The Wrong Wife by Maya Alden

Chapter 44

Esme

It was Saturday morning, and I hadn't slept a wink. I felt confused, angry, and desperate. For someone who enjoyed my company, today, I wanted…no needed someone to talk to before I went completely crazy.

Mark had been out all night with a friend he'd just made, and Maria's phone went straight to voicemail. I tried Raya and then Mateo and Daisy. They didn’t answer their phone. I caved in and tried Forest, who I didn't know very well. A woman picked up his phone and, in a very sultry voice, told me he was taking a bath.

In another four hours, Declan would marry Viv.

I paced Mark's apartment. I had not bothered to find one for myself. I should have. Why hadn't I? Because I was waiting to move back to the penthouse—the home we had built and lived in for six months.

I had hoped hadn't I, for us to get back together even though I knew the odds were slim. I had let Declan go. He hadn't been the one to back away. That day I signed the papers, he'd been with me, having spent the night in my mother's hospital room. I could've walked away from my mother and gone to him, talked to him, and asked him what we could do, as a team, as a couple. But I hadn't.

I burst into tears and cried for a good hour straight.

Oh, Declan, I wish I could call you and talk to you.

I wondered if I could text him and say something like congratulations. I hear you're getting married. Oh, fuck that. I didn't want to congratulate him.

I could say: Please don't marry my sister. Stay married to me.

How would he respond? Would he respond?

I picked up the wedding invitation and stared at it angrily. I tore it up and threw it on the floor. Then because I felt like it, I stomped on the torn pieces of paper. For some reason, that felt good.

I decided to take a shower and clear my mind.

It didn't help.

I changed and put on a white summer dress that Declan always found irresistible on me. Did he see me as attractive? Of course, he did. Hadn't he told me often enough how beautiful he thought I was? Well, he was full of shit if he said that.

I remembered the last time I'd worn the dress. We'd gone out for dinner and made love in the elevator. The entire dinner had been foreplay. I was orgasmic when he entered me, holding me against the elevator wall. His face was buried in the crook of my neck as he pounded into me.

"How did I live without this?" he moaned as I climaxed.

"The same way I did. Poorly."

He laughed then and kissed me.

We'd made a mess in the elevator and sheepishly cleaned up with tissues I'd had in the pocket of my dress. I put my hand in the same pocket now and found the empty crinkle of the plastic wrap that had held the tissue. I discarded it and put my phone and Mark's key fob in my pocket. I couldn't stay here. He'd marry Viv in another two hours. How would I live my life after that?

Well, he annulled our marriage. He could do the same with Viv. But why would he?

Don't worry so much, my love. I promise it'll all work out. He'd said to me often. Where was he now, and why wasn't he saying it?

I should've fought my father and said, "Hell no, I'm not giving my husband up. I'm in love with him." I should've pushed my mother out of my life long ago when I'd realized that she was more interested in being Mrs. Hartley than she was in being my mother—regardless of the many bones he broke.

What did I tell my clients who were friends and family of an abuse victim? You can't save them if they don't want to help themselves. How foolish I was to think I could protect Mama. I couldn't. Only she could walk away. He'd keep hitting her, no matter what I did. He'd find something to be angry about. He'd say she drank too much at a party. She didn't drink enough. She laughed too loud. Why hadn't she laughed at all? She was putting on too much weight. God, she was skinny and needed some meat on the bones.

He'd done the same with me.

That last time he'd beaten me—it had been because I'd eaten ice cream without permission. Viv had told on me. My mother had driven me to the ER, yelling at me for making my father lose his temper. She'd done what she always did. Taken to a far-away ER. I'd passed out twice in the car before we got to the emergency room, where she checked me in on a fake name.

I'd never even questioned her because this was how we'd always been doing it.

I knew he didn't beat Viv. Oh, no, she was the golden child. She enjoyed that and spent her days making my life miserable. Why did she do that? I was a sad, pathetic child who wore glasses and barely did well in school. Did she know he beat us? How could she not know? But then even the housekeeper who was always there didn't know. Daddy was clever and hit us when no one was around—and in a way that could be hidden most of the time. When he was furious and broke something or we need stitches, we had to go to the emergency room or urgent care to get it fixed.

I'd learned early on that if ribs were broken, there was no need to go to the doctor. Just grin and bear it; it will heal in a few weeks. It'd hurt to breathe, but that was just pain. I'd seen my mother take painkillers, and I'd been tempted more than once. But painkillers made the pain go away, but they also took my mother away to a place where she lay in bed all day. Her pain always came first. She cared for herself and left me alone if he hit both of us. If he hurt me and she was alright, she ignored me, pretending I'd eaten something I shouldn't have. She was his enabler, and by allowing him to take my husband away, I had become like her, an enabler.

I walked around downtown as I tried to unravel my thoughts.

I saw families going out, bicyclists, and people laughing together, bringing home many things. I had, all my life, avoided genuine relationships. I loved Mark, and it would hurt if he betrayed me, but I'd move on. It was a safe relationship

This was why I refused to go away with Declan.

We'll lie under the sky in Mojave and see the milky way.

This winter, we'll see the Northern Lights. I promise you that.

I didn't want to get any more attached than I was. Well, wasn't that just bullshit. How could I get any more connected to the man I was in love with?

I looked at my watch—thirty minutes before he married again.

Well, hell. He'd marry Viv if he wanted to, but he'd marry her knowing I loved and wanted him.

I called an Uber and impatiently waited to reach the cathedral.

A part of me was calm and knew exactly what I had to do. Another part was scared that I was walking into a humidifying experience that would break whatever was left of my heart.

I stepped out of the Uber and walked up the stairs to the door of the cathedral.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I walked in, and all the heads turned to me. They were waiting for the bride…the other bride, not this one. Everyone was there. Gerald and Nina. Calliope, Raya, Daisy, and Forest. Mateo was standing by Declan as best man. I was the most casually dressed in a cotton summer dress.

I narrowed my eyes when I saw Mark and Maria. What were they doing here? And how dare they? They were my friends. Not his. Sure, they'd gotten to know each other, but…I shook my head to stop myself from getting distracted.

He stood in a beautiful suit, waiting for his bride. He had white jasmine flowers on his lapel. It was my favorite scent. There were shuffles and whispered discussions as I walked up to him.

I saw Nina Knight with her head bent. Her husband whispered in her ear, and she nodded as he spoke.

"Esme," Declan acknowledged, his voice was deep and calm. His eyes, though, were bright with something akin to victory. Had I made a mistake? Did he feel like he won because he got me here?

"Declan," I whispered, my voice hoarse because I'd cried so much the past few days.

I licked my lips and smiled uneasily. Here goes nothing, Esme. You love him, and if he doesn't love you, then that's that, but you're going to tell him you love him and tell him in a way that he will believe you.

The priest was looking at me and Declan with absolutely no expression. Nothing saying, is this the bride?

I turned to face the pews of people first.

"I know you're all here to celebrate…to…well, you all know why you're here. I apologize for the interruption."

Declan waited patiently, not much showing on his face.

I swallowed hard. During the Uber ride, I had planned how to do this. I was going to give it my all, and if it didn't work, well, at least I'd know I tried my best to win my man back.

I went down on my knees, and a gasp went through the room.