The Wrong Wife by Maya Alden

Chapter 42

Esme

Carolina Vega came to my office around lunchtime. She'd made an appointment via email to walk me through the paperwork on Gerald transferring the building to Safe Harbor. I asked her to ensure that the building not be in my name but be considered a donation so that whether I was associated with Safe Harbor or not, the women's shelter would always have this space to continue to support women in distress.

The Knight General Counsel went by Vega. She was several inches taller than me and several dress sizes smaller. Her hair dark hair was tied up in a chignon, and she had that air of sophistication some women like Viv and Nina Knight innately had, and I envied. They were elegant and beautiful—and never seemed uncomfortable in their skin.

"Maria Caruso has made you the manager of Safe Harbor—so you'll be the signatory on this document. Please sign where indicated," she instructed.

I did as she asked. I thought she'd leave when we finished, but she put the building papers in her large Valentino tote and pulled out another file.

"Now we can go through the annulment papers."

All breath left my body. Declan had signed. Of course, he had. He would have so much to lose if he didn't. I couldn't blame him.

"As discussed, three million dollars will be transferred to your account. If you don't have a financial advisor, I suggest you get one immediately to manage the money." Vega was all business, sharp, and without emotions. She was ending my marriage, and I'd expected some show of sympathy or even recognition that this wasn't just paperwork; this was my life.

"Here is a document I request you to read through and sign. Essentially, this says you will not make claims on any of Declan Knight's holdings."

I looked up at her, grief replaced quickly with anger. "How dare he? Does he think I give a shit about his money? You can keep the fucking three million for all I care." I snatched the document from her and signed it and shoved it back. "Anything else you want me to sign? I'm happy to do it."

Vega didn't react; she just went through her papers, ignoring my outburst.

The son of a bitch. Did he think so little of me that I'd want anything from him? Hadn't he offered that money? I hadn't asked for anything.

Once all the papers were signed and Vega had put them back in her bag, she pulled out an ornate envelope and put it in front of me.

"This is for you."

I knew what it was as soon as she'd set it down. My hands shook as I opened the envelope and pulled out a wedding invitation. Everything inside me shriveled. Declan Knight was marrying Viviane Hartley this Saturday at St. Vibiana's Cathedral at eleven thirty in the morning.

"He wanted me to have this?" I whispered.

"Yes." Vega picked up her bag and stood up. "He thought you should know."

"That he's getting married."

"Yes."

I felt the world collapse around me. My lungs couldn't capture enough oxygen. I'd lose Declan forever. Our marriage was over—with those papers in Vega's bag, we'd ended our time together.

"I'll file the annulment papers today at the county registrar's office, so he'll be in the clear for Saturday."

I nodded, unable to hear her over the blood roaring in my ears.

"Esme," Vega's use of my name pulled me out of my shock.

"Yes."

"Do you love him?"

My eyes filled with tears at the question from the remarkably stolid lawyer. "Yes. Very much."

“Have you ever told him?”

I shook my head. I’d never said the words, had I?

"Then you should at least let him know that you do."

"But he doesn’t love me.” I felt close to tears. “And you can't convince someone to love you. I tried with my parents and my sister and failed miserably."

"How do you know he doesn't love you?" Vega asked, leaning against the door to my office.

"If he did, he wouldn't marry her," I replied viciously.

"If you loved him, you wouldn't have signed those annulment papers," she countered.

I had signed them without even speaking with him. I'd been afraid for my mother. But…but if I looked within me and was honest, I'd wanted to leave him before he left me. A chill went through me at the realization.

"Have a good day, Esme." Vega left after dropping a bomb on me.

I didn’t have time to dwell on the invitation or my epiphany because there were two new women at Safe Harbor, and since Patricia was out with a sick grandchild, I was doing both her job and mine.

By the time I got to Mark's place that evening, it was late.

I was surprised when I heard voices in the living room and shocked to find that one of those voices belonged to my mother. She was in a wheelchair; a nurse was with her.

"Esme." My mother held out a hand.

I ignored her hand. I looked at Mark, and he shrugged. "I texted, but you didn't respond."

I took my phone out of my jeans and saw that there were indeed three unread text messages from Mark. Too late now.

"Why don't I make us all some tea." Mark approached me and kissed me on my forehead before heading to the kitchen.

My mother sat back in her wheelchair. She looked nervous…which wasn't something new. She always looked nervous and unsure. Did I look like her? Had he made me what he'd made her?

I sat down across from her on an armchair. Mark's apartment was not as big as Declan's, but it was comfortable with two bedrooms, a large living room as well as a kitchen cum dining area. Mark had someone who came once a week to clean the apartment and do our laundry. It was a luxury compared to where I'd been living in Seattle.

"Why are you here?" I was usually not aggressive, but it had been a long day and I felt testy. The wedding card had both numbed and enraged me.

“I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

She looked at me. "For…well, what happened at the hospital."

I nodded. "That's all? How about abandoning me when I was a child, though I confess the best thing you could have done was leave me with abuela since you were not going to leave him. How about letting him treat me like an outsider and joining him in treating me like a pariah as well? Or for asking me to sacrifice my life to marry someone Viv dumped?"

Monica's head bowed, and a part of me wanted to comfort her, but another part, a new and stronger one that was making itself known, did not.

I continued. "Or for letting him hit me and hurt me? Or for controlling me by threatening to hurt you? Are you not going to apologize for that?"

"Esme, I know you're angry."

"Mama, I'm past anger. I don't want to see you or talk to you. I kept thinking that you'd love me if I did everything you wanted. But you know what I have found out? You don't love yourself. If you loved yourself, you'd be able to love others."

If you loved yourself, you'd be able to love others.

Did I love myself? And was this preventing me from showing Declan that I loved him and believing his love for me?

Like mother like daughter!

Tears rolled down my mother's cheeks. And for once, I didn't feel compassion. I sympathized with her, but my heart wasn't big enough to try and make her feel better. That wasn't my responsibility. Also, I didn’t think anyone could make her feel better.

"I'm sorry, Esme, for everything."

"Are you going to leave him?"

My mother looked at me, her eyes pleading.

"Then we have nothing to say."

She pointed to the coffee table, and I noticed some documents. "Your father wants you to…well, he wants you to look at these and sign them."

"What is this?"

She seemed embarrassed to tell me. "Divorce papers."

“Why?”

“If Dec refuses to marry Viv, your father wants to…”

“Threaten him with the divorce papers?” I laughed without humor. "His lawyer probably filed the fully signed annulment documents. The marriage has ended."

"We didn't know."

"Now you do."

She looked uncomfortable. "Declan told your father he would not sign the annulment papers and…."

"He's marrying Viv, Mama. What are you on about?"

My mother looked even more confused. "What?"

I didn't have the energy for her, I realized. "Mama, please leave and don't come back. We're finished, you and me. I'm finished with all of you. I don't want you in my life, and I don't want to be part of yours. I can't be clearer than this. In the future, you won't be allowed into this building or any other place where I am."

My mother was taken aback. "Esme, I know you're—"

"Mama, I say this as nicely as I’m able, get the fuck out of here."

With that, I walked away and into my room. I was shaking with anger. I was angry with Esme, Julien, and Viv—but mostly, I was angry with myself.

Mark came into my room with tea. "Want some?"

"Sure."

He sat down next to me on the bed. "Her nurse was in the care downstairs. She came and took her.”

I nodded, feeling wrung out.

“So, you threw her out?”

"Yes, I did."

"I would've clapped if it were crass. I did it quietly, though. High fucking time, Esme."

"Declan signed the annulment papers today. And… he's marrying Viv on Saturday. In a fucking church. They printed cards.”

Mark seemed to control a smile.

"You're happy about him marrying Viv?"

His face straightened. "Of course not. How do you feel about this?"

"Like crap. Like…you know, I told my mother that she couldn't love others because she didn't love herself. That's true for me as well. I love him, Mark. And now he's marrying my sister. It's like a fucking Jerry Springer show."

"Talk about a blast from the past."

"I feel like a fool. I should never have signed those papers. I should've talked to Declan and told him…I shouldn't have let my father and mother manipulate and emotionally blackmail me."

"If you want him, go fight for him, Es."

"But he doesn't want me. If he did, he'd not be marrying Viv. We were having sex just four weeks ago, and he was calling me his love, and now he's marrying her?"

"Maybe he’s waiting for you to tell him you love him."

The thought hadn't occurred to me. "You think?”

“Only one way to find out. You have to talk to him."

I wanted to, but I was afraid that he'd reject me. He'd laugh at me and tell me I was a fool to think someone like him would love someone like me.

Mark kissed me on my head and stood up. "You can be afraid or live your life to the fullest, not just make the best of a bad situation as you do so well but build a future that is not full of compromises. Regardless of how it'll turn out, do you want to live the rest of your life knowing that you didn't do everything you could to get him back?"

“Why can’t he come back? Why do I have to fight for him?”“Because you left him, Es. You chose your mother’s safety over your relationship with Dec.”

I had no reasonable response because Mark was right. I had singlehandedly fucked up my marriage.