Tortured Sinner by Tessa James

Johnny - 24

We develop a routine without really planning it.

Between classes, gravity seems to pull us together. After school, Claire works for a few hours training at Bram’s while I study in the corner or turn into Franklin’s bitch boy. And when she’s done, we eat some kind of takeout dinner while we catch up on assignments.

She’s a fucking superhero, managing to get me nearly caught up in the few days we’ve spent with each other, all while staying on top of her own stuff, and her new job as a waitress.

I click the screen on my phone, the word Friday glaring back at me.

I officially have one week to locate this package, and I haven’t made any more progress on it since I got the lead from Josey. I haven’t mentioned to Claire that there was a time restraint on finding it, because then I’d have to come up with some excuse to explain the severity of the situation. And so far, I’ve managed to keep her distracted with homework to take her mind off my colossal problem.

It’s not ideal, given I’ll probably be executed in seven days, but it’s worth it to spend a little more time with her.

"What are you thinking about?" Claire tops off my coffee and slides into the booth next to me.

“Nothing.” It pains me to lie to her, even about this. She deserves the truth at all times, no matter what. It’s a heavily contradictory way of thinking, given our situation.

“It’s about the other thing, isn’t it?”

Sometimes, it weirds me out how in touch with my thoughts she is. All I was doing was staring blankly at the wall, how could she know what was on my mind?

“Yeah.” I let out a breath.

“I’m off in—” She pivots to spot the clock near the cash register. “Ten minutes.”

Meaning, that’s how long I have to figure out what the fuck I’m going to tell her.

Oh hey, Claire, girl that has literally been a fucking angel in this hell that I’m living. I’m sort of working for a notorious criminal, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been delivering drugs and weapons all over town because I was trying to help someone out who didn’t deserve what was going on. I think the guy set me up and hired some brutes to beat my ass and steal a package, so he’d have a legitimate excuse to fire me, kill me, or go back on his end of the bargain. I have no idea what was in the package, and no clue how I’ll locate it, but if I don’t, by next Friday, you might never see me again. Basically, it was nice knowing you.

Something like that, right?

“Okay.”

She goes back to work and leaves me with my destructive thoughts.

How do I tell her the truth without losing her in the process?

Things have been good between us; I don’t want to complicate it with this mess I’m in.

But continuing to keep my secret will only put a wedge between us, and as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can do this on my own.

I have gotten used to doing everything myself. That’s how life has always been. This time, though, I might be in over my head.

“Hey.” She appears at my side. “Bram said I could go since we’re slow.”

I shove everything into my bag and take a final swig of my coffee. “Let’s get out of here.” I lead her out of the diner and head toward our complex in silence.

She side-eyes me a few times but doesn’t ask any questions. At one point, she checks her phone, types something, and puts it away.

I can’t help wondering whether or not it was her ex, but I don’t dare ask. If she wanted me to know, she’d tell me.

“Cora invited us to go out with her and her friends tonight.”

"Oh?" I punch in the code to the gate.

“Yeah. I told her we were studying.”

I continue across the courtyard and up the stairs, arriving at my place.

Claire follows along, her brown hair swishing behind her with each step.

I unlock my door but only open it enough to toss my backpack inside before shutting it again. Once I’m baggage free, I grab her hand and take her down the hall.

She lets me guide her but says, “Is this where you lead me to my untimely death?”

“You know me too well.” I wink at her and keep going past all of the units on this side of the building until we reach a door she’s probably never noticed.

We go through it and climb the dimly lit stairs to reach another entryway.

I push it and fresh air comes whooshing in.

She grips my hand tighter. “Is this the rooftop access?”

I reassuringly squeeze her back. “You’ll see.”

The moon casts a golden glow against the night sky, and from up here, the stars are decently visible.

I turn to her. “Do you trust me?”

Without hesitating, she nods, a mixture of fear and excitement dancing across her delicate features.

I walk her to the edge of the building, where another roof is just a few feet away. I leave her there for a second and rush over to grab what we need. I come back with a thick plank of wood, long enough to lay across the two buildings.

“You’re not serious?” Her eyes go wide.

I grin. “Deadly.” I place it in the same spot I’ve done numerous times in the past. “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

And for whatever reason, she decides to believe me.

“I’ll go first.” I make quick work of crossing over, wanting to show her how simple it is despite seeming super dangerous. I hold out my hand and wait for her to follow.

She adjusts the hem of her jean shorts while peering over the edge. “You’ve done this before?”

“Yep. You got this.” For a second, I doubt whether or not she’s going to take the leap of faith, but my suspicions are quickly erased when the fierce version of Claire shines through.

She steps onto the board and wastes no time meeting me on the other side.

I grab onto her waist to steady her when she jumps off. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I stare into her eyes, and although it’s dark out, the intense blue melts right through me.

She swallows. “Nope.”

A car alarm goes off in the distance, and we let go of each other.

“Anyway, um—” I point ahead, toward the section of this other building that is taller than ours. “This way.”

We climb up a ladder that’s fixed to the side of the structure, and end up on a rooftop that provides a much better vantage point to the night sky and plenty of privacy from the prying outside world.

“Wow.” Claire slowly spins in a circle to take in the landscape, tilting her head upward. “It’s…beautiful.”

“Yeah.” Except my eyes are trained on her, not the sky above. I lean against the stairwell access and allow her to bask in this hidden-in-plain-sight paradise.

“How did you find this place?” She finally turns toward me.

I think back to that night, when I felt I couldn’t breathe, that I needed to escape, to truly be alone. Not in my house, but where no one else would think to find me. “I kind of got lucky, really. I had to get away, you know? From everything. But in a town like this, that’s not the easiest thing to do. I’d stumbled upon the access to get over there, but I never thought I could make it over here. I was about to try a running jump when this big gust of wind had blown in, and I heard that plank rattle against the building.

“It was like a gift from the universe. A totally stupid one, because I didn’t know if it would hold my weight or not, but I said screw it and tried. Had to be safer than jumping.”

Claire waits for me to finish. “That’s incredible.”

I wiggle the toe of my shoe into the ground. “I’ve never shown this to anyone else.” There was some part of me that needed her to know this. That this thing I hold near to my heart hadn’t been shared with another person, other than her.

It might not be a big deal to her, but it is to me.

She comes closer and takes my hand. “Thank you.”

In another world, this would be the perfect time to tug her to me, run my fingers through her hair, gripping the base of her head to tilt it upward, while my other hand rests on the small of her waist. I'd lean in, taking my time while my nose grazed hers. My lips gently finding a home where they belong. I'd kiss her like it was the only thing keeping me alive. The earth would stop rotating and it would only be me and her, and nothing would ever be more seamless than that moment together.

But that would be unfair to her, given all the things I’ve yet to tell her. Without all the information, it wouldn’t be right to push that boundary and not first allow her the choice to walk away. I’ve clung to this hope that maybe she won’t react negatively to the mess I’m in, but that’s a desperately bleak likelihood. Any person in their right mind would run the other way if they knew the truth.

“I can see it on your face.” She breaks through my negative thoughts. “Spit it out.”

I take a deep breath, doing my best to prepare myself for the fact that everything is about to be different. The way she looks at me, the way she treats me. What if she becomes afraid of me? What if she runs and hides and avoids me for the rest of her life? What if I somehow actually convince her that I’m the bad guy?

All of a sudden, the fear of how she’ll react consumes me.

“I don’t want this to change.” I run my thumb along the top of her hand and savor the way it feels.

“It won’t.”

I meet her gaze. “You don’t know that.”

“Do you trust me?” She repeats my same question from a few moments ago.

And like a key, she unlocks part of me that I’ve never given anyone access to.

“I work for…” I struggle to finish my sentence.

She continues where I stop. “Something illegal.”

I nod.

“You’re a runner.”

I narrow my brows. “How did you know?”

She smiles. “I’m not a complete idiot. You get called out at random times from unknown numbers. You’re gone for hours at a time. You got mugged and had something taken from you. Which, by the way, makes no sense, because when I found you, your phone and wallet full of cash were with you. You had jewelry on.”

I kick off from the building. “Wait, so, this whole time, you’ve known, and you…”

“Didn’t care?” She shakes her head. “No. I mean, I care, but only because you clearly underestimate your occupational hazard and it’s incredibly stressful. Every single time you leave I’m sick to my stomach that you might not actually come back. Do you know how many times I’ve genuinely thought you might be dead?”

My heart pounds, and I do the only thing that makes sense.

With both of my hands, I grab Claire by the face and press my lips against hers. It’s not exactly how I planned it in my head earlier, but holy fuck if it isn’t the best decision I’ve made in my entire life.

She steps closer and grabs my shirt collar with one hand, dragging me into her, and weaves the other through my hair.

I walk our bodies toward the building and press against her small frame, backing her into the wall. I keep a firm grasp on her cheek and grip her around the waist.

She wraps her arms around my neck and pushes into me further, kissing me deeper with each passing second.

It's sweet and soft and hot and intense, all in one, and I cannot get enough.

I firmly take hold of her and lift her from the ground, wrapping her legs around my torso and pinning her in place.

She goes along with every bit of it, not seeming to want to stop in the slightest.

A vibration buzzes and tries to steal my attention. From this angle, it must be her phone, not mine.

I take a breath, resting my forehead against hers. “Do you need to get that?”

She answers me by digging her fingers in and pulling me back down, our mouths crashing together in the best way. Her kiss is decadent—her lips are soft and addictive, better than I ever could have imagined, no matter how many times I’ve caught myself staring at them.

Another vibration, now from my jean pocket.

This time, it’s Claire that pauses. “You should check that.”

I groan but do what she tells me. At this point, it’s safe to say I’d do anything she asked of me. I keep her pinned against the building and slide my phone out. “Fuck.”

She kisses the corner of my mouth. “You have to go?”

“Yeah. But I really, really, don’t want to.” And if there wasn’t so much on the line, I would stay right here, melting our bodies together in a way I had convinced myself would never happen.

Claire releases her legs from around me, and I gently lower her to the ground. She takes out her own phone and her eyes go wide.

“What’s wrong?” I tuck her hair behind her ear.

“It’s my…mom. She, uh, she has a layover, and she’ll be here in a few hours.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” She shoves the device into her pocket. “Talk about a buzzkill.”

I rub my thumbs along her cheeks, gripping her face in my hands, and kiss her forehead, her nose, and then her lips. “You can stay at my place if you want to. You can have the bed, I’ll take the couch.”

She smiles and stands on her tiptoes to press her mouth against mine. “Such a gentleman.”

“You’d be surprised. But really, the option is there if you want it. No pressure.” I take a step back, and it’s like I’m being separated from an extension of my being. I thought there was an invisible pull to Claire before, but now, it’s out of this fucking world.

I weave my fingers through hers, and this time, it’s different. I was right, things have changed, but in a way I could have never expected.

I may have only confessed the smallest part, but it somehow made us closer than ever. It’s like I really have died and gone to heaven. Only, if that were the case, I wouldn’t stop making out with the hottest girl on the planet to run some illegal contraband across the city.

We make our way down the ladder, across the platform, and through the roof access area to enter the confines of our complex.

I bring her hand to my mouth and gently press my lips against it. “I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

“Deal.”

I rush along the hallway and take the stairs quickly. The sooner I get this errand over, the sooner I can see her again. I jog through the courtyard with a sort of pep in my step.

I have to knock the grin off my face or Franklin is going to tell something is up. I’d rather keep my personal life as far away from him as possible. Getting involved with Claire was already dangerous enough—I have to protect her at all costs.

I open the gate to the complex and nearly bump into someone when they were walking in. Déjà vu hits me from my first interaction with Claire. I don’t knock this person down, but I manage to spit out a, “Sorry.”

My phone goes off again.

Unknown: ???

Me: Be right there.

I continue my pace but manage to reduce the level of happiness that seeps from my pores. What Claire and I have is special, and I won't dare risk that.

I’m a few blocks away from the complex when a weird sensation settles over me. My heart pounds as my mind races to catch up with itself.

That face, the guy I ran into…it was so familiar.

But where do I remember it from?

I try to match it with any of the current tenants but keep coming up short. I don’t think we have had anyone move in recently, other than Claire.

Was it someone visiting? That would explain where I had seen them before. It’s Friday night, which might make sense. Could it have been someone from school?

Each wrong turn in my mind sends another spike of anxiety coursing through me.

Suddenly, it clicks into place.

I glance at the intersection, realizing just how far away I am. Panic consumes me, and I do the only thing I can, I turn around and I run.

I run as fast as I can, completely disregarding Franklin and any demand he might have of me. Nothing in the world could be more important than getting to her right now.

I sprint wildly, quicker than I ever have in my life. I rush past people on the street and don’t give a shit that I must look like a total fucking idiot. I bolt across traffic, horns blaring and brakes locking up to avoid crashing into me.

I narrow my gaze on the building ahead; I’m almost there. Maybe I’m losing it, maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it was a figment of my imagination, and it wasn’t who I thought it was after all.

But if that’s the case, why do I have this pit in my gut screaming at me to go, go, go?

I hear her voice first, confirming my fear. “Stop it, let go of me.” She’s pleading with him.

And it rips my heart in two.

I fumble with the code and frantically try to look through the grate of the door. The buzzer lets out a failure signal and flashes red.

“Claire!” I call out. “I’m coming.”

“Who the fuck was that?” His voice is like thick poison.

“Please, Griffin, you’re hurting me.” She sniffles and chokes on her words.

I punch the numbers in and thank God it beeps and goes green. I throw the gate open, and it clangs loudly. I clear the courtyard in a flash, and take the stairs three by three.

He has her at the top, gripping her forearms and shoving her closer and closer to the first step.

Tears are streaming down her cheeks.

“This is why you broke up with me?” He nods his stupid ugly head in my direction. “This fucking guy?”

I hold up my hands. "Just let her go, dude." I slowly position my body toward him and try to get him to shift his path in a different direction.

He’s holding on way too tightly, and if I make the wrong move, he could easily send her tumbling down the stairs. Not a risk I’m willing to take.

I take a step and he counters, falling right into the trap I’m setting for him.

“She was mine first.” He slurs his words, clearly indicating that he’s been drinking.

“Griffin,” Claire begs. “You’re—” She winces.

“Wah, wah, wah. You’re so dramatic.” He digs his fingers into her forearms tighter and tighter.

“Stop, please,” she says through a sob.

She takes the last and final step I need to make my advancement.

I jump forward, shoving my fist into this asshole's throat and causing him to release her from his death grip. I grab the collar of his preppy boy shirt and pull him closer to my face. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Who gave you the right to lay a hand on her?”

A memory trickles in, of the first few days she was here. Wearing long sleeves and hiding her skin, until one day, she wasn’t, and she wore makeup on her arm to cover up bruises. Ones that this prick must have left on her skin before she escaped him.

She even had a nightmare when she passed out at my house where she was begging him to let her go.

Rage boils up inside of me. This isn’t an isolated incident. Between what I do know, and the harassment and nonstop texting and calling, enough is enough.

I grip him firmly, not daring to let go, and shift my attention to her. “Are you okay?”

She’s huddled on the ground, a few feet away, holding her arms close to her chest, shivering from the shock and stress he just put her through. Her eyes are red and puffy, and black streaks trail down her cheeks. Her lip trembles, the same lip that I kissed only minutes ago.

Griffin manages to do the unspeakable. He spits, directly in my face. “If I can’t have her, no one can.”

And between the anger and fury and sheer protectiveness I have over her, I yank him toward me and shove him forward, throwing him down the same steps he had just taunted Claire with.

I stand still and stare while his arms go out wide, matching the depth of his eyes, and his body thuds and rolls and slams into each stair, and lands with a final thump.

He lay there, motionless, in a contorted heap on the ground.

It starts to sink in exactly what I just did.

I may have saved her, but everything else I’ve sacrificed will all be for nothing when the cops come and I get arrested. If my plan was ever going to work, I couldn’t get involved with the authorities. I managed to save one life, but I ruined another.

But the only thing that really matters is she’s okay.

Doing what I did may have sealed Griffin’s fate and mine along with it. Neither one of us will get to be with Claire. The only difference is, my sacrifice was to protect her, and his actions were purely selfish and egotistical.

My only regret was not telling her how I felt before it was too late.

Claire looks at me with wild eyes. A new sense of vigor about her. She grips my shoulders and shakes me. “Go, Johnny! Fucking go! Get out of here!”