Frenetic by T. S. Snow
Blaze
“What was that all about, between you and Char? You two back together?” Blair asked me while we stood by the door of Charisma’s office, keeping an eye out to make sure nothing was amiss and nobody was coming.
I looked around the room into Char’s lab to make sure she wasn’t anywhere near us before I answered. Her office hadn’t changed much since the blast, which was a testament to the strength of her wards in the place. In the center of the room was her desk, with her computer and a bunch of screens. To the right, there was a couch where she’d usually had me waiting while she worked. Farther up there was the big-ass bookshelf filled with all kinds of hardware and half-assembled METs. Or rather, it had been. Now the bookshelf was empty, and Char was sitting on the floor near it with three big cardboard boxes around her as she slowly sorted through which of the hardware was going into which box. She was talking to herself under her breath, like she’d been for the past hour. When we arrived, we’d helped her pack her computer, then she’d headed in there and told us to stay away. So Blair and I had taken our place by the door, just in case.
I turned back to Blair before I answered. “I… No. She’s with someone else now, so I guess I have to bow out. I don’t want to, but…I don’t see another way, you know?”
Goddess, this was awkward. From all the ways I’d expected today to end, it hadn’t been with me finding out that my little spitfire was already moving on.
“Why do you have to bow out at all?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I frowned at her, trying to wonder if I’d spoken a completely different language.
“Did you miss the part where I said she was with someone else?”
Of course I’d have to bow out. Yes, I wanted Char, but if she had found someone who made her happy…that was all that mattered. Char deserved happiness, even if that happiness came in the arms of someone else.
Blair checked her nails as though they were the most fascinating thing on Earth. “Yeah, so?” She tilted her head to the side, and her gaze held me in place. “Didn’t you just say downstairs that you were okay with polyamory? Why can’t you just, you know, share her? Wouldn’t it be better to have a part of her than not have her at all?”
Char’s words from earlier came to mind, when she said she was falling in love with me.
When she said she wasn’t ready to give me up.
Maybe…just maybe…
I shook my head.
No. That would never work. I knew myself too damn well. Yeah, I was okay with polyamory…for other people. I respected their choice to be with whomever or however many they chose, so long as it was a mutual agreement.
But I wanted my girl to be mine alone.
“I’m not exactly the sharing type, Blair,” I said. And while part of me regretted the truth of my words, another part—the darker, more possessive one—knew it was for the best.
I wanted Char to choose me and me alone. And if she couldn’t, well…
Blair just smiled at me. “Yeah, and you’ve tried sharing before, have you? Tell me, Loverboy, have you ever had a woman sucking your cock while someone else rammed her from behind? You ever felt how fucking deep she can take you while keeping pace with someone else? How good it would feel to have her moan around your cock in pleasure, while also giving you pleasure? You ever watch your woman come over and over again because she had more than one pair of hands, more than one dick, taking care of her? You think you’re not the sharing type, but you’ve never tried sharing. You’d be surprised how much you would like it. But by all means, lose the girl you like.”
I had to admit, the picture Blair had painted was a really good one. Particularly the part where I had Char’s mouth wrapped around my dick, moaning in pleasure, taking me deeper and deeper.
“Blair!” Char yelled, and we both looked up to find her near us, flushing bright pink with a funny look in her eyes. “Please, Blaze, ignore her. Seriously. I’d never force you to do something like that. I…I meant what I said before, yeah, and Bast he’s, uh…he’s broached the topic of sharing me and stuff, but I’d never… At first, I thought he was completely crazy, too...but the more I thought about it…the more I saw you and spent time with you...well… It’s okay if you don’t want to. There’s really no pressure at all. I mean, c’mon, you’re Blaze Futhark. You have women falling all over themselves for you, I’m sure. I just…I just hope we can still be friends? Or, I don’t know, friendly at least? We are technically already friends anyway. Friends who kissed. And slept together. And, uh, stuff. But yeah. So. What I meant to say with all of this is that you shouldn’t let Blair pressure you into joining my harem.”
As if surprised by her own words, Char paused and looked down at her hands as she started to wring them in a show of nerves. “I’ll just…uh…shut up now,” Char said at last, then turned on her heels and scurried back to her pile of electronics.
I wonder just how much of our conversation she heard…
“Looks like the ball is in your court, Loverboy. Don’t disappoint me,” Blair commented before she walked outside the wards, probably wanting to keep an eye on the perimeter and give Char and me some alone time.
I never knew Blair could be so accommodating…or so damn stubborn.
Sighing, I walked into the room and made my way to Char. It didn’t mean I’d suddenly had a change of heart about the whole sharing her thing, but…I couldn’t leave her upset in her corner. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t want her, that I didn’t lo—
Char’s head whipped up when she saw me approaching, and she dropped the gun she’d been holding. Cursing, she picked it up again and started examining it, probably to make sure nothing had been broken.
I crouched down beside her, and her breath hitched. Being back in her office with her brought back memories from our time together, before the explosion. Especially how I’d had her under me after our last duel, screaming my name. How I’d had her all to myself.
And how I’d been a complete dumbass and fucked things up with her. If I had been honest, if I hadn’t messed shit up, I’d still be with her and there would be none of this sharing thing. She’d be mine and mine alone.
Stupid. That’s what I am.
The fact I was even considering sharing her probably made me even more stupid, but this was Char. Just like she’d said she wasn’t willing to give me up, I wasn’t sure I could give her up.
Not without a fight.
“Char,” I said, wanting to touch her, to comfort her, but I held myself back. She looked two seconds away from running away from me like a startled bunny, and I didn’t want to scare her off.
I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again.
What the fuck was I doing? What the fuck was I even supposed to say? That it was okay? I’d share her? I couldn’t do that; I couldn’t commit to that, not when I knew if I said I was okay with it and then backed out, it’d only hurt her more. But I also didn’t want to say a definite no and risk losing the best thing that had ever happened in my life. The only good thing to have happened in my life in a long time.
“It’s okay, Blaze. I get it. You don’t have to do this.” Char smiled at me when she said it, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
Fuck it.
I reached up and cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at me, to truly see me. “Char…I’m not saying no, okay? But I’m not saying yes, either. I need time to think about this, to…I don’t know, wrap my head around this and maybe get comfortable with the idea. I’d probably want to meet your boyfriend too. Goddess, how weird is that?” I wanted to pull my hair in frustration, since I had no idea what the hell to even do in this situation.
Hope sparked in Char’s eyes, but I kept my grip on her, needing the closeness. It might be the last time I got to hold her like this, and I didn’t want to miss a single second of it. I wanted to kiss her again, but part of me was still shaken that she’d called our kiss earlier a mistake. I supposed, to her, it was. Char wasn’t like her cousin—she wouldn’t play two men against each other. Even now, she was being upfront about the harem thing, and she seemed almost as confused about it all as I was. “You know how possessive I can get, you experienced it firsthand. I don’t know if I can change that, so I need time.”
Char reached up and cupped my cheek like I was doing to hers, bringing her head closer to mine. “Just the fact you’re considering it is enough for me, Blaze.”
There was one thing bothering me though. One thing I couldn’t wrap my head around…
“You said your boyfriend is okay with sharing you, right? That it was something you both talked about? How can that be? How can anyone have you and not want to keep you entirely to themselves? Is he stupid?”
Char let go of me and started to giggle so hard, she lost her balance and ended up falling on her back, almost bringing me with her.
What the hell was so funny about it?
“Honestly, I don’t understand it either. But isn’t that, like, every girl’s dream? Besides, the way he explains it, it just makes so much fucking sense, you know? At least, when I’m not overthinking it, that is. But overthinking is a part of life and I cannot change that. What I mean is...it just...it makes sense.” Char hoisted herself on her elbows so she could better look at me, her smile dreamy.
“He says he grew up with the lifestyle, and that he wants his girlfriend to have the same kind of structure and support. That there would be times he might not be able to give me what I wanted or needed, but that he wanted to know there would be someone else there who could. Blair talked about the sex part of it, and while I’ve read reverse harem books with all kinds of harems and uh…sex scenes, I never really thought this would be my life. But Bast says it’s more than just sex, you know? It’s about unity. It’s about trust and feelings and doing everything to make your partner happy.” Char pushed herself completely off the ground and sat on the floor, then she continued, “But it’s not like I’d just go out there and find a random person and force Bast to be okay with sharing me with them. There’s a whole process, apparently. I’m still trying to work out the mechanics of it myself. So, you know, think about it. Maybe talk to Blair, and if you want, I can introduce you to Bast too. But I won’t force you into this, because I know damn well while I might be okay with being shared, I’d never be okay with sharing you. Or him. I’m selfish and greedy like that, and I don’t really care.”
Char shrugged and got up.
“Anyways, that’s enough for you to think about, right? Would you mind helping me? I need to take these boxes with me. That’s most of my stuff here, and then I also need to get my desktop. The rest isn’t as important, and I’ll probably only come back for it once I officially have an apartment of my own…or if they finally decide to tear this building down.” She dusted off her jeans and headed to the door while I stayed there, watching. “I’ll go call Blair to help and make sure she’s okay. She’s been gone long enough.”
She left me to mull over her words and wonder whether or not I could actually be okay with all of this.
Share Charisma or lose her.
Was that really what it had come down to?