The Bold and the Bullheaded by Willow Aster

Chapter Twenty-Four

Emma

The relief on Mya’s face when she sees that Melanie has mostly prepared lunch is comical. She falls into Mama Estella’s arms and exhales during a second round of hugs. “So good to see you, Mama.”

Estella pats her and winks at me over her shoulder. “You girls look like you’ve been dragged through a wash cycle and left out to dry. Late-night partying last night, I hear?” She reaches out and includes me in the hug. “Did I tell you about the episode of Dateline where the sorority girls had a party and then flew the next day? They never made it to their destination.”

Mya and I pull back as Estella shakes her head sadly.

“I saw that one,” Spence says, sounding surprised. Estella pats his cheek.

“Of course you did, Old Solemn.” I laugh and he and Estella both frown at me.

“Well, we made it in one piece,” Mya says, grabbing Estella’s hand and squeezing. “Can you believe it?” She laughs when she looks at me. I swear, the girl is downright giddy over not eating her mother’s cooking.

“I have made the most delicious side dishes to go with Melanie’s pasta.” She presses her fingers to her mouth and says, “Muah,” as her fingers fan out. “You’re gonna love them. And then for dessert … oh, have I got a surprise for you.”

Mya blanches and just like that, she sags against me. When Estella hurries into the kitchen and Melanie calls for us to join them, I put my arms around Mya as Caden joins us in our huddle.

“We need to buy a dog for every household,” I whisper. “One who can handle Estella’s cooking, obviously.”

“It’s that bad? Jesse told me it was like nothing he’s ever had before.” Caden tries to cover his laughter.

“It’s that bad. Trust me when I tell you.”

“Play along with me on this, okay?” Caden says, as Gus walks over.

“What are we whispering about?” Gus puts his arm around my shoulder as Spence hauls in the rest of my luggage.

“Just how much you’re gonna love what Estella has prepared,” Caden says. “Mya was just trying to have a little Christmas fun with us, you know, scare us a little—Mary Worth style.”

Gus looks at Mya like he’s so proud of her and excited to be in on the secret. “I can go along with a little Mary Worth-style lunch intrigue.” His eyes practically disappear, he’s grinning so big. “What’s the plan?”

“Well, you should see how fast you can eat Estella’s side dishes and dessert … and then the—the ghost of Juniper Holloway will pass over you and only harass those who have not partaken,” Caden says before turning around and coughing to cover up his laugh.

Gus nods. “Got it. And we’re not telling the others?” he asks, rubbing his hands together.

“Right. It stays between us.”

“I love it,” he says, grinning again and Caden can barely contain his laughter. He’s the slickest of the brothers because you never see it coming. He tends to pull one over on Gus more than anyone.

Pen arrives and makes her rounds hugging each of us and filling us in on the crazy holiday traffic she had to deal with coming in from the city. Estella fires off several questions to Pen about school and they disappear into the dining room deep in conversation.

“Hurry, you guys. Wash your hands and find your place at the table,” Melanie says.

Mya, Caden, and I stand at the sink giggling as we share the soap and he bumps us with his shoulder.

“Keep your cool, ladies.” Caden dries his hands and walks off.

“You two look guilty,” Spence says, coming up behind me. His arms wrap around me on either side, his chin resting on my shoulder, and my heart rate leaps around like it’s inside a bouncy house, even though he’s only washing his hands too.

When we sit down, Melanie looks around at all of us. Her family and the Whitfields, and finally, me. “I can’t tell you how good it is to have all of you home.” She winks at me, and my insides warm into melty goo. “Now, everyone eat up, we have a big day of board games coming up and we need our strength.”

We all laugh and the serving dishes are passed.

And then there’s a red jello mold that Estella proudly holds up.

“Tomato aspic,” she says. “I made my special recipe just for you.”

Mya and her dad exchange a look, Caden’s eyes double in size as he takes in the monstrosity, and Gus swipes it from Estella’s hands.

“I’ll have some of that.” He cuts a hearty portion and we all stare as it jiggles on his plate. Pen gapes at her brother when he dives in.

“What is that inside?” Caden asks. “Is that olives … inside the jello? Or grapes?”

“It’s a lemony jello,” Estella says, as if that makes it better. “And yes, it has olives and grapes. A little salty, a little sweet.”

Right, because who doesn’t love that?

I pile pasta and a safe-looking salad on my plate, avoiding the tomato lemon olive grape jello. I stare at Spence when he takes a helping and he shrugs.

“Aren’t you the least bit curious?” he says under his breath.

“No, I’m really not.”

Pen passes the jello to her father as quickly as possible, and he takes a scoop and drops it on his plate. I shake my head. Jesse grins at me from across the table and lifts a shoulder. We tried to warn them.

Caden can barely contain himself, he’s watching Gus pile his plate and he looks over and winks at me.

Yes, this is going to be fun.

But the jello is a red herring, because it’s the safe-looking salad that sends everyone choking and gasping for their water.

“What—” Mya sputters. “What is in this salad?” she asks her mom.

Pen coughs incessantly before reaching for her water.

“Oh, I wondered if you’d be able to taste the olive juice,” she says. “Didn’t want to waste those two jars of olive juice, so I just tossed it all right in!” She beams at us and leans forward. Sweat pours down my face and I only had one bite. Everyone else is at various levels of discomfort. “Shall I tell you my secret ingredient?”

“The olive juice wasn’t it?” Frank asks, chuckling.

“Silly old man, of course it isn’t. That extra kick you’re feeling right now is the ghost pepper sauce.” She takes a big bite of it as we all stare at her, wiping our foreheads with our lovely Christmas napkins.

“Holy mother of a canary.” Mya shudders, fanning herself. Jesse hands her a piece of bread and she stuffs it in. I get the giggles and pretty soon, the whole table loses it. Estella is laughing harder than us all, not realizing it’s the outrageous Scoville levels that have rendered the rest of us useless. Gus just keeps piling more tomato aspic on his plate, which makes me laugh harder before Caden passes him the salad, allowing him to scoop a serving that is sure to put him into an early grave.

He points at Caden before smirking at Mya and me, while still stuffing his face. “Looks like Juniper Holloway isn’t messing around.”

“Are you drunk?” Pen asks Gus, and the table erupts in laughter.

We’ve semi-reined it in by the time dessert rolls around. My mouth is still burning, but the pasta and bread help. Mya and I glance at each other with relief when Estella carries out a tres leches cake. That will not only be soothing after the heat from the pit of Hades, but it seems impossible to mess up.

We all take a big bite, ready for a little cooling action. It goes flying out of more than one mouth, mine included. Because what the ever living hell?

Instead of even asking, Mya just starts laughing again and we all have another round of hysterics. When there’s finally a lull, Estella must take her first bite and she screeches when she tastes it. I think she’s going to finally admit the horror of her cooking and apologize for the travesties she’s inflicted on her loved ones over the years … I, for one, have lost count of all the nastiness I have tasted by her hand.

“Oh my sweet Lord in heaven,” she sings. “Obviously, the buttermilk, evaporated milk, and Miracle Whip doesn’t give it the sweetness you’d usually expect in a tres leches cake, but it almost feels like a healthier cake, do you know what I mean? I always thought the cake was way too sweet anyway—”

“That’s not what goes in tres leches, Mama,” Mya interrupts, wiping her eyes. She can’t even look at me anymore, we both know we’ll lose it if she does.

“I know, mija, but it was what we had. You know how I hate running to the store. And I was out of sugar too, so there you go.”

“There’s something with a bit of a bite,” Gus says, and his voice is unusually high. He sniffs uncontrollably, and Caden covers his mouth with a napkin to hide his laughter.

“Oh, my sweet boy. You’ve got a nose for the good stuff, don’t you? Yes, I didn’t have vanilla in the house, and to be honest, I am not a huge fan of using vanilla in my baked goods. It’s so…” Estella drifts off after forking another oversized bite and chewing.

“Sweet? Flavorful? Expected?” Mya grumbles as she pushes the cake around on her plate but never takes another bite. It moves around with the consistency of a runny, half-cooked egg.

And then I notice curdles and I cannot.

“Dull. I substituted vinegar and hot chili pepper for the vanilla. And then of course I doubled it up to give you a little something extra. I’m known for doing that. It’s why everyone always wants my recipes.” She’s so proud that it takes everything in me not to lose it, because no one on this planet has ever asked Estella for her recipes.

Mya and Frank both cough incessantly and Jesse rubs Mya’s back before handing her a glass of water.

Everyone at the table is following Mya’s cue. They are no longer eating. They are pushing the cake around on the plate to make it look like they’ve done some damage—with the exception of one person. Gus. The poor bastard is eating his cake like it’s the last meal he will have in his lifetime. And he might actually be right because this truly might cost him his last breath.

Caden, Mya, and I share a glance and I know we need to stop him at this point, or the poor bastard is going to be down on his knees hugging the toilet gods for the rest of the night.

“Save room for holiday cookies,” I say, desperate to stop him from going further.

Gus winks at me. His face completely flush and eyes watery. “Yes. All of you save room for the special Juniper Holloway cookies.”

Oh man. We have created a monster. One that will go down like King freaking Kong in the movie that still traumatizes me to this day.  I look at Caden and he lifts one eyebrow, like the sly dog that he is. He’s loving this.

We continue to chat and laugh, and Gus goes unusually quiet. We clear the table and Gus excuses himself.

“Oh my gosh. I didn’t think he’d eat that much,” Mya whispers, nervously chewing her thumbnail.

“Well, it’s Gus we’re talking about,” Caden says.

Spence and Jesse walk over.

“What are you two up to? I can see your devious minds working,” my boyfriend says.

“Spill,” Pen says, as she stands beside him.

“Well, we played a little joke on Gus. And, um, he ate a lot more than we expected.” I look up at Spence and shrug.

“The dude is a tank. He’ll recover from the awaiting blowout in no time.” He busts out laughing, as do his brothers.

“I don’t know. He sure ate a lot, and I swear that cake was curdled,” Pen says, looking over her shoulder to make sure Estella isn’t in the vicinity.

“Let’s go check on him,” I whisper.

We all make our way upstairs and find Gus’s bedroom door closed, but I hear groaning from the hallway.

“Oh my God. We’ve killed him,” Mya gasps, and Jesse laughs even harder.

Caden opens the door and leads us into the bedroom. He’s grinning from ear to ear like he’s just won a battle that’s been going on for more years than he can count. Pen looks equally devious as she tucks behind her brother. The bathroom door is closed, but the smells coming from beneath the door have us all covering our noses and gasping for air.

“Jesus, dicksewage. What the fuck is going on in there?” Caden shouts through the bathroom door.

“The motherfucking ghost of Juniper Holloway. That’s what’s going on in here. That son of a bitch has set fire to my asshole!” he shouts, and we all burst out in hysterical laughter.

Gus follows up with a melody of explosive shits that has us all running toward the hallway.

“Payback’s a bitch,” he screams out after us.

“Who the fuck is Juniper Holloway?” Spence asks.

“Great question,” Gus yells from the bathroom.

I roll my eyes. “He’s the cousin of Mary Worth. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Pen says over her laughter.

Caden is leaning against the wall, trying to get his laughter under control. “This was far too easy. He’s clearly losing his edge.”

“We need to give him something,” Mya says, still swiping her eyes from laughing so hard.

“Do not give me anything that Estella made. No offense, Mya.” Gus is still having a full conversation from behind the bathroom door. “Maybe a pizza though?”

“She meant Tums or Gas-X, you jackdonkey.” Penelope shakes her head in disbelief.

“I’m going to be here a while, conspiring my revenge. I’ll text you when I get hungry.”

We make our way downstairs, and Estella and Frank are just getting ready to leave. I can tell that Melanie and Garrett are ready for them to depart, because they both look a little gray. And is Garrett’s forehead still covered in sweat?

“We’ll have to do this again real soon,” Estella sings out.

“Yes, for sure.” Melanie’s smile appears forced.

“Maybe we could meet at a restaurant next time. Make it easy on everyone,” Garrett says, and Mya and I both put a hand over our mouths to keep from laughing.

“Nonsense. It’s our pleasure to cook. I’ve even pondered opening a restaurant someday, but I’ve got to get this one on board.” She thrusts her thumb at Frank.

He clears his throat. “Oh … I just enjoy keeping all that goodness for myself.”

Estella shakes her head. “This man. He gets all my special recipes.”

Garrett coughs. “Lucky man.”

We are all on the verge of losing it, but we make our rounds and say our goodbyes. When Melanie closes the door, she looks at each of us. “I think something is not sitting right?”

Mya hurries over to hug her. “I’m so sorry. I think it may be the olive juice … or the ghost peppers.”

“My money is on the curdled cake,” Caden says before wrapping an arm around his mother and kissing the top of her head.

“I’ll just be a little bit.” Melanie walks toward the stairs and Garrett follows.

We make our way to the kitchen and Gus jumps out from behind the corner and we all scream.

“Let the games begin, motherfuckers. I’m going to enjoy torturing you.” He rubs his hands together mischievously before an ungodly sound comes from his stomach. “Juniper fucking Holloway. Enough is enough.”

Gus runs for the back staircase and Mya, Pen and I are huddled together in laughter. Caden high fives us before he shouts after his brother, “We’ll call on Mary Worth to see if she can help you.”

“I think it’s going to take a whole lot more than Mary Worth. The fucking devil has planted his seed inside me,” Gus yells from the top of the stairs.

Caden puts his fist over his mouth to hold back his laugh, and the rest of us lose it. I laugh until I can’t breathe.

It’s a good time at the Taylors, and I’m sad that I’m only here for a few days.

Every time I’m around the Taylors, I feel more like part of the family.