DragonRider by S. Rodman
to the office and Harlen looks up from the laptop screen and blinks at me. It’s dark in here. The sun set and he forgot to put the lights on again. I flick the switch and he winces at the sudden onslaught of light.
“Sorry!” I say. “I’ve brought you dinner.”
The desk is strewn with papers and open files. There is no room to place the bowl of pasta that I am holding. Cai would hate to see this and I hate that such a disingenuous thought crossed my mind. Harlen is doing his best. He really is. It’s not for lack of trying.
“Thanks,” Harlen says with a tired smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Paperwork sucks dick.”
“Wouldn’t that be a good thing?” I tease.
He chuckles, “You’re right, paperwork doesn’t suck dick. Dunno why I’m wasting my time with it.”
I hand him the bowl of pasta and sit down in the swivel chair across the desk from him. He lifts a forkful to his mouth, but his attention is back on the computer screen and he makes no reaction to the food whatsoever. I don’t mind. I’m just glad that he is eating.
“Did you know the fucking senedd refused funding to fix the collapsed sewer under the East wall, so now the whole flipping wall is going to fall down. Cai tried the National Trust but they will only help if we allow visitors to at least part of the castle. Can you imagine that? Mundane tourists and dragons? What a terrible combination.”
He takes another mouthful and I just nod. Being a sounding board is the only thing I can offer. The only way I can be of any use at all.
“And one rider’s girlfriend has left him with a baby and he wants to quit, but we need all the riders we can get and the only way to unbond with a dragon is to die.” He pauses suddenly and takes in a deep shuddering breath. “… or burn up all your magic,” he adds, in a far quieter tone.
He places the bowl of pasta down on a pile of papers and sighs heavily. He had two whole mouthfuls. Better than nothing I suppose and an improvement on yesterday. Tomorrow I will bring him something from the scoff hall, in case it is my cooking that is the problem.
I get up and pour him a glass of water from the jug by the windowsill. He takes it from me with another automatic smile. He takes a sip and places it by the pasta. It looks awfully precarious, but part of me wants all the paperwork to get destroyed. So I say nothing.
“Senedd are nagging me to get Je to choose a new rider. It’s only been a fucking week. Assholes.”
Harlen runs his hands through his hair. “I have no idea how Cai dealt with all of this.”
“Anything I can help with?” I ask. Like I’ve asked before. Apparently it would take longer to teach me than to muddle through by himself, and the flight commander isn’t supposed to delegate.
He shakes his head wearily. Just like I knew he would.
Time to change the subject.
“Is Je going to choose a new rider?” The very thought makes me sick to the stomach.
“Zh reckons he won’t. Je and Cai were really close. Closer than most riders and dragons. Zh is worried Je is going to pine forever.”
I swallow dryly. “What do they do when we die?” It’s a question I have been putting off for a while now.
“Grieve for a hundred years,” Harlen says solemnly.
“Oh, Ri!” I gasp.
“You are young, it’s not a problem for now.” replies Ri as if it is no big deal. Maybe it is the only way he can handle it.
For fuck’s sake. If Cai hadn’t sacrificed everything to save me. Ri would have suffered. And he might be carrying eggs. The trauma would have surely been a disaster. It is so unfair that one broken saddle girth can cause so much horror and pain.
“Oh, and we are having a party.”
“What the fuck are we celebrating!” I snap, and Harlen snort laughs.
“Nothing, but riders from other castles want to meet you.”
I stare at him in absolute horror but it’s clear he isn’t playing some sick joke on me. His dark eyes are deadly serious. I can see he is no more into this idea than I am. So clearly his hands are tied. There is going to be no escaping this. I groan in dismay.
“I’m not the chosen one.”
Harlen just holds my gaze steadily. He can’t believe this bullshit, can he? He seems so grounded, so down to earth and is great at reading people. He has to have read me and seen all my flaws and insecurities.
“Come on Harlen, would the chosen one suck your dick?”
He grins, a huge shit-eating grin. “Don’t see why not. It’s a pretty spectacular dick.”
I laugh. A full belly laugh. The bastard. Everything has gone to shit, and he is making me laugh.
“Cai thinks I am,” I say.
Shit. Where did that come from? I wasn’t going to mention it ever, to anyone. I was going to let it fester in my soul for all eternity.
“Cai’s an optimistic bastard who believes passionately in the Dragonrider cause.”
I smile ruefully. “Do you think he was horrified when he realised he had been fucking the chosen one.”
Harlen winks. “Not at all. He knows better than most that what a person likes between the sheets has no bearing on their ability to be a leader.”
I stare at him in disbelief. “No, he doesn’t! And that’s his whole fucking problem!”
Harlen laughs. Deep and hearty. It reaches his eyes and I grin back at him.
“True, true. You know him well,” he says eventually as he wipes tears from his eyes. “We’ll get him there in the end. He will learn it’s true.”
Except Cai no longer needs to know that. He is not a flight commander anymore. He is a leader of nothing. All because of me.
“Not sure he will ever talk to me again once he realises that I’m not the chosen one,” I say glumly. The words burn as they pass my lips but it feels damn good to get them off of my chest.
Harlen cocks his head to the side and gives me a puzzled glance. A heartbeat later, he is around the desk and picking me off the chair and into a bear hug.
“You daft fucking idiot!” he growls.
Even if he wasn’t squeezing me so tight that I couldn’t breathe, I still wouldn’t know what to say. But despite all my bewilderment and inability to breathe, it feels wonderful to be in his arms. I want to melt and stay here forever, where he can keep me safe and make everything better.
“Cai didn’t save you because he thinks you are the chosen one!” he says as he shakes me.
“Do you really think he wouldn’t do the same for me, or any of the riders? You know Cai! You know he has the biggest heart of anyone alive. Or you damn well should do!”
He puts me down and I feel a little dizzy from all the shaking. His hands go to my shoulders and he stares deep into my eyes. I hold his gaze and the anger I see in him burns me with shame.
“You do know he loves you, right? You. Kirby Taylor. Not the chosen one.”
My heart flutters and my eyes water. I can’t breathe and this time it’s not because Harlen is compressing my lungs. It’s because Cai loves me.