Hell by J.L. Beck

22

Lucian

It’slike I’ve been granted a precious gift. Her trust, even if it’s tentative. Even if she’s not sure whether I deserve it. Something deep inside her, some wisdom, tells her what I already know to be true. That I wouldn’t hurt her for anything in the world. That she’s nothing but safe when we’re together.

Now that I know what it’s like to be without her, I won’t be making any more mistakes.

She’s peaceful now, her breathing slow and even. I can’t resist the desire to reach down and stroke her hair—gently, barely making contact for fear of waking her and ruining the moment. I’ve waited a week for this. No, I’ve waited my entire life for this. So I won’t fuck it up now.

Rowan. My precious Rowan. I don’t know how many more nights we’ll have to go through this little dance. Getting her to trust me, easing her into being close to me. Earning her one inch at a time. I’ll do whatever it takes.

It might be because I’m watching her, or it might be because I’m exhausted myself. This hasn’t exactly been a restful week. No matter the reason, my head feels heavier with each second until I let it fall back against the sofa cushions.

Which is when I hear the scratching.

I sit up, watchful, listening hard. It isn’t loud enough for Rowan to hear—she’s still asleep—but it’s not mice. That much I know. I can see the door from where we’re sitting, and I know it isn’t my imagination. The knob is moving ever so slightly like someone is trying to pick the lock and jiggling it as they do.

“Rowan.” I shake her gently, lifting her until she’s sitting up. She blinks hard, her head lolling a little. “You have to wake up.”

“What’s wrong?” I hold a finger to my lips before pulling her off the sofa and hurrying her across the room, then into her bedroom.

“Stay in here. Do you hear me? Don’t make a sound, and don’t come out until I say it’s okay.” I push her toward the closet and wait until she’s inside before creeping out of the room, back toward the front door.

I should let the bastard break in, whoever he is. Let him hear the screeching of the alarm, so he knows what a mistake he made. But no, the alarm isn’t set.

That’s fine. Whoever it is, I’d like to deal with them one-on-one without police presence.

The lock clicks. I wait, tensed, prepared to end the miserable son of a bitch. When the door opens and reveals who’s on the other side, I understand just how miserable he is.

I should’ve had them kill him when he threw a fit in my club.

Glen’s bent at the waist, looking in all directions as he creeps into the apartment. He closes the door behind him, then tiptoes into the living room while I watch from the shadows outside Rowan’s bedroom. There’s a telltale bulge in his back pocket. The folding blade he’s carrying.

Bile rises in my throat when I understand the sort of damage he planned to do to her tonight. I doubt he would’ve left her alive. When desire is thwarted, it becomes perversion.

When perversion is thwarted, it becomes deadly.

“Who are you looking for, Glen?”

He whirls around, mouth hanging open at the sound of my voice. “You? What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you the same question.” I step out of the shadows, then away from the bedroom. I want to keep him away from her. “You have no business here.”

“You don’t know that.”

“So, what? You have to break in? Is that part of the fun?” It sickens me since I’ve done something similar. Only I had no intention of harming her. I wasn’t trying to cut her up to make myself feel better.

He’s sweating already, eyes darting back and forth. “I only wanted to—”

“To what?” My voice cracks through the air like a whip. “I know what you wanted to do. We both know. Spare me the bullshit.” Suddenly, I look toward the door, and he does the same, turning his attention away from me.

And that’s when I strike.

I throw myself at him, and we both tumble to the floor between the living room and kitchen. His head hits the hard linoleum floor, and he grunts. I use the opportunity to straddle his chest, pinning his arms to the floor with my knees.

“What? You don’t like it when somebody else is in control?” I slam my fist against his face, relishing the blood that oozes from the split flesh over his cheekbone. “You’re not much of a man without your knives, are you?” Another blow, then another.

“Pl-please—” It’s all he can manage to say before I hit him again. Again. Every time my fist makes contact, a rush of pleasure runs through me. I can’t stop myself, and I don’t want to. Soon, he’s unconscious, limp underneath me.

But I can’t stop. I hit him until his face is nothing but jelly. Until nothing about him looks remotely human. By the time I get tired and stop, I’m breathing heavily, but he isn’t breathing at all. There’s blood all over the kitchen, all over me.

I’ve never felt like this. Victorious. A lion defending his mate. Before getting up, I spit on him—sick bastard. I don’t know how he found out where she lives; he might’ve followed her home that night when I first took her away from him. Now I’m glad I didn’t have him killed. I had the pleasure of doing it myself.

I wash my hands in the sink before calling Alexei. “There’s a mess at Rowan’s that needs cleaning.” With that, I go to her room, then open the closet door.

She’s sitting in the corner with her knees against her chest, hands over her ears, eyes closed. It’s enough to break my heart. I’ll make sure she’s never in this position again. “Rowan? Everything’s fine now. You’re safe.”

She scrambles to her feet and throws her arms around me despite the blood on my shirt. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“It’s not my blood.” She stiffens in my arms but doesn’t pull away.

“Whose is it? Who’s out there?”

“It doesn’t matter now. Come on. I’m going to take you home.” She lifts her head, eyes searching mine. “My home. Where you’ll be safe. Close your eyes, and I’ll get you out of here.” She buries her head in my chest and lets me lead her out of the room, then out of the apartment. I manage to spare her the sight of the corpse in her kitchen.

We wait in the car until Alexei arrives. I didn’t want to leave without knowing he got there. I have a short exchange with him, describing what he’ll find inside, and from there, I know he can handle things with no further instruction. Nothing matters as much as getting her away from here, keeping her from all of this.

“I can’t believe it. If you hadn’t been there…” She’s shaking, holding on to my arm as I drive. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Don’t think about it. You’re safe now. Nobody will ever hurt you as long as I’m around.”

“You killed him.” It isn’t a question.

She deserves the truth. “I killed him.”

Her silence leaves me wondering how she feels, but I won’t push her on it. She might need time to process. Not much time, as it turns out. “I was so scared back there. Terrified. Not just for me, either. I was afraid for you.”

“You never have to worry about me. I can handle myself.”

“Still. I was. I wanted to go out there and help you. I thought, what will I do if anything happens to Lucian? Especially knowing you were defending me. I wouldn’t want to live with myself if you didn’t make it out of that.”

“But I did, Rowan.” When it doesn’t seem like that makes her feel better, I pull the car over and turn to her, pulling her close. “I’m okay. So are you. There’s nothing to be afraid of now.”

“There’s everything to be afraid of!” She bursts into violent sobs that shake her entire body. “I don’t feel safe anywhere. Only when I’m with you. I should be afraid of you after what you did, but all I want is to be with you always because I’m safe with you. I don’t know what to think anymore.”

I pull her away from my chest and take her face in my hands. Hands I used only minutes ago to kill for her. “Listen to me. If you want, you don’t ever have to be afraid again. It doesn’t have to be the way it was before. It can be you and me. No arrangements, no encounters. And I swear, I’ll do my best to be a better man for you.”

Her sobs have quieted into sniffles. “Really?” she whispers, and the hope in it both thrills and humbles me. The most precious, valuable thing in the world, and all she wants is to know I mean what I say.

“Really. I’ll do whatever it takes, so long as you’re willing to give me another chance.”

Her head bobs up and down. “I want that.” Anything else she might’ve wanted to say is muffled when I cover her mouth with mine, taking the kiss I’ve craved over the endless days we’ve been apart. She’ll never know what a gift she just gave me.

I plan to show her, though—every single day from now on.