Tortured Sinner by Tessa James

Johnny - 22

Putting Claire first makes more sense than me being another one of the bad things in her life. She already has enough to deal with between moving across the country, her psycho ex, and the situation with her mom, not to mention whatever else I don’t know about. I’ve only been around her a little bit, but it’s obvious she’s suffering more than she should.

She puts up a good front, but if anyone took an extra second to really study her, they’d see all the torment underneath that she hides from the world.

And maybe it’s not my place to try to save her, I can’t be the reason things get worse for her. So, I’ll stomach my pride and do what I can to make the forced arrangement Professor Brown pushed on us less painful. It’s clear that Claire’s education is important to her, and I won’t stand in the way of that.

Plus, there might be the tiniest bit of selfishness involved. Being around Claire is like someone putting a defibrillator to my chest, bringing me back from a death I never thought I’d escape.

She’s something I haven’t had in a while… She’s hope.

I shouldn’t rely on it, because it’s a fleeting feeling, but I will cling to every ounce of it while I can, like it’s the only thing keeping me alive.

Given my situation, it might be that very thing.

The clock is ticking on locating this package, and I haven't gotten any closer to figuring out who took it, let alone where it is. Luckily, Franklin hasn't been too demanding of my services lately, either because he doesn't trust I'll actually get them delivered, or because I'm soon about to meet my end. Both alternatives are bad news for me.

“What are you working on?” Claire approaches from the entrance of the courtyard. She must be finished with her classes for the day.

Her eyes sparkle and her ponytail bobs while she walks closer. There’s something different about her. A newfound light that shines a little brighter.

Last night was a turning point for us. An olive branch that solidified into a common understanding, that we would get through this together, considering there were no other choices.

We’re doing what we have to do, given the circumstances.

Granted, being forced to be together is equal parts a blessing and a curse.

“Um, nothing.” I move my arm over to cover the page.

She narrows her gaze. “You are a terrible liar. What is it?”

“A school thing.”

“Well, since I’m your tutor…” She pokes at my side to distract me.

I wince at the still sore rib and end up giving her the perfect opening.

Claire glides the paper out from under me. “I’m sorry, I forgot those take time to heal.” She scans the document and props herself onto the picnic table. “I don’t get it. It’s just a bunch of names with random notes.”

I scratch my head and think like hell for some explanation. “Mmhm.”

She drops her goofy attitude and looks at it again, then at me. “Johnny,” she lowers her voice. “Is this what I think it is?”

I swallow, the carefree atmosphere drifting away with the shift in her tone. “What do you think it is?”

There’s absolutely no way that she has any idea what the scribbles mean.

“Is this a list of suspects?” She stares me deeply in the eyes.

How the fuck am I supposed to lie to her when she asked me such a direct question? We’re five minutes into a truce and she’s already dipping her toes into a world that she should stay far, far away from.

My mouth opens and betrays me. “Yes.” I shouldn’t, but I continue, “They took something from me, and I need to get it back.”

What have I done? This is never going to end well.

She slides off the top of the table and positions herself next to me, only a few inches away. Her jaw tenses as she holds the paper between us. She lowers her head to take in the names once more and then glances up at me through her lashes.

My heart pounds wildly, not having a clue what she’s about to do or say next. Is she mad? Does she think I’m crazy? Is she going to take the list to the authorities? Is she going to tell me I’m being an idiot, or worse—decide we can’t continue whatever this is that we’re doing because I’m being reckless?

“I want to help.” Her words are a shock to my system.

“What?” There’s no hiding the surprise in my voice.

“You’re going to let me help you.”

“No, Claire, you don’t—”

She cuts me off. “Two heads are better than one. If this is important to you, you’ll need another set of eyes. This is too much for you to take on yourself. I’m willing, and I’m able. So, you don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“Nope, you’re stuck with me. Sorry, not sorry.” She hands me the paper. “I’m not taking no as an answer. Consider it another one of our assignments.”

There’s something about the way she insists on volunteering that tells me this is about more than just helping me figure out an old-fashioned whodunit. There’s a fierceness about her that I haven’t seen before, a wild darkness brewing just on the brim, ready to explode through the surface.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to kiss her so fucking badly in this very moment.

But that would only complicate things that much more. And I’m already at a loss on how I’m going to manage the details of this investigation without telling her more than she needs to know. Like, the part about all of this being tied to a criminal underworld, and that the stolen package was probably drugs or something fucking illegal. And if I don’t locate it by the Friday after next, the likelihood of my death is great, or worse, Franklin will go back on the deal we had made.

Punishing me is one thing, but I can’t allow him to take out his wrath on someone else, especially an innocent person.

“You don’t know what you’re signing yourself up for,” I tell her, although I’m not as convincing as I should be.

She reaches out and puts her hand on my shoulder. “We’re in this together now.”

Maybe it’s the rush of dopamine from her touch, maybe I’m already dead and someone accidentally granted me access to heaven, but there’s a sort of finality to her declaration that shoots a shock wave straight through my heart.

Claire blushes and turns to face away. “We have to prioritize though. We’ve got this, our project, and getting you caught up on your other assignments. We have a lot of work cut out for us if we’re going to succeed at it all.”

I can’t help but just stare at her, in total and utter awe.

All of a sudden, life doesn’t seem so lonely. I’ve been by myself for so long that I never considered what it would be like with someone by my side. It’s obviously temporary, since the tutoring is only for the duration of the course and there’s a deadline on finding the package, but right now, I will embrace whatever time I get with her.

If I’m a dead man walking, I might as well live a little.

"Listen." Claire glances at me again. "I know something is going on…something you don't want to tell me. Or can't tell me? I promise though, this will all be easier if you do. Whatever it is. If you're worried I’m going to judge you, or tell someone, I won’t. I swear. Your secret is safe with me.”

Without really knowing how or why—I believe her, I trust her.

And that by itself terrifies the fuck out of me.

She brings her hand slowly toward my face. “You probably don’t remember this, but when I found you, you asked me not to call for help. I wasn’t sure if it was pride, or something else, and I don’t really know why I listened, but I knew then that you had a secret, and I wasn’t going to be the one to expose you. Not then, and not now. Whatever it is, Johnny, you don’t have to do it by yourself.

“You might not want my help. You might actually hate my guts like you sometimes pretend to do. But that isn’t going to stop me from offering.”

I reach out and tuck her hair behind her ear, something that I’m constantly drawn to do but always stop myself from doing. “I don’t hate you.”

Her lips twitch as she fights back a smile, but her twinkling eyes really give it all away.

“Never think that.” I run my thumb along the side of her cheek and down her jaw.

My phone buzzes on the table, but I can’t force myself to look away.

It goes off again.

“You should get that,” Claire suggests.

“I don’t want to.” I’d rather sit here and stare at her until my eyes fall out of my head. It’s totally not a very romantic thought, but stuff like this doesn’t often happen to me, and if I blink, I’m afraid it’ll be gone forever.

Another vibration takes her completely out of the moment.

I sigh and flip the thing over. All texts from a blocked caller, telling me my services are needed.

“I have to go.” I run my hand through my hair.

She nods. “Okay. Do you know when you’ll be back?”

How do I answer that when I’m not even sure what is being asked of me? How do I not lie when I can’t exactly tell her the truth?

“A few hours, hopefully. But, um, depending on the circumstances, I might have to stop back before going out again.” I’m telling her more than I should. “It’s complicated.”

She grabs onto my hand and looks up at me. "Will you do me a favor?"

“Yeah, anything.” Because how could I possibly say no to her?

“Be careful.”

If only her request wasn’t totally out of my control.