To file the papers for Chance’s guardianship.

The light turns green, so I set my phone down and continue my drive. I pull into a parking spot at the courthouse and check to see if she wrote me back.

Danielle: You haven’t done that yet?

Me: Not yet.

I stare at my phone a few beats, and then it starts ringing in my hand. I nearly drop it, but then I see it’s Danielle.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Hey! So you’re on your way there now?” she asks.

“Yeah. I just pulled into the parking lot.”

“I thought you didn’t have a car,” she says.

“I didn’t, but I bought this little used white SUV. I keep putting off filing the papers, but today’s his birthday, and this just sort of feels like the best gift I can give him.” It’s the first time I’ve voiced what I keep thinking to myself. What a gift it is to have a legal guardian, someone who wants him and will always make him feel loved and cherished and important...the way his mother did with me when she legally adopted me.

It’s not the only gift I’m giving him today. I also bought a couple toys for babies twelve months or older, and I wrote him a beautiful letter that I cried and labored over that I will give to him when he turns eighteen. It’s filled with photos of his mother and memories of his first year. I was careful to avoid any mention of his father, though. As painful as it is for me right now, I don’t ever want it to be a source of contention for him.

I think I kept putting it off because I thought Brett would change his mind. I thought he’d come through, that he’d come back for us. But the more time widens the gap between us, the more I realize that’s not going to happen. The time is right. We need to press forward no matter how hard it’ll be.

“What a wonderful gift,” she murmurs. “So what have you been up to?”

She’s settling in like she wants to have a long chat, and I’m ready to get out of the car and get these papers filed so I can get back home.

“Oh, you know, not much. I started some photography classes online. I’m hoping to learn some new skills and techniques but so far it’s been pretty basic.”

“That’s because you’re already an expert,” she says, and I laugh.

“Hardly. But it sure was fun taking their pictures.”

“Maybe you can do it again,” she suggests.

“Yeah,” I echo. “Maybe someone will see something I did and offer me a job.”

“You never know. Stranger things have happened.”

A beat of quiet passes.

“How’s Luna?” I ask.

“She’s good! Just missing her little baby buddy.”

I smile. “Chance misses her, too. I put him in daycare just so he could be around other kids again. It’s definitely where he thrives.”

“She’s over at her cousin’s house now living the dream,” she says with a laugh.

Another beat of quiet passes, and I take my cue to end the call. “Well, listen, I should get going. Let’s chat again soon.”

“No, wait!” she practically shouts.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Um...” she pauses.

“What’s wrong, Danielle? Is it Brett?” My stomach seems to clench at the thought something might be wrong.

“No, it’s...” she pauses for what seems like a long time. “Well, yeah. He’s going through some things, but he’s fine.”

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. Can you hang on a second?”

“Sure...” I draw out the word because I don’t really want to be hanging on, I just want to go into the courthouse and file these damn papers and be on my way, but instead I’m sitting here in a parking lot holding on.

I blow out a breath while I wait.

It’s more than a second. It’s three full minutes before she comes back, and I think about hanging up in that time but I’m too nice to actually do it.

“I’m so sorry!” she says when she returns, and she’s a little breathless.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“It’s nothing. I just, um—”

A knock at my window scares the living hell out of me. I gasp then turn toward the offense, but I can’t see anything behind a wall of helium balloons.

The balloon pressed closest to my window says Happy First Birthday.

What the hell? Who even knows it’s Chance’s birthday? Who even knows Chance and me? Mina, my friend from the bar who I haven’t spoken to since I’ve been back in town, is about the only one who would know it’s his birthday...but how would she have found me here of all places?

When the sway of a light desert breeze blows the balloons around enough for me to catch a glimpse of the arms holding them, I can identify that it isn’t a woman.

And my heart stops as I immediately recognize those arms.

I’d recognize those arms anywhere.

I gasp for breath as my brain catches up.

The black bands around his wrist and his watch and black shirt and jeans in the middle of the desert on a hot and sunny day are more dead giveaways even if I couldn’t identify the ink on his arm that became so familiar to me.

I open the car door, and he backs up to allow for my movement. And then it’s like divine intervention as the breeze parts the balloons and his eyes meet mine after what has been far, far too long.

“Oh my God, Brett! What—what are you doing here?” I stutter.

His eyes fall to my wrist. “You’re wearing the bracelet,” he murmurs.

I glance down where he’s looking. Of course I’m wearing the bracelet. It’s the one link I have left to the man standing in front of me. I only take it off to shower. “I always wear it,” I say softly, and it strikes me as odd that we’re talking about my bracelet in a parking lot. “How...why...” I’m stuttering. I don’t even know how to form a question right now.

His lips curl up at the corners in that sexy way he does. It’s just the precursor to a smile, but I learned the different meanings of it in the short time we were together. “I couldn’t let my little boy celebrate his birthday without me, now could I?”

I shake my head as disappointment filters through my veins. He’s only here for Chance. I shouldn’t feel disappointed with that since he’s here for his son, but I do.

I’m glad he’s here. Chance deserves to have him stop by once in a while even though I was sure that final goodbye was an actual goodbye.

It’s just that I want him to show up for me...and now I’m scared that he’s here to stop me from filing these papers. I’m scared he’s going to take the boy I love so dearly that he’s practically my own and he’s going to go back to California and leave me behind in the dusty desert.

It’s all those thoughts that swirl through my mind in a split second, and just as I’m about to tell him no, he can’t miss the celebration, he clears his throat.

“And, uh...you know. I wanted to get here in time to stop you from filing those papers. Danielle let me know where you were and I just thank God I made it in time.”

I feel every bit of air deflate out of my body not just at his confirmation that he’s taking Chance from me, but also at the fact that Danielle turned out to be a total traitor.

“Oh,” I say, my eyes turning down toward the ground as a heavy weight settles firmly onto my shoulders. I blow out a breath. “Right.”

He holds out a sheet of paper, and fear ripples through me at what it could possibly be.

And so when my eyes finally focus on the title, shock filters through me. “What is this?” I ask softly.

“It’s paperwork for legal guardianship,” he says. “I want you to legally adopt Chance, but only if I get to be his father.”

I’m silent for a few beats as I stare at the papers. “You want me to be his...his mother? And you’d be the...the father?”

He presses his lips together to hide his smile. He lifts a shoulder, and it’s only then as I look up at him that I see the vulnerability in his eyes. “If that works for you. I think we work best as a team, and together we can face all the pitfalls and perils of parenting along with all the joys and delights.”

My brows draw down as a million questions plow into me. “Wait a minute. So, like, you’re going to share custody with me? Where will he live? Will you come down here to visit? Where will he go to school?”

Brett chuckles softly. “We’ll figure out the school thing, but I figured he could live with us.”

The crease in my brows deepens in confusion. “Who is us? You and Tommy?” I give him a look like that’s just not even an option because let’s be honest; it isn’t.

He lets go of the balloons, and my eyes seem to follow them as they take flight into the sky. He takes a step toward me to close the gap between us, and then he wraps his arms around me. He looks down into my eyes as my heart thunders in my chest so loudly I’m sure he can hear it. “You and me. You know...if you’ll still have me.”

I gasp. Again. “What?”

He leans down and presses a kiss to my mouth, but I’m so shocked I just stand there with my jaw sort of hanging open.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I realized I don’t like my life without you and the kid in it.” His voice is tender and soft as he holds me in his arms. “I’ve been an asshole, Hannah. I’m here today in front of this courthouse begging your forgiveness and begging you to give me another shot. I’m so sorry for what I put you through. You will always deserve better than me, but I promise I will always try my hardest. And that’s why I’m here to—”

I cut him off when I reach up onto my tiptoes and press my mouth to his.

I want to hear more. I want to know what changed. I want every piece of him, every flaw and every perfect inch of his body and every talent and every strength. But more than anything, I want him to feel my reassurance.

I hate what happened between us, that we drifted so far so fast, but clearly something in him changed. And I know that those few weeks we were together were absolute perfection. I know we can get there again. I may be young, and I may be inexperienced...but I convinced myself those were my flaws. They aren’t.

I know love when I feel it, and nothing else can even come close to comparing to what I feel for this man.

His tongue presses past my lips and brushes mine, and I’m lost in his kiss for a few perfect beats that are far too short.

He makes me angry, and he sets me off, but he also makes me feel loved and cherished, and he makes me happy...and, of course, he makes me horny as hell, as proven by the ache that’s suddenly back between my legs in full force as he kisses me in a courthouse parking lot.

He finally pulls back, and that familiar look of heat in his eyes nearly makes me climb into the backseat of my car so he can have his way with me.

“What do you say we file some papers and then head home to celebrate?” I ask.

He laughs. “Deal.”