Loving the Nurse by Piper Sullivan

Gus

“Me and Augusta are having fun. Trust me, she knows the score.”

I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, I knew that but I couldn’t resist the opportunity to hear what Antonio really thought of me. In my silly little mind, I was sure he would tell his friends that I was an unexpected treat, a nice girl, a sexy woman, or even an adventurous lover. Any of those, no matter how vulgar, would have been preferable to she knows the score.

What was the score, and who was keeping this score?

More importantly, what was the game that we were playing? Because I had no damn idea.

A game.

Just as I suspected, it was all a game to him. I was, as I always suspected, a way to pass the time. To alleviate the boredom of small town life for a man used to the fast pace of big city living.

I knew it. I absolutely knew it, and I let myself get caught up in his words of pleasure and passion. I was angry. Hell yeah, I was angry. At Antonio, sure, but I was really angry at myself. I knew exactly who Antonio was from the outset, a sexy bad boy who just so happened to be a loving single father. I let myself believe that he was someone else because he was good to his daughter and his sister.

I believed what I wanted to believe.

It was the same thing I did for years when it came to Dad. That first year or two after Mom left and he started drinking, I told myself the drinking was just how he coped with losing the love of his life. That forgetting to pay the light bill was grief, not addiction. I lied to myself over and over until it was clear that the drunk passed out on the sofa was simply who Oliver Thompson was now. It wasn’t a fluke or a phase, it was reality.

Once I figured that out, I knew it was up to me to take care of both of us, because he wasn’t capable of doing it, and I did it. Every day for years until I graduated from high school, I did it all.

It taught me how to take care of myself because there was no one to step in to do it for me. From the age of thirteen I only had myself to rely on. Just me and no one else.

That’s what I get for trying to change things.

“Hey Gus, what’ll it be?” The bartender at The Outpost, Cyrus, flashed a friendly bearded smile at me and I shook myself from my thoughts. I wouldn’t hold a grudge against Antonio, he was who he was, and he didn’t need to apologize for it. No, it was my thinking that was the problem. Me.

“Hey Cy, I’ll have two beers and a large pitcher of mango margaritas, please.”

Cyrus let out a long, low whistle. “Are we drinking away problems, or is this a celebration?”

I shrugged. “Probably a little bit of both, I suppose.”

The look of sympathy that flashed in his big blue eyes put me on edge, but it also made me smile. Cy was a big bear of a man, but he was as kind as he was large.

“In that case, have a shot. On the house.”

“Thanks.” I accepted the clear liquid and the lime wedge with a grateful smile and knocked it back, letting the silver tequila burn its way down my throat until the warm flush of tipsiness calmed my racing heart. “Thanks a lot, Cy.” I paid for the drinks and left him a nice tip before making my way back to the table with our drinks.

“Sheesh woman, did you get lost on the way to the bar?” Hannah flashed a toothy grin and arched a brow as if she knew exactly where I was and what I was up to. Teddy and Megan looked up at my arrival, curiosity swimming in their gazes as well.

I shrugged off the looks. “Long line at the bar, and it takes time to make margaritas.” It was a little white lie because I wasn’t ready to tell the girls what happened.

Megan rested her chin in her hand and wiggled her eyebrows at me. “You sure you didn’t get sidetracked by a certain gorgeous chef?”

“I’m sure,” I practically growled at her. “Sorry.”

Teddy smacked her hands on the round bar table and sighed. “All right Gus, out with it. What did my brother do now?”

“He didn’t do anything. Nothing at all. In fact, it’s me who’s the problem.” I wouldn’t be one of those women who turned the man into the villain for being who he was.

“What in the hell does that mean?” Hannah’s blond brows dipped into an angry mask.

I sighed and took my time to pour the margaritas while I gathered my thoughts. These women were my friends and I wouldn’t lie to them, but first a long sip of mango margarita. “It means that I made the same mistake women have been making since the beginning of time. I ignored his words and only paid attention to his actions. I let them guide me when I shouldn’t have. I knew the score, as he put it, and I did. But I fooled myself anyway.”

Teddy sucked in an outraged breath. “My brother said that to you?”

“No,” I sighed. “Not to me. I overheard him telling Cal and Casey that we were just having fun and I knew the score.”

“No!” Hannah gasped.

“Yeah, that’s what he said it, and I don’t blame him. I did, do, know the score.”

“That’s crap and you know it,” Teddy insisted. “What did you know, Gus?”

“That Antonio is a heartbreaker. A bad bet. I knew he didn’t want me, at least not for more than a few nights, maybe a few weeks, but I let myself believe.” It was so stupid on my part. “I’m not the woman that a guy like him falls for, and honestly I don’t want to be, but he’s kind and sweet. He brought me flowers and asked me to spend time with him and Rosie this weekend. I let myself believe it was more than a kind gesture.”

Megan scoffed and slid a worried look at Teddy before she spoke. “You let yourself believe it because he made you believe it. Maybe not on purpose, but no man brings a woman flowers if she’s just sex to him. He doesn’t invite her to go on outings with his kid if he doesn’t have feelings for her.” She looked at Teddy once again, apology in her green eyes. “I’m sorry but you know it’s true.”

Teddy lifted her hands up, palms facing out as she shook her head. “You won’t get any arguments from me. His actions aren’t matching his words, that much is certain.”

“Sounds to me like he’s feeling things he doesn’t want to feel, and trying to convince himself otherwise.” Hannah spoke with authority and that grabbed my attention. “Antonio is convinced that he doesn’t want or need love after things went sideways with Trishelle. He believes it, but he’s not living it.”

I rolled my eyes and took another long sip of margarita. “No. I know what you ladies are trying to do and I appreciate it, but it isn’t necessary. I made this bed and I am fully capable of getting out of it, washing the sheets and turning the page.”

Hannah let out a loud guffaw of laughter and shook her head. “I think you’re mixing your metaphors, Gus.”

“Doesn’t matter. I had a good time with Antonio while it lasted, and I got some really good sex out of it. That’s what matters.” My dry spell was broken, and I got out just before my heart got broken. “We both got what we wanted out of it.”

“Oh god, shut up, please!” Teddy shuddered. “I’ll remind you that’s my brother you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, I remember. But he was my lover,” I reminded her with a smile.

Teddy gagged and smacked a hand over her ears. “I’m not listening to this.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not like I’m telling you how well he uses his tongue.”

Megan and Hannah laughed gleefully.

Teddy pounded her fist on the table and glared at Hannah. “Is this how you feel when I talk about Cal.”

“Yep. Exactly. Well not exactly, because you’ve actually told me what he does with his tongue.” Hannah gave her own shudder and pretended to throw up.

“If that’s the case, I’m sorry. So, so sorry.” Teddy flashed a sympathetic look at me and sighed. “I’m sorry my brother is a jerk Gus.”

“He’s not.”

“He is,” Teddy insisted and refilled my glass. “And we’ll keep drinking until you agree.”

I accepted the full glass and took a huge gulp, happy and relieved that I didn’t have to go through this alone. Pleased that I had people in my life who could and would take care of me when I needed it.

It was more than I ever had before.