Loving the Nurse by Piper Sullivan

Gus

Idon’t care. That was my mantra for the past day or two. I don’t give a damn. Not about the fact that Antonio got cozy with his ex-wife while he was in New York and then came home to me, and yeah, gave me some of the best orgasms of my life. Not about any of it.

Okay, I cared, but I wouldn’t care for much longer.

Antonio was a temporary lover and that was it. There were no promises that existed between us, other than the promise of mutual pleasure. And that was just fine by me.

Totally fine.

I slapped on a happy face as I clocked in for my shift, hoping that my canary yellow scrubs would brighten my gloomy disposition. The pediatric patients needed me and I wouldn’t let them down, no matter the mess of my personal life.

“Are you all right, Gus?” Melanie’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and I looked up with a smile I didn’t feel.

“Of course. I’m fine,” I assured her. Fine was my default state. No matter what happened in my life, maternal abandonment, paternal alcoholism, I was always fine. Always. No gorgeous bad boy with a hard-on for his ex-wife would change that. “Why do you ask?”

“Your eyes seem sad.” Melanie tipped her head to the side as she studied me, a clear sign she didn’t believe that I was fine. I just hoped she didn’t want to talk about it.

“I think it’s just exhaustion,” I assured her with a half-hearted grin.

“You sure?”

“Completely.”

“Because it could be all the lies about Antonio and his skank of an ex-wife. You do know it’s all lies, don’t you?” She shook her head. “They lie about everything just to get you to buy a magazine or click an article. You can’t believe a word of it.”

That much was true, but I also couldn’t believe in the word of a man. A mortal man. “Sure.”

Melanie shook her head and let out a long, frustrated sigh. “Honey, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be angry about what you saw online.”

I nodded. “It is okay, and if I felt anything, I’d be fine with it. But I don’t.”

Melanie shrugged. “All right. If you need to vent or to talk, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Mel. I need to start my shift now but if I get the urge to talk, I’ll find you.” It was time to get to work, it was just what I needed to think about anything but Antonio and his ex-wife. They were irrelevant to my life as it was today. I got what I needed from Antonio and now it was time to move on.

“You better.” Her sing-song voice put a smile on my face as I made my way to the pediatric wing of the medical center.

The kids were all in good spirits, and the first few hours of my shift flew by in a haze of charts and conversations about the best toys and cartoons and teen dramas. The day was no different than any other shift, and soon enough, I found that my smiles didn’t require effort, my laughter came easily. I didn’t have to try to enjoy my shift, I just did.

As the day progressed, I felt myself start to feel better. There was more energy in my step, more volume in my laughter and more swing in my hips. I was still upset about Antonio, but I refused to let it impact my entire day. That’s what I told myself because it helped.

Because that’s what I needed to get through another round of disappointment.

That’s all it was, disappointment. I wasn’t heartbroken that things hadn’t worked out with Antonio, I was disappointed, mostly in myself for succumbing to dreams over reality.

“Augusta, there you are.” Suzie’s sharp voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up from a chart to find her marching towards me, purpose in her steps.

“Here I am, Suzie. What’s up?” I braced myself for her judgment or advice. Everyone I’d run into today had offered one or the other.

Suzie pushed her glasses up on her nose and sighed. “I just wanted you to know that men are men, and their wants and needs can shift with the wind. One minute they know exactly what they want in a woman and the next, they only know what they don’t want. They are confounding creatures, and we only put up with them because they have muscles and smell good. Really damn good.”

I smiled as Suzie got carried away by her own thoughts. “Thanks, Suzie, but that’s nothing I need to concern myself with. What Antonio does with his wife is none of my business.” I took my time making rounds, giving each patient my full attention until everyone had been seen, every chart had been updated.

I was on my way to the nurse’s lounge when my back pocket vibrated with a text message. Antonio. “It’s not what you think.”

I had to give the man credit for his persistence. He wasn’t one to give up without a fight, which would have been admirable if he wasn’t doing it to prove he was a good guy. I ignored the message for a few hours until my shift was over because I refused to be one of the nurses crying her eyes out in the lounge, while making sure the entire hospital knew about my miserable love life.

No, thank you.

When my shift was over and I could ease the tightness in my shoulders a little, I decided to answer Antonio. “You don’t owe me an explanation. But, thank you for your concern.” That was mature and to the point. Right? I didn’t expect a response, so I shoved the phone back into my pocket and headed towards the exit.

Ten hours wasn’t long enough to get over whatever it was I needed to get over where Antonio was concerned, but it was enough for me to push him out of my mind a little bit more. On the way home, Hannah called.

“I’m fine Hannah.”

“Good,” she laughed. “That means you won’t have to think up an excuse to get out of coming out for drinks with me tonight.”

Drinks? “Sure, that would be great actually.” Hannah and I didn’t hang out much, but she was a friend and I could use some company tonight. “Meet in an hour?”

“Nah, I don’t want to give you a chance to back out. I’ll be at your place in thirty.” She ended the call before I could say another word.

Smart woman.

I made a quick call to invite Suzie and rushed through the front door hoping to squeeze in a quick shower. But Hannah showed up sooner than I expected.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll just make myself comfortable while you make yourself presentable.”

The laughter in her voice put a smile on my face. I dressed quickly after the shower, in jeans and a pretty tunic that was light and airy against the unusually warm evening. “Ready.”

“You look good.” Hannah stood with a warm smile. “Let’s go.”

The Outpost was busier than usual, then again it had been a long time since I was there on any night but a Friday. My stomach growled as soon as we grabbed a big table near the front corner of the bar. “I think I’ll have some fried mushrooms.”

“That sounds great,” Teddy shouted when she dropped down in a chair. “Add some mozzarella sticks to the order too. I’m starved.” How she could put away so many calories and stay so slender, I’d never know. But I wish I knew her secret.

“I don’t know how you eat that,” Megan told her with a shake of her head. “I just gained three pounds listening to you wax poetically about it.”

“Oh sure,” Suzie snorted. “The baker with the ass that won’t quit is whining about fried foods. Give me a break.”

I laughed and wrapped an arm around Suzie. “I appreciate your candor.”

“Thanks,” she grinned. “I’ll pretend you’re not even a little tipsy.”

“Thanks back,” I told her with a wide, overly bright grin. It was nice to be surrounded by friends again, especially after everything with Antonio. It helped me forget that I wasn’t enough for him, that I was never enough. The alcohol and the friendship made it easier to forget that he had been so dissatisfied with me, or maybe my performance, that he called up his ex the moment the wheels touched down in New York.

It was no coincidence they’d ended up in New York at the same time. It couldn’t be. Could it?

No matter. We hadn’t crossed paths much since he moved back to Jackson’s Ridge, and since we didn’t travel in the same social circles, it was safe to say we wouldn’t in the future.

Then he showed up with Cal, and I let out a groan that was slightly louder than I meant it to be. Maybe I was a little bit tipsy. He was with Cal, so there was no doubt they would end up at my table.

Teddy turned in the direction of my gaze and sighed. “Sorry.” She didn’t look sorry, just like a woman in love who was happy to see her man.

“It’s fine. I should get going anyway.” If I could just slide from the booth, I could make a quick getaway with nothing more than a hello. I fixed a bland smile on my face and pushed out of the booth, and right into the wide familiar chest of Antonio. “Excuse me.” I didn’t look up, I knew it was him by his scent, the hard muscles that lined his chest and abs.

“Going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Home.” I tried to go around him, but Antonio was feeling playful, stepping in front of me no matter which way I tried to go. “Antonio,” I sighed. “Stop.”

“Stop, what?” He flashed a grin that, yeah, was a panty-melter. Too bad for him, because he did nothing for me. Not anymore.

“Stop this, whatever you’re doing.” At the sudden silence around the table, I closed my eyes and sighed, because we had the full attention of everyone. “This is unnecessary.”

“Not to me.” His tone was serious, almost sincere, and if I hadn’t heard him dismiss me so unequivocally, and if I hadn’t seen the look in his eyes when he stared at his ex, I might have believed him.

Not tonight. “That sounds like a personal problem.”

“It’s very fucking personal,” he growled back. “Just admit that you’re mad or hurt or whatever and we can move forward.” Of course he thought that. He could flash that smile and flex those biceps while he offered up a half-hearted apology and women probably swooned, took him at his word.

I already did that once. “I’m not mad, and even if I was, I would have no right to be, Antonio. We were nothing, just a fling, right? Temporary lovers who owe each other nothing.” Less than nothing, in fact.

“Ouch.” Teddy’s attempt at a whisper failed miserably, causing a low hum of laughter from the table.

“You know that’s not true,” he insisted and stepped in closer with a hand on my shoulder. “We talked. We connected.”

I shrugged off his touch. “I know the score, Antonio. At least I do now.”

He turned to Cal for help, but his friend shrugged as if to say, “Leave me out of it.”

“I heard you say it and you know what? I gave you the benefit of the doubt and showed up for the Renaissance Fair with you and Rosie. Then I found out you were meeting up with your ex.”

“I wasn’t meeting up with her,” he growled. “I told you she ambushed me.”

“Totally a move Trishelle would make,” Teddy confirmed. “What?” she asked when I glared her. “It’s true. She’s a total schemer.”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. You have a connection, a history with her and you didn’t tell me about it for a reason. Because I had no right to know, because we aren’t anything.”

“Oh, good point,” Hannah offered like the official scorekeeper of this little…whatever it was.

“It’s not a good point,” he shot back to Hannah, but his angry, pleading gaze never left mine. “I would never get back with Trishelle Augusta, and you know why.”

“I know that’s what you think.” This wouldn’t be the first time that I was cast in the role of the reason another couple reconciles.

“She’s got a new reality show and she’s trying to push the storyline of us getting back together. It’s all about the screen time for her.” He pulled me close and resisted my efforts to break free of his hold.

“I know what I saw, and you didn’t look like a reluctant participant, Antonio. And even if you did, it’s none of my damn business.” That’s what the photos had highlighted for me, that he didn’t give me a heads up that his meeting with his ex might become public, was because I didn’t need to know.

“Stop saying that!”

I shrugged. “The truth hurts, believe me I know. But now that I do, I get it. I understand.” I leaned into him, into his heat, for only a moment, just long enough for his grip to slacken. With a pat to his hard chest, I took a step back and shook my head. “No hard feelings.” I walked away, because I had to. I needed to get away from the weight of his stare on me. I needed to get away from the expectations at the table. It was impossible not to feel for Antonio, but I refused to be the bad guy in this situation.

There was no good or bad guy, just two people who’s time together had expired.

The chilly night air hit my skin and I let out a long, slow breath. Confrontation wasn’t my strong suit except at work. In my scrubs, I would defend a child’s treatment plan until I was breathless, no matter how many parents were offended or angry. In my personal life, I found it easier to just walk away. Experience had thought me that. When it had become clear that Dad wouldn’t stop drinking, not for anything, I’d had to save myself.

“No hard feelings? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Antonio’s angry growl hit me right in the back and that moment of relaxation felt like a lifetime ago.

I stopped and dropped my head and shoulders in resignation. This conversation would happen whether I wanted it to or not. Again. “It means that I have no hard feelings about being with you or how things ended.”

“Then things don’t have to end between us.” The plea in his voice almost got to me. Almost.

“They already have ended, Antonio, if there was anything to end.”

“There was,” he growled and suddenly he was at my side, his hand gripped the upper part of my arm and spun me towards him. “We have something, dammit. It might be casual, but it is something, something important, at least to me.”

“If that were true, you would have been honest about what happened in New York. You kept it to yourself, you hid it for a reason.”

“I didn’t hide it. I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t sign a release form which means they can’t use the footage for the show.”

“Right. Or maybe you were hedging your bets, Antonio. Maybe you want your ex more than you care to admit. Or maybe you just don’t want to admit the truth, that you didn’t tell me because I didn’t need to know. You never promised me anything and I never asked you to, so why are you making this so damn difficult?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, his tone barely above a whisper. “I just want you to know, that what you saw online was nothing.”

“Duly noted.” I turned to walk away, but his grip remained firm. Tight. “Antonio,” I growled, because I needed to get away. The urge to run was strong, almost overwhelming.

“Augusta,” he growled back and crushed his mouth to mine. The kiss wasn’t just any old kiss, not even from the start. His mouth was strong and demanding, his tongue slicked back and forth across my top lip, my bottom lip, teasing the seam of my mouth until it opened up and allowed him entry.

Antonio’s kiss was like a drug, no matter how bad it was, how addictive, how destructive, you couldn’t deny it. Couldn’t stay away. My body melted into his, right in the middle of The Outpost parking lot. He accepted my weight, one hand gripped my hip while the other cupped my face. He held me like I mattered, like I was truly important to him and he kissed me with a wild, feverish abandon that spoke of pure lust.

White hot, fiery lust that pulled me closer and closer to the flame until it surrounded us. The heat licked at my skin, or maybe that was just the impact of being in Antonio’s arms, being the sole target of his mouth and his hands.

I clawed at him and he gripped me tighter, pulled me closer. If we didn’t slow down soon, we would be naked and writhing, panting and pleasing each other. In public.

The kiss was hot as hell and I couldn’t deny the effect it had on me. I was hot and bothered, turned on and ready to make another mistake. Another mistake that might put my heart, my well-being, in danger.

Danger.

Antonio was dangerous to my heart.

I pulled back and sighed, my fingers touched my lips, swollen from the ferocity of his kiss. I couldn’t do this with him. No matter how good it felt, I couldn’t. “Good night, Antonio.” I walked away because I had to, but that didn’t mean it was easy. It wasn’t, and I spent the short walk home in a haze.