Say Yes by Kandi Steiner

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Art of Playing It Cool

I didn’t know how it worked.

What were you supposed to do after having the best sex of your life with the guy you promised you could do a casual hookup with? Everything I’d learned from the movies and television told me I should leave before breakfast, so that was step one. After Liam’s deep breathing turned to soft snoring, I carefully slipped out from under the covers, got dressed, and walked the short distance to my dorm to sleep.

Or to try to sleep, anyway.

The reality lay more in the area of toss and turn, smile like a loon, giggle to myself as I replayed every minute of the night, sigh and roll over to try to sleep again, only to have it all repeat.

By the time the morning came, it was all I could do not to burst into the kitchen as soon as I heard Angela wake. I knew she needed to at least have a few sips of coffee before I bombarded her with my morning cheer. But as soon as I smelled the familiar brew and heard her pour up, I bolted out and plopped down on the couch, waiting.

“Well, good morning,” she said with a sleepy smile and one eyebrow hiked up.

“A very good morning, indeed.”

She chuckled. “Ah. So I wasn’t the only one who got laid last night, eh?”

I blushed and covered the giggle that came bubbling out, which made Angela roll her eyes and shake her head.

“One sec,” she said, and it was then that I realized she had a second cup of coffee in her hands. She disappeared into her room for a moment, and I heard the soft sound of another woman’s voice. When she came back out, she had only one cup of coffee, and she sat down on the couch next to me and took a sip. “Okay. Tell me everything.”

“Do you need to…?” I asked, pointing to her bedroom.

She waved me off. “She’s fine. Come on, I can tell by the stupid smile on your face that you’re about to burst, so let’s go.”

I filled her in on Liam’s apology, on dinner and everything we talked about, and finally topped it off with my proposition. I saw the worry etched in her eyes as soon as I said it, and it stayed firmly fixed there as I detailed the mind-blowing things Liam did to me once we were back at his dorm. When I finished, I hugged my knees to my chest, waiting for her to speak.

“Well,” she said after a long sip of coffee. “I’m proud of you for not staying the night. But are you sure you can do this?” She waved her hand. “Casual? Friends who hook up sometimes? Have you ever done this before?”

“No,” I admitted. “But, I mean, we’re only here for the summer, anyway. It’s not like we could have an actual relationship. So isn’t this the perfect time to get this experience? It’s like… it’s not even a choice, you know? It’s just fun in Italy, and then we both go our separate ways.”

Angela nodded, wrapping her hands around the mug of coffee balanced on her knee. “I suppose. It’s just… look, I don’t mean this in a bad way, but you’re sensitive, Harley. You’re not the kind of girl who can fuck and not catch feelings.”

I frowned, ready to defend myself, but she held up one finger to stop me.

“Again, not a bad thing. And hey, you made a good point about the fact that you don’t really have a choice, since this is just a summer program. And you did show promise with leaving before the sun came up.”

“Thank you,” I said like she’d praised my artwork.

“But, just be careful, okay? As things progress, if you start to feel anything past the urge to hang out with him and bang him, you’ve got to detach. If you get jealous when you see him with other girls, or want him to tell you how wonderful you are, or if you even think about what it would be like to have a future with him?” She made a scissor snip with her fingers. “Cut him loose. Okay? That’s how you stay safe.”

I nodded, over and over, digesting her words. “Okay. I’m definitely going to need your help navigating this.” I paused. “And what if I already get a little weird when I see him with another girl?”

“A little twinge in the gut is fine. That’s normal,” she clarified. “But if you want to set her hair on fire and shove him off a bridge, then we need to talk.”

I laughed. “Deal.” I nodded toward her bedroom, then. “And you had a fun night, too, I presume?”

Angela smiled. “A very fun night, indeed. Her name is Bianca. She’s in college in London, but is taking holiday to travel around Europe and sketch.”

“Staying in Florence for a while?”

“Just two nights, actually. She leaves this afternoon.”

“Aw. Bummer.”

Angela shrugged. “No bummer. It was fun. A colliding of the stars for just one night.”

I smiled. “I like that.”

“Me, too. Now, go get dressed and get your ass to class. And hey,” she added, squeezing my knee. “I’m happy for you, but I’m also worried. Please listen to yourself and be smart, okay? I don’t want to have to pick my roommate off the floor in a month should this all go up in flames.”

I squeezed her hand. “I promise.”

I was still all giggly and dopey-eyed as I got dressed, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t take a little extra time than I normally did. Instead of throwing my hair up in a ponytail, I used my curling iron to give it a soft wave and put on a touch of light makeup that would look casual but cover up the fact that I didn’t get much sleep. My cheeks seemed to have a permanent blush, so I left them alone, and finished off the look with my favorite rust-red lipstick.

I opted for a charcoal gray crop t-shirt with short cap sleeves, and my patchwork denim skirt, and strapped a cute pair of white and black clog sandals on. Then, I threw my brushes into my bag and bounded out the door like it was the first day of school and I had on my fresh new outfit, ready to see all my friends after a long summer break.

When I made it to class, I was one of the first ones there, and I settled in at my easel and looked over the pamphlet Professer Beneventi had laid out for us. The class slowly filled with no sign of Liam, but just before the Professor closed the door to start the lecture, he strolled in, one hand in his jean pocket, and the other holding his backpack strap over his shoulder.

God, I tried not to look. I tried not to smile and blush and feel every cell in my body tingle to life, but it was useless. The wind blew through his hair as he waltzed in, and once he’d tossed his bag on the floor next to his stool and taken a seat, he yawned, looking around the room like he was already bored.

Until his eyes met mine.

It was just a brief moment, a tiny lapse in time, just long enough for Professor Beneventi to say buon giorno, classe, but it was enough to make my heart stop dead before beating loud in my ears. The memory of last night rushed back to me, heating my neck, and the right side of Liam’s lips curled up in a smirk before he winked at me.

Butterflies.

A whole field of stupid, dangerous butterflies.

I couldn’t fight my smile, but I ducked my head, my hair falling in a curtain over my eyes as I turned my attention to our textbook.

It was nearly impossible to stay focused throughout the lecture, especially once the professor set us loose to do some reading on our own and a light sketch assignment. All I could think about was Liam being across the room, and what his hands could do, and his lips, and his tongue…

By the time we were dismissed, I was so desperate for fresh air, I had to keep myself from sprinting for the door. I tried to take my time gathering my things and packing up my bag, and when I made it to the door, it was at the same time as Liam.

“Hi,” I said, aiming for cool, and landing somewhere around awkward.

“Hi,” he replied with a smile. He held the door open for me so we could both walk out into the campus square. “How are you?”

“Good,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. “How are you?”

“A little tired, if I’m being honest.” He gave me a knowing smile that made me flush even harder.

“Yeah. Me, too.” I bit my lip, holding my books to my chest as I watched him put his sunglasses on. “Are you busy tonight?”

He frowned. “Um…”

“I was going to go down by the river and paint after dinner, if you want to join. I need to work on our assignment.” I paused. “And maybe we could get a drink after…”

Liam laughed a little through his nose, watching me for a beat before he slicked his tongue over his lips.

Now the butterflies were dead, because that tiny movement sent a bolt of electricity right to the source and zapped them all.

“I think I should probably stay in tonight,” he said. “Get some studying done. And sleep,” he added with a grin.

“Oh…”

Act casual. It’s cool. Of course, he doesn’t want to hang out with you every night.

You can do this.

It’s fine, Harley.

I shook my head with as bright a smile as I could manage. “No biggie. Maybe next time. See you around?”

The grin on Liam’s face was an amused one, curious, like he was trying to figure me out. “Yeah. See you around.”

I nodded, and then turned and did my best not to run away from him like he was on fire, and I was doused in gasoline. I forced calming breaths and slowed my steps, swinging my hips, letting my hair bounce as I walked.

See? I’m just fine not hanging out. I don’t care if we ever hook up again, I wanted that walk to say.

Of course, in my head, there was quite the different conversation going on.

Still, I had a lot of time to myself during my internship at the museum, and I used every ounce of it to remind myself why I proposed this in the first place.

I wanted Liam Benson, that much was easy to spell out.

I wanted him so badly, I didn’t care in what capacity I could have him, or for how long, so long as I could have him in the end.

So, if last night was the end, then it was the end. And if it wasn’t, if I get to see him again, cool.

I repeated that mantra over and over until I actually started to believe it, until the cool girl I was trying to be started to manifest herself.

For the rest of the week, I didn’t pay much attention to Liam. We’d smile across the room at each other from time to time, and we’d always say good morning or see you later, depending on if we ran into each other before or after class. Sometimes we’d walk together for a while, talking a bit, laughing at each other’s shallow conversation and jokes. But I didn’t ask him to hang out again. Instead, I played it cool, and any time I wanted to fall into a pile of mush at his feet, I exited the conversation and removed myself before I could.

On Friday after class, Liam walked me all the way to the museum, grabbing a panini with me on the way.

“Busy tonight?” he asked around a mouthful.

I shrugged. “No set plans.”

“Wanna hang?”

My heart skipped a beat before pounding loud in my ears.

“Sure,” I said nonchalantly.

“Cool. I’ll swing by your place, maybe we can grab dinner or drinks or something.”

“Alright.”

“See you then.”

“See you.”

And he did swing by later, just as he said. But we didn’t get dinner, nor did we get drinks. In fact, we didn’t leave my room at all — not until well past one in the morning when I was fast asleep, and I felt Liam press a kiss to my forehead before quietly getting dressed and letting himself out.

As soon as he was gone, my eyes popped open, heart racing, breaths no more than shallow sips of air.

Oh my-lanta, I’m actually doing it, I thought to myself, giggling and wrapping myself up in my sheets. I didn’t ask him to stay. I didn’t ask when I’d see him again. I just let him leave, and I convinced myself I was one-hundred-percent fine with him leaving, too.

I fell asleep with a satisfied smile on my face, and an even more satisfied ache between my legs.

And a gold medal for naïvete.