Ryker by Jeneveir Evans
Chapter 12
It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~
Bane
October 14th, 1999
I went upstairs to let Kenzie know I was going to the Clubhouse. I needed to talk to Dog and Viper. Dane was in the mini crib asleep on Kenz’s side of the bed. Kenz was out cold too. Damn, I didn’t have the heart to wake her. Hearing my name called, I headed back downstairs. Eagle was standing in the kitchen putting containers of food on the counter. Thank heavens for Clair and the club girls or else we would have starved to death.
“Hey, Brother. Need a favor.”
“Anything.”
“Can you stay here while I go to the Clubhouse? I need to talk to Dog and Vip. Dad just called and let me know that they are heading this way tomorrow. I want to make sure that there won’t be any issues with them visiting us. I’d like for them to be able to stay with us too but I'm not sure if Dog will allow that.”
“Never know until you ask, Bane. I had already planned on spending the evening here, so I’m good.”
“Listen for Dane. Not sure if Kenzie will wake up or not. She’s sleeping the sleep of the innocent right now.”
“Do I need to wash bottles?”
“Nah, I managed to get it done earlier. I might have you pick up more jugs of water though.”
“I can do that. When you get back, make a list of things you need and I’ll get it all tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. I didn’t hear your bike so you must have driven your truck, care if I take it to the Clubhouse?”
“Keys are in it.”
“Be back in a few.”
“It’s all good, Bane. Take your time.”
I walked out of the door and got into Eagle’s truck. I was thankful that we were on firm footing again. Ever since I had come home, it has been like we had never had any problems between us. It felt damn good knowing I permanently had my best friend back.
As for Kenzie and me, I don’t know if things could be any more perfect. We were getting along better than we ever had. I had managed to convince her to leave work for a while. It hadn’t been hard to do. I think she secretly wanted to be with Dane full-time for now and I was more than happy with that. I didn’t want him in a daycare somewhere. Not that I think that would have happened. I’m sure that someone in the compound would have watched him. Yet I had really wanted Kenzie to be with him. When I explained that to her, she was more than happy to agree to my wishes.
I pulled up in front of the Clubhouse, got out and went inside. I was tempted to get a beer but I knew if I did I was liable to fall asleep talking to Dog and Vip. I headed down the hallway toward Dog’s office and heard talking but not loud enough to make out anything. I knocked on the wall as I stepped into the doorway.
“Bane, what can I do for you?” Dog asked.
“Can I talk to both of you for a few minutes?”
“Sure, Brother, come in and pull up a chair. You want a beer?”
“I’d love a beer, Dog. But if I drank one, I’d probably pass out right here.”
Both men laughed at me.
“Taking a little time getting used to being up all hours of the night?” he inquired.
“You could say that. I swear I don’t know how you did this with four, Viper. The thought of that scares the shit out of me. Even though Kenz and I try to take turns getting up with him, we’re still both exhausted. And I swear we no more get finished feeding, burping, changing his diaper than it’s time to start again.”
Dog chuckled and Vip stated, “Now you know why I aged ten years the first few months they were born. I almost forgot what sleep was.”
“I hear ya.”
“Bane, do y’all need anything? If so, just let either Vip or me know and we’ll make sure you get it.”
“Nah, Dog. The club has been good to us. Kenzie got shit at the baby shower that I still don’t have a clue what it is.”
Dog and Viper once again laughed at my statement.
“Prez, I got a call from Dad that he plans to leave tomorrow and come down. I wanted to know if it would be okay for my family to come to the house to visit?”
“Viper and I were just talking about that. Your dad called Vip and asked him to talk to me about it. Bane, not only are you a trusted Brother, you’re also family. I would have let them in even if Vip hadn’t come to me and vouched for them. It appears he knows your dad a lot better than I realized. I look forward to meeting him.”
“Thanks, Prez. His call earlier made my day. Yet knowing he can come into the compound is icing on the cake.”
“Brother, I’m not heartless. It’s your dad, of course you want to show your son off to him. I don’t blame you one bit. There’s nothing like having a new baby. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first, or like in Vip’s case, your eight, ninth, tenth or eleventh.”
I laughed when Vip flipped Dog off. “You’re just jealous, fucker, because my swimmers are stronger than yours.”
“Hell, Vip. I’m fucking glad of that too. Four at a time? Brother, I’m with Bane, the thought of that sends shudders through me.”
I watched Vip’s lip twitch. “I still fucking shudder. Jesus, they’re walking now. They’re already getting into shit. I think Mia and Jennie are talking about buying some kind of fence and putting it up in the house. That should hold them until they learn to crawl over the damn thing.”
This time we all laughed. I couldn’t imagine going through that. One was enough to terrify me now.
“Prez, do you think it might be possible…”
I stopped talking when Dog held up his hand.
“Know what you’re going to ask, Bane. You’re in your new house now. You have what, five bedrooms?”
“Yeah, Prez.”
“I have no problem with your family staying with you. I want to talk to them before they go to your house, but let your dad know that they can stay here.”
I swallowed hard. “Thanks, Dog. This means a lot to me.”
“Bane, you need to warn Deb that they’re coming. Don’t blindside her with this.”
“Alright, Dog. I’ll do that before I go home,” I said as I stood up. “Dog, thanks again and, Vip, thanks for sticking up for Dad.”
“Bane, Ry is a good man. I’ve known him for over twenty years. I consider him a good friend.”
“That means a lot, Vip. It really does.”
“Get on out of here, son, and go warn your mom that your dad is coming.”
“Alright, Dog. Talk to y’all tomorrow.”
~*~
Viper
After Bane left, I looked at Dog and spoke, “You did a good thing there, Dog. I still see signs he’s a little unsure of himself. Hopefully, that will ease as he continues taking his meds and seeing Bryn.”
“Yeah, Vip. I see the same thing. It pains me to see it too, Brother. Don’t think I’ll ever get over feeling like we failed him.”
“Can’t take the blame all on yourself, Dog.”
“Kinda think that might be the pot calling the kettle black.”
“Touché, Brother.”
~*~
Bane
I left Dog’s office and decided to stop in the kitchen real quick to see if any of the club girls were in there. As I entered the room, I found Clair, Mel, Ree and Storie finishing up dinner.
“Hey, Bane. How’s that handsome young man doing?” Clair inquired.
“He’s doing great. Not so sure about his parents.”
She laughed at me. “Having a hard time of it?”
I sighed. “No, not really. He’s good, it just feels like we no more get finished with everything than we have to start all over again. I don’t think I’ve slept more than two hours straight since we brought him home.”
“Hang in there, it will get better.”
“Ladies, I wanted to thank all of you for making sure we’ve had something to eat every day. I’m not sure if Kenzie or I would have been able to do more than eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. We haven’t had the energy for anything else. Kenz swears she hasn’t had a shower in a week. She has but I think she’s half delusional. Me on the other hand, I’m not so sure about.” I raised my arm and sniffed my pit causing the women in the room to laugh at me. “Either I’m used to my own stench or I’ve managed a shower sometime in the last day or so.”
“Bane, you’re a mess,” Clair commented as she snickered at me.
“Bane, it’s good to see you acting yourself again,” Mel said quietly. A gentle smile was on her face.
“Mel, it honestly feels good getting back to the old me,” I replied.
I didn’t take offense to what she said. She had been here several years. She was family. She had my best interest at heart.
“Whatever it is you’re doing, keep it up, it’s working,” she added.
“Plan on it, Mel. Hey, not sure how everything is going to go down completely, but my dad and siblings are coming in tomorrow. It will be later in the evening. You think I can get y’all to possibly make a meal big enough for six additional people? I don’t know if my brothers’ mom and my sister will feel like cooking once they get here. Not sure if they plan on cooking while they’re here either.”
“We can do that, Bane,” Clair remarked. “Just let us know whether we need to continue to make meals or not.”
“Will do, Clair. Ladies, once again from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the meals. If not, I think Kenz and I would have starved to death.”
Almost as if rehearsed, all of them answered, “You’re welcome, Bane.”
“Y’all have a good evening. I need to head back toward the house. I left Eagle in charge. I’m still waiting for him to get pissed on when he changes a diaper, just like I have every time I’ve changed Dane.”
With a wave of my hand, I walked out of the room to their laughter.
~*~
I pulled into Brax’s house dreading this visit. I still hadn’t sat down and talked to Mom since I got back. I only saw her when she came to visit with Dane. Other than that, I’d either talk or text to check on her or say hi, but that was pretty much it.
I know that’s been an asshole thing to do, yet I was still having problems letting it go. Bryn was helping me with all of this crap. She’d let me know it was okay to have these feelings. I asked her why she hadn’t kicked my ass because I hadn’t had a heart-to-heart with Mom yet and she’d told me it wasn’t her place to tell me what to do. She said when I was ready to talk to Mom, I would.
I didn’t know if I was ready, but I was going to have to talk to her a little right now. I knew the news I was about to give her was going to be upsetting. While I hated it for her, I was happy as fuck that Dad was coming and bringing my siblings.
I walked up to the door and knocked on it. I was surprised when Mom answered the door.
“Bane, is something wrong? Are you okay? Is Kenzie okay? Is Dane okay?” Mom asked me anxiously.
That made me feel like shit. The first thing that she asked was if something was wrong, not hi, how are you or what a pleasant surprise. No, I’d been a shit to her for months and here she was still worried about me and mine.
“No, Mom. Everyone is okay. I needed to talk to you for a few minutes. Do you have time right now?” I asked.
“Yeah, just a second. Brax,” Mom called out.
“Yo.”
“Bane is here, I’m going to step out on the front porch and talk to him.”
“Take your time. I’ve got the kids,” I heard him holler back.
Mom stepped out of the house, walked to the swing and took a seat on it. I chose a chair that was facing the swing.
“Bane, you look worried. What is it, son?”
“Mom, first off I want to apologize for being an ass to you the last few months. You don’t deserve it.”
“Thanks, Bane,” Mom whispered as she wiped a tear off her face. Damn, I hated for her to cry. “I did deserve it, Bane. I should have told you about your dad a long time ago. I just thought I was doing the right thing in keeping him away from you. I didn’t want you and Leigh to be hurt when you found out that your dad didn’t want kids.”
I sighed. “Mom, you were lied to.”
“What do you mean, Bane?”
“Dad always wanted kids.”
I saw the stubborn look come onto her face. She didn’t believe me.
“Mom, stop and think for a minute. How long were you with, Dad?”
“About two weeks total. Why?”
“How long did you know his Old Lady?”
“I didn’t know her, Bane.”
“And yet you took her word over Dad’s.”
“Bane, she said he made her get abortions because he didn’t want kids,” she protested.
“Mom, she felt threatened by you.”
“Why would she have felt that way?”
“Mom, one of the club whores called her and told her that you were with Dad again. Other than you, Dad never showed attention to another woman. Hell, he said he’d never been with a woman day in and day out like he had with you. When they went home that first year you’d been with him, a club whore who was his Old Lady’s friend told her all about the time Dad had spent with you.
“Then when Dad turned up with you the following year, the whore called his Old Lady and told her that Dad was with you again and his Old Lady hauled her ass to the rally because she was afraid Dad was going to cast her aside. She told you that shit to get rid of you.”
I watched Mom’s mouth working. “Still, Bane, she said he didn’t want kids.”
“Mom, did Dad ever say or do anything that indicated he didn’t want kids?”
“No,” she said reluctantly.
“Mom, if you had taken the time to find out, you would have known he always wanted kids. You also might have found out that his Old Lady had been forced on him.”
“What do you mean forced on him?”
“Not my story to tell, Mom. I will say that Dad always wanted kids. One day ask him how his Old Lady died.”
“That won’t ever happen, Bane. I’ll never see him again.”
I reached up and pulled my hair back from my face before dropping it.
“Mom, I stopped by to let you know that Dad and his family will be arriving here tomorrow to stay for a week. They’ll be staying with me while they’re here.”
“Ryker’s coming here?” she whispered. I could tell she was shocked.
“Yeah, Mom, he is.”
She closed her eyes. I watched a tear slide down her face, then another and another. She stood up abruptly and wiped the tears away.
“I’ll make sure I keep out of the way while they’re here, Bane,” She uttered as she walked toward the door of the house.
“Mom?” I called quietly as I stood up. “Don’t you want to see him?”
She stopped but kept her back to me. “No, Bane. I don’t. He broke my heart all those years ago. I never want to see him again.” Then she opened the door and walked in the house.
On the short trip home, I thought about all the pain Mom had been through because of Dad. Some of it was his fault, but a lot of it was her fault. This was one of those times when it was a no-win situation. It made me sad that she wouldn’t even see him. Wouldn’t at least give him the chance to explain. Still I knew there wasn’t anything I could do. I couldn’t force her to listen to him and he wouldn’t force her to either.
The dream of my parents being together was simply that. A dream. I’d learned the hard way throughout my life that most dreams don’t come true.
~***~