Joker by Andi Rhodes

Chapter Twenty-One

^{I don’t have it all figured out. Neither does he. But after tomorrow, maybe we can figure it out together.}

Riley

“Come on, one more drink.”

Charlie’s pouted lips stick out at me dramatically, and I laugh.

We’re in the clubhouse, Charlie and I are seated at the bar while Widow smirks behind it. It’s a packed house tonight, and Widow has been helping Margo out at the bar. They’ve both been filling glasses seemingly nonstop. Widow pours six shots of tequila and slides the tray of them to a woman, a Bangin’ Betty named Meredith or ‘Merry-go-round’.

“Thanks, lady,” Meredith says with a wink. She takes the tray and sashays over to a group of guys, her ass hanging from shorts that have less material than my swimsuit

“Fine.” I drag out the word and roll my eyes, but my smile gives away my amusement. “But that’s it. I have to fight tomorrow, and unless you want Piston to murder me after I lose, I need to get some sleep.”

“Sleep.” Widow snorts. “That’s comical.”

I narrow my eyes, but my smile doesn’t falter. I turn my head and take in the man whose bed I’ve been staying in. Joker stands with a beer to his lips and Greaser at his side. They pass a joint back and forth.

I like Greaser. All of the brothers, really. I didn’t think there was a world in which they’d forgive me, but I’m coming to find Joker has a lot of influence.

It took a few days, but they’re starting to treat me like I’m one of them. Which means about five inappropriate jokes have been thrown my way by a few drunken men who’d be dead if Joker heard them. I chuckle at the thought and sip the gin Widow just poured me.

Charlie nudges me. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit being so modest, Black Bird. Everyone knows you’re going to kick ass.”

“Because I’ll be prepared,” I say, my amusement beginning to die. My smile falls. “But it isn’t really the fight I’m concerned with anyway.”

Widow rests a hand on mine and leans toward me. “You’re gonna be fine.” She gives me a compassionate smile.

“You have no idea all that the Soulless Kings have dealt with,” Charlie pipes in. “This guy is nothing to them.”

“Right,” I say, forcing myself to smile. “I know.”

They exchange a look.

I bring the gin to my lips and plan to sip, but when it touches my tongue, I chug the rest of the liquid. It’s like pouring lava down my throat, but I need it.

I tip my empty glass to my friends and set it down on the bartop. “Goodnight, ladies.”

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Charlie asks.

Home. Not quite, but fuck that sounds nice.

“No, I’m fine.” I smile and pat Charlie on the shoulder. “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“And the next day!” Widow quips.

I nod and my smile turns genuine. “And the next day.”

I pull on my jacket, a black leather number Charlie helped me pick out, along with a new wardrobe. I barely brought anything with me, so I needed the clothes, but it’s also nice to wear something that makes me feel like I belong here.

Because I do.

I meet Joker’s eyes as I slide through the back door and start toward the cabin. It’s not more than a few seconds before I hear the heavy boots on the deck and feel the eyes on my back.

“I hope you weren’t planning on going to bed.” Joker’s voice is gravelly. “Because if so, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“Really?” I ask, more like taunt.

He catches up to me and squeezes my ass, making me squeal and jump. He picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder before striding away from the clubhouse.

“Really.”

I laugh and let my arms dangle while I stare at the ground. It takes me a minute before I realize we aren’t heading for the cabin.

I lift my head and purse my lips. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“Joker, I need to—”

He slaps my ass, and I bite my lip. He’s lucky he’s so damn sexy.

“Quit worrying about tomorrow,” he chastises. “It’s going to be fine.”

“I know it’s going to be fine, but—”

I gasp as my body lifts from his shoulder. He sets me on my feet in one swift motion and gives me a toothy grin. “But what?”

“But,” I straighten and regain my balance. “I’d like to be prepared. I take my work seriously.”

He cups my chin and kisses me. A warm buzz lights up the nerves in my lips, and it’s over too soon. I whine and open my eyes when he pulls away.

“I know you take your work seriously. It’s one of the many things I love about you. But you’re full of shit. You’re thinking about the stalker.”

“Lucas,” I correct.

Did he really say love?

Joker scrubs at his beard and averts his eyes.

My heart begins to skip. “What is it?”

He sighs and drops his hand. “There’s something you should know.”

“I repeat, what is it?” I punctuate each word and can hear the unease in my tone.

“Lucas isn’t the guy.”

“What are you talking about?” I shake my head and narrow my eyes. “He’s the most plausible—”

“He never left the state.”

My mouth opens and closes and I’m struck for a moment. “Are you sure?” I finally ask.

Joker nods. “His apartment was packed up and deserted about the time you left California, so it looked suspect. We were all sure it was him, but Squirrel found him today with some woman slumming it in Fresno. She posted a picture of them on her Instagram.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean—”

“He’s been there the whole time. Squirrel looked into it.” Joker frowns but it’s less out of disappointment and more out of pity. “It’s not him.”

“Then who the fuck is it?” I throw my hands in the air and take a few steps back. My throat tightens until air won’t fit into my lungs.

Joker closes the distance and wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into him. It grounds me, and soon I’m inhaling his scent.

“We’ll find out tomorrow,” he says, moving his hand to my back and rubbing. “Then we can put all this shit behind us.”

“Then what?” I ask before thinking. I pull back so I can look him in the eyes, and Joker starts walking again. I fall into step beside him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what happens when all this is over? With us.”

It’s something we haven’t talked about. Not once. It’s probably not something I should bring up now, the night before the big day. But once the words are spoken I can’t help but double down. I need to know.

Joker doesn’t answer. We step out of a break in the trees and stand in front of a small pond, small enough you couldn’t see it until you’re right on it. Joker walks up to a deck and sits, and I follow suit.

“What do you want to happen?” he asks.

I open my mouth, ready to tell him a slew of everything I couldn’t until now, but I find myself not knowing the answer.

I like it here. These people feel more and more like family. But do I really want to make this place my permanent home?

Yes.

No.

Yes?

I’m not sure. I have every intention of staying in Oregon but whether or not I’ll get my own place or stay here is up for debate. It doesn’t help that I don’t know what he wants.

“I want to be with you,” I settle on.

He doesn’t respond and I turn to him. My head tilts. “You are aware of that, yes?”

He glances at me but then stares straight ahead. “Why would you want to be with me? I get that you’ve got this delusion going on that guys don’t want to be with you, but you’ve heard my brothers. They’re not lying. You could get any guy you want to paw at your feet.”

My mouth drops open and I blink. “You’re kidding, right?”

He doesn’t respond.

“Joker, what the fuck? I’ve slept with you every night this week. I signed a contract at a gym here. How much more obvious could I get?”

“It’s just fucking, Black Bird. And I don’t know what you plan to do with your career. Working with a new trainer was your choice.”

“Just fucking?” I point my head toward the water and try to ignore my clogging throat. I summon anger, as much of it as my mind can manage, but it doesn’t come.

I go to stand and Joker grips my wrist.

“Let go of me,” I snap.

“Riley, stop.”

“If all we’ve been doing is fucking, then why don’t you find someone else for tonight? I’m going to bed.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure as hell sounded like it.”

I jerk my arm, but Joker holds my wrist firmly. He tugs so that I’m sitting back down on the deck and glaring at him.

“It’s more than that to me. You have no idea how much more.” His eyes gloss like he’s somewhere else, but when he blinks he’s back with me. “I didn’t know how much it meant to you.”

I huff and shake my head. There’s no indication that he’s lying, taunting, mocking. He’s serious.

“You are so fucking clueless.”

“What?” His eyes narrow. He releases my wrist and I brace my hand on the deck.

“You’re the first guy I’ve had sex with in…” Jesus, two years. “In a long time. Of course it means something to me. It means everything to me.”

I love you, you idiot!

He lets out a breath and closes his eyes. With the relief that smoothes the lines in his face, I wonder how long he’s been holding it for.

“Do you really think you can handle this world? Handle me?”

I open my mouth to answer, and yet again, I freeze before responding. Because I don’t have an answer to that.

I want him. I want this place. This beautiful state. I want these beautiful people in my life, as my friends, my family.

But can I handle it all? The fucking poppy fields, the guns, the drugs, the whores, the violence, the who the hell knows what else?

Do I want that?

“It’s okay,” he says, seemingly reading my mind. “I get it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want it, it’s just—”

Joker presses a finger to my lips. His lips lift into a small smile. “We don’t need to talk about this tonight. Let’s just get through tomorrow, okay?”

I sigh against his finger and nod. Relief floods me, easing my tense muscles. I don’t have it all figured out. Neither does he. But after tomorrow, maybe we can figure it out together.

He pulls back his hand and I slide my legs underneath me and raise onto my knees. I thread my hands behind his neck and fuse my lips to his, sliding my tongue along his bottom lip.

He fists my hair and presses into me, his tongue invading my mouth and seeking mine like he’s desperate. Like he’s kissing me for the last time. Or maybe the first.

I throw my leg over his waist and straddle him, my hands roaming his back, his shoulders, his neck.

He breaks the kiss and stands, lifting me into the air with him. He turns us and starts back the way we came.

I chuckle. “Where are we going?”

He meets my eyes and grins.

“You’ll see, Black Bird.”