Ryker by Jeneveir Evans

Chapter 19

For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, “It might have been.”

~John Greenleafe Whittier~

Deb

October 17th, 1999

A tear slid down my face and I laughed bitterly when I thought about Ry calling me Sunshine. The first time I’d ever seen him, his eyes had stared into mine and that was what I had thought about him, he’d brought the shining sun into my life.

I released a deep sigh as I reluctantly continued to think about Ry.

It was so damn unfair, he looked so good. Yes, he was older. We both were. It had been twenty-eight years since I had last seen him. He was broader across the chest. There were a few age lines on his face. He looked troubled and weary. I hated that the first thing I’d thought when I’d seen him was that I wanted to hold him and help ease whatever was bothering him.

His hair was darker, longer, and I thought I’d seen a couple strands of gray. He still kept his beard cut about a half inch short. His gunmetal blue eyes still looked the same. They’d always had the power to draw me in. From the first time I’d laid eyes on him, I’d been helpless to resist him. He had to be a sorcerer because I’d been mesmerized by him from the very beginning.

My thoughts took me to the time I believed Bane was conceived. We were out riding and it had just been the two of us. He’d told me he had some place he wanted to show me. We’d ended up at an area big enough for swimming at Bear Butte Creek. I don’t think swimming had been on his mind when he took me there, however, since we hadn’t seen anyone on the way there, I’d decided that I was getting in the water. God, I remember the day so clearly in my mind. I let the memory sweep me away.

“Let’s go swimming,” I said as I hopped off his bike.

“Sunshine, I don’t swim.”

“What? Bikers can’t swim?”

He shrugged. “Babe, it just hasn’t been something I’ve done a lot of.”

“Ooh, you’re scared, aren’t you? You don’t know how to swim.”

“I fucking know how to swim,” he muttered.

I quickly untied my halter top and shimmied out of my shorts and panties. I ran toward the water laughing and shouted, “Prove it.”

I waded into the pool of water until it was at the top of my thighs. Then I turned toward him, leaned down and cupped water into my palms. I brought it up and poured it on my breasts. My already hard nipples tightened even further. Ryker eyes followed each movement of my hands. I repeated the gesture a couple more times before plucking my hard tips with my fingers. I arched my back as the sensation traveled straight to my clit.

I let my hands travel down my body. With one hand, I used my fingers to spread my pussy lips. With two digits of my other one, I started rubbing my sensitive bundle of nerves.

I whimpered at the feeling. I ached for Ryker to be inside me. I languorously looked at him only to find him ripping his clothes off. As he came striding toward me, I stepped further into the water until it was past my waist. Ry was a man on a mission and that mission was me.

I licked my lips, I couldn’t wait. He stopped in front of me, put his hands around my waist and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him and, like a heat seeking missile, his cock found my entrance. Simultaneously, he pulled me down on him as he surged upward.

It was raw.

It was hard.

It was fast.

And it was so good.

His pelvic bone grounded into my hard bud each time he was fully submerged inside me. It hadn’t taken long before he was driving me insane with need.

“Ry, please,” I begged.

“Please what, Sunshine.”

I shivered at the blatantly sexy tone of his voice.

“Make me come,” I pleaded. “I want to feel you come inside me.”

His eyes grew wild. He lifted me up until I was afraid he would slip out of me. I whimpered in protest until I realized what his goal was. He leaned down and took one of my nipples deep into his mouth. He thrust my turgid tip to the roof of his mouth and sucked on it hard. I swear lightning zinged from my hardened point straight to my clit.

“Oh god, oh god,” I moaned. “More, Ry, more.”

He slowly let me slide out of his mouth, his teeth raking down my tip, and, right before it fully escaped from his lips, he bit down firmly.

It sent a jolt of pure heat to my core causing me to scream his name, “Ryyyyykkkeeerrr.”

It was like hearing me call his name flipped a switch in him. He pulled my body down hard onto his shaft and he fucked me like a man with a goal. That goal was to make me come and, oh my god, how I did.

Each thrust into my hot heat touched my womb. Each time our bodies collided together, there wasn’t room for anything between us. Each stroke of his rod inside my aching core caressed my G-spot.

Our eyes stayed locked together as sweat ran down our torsos. I could feel myself getting close, so could Ryker. My inner muscles were clinging desperately to his dick. My tight channel begged him to mark me, to make me his.

And he did.

“You’re fucking mine, Sunshine,” he growled gutturally.

“Yes,” I hissed. “I’m yours, I’ll always be yours.”

He rolled his hips and hit my inner bundle of nerves head on and I came apart.

“Ryyykkkeeerrrr,” I cried out as the walls of my pussy clung desperately to his cock. I could feel my sheath milk his length.

He threw back his head and roared his release. My spent body slumped onto his chest. When he finally had his senses back, he lowered us into the water. I kept my legs wrapped around his waist and he held me firmly in place.

I heard him whisper in my ear as he hardened inside me again, “Meant what I said, Sunshine. You’re mine. You will always be mine.”

Slowly, I came back to myself whispering, “I’m yours, I’ll always be yours.”

I shook my head and reached up and swiped at the tears that continued to fall down my face. It had been hard, but I had managed to go on with my life without him. I’d even been with a couple other men, but to this day I was still in love with Ryker. That scared the shit out of me too.

I know there’s no way I could go through losing him twice. So there was only one thing I could do, I couldn’t give him the chance to get close to me again. I had to protect my heart. I needed to encase it in ice. Because if I let him in again and he shattered it once more, then I wasn’t sure if there was anything left inside to hold me together.

~*~

Ryker

I finally got to my feet and headed to Bane’s. I felt like someone had stuck their hand inside my chest and ripped my heart out. Somehow I managed to make it through the rest of the day. Everyone could tell that something was wrong, but I told them it wasn’t anything, that I was just tired.

That gave me the excuse to turn in early. I almost made it inside my room without one of my kids calling me on my shit. With one hand on the doorknob, I heard the voice of my oldest son. There was no way that I could ignore him. I wouldn’t ever do that to him, especially after the hell he had lived through by not knowing about me.

“Dad,” he called as he came up behind me in the upstairs hallway. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I sighed as I turned to face him. “I’m not okay, Bane, but I will be.”

“What happened? Did someone at the club say something to you that upset you?”

“Nah, son, it wasn’t anything like that.”

“Then what was it?”

“I saw your mom, Bane. She shut me down cold.”

He winced. “I’m sorry, Dad. She wouldn’t listen to me either when I attempted to tell her that there was more to everything that had happened. She didn’t want to hear any of it.”

I lifted my chin at him as a deep sadness went through me.

“Give her time, Dad. Maybe she’ll come around.”

“Bane, I can’t blame her for hating me. I hurt her bad. If I could go back and undo the pain without losing my kids, I would.”

“I can understand that, Dad.”

He looked at me hesitantly.

“What is it, Bane? You’re wondering about something.”

“Dad, do you still care for her?”

“Bane, I’ve loved her every day from the moment I met her. I’ll love her until the day I die.”

He reached forward and we hugged. He gripped me hard and whispered into my ear, “I love you, Dad. Don’t give up, maybe one day she’ll wake up and want to know what really went down.”

I stepped back and nodded at my son. “Thank you for that, Bane.”

“Dad, you won’t let this stop you from moving here, will you?”

I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Christ, him being so scared he was going to lose me made my heart tighten up. He’d found me and I was thankful he had. I was never letting him go. Never.

“No, Bane. Once this shit is over, I’m making Arkansas my home. I want to be near all of my children.”

His throat worked as he tried to contain his emotions.

“Good night, Dad,” he finally managed to get out.

“Good night, son.” I watched him turn and start to walk away.

“Bane,” I called.

He turned back toward me and asked, “Yeah, Dad?”

“I just wanted to tell you how fucking proud I am of you.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he murmured huskily.

Later, after I had a shower, I laid in bed letting thoughts of the past take me away.

It had been damn near impossible to function after I had lost Deb. She had truly taken the sun with her when she was gone.

My hatred for Layla had grown proportionately. I had stayed away from her. I wouldn’t even sleep in the same bed as her. That had frightened the bitch. She’d realized that she had lost me regardless of whether Deb was with me or not. I’d gotten home from that Sturgis and ended up in the bottom of a bottle for the next two years. I almost drank myself to death.

One night I had been so out of it laying on my bed that I had felt someone unbuttoning my pants and pulling my cock out. I hadn’t cared enough to even try to open my eyes to see who it was. I’m surprised my damn dick had even gotten hard as drunk as I was. But it had. I had lain on the bed with my arm over my eyes as someone rode my rod. I hadn’t cared if I came or not. I hadn’t cared who was on me. I hadn’t cared about anything at all.

I’d lost the only thing I’d cared about and as far as I was concerned, for me life had lost all of its meaning.

I’d vaguely remembered coming, but not once did I ever look to see who had used my cock that night. It wasn’t until the next morning when I woke up to find Layla beside me that I found out. I’d gotten up, grabbed her arm and dragged her slutty ass out of my bed. I’d opened the door and threw her out of my room. She’d been screeching at me to stop the entire time. Even though I’d had a hangover from hell, I still remember what I said to her that morning.

“Bitch, you ever come near me again and I’ll kill you. You got me?” I’d snarled at her.

“I’m your Old Lady, Ryker,” she’d sputtered.

“I don’t give a fuck what you are to me. You’ll never be in my bed again. Ever. I hate your motheringfucking ass. I can’t stand to look at you. You disgust me. Bitch, you were right to be scared of her. She has something you’ll never have. She has all of me. My heart, my body and my soul. You lost Layla. I won’t ever be yours again.”

I’d stepped back, slammed the door in her face and locked it. Then I crawled back inside a bottle. I’d surface every now and then to do the shit I had to do for the club, but that had been the extent of my involvement with it.

The day I found Layla bleeding out was seared in my brain. I’d come in from a run and found the bitch in my room. After learning what she had done, I’d let her fucking ass die. When she was dead, all I’d felt was relief. I was finally free of her.

I’d still crawled into the bottle for the next year and it had finally gotten to the point that there wasn’t a time that I wasn’t drunk. The last night I got wasted will always stay with me. I’d drunk so much that not much was registering. I remember thinking I just needed to get away from everything, so I got on my bike and took off. Whether I did it deliberately or not I can’t say, I was too far gone. I missed a curve and went off a twenty-foot high embankment.

I’d been lucky. My bike smashed into rocks when it landed. It was totaled. I’d ended up on the only silty ground in the vicinity. I should have had broken bones and my head should have busted wide open. None of that had happened. I’d ended up bruised but that was it. I remember laying on the ground staring at the stars. I’d started laughing until the laughter turned into sobs. I’d laid there with tears running down my face.

It had been winter and Brawn had been behind me in his truck. He followed my ass everywhere because he was so worried about me. Since I’d been useless, he’d had to call for help to get me to the road. He’d taken me to his sister’s place until I sobered up.

Brawn had gotten in my face and told me no more. He wasn’t going to watch me kill myself. He’d made sure that I sobered up and stayed that way. He was also the one who got me in to see a doctor about my depression. I’d been put on meds and from that day forward, I’d worked hard to get my life back on track.

I owed my life to Brawn. If not for him, I would be dead.

~***~