The Bold and the Bullheaded by Willow Aster

Chapter Twenty-Two

Emma

“Have you told him you love him yet?” Mya asks from the chair across my desk. She stopped by before she heads out for the night, and I still have another hour of work before I can leave.

“No. You know I’ve never said it to anyone before.”

She studies me. “So what does that mean? You can’t say it even if you feel it?”

I already know I love Spence. I admitted it to myself before he even told me. But saying it aloud—that terrifies me. I’ve said those words to very few people in my life, my mother being the first. And that didn’t stop her from leaving. So I’m cautious about who I say it to. Who I trust my heart with.

“He’s not rushing me, so why are you?”

“Because I know you. And I know you love that man like crazy. I don’t want you to regret not telling him,” Mya says, and my back straightens.

“Because he’ll leave me? Is that what you’re saying?”

She narrows her gaze. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Because you said I’d regret it.”

“I just mean that you’ll regret not letting yourself say it and feel all the things. Spence is crazy about you. He’s not going anywhere.”

I have been fighting this fear since we returned from Chicago. Wanting to let myself enjoy how happy he makes me but still be prepared if it all comes to an end tomorrow. I’m thankful that my best friend doesn’t know that everyone is capable of hurting you. Of disappointing you.

So, don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Which is kind of what I’ve been doing with him, and it’s terrifying.

“I’m enjoying him, I promise,” I say, trying to make light of the conversation, though it goes to a terrible place in my mind per usual.

“I’m excited for Melanie and Pen to get here tomorrow. They are counting on you to take us to all the best shopping spots in the city.”

“Yeah. It’ll be so fun. And I need to get all my shopping done because I’ve been putting it off,” I say, as my phone vibrates on my desk. Spence. I smile.

Let me know when you leave the office. I can come pick you up.

“Has Gus been texting you to get an invite too?”

“Yep. He’s been blowing up my phone about coming with us. But Pen says no boys are allowed.” I laugh.

“It’ll be fun. Call me when you get home. Love you,” Mya says, pushing to her feet.

“Love you.” The words come so easily when I’m saying them to my best friend.

Saying them to Spence feels more like forever.

And I’m just not ready to count on that.

His mom and sister have been texting about the trip, and they’ve all made me feel like part of the family. Caden and Gus and Jesse treat me like they’ve known me their whole life.

It feels good. But if Spence walks away, where does that leave me?

Alone once again?

This is the way I’ve been torturing myself for far too long now. I don’t know how to get my brain to stop.

I bury myself in work and startle when Arwin stands in my doorway.

“Did your boyfriend give you the night off?”

The hair on the back of my neck stands on edge. “No. He just texted. He’s on his way up right now to get me.”

I move to my feet and grab my coat off the chair. When I go to move by him, he does an awkward little dance and laughs. I’m ready to slug him in the gut and make a run for it, but he finally moves aside and I glare at him as I walk by.

“Don’t you have a family to go home to?” I ask.

“No one as sexy as you.”

My heart races at his words, but I refuse to show fear. “I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate you talking to me like that. And I know I don’t.”

The elevator is slow, and I am so uncomfortable that I just turn to the door and take the stairs. And then I run all the way down several flights before pushing the door open to the street.

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

I’m overreacting.

I don’t want to make a big deal about Arwin. He’s not going to do anything. He talks a big game, and he’s creepy as hell, but acting on it is a different story. And going to Jack would mean going to HR, which would ultimately be my word against his, and I would be made out to be a drama queen.

Not happening.

I can handle him. I’ve been handling men like Arwin my entire life.

I decide to walk home to see if Dad is at the shop. I’ll text Spence to meet me when I get there. I need to sort through all these thoughts flooding my head right now.

Dad and Little Joe are the only ones there when I arrive.

“Hey, what are you doing home? I figured you’d be with Spence,” my father says, and I realize that he thinks that because I go there every single night.

What am I doing?

Jumping in with two feet and no life jacket. That is so unlike me. I reach in my purse for my phone and realize I left it on my desk. Damn you, Arwin.

“I can come home if I want to.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Little Joe teases, and it doesn’t sit well with me. He knows the other foot is about to drop too.

“Everything is fine. I just came to check on you two. Can I use your phone? I left mine at the office,” I ask Little Joe.

“Ohhhhh, you better call your boyfriend,” he teases, holding the phone just out of reach. I pinch his chest as hard as I can until he cries out like a little baby. “Owww. Your dad said we couldn’t do titty-twisters anymore.”

Dad chuckles. “That was when you were in fifth grade. And I said you couldn’t give them, I never said she couldn’t.”

Little Joe sighs and gives me his phone and I immediately dial Spence.

“Hello.” He sounds pissed.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Jesus Christ, Emma. Where the fuck are you?” Wow. Pissed is an understatement.

“I’m at the shop. I decided to walk here after work.”

“How very thoughtful of you.” His words are stabby. The door flies open and an irate Spence strolls through the door like a man on a mission.

I end the call, because apparently we’re done chatting, and I hand it back to Little Joe.

“You don’t think I deserve the courtesy of knowing that you walked here after work when I’m waiting for you? Hell, I drove to your office and that dipshit Arwin said you left thirty minutes ago. I was fucking worried something happened to you.” He’s fully shouting now, and I hear Dad chuckle, before patting Spence on the shoulder and giving me a knowing look.

“Have a good night. Lock up on your way out,” Dad says, and Little Joe does that weird bro half-hug to Spence and sticks his tongue out at me before following Dad out the door.

“I’m sorry. I got busy and then just needed some fresh air. I didn’t realize I left my phone at work. I was calling to tell you where I was just now.”

I move toward him, but he doesn’t soften. He’s mad and he’s not hiding it.

“Yeah. You think it’s safe to look like you do and walk around at night?”

“I’ve been doing it my whole life. Trust me, I can take care of myself.” My blood is rumbling to a boil right about now.

“You think I don’t know that? Are you ever gonna let me in? You’ve been one foot out the door this entire time. I can be patient, Emma, but I’m not a doormat. And I won’t be walked all the fuck over.”

Where did he come up with that?

“What are you talking about?” I place my hands on my hips before moving into his space. “I have never treated you like a doormat!”

“Well, you certainly aren’t treating me with respect right now, are you?”

“You are so overreacting about this,” I say through gritted teeth.

His eyes are pained when he gets in my face. “The thoughts that went through my head when I saw Arwin creeping around your office and I couldn’t reach you?” He shakes his head. “I texted and offered to come get you, yet your stubborn ass decides it’s a good idea to walk home alone. Do you have a fucking death wish? Things happen, you know...” Now he storms toward the door, like he’s had enough of me.

Well, this happened sooner than expected.

“Yeah, run away as soon as things get a little rough. I expected no less.” I storm out behind him and flip off the lights and lock the door.

“What is this about? Are you scared because my mom and sister want to hang out with you? This is on you. I’m not running away from anything. But you’ve got to meet me halfway.”

“I just wanted to walk home, you stubborn ass. I’m excited to see your mom and Pen.”

“I think you’re scared shitless,” he shouts. His hand goes to the top of his head and presses, like I’m giving him a headache.

“I’m not scared of anything, Spence Taylor. You’re the one leaving, not me.”

He stalks toward me and pins me to the door. “I am not leaving you.”

He steals the air from my lungs.

“It feels like you are.”

“I’m not your mother, Emma. I don’t leave. But you’ve got to stop pushing me away every time you get scared.”

I grip his shirt and kiss him hard. I don’t want to argue with him anymore. But I need him to stay. I need him more than I want to admit.

I love youis on the tip of my tongue.

But something keeps me from saying it.

“Please, don’t leave,” I whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere, Queenie.”

* * *

Shopping with Mya and Pen and Melanie is so fun, I forget to be cautious when getting close to Spence’s family. I wonder if this is what it’s like to have a normal relationship with your mother, because this woman is just kind and caring and warm. There doesn’t seem to be a hidden agenda and that is so unusual to me, I find myself watching her as much as I can while trying to not be obvious.

“Oh, I like that sweater a lot,” Melanie says, as she sidles up beside me. Pen and Mya went to the makeup counter to grab some highlighter and lip gloss for Pen.

“I thought this dark blue would look great on Spence. His eyes always look a deeper blue when he wears this color,” I say, holding it up to look at it again.

“I agree. And this is stunning. He’ll love it.”

I smile, because I know she’s right. I’ve been getting gifts for Spence all day, not to mention all the fun things I’ve already ordered for him online.

“I’ve never seen my son happier,” she says, and she puts a hand on my cheek.

My stomach flutters with something and I fight back the tears that threaten to fall once again.

What is Spence and his family doing to me?

“I’m really happy too,” I croak, and my voice is much higher than I’ve ever heard it before.

“You deserve that, honey. You both do.”

I nod, just as Mya and Penelope come walking our way.

“Do not tell me that’s for my brother. You are spoiling his grumpy ass,” Pen says.

Melanie gasps. “Penelope Layne. You did not just say that.”

“Oh. Sorry, Mom. His grumpy butt.”

Melanie continues to frown.

“Sorry, his grumpy be-hind you.” Penelope’s voice is completely void of emotion, and we all burst out in laughter.

“You kids and your mouths…”

“It’s a GD shame,” Mya says.

“A real shii-take mushroom show,” I say over my laughter.

My phone buzzes and it’s Spence. My stomach flip-flops over itself like it always does. “Hey,” I say. “I’m just finishing up shopping with your mom, Pen, and Mya.”

“Gus is about to combust from sadness that he’s missing out on all the fun, so we are heading to Mean Mug now. Meet us there?”

“Yes. We’ll head that way.”

“Miss you, Queenie.”

“Stop sexting and let her get you another gift,” Penelope yells over her laughter and her mother shakes her head in disbelief.

“You getting me a present, baby?”

I swoon. I haven’t allowed anyone to call me baby. Ever. I’ve always found it repulsive. But the way he says it makes butterflies collide into one another in my chest. Ridiculous. “Maybe. I’ll see you soon.”

“Count on it,” he says, and his voice is gruff.

I bite down on my lip to stop from letting my mind wander.

Oh, the places it wanders to when I think about this man.

I end the call and Mya and Pen are staring at me as Melanie is in a conversation with the sales clerk about the other locations they have in the U.S.

“You two are awfully cute together,” Mya teases.

“Damn, if it wasn’t my brother, I’d ask what he said, but I don’t think I want to know.” Pen raises a brow. My cheeks get hotter and I resist the urge to fan myself.

“They want us to meet them at Mean Mug. Let me just pay for this and we’ll head out.”

Spence and I had our first big argument the other night about me walking home and not calling him. But when his lips touched mine, all that anger dissipated. I know we need to take our time, but when I’m with him, I can’t help but hope this could last. That he could be the one exception for me.

He already is, whether we make it or not.