Ryker by Jeneveir Evans

Chapter 30

Things aren’t always what they seem, You’re only seeing part of me, There’s more than you could ever know, Behind the scenes.

~Francesca Battistelli~

Deb

November 5th, 1999

I drew myself out of thoughts of the past. It seemed like that was all I was doing lately, living in the past. I haven’t had a bad life. My children have given me immense pleasure. My friendship with Gloria had meant the world to me. I’d always known I had people at my back.

Yet like anyone else, I had things that haunted me. Things that at times I wished had never happened, but if I hadn’t ever met Ry, I wouldn’t have my kids. It’s so ironic that the things we sometimes wish we could change in our lives, are the very things that gave us someone or something to love and cherish.

I picked at a loose thread on my sweatpants as I thought about my earlier run in with Ry. Why did he want to talk to me? What did he want to explain? Why would he even want to explain anything when he already had a woman? While a small part of me wanted to know the answer to those questions, a bigger part, a part that was trying to protect myself, didn’t want to be around Ryker at all.

He was a danger to my emotions. I had been pissed several times over the years because he still had control over my feelings. I swear that after the last day I saw him in Sturgis, my heart had gone into a deep freeze and the only people that were let in were those who I knew wouldn’t be a threat to my emotional stability.

Over the last few years, I have gone out with a few men. I’d even slept with one. None of them had stirred anything inside me. I was like Sleeping Beauty. There was only one man whose kiss could awaken me.

A man who had burned me alive when we were together. A man who said I was his. A man who had withheld the information that he had an Old Lady. A man whose current woman was at my son’s house right now. A man who I would never be with again. A man who had destroyed me for any other man. A man, who despite not wanting to, I knew I’d love until my dying day.

~*~

Trina

I watched Deb leave Bane’s house in a mad dash to escape. She hadn’t known we were still here, that much was obvious. I had a feeling she took my comment about being the mother to Bane’s brothers the wrong way. She had gone white as a sheet and staggered like a gust of wind had hit her unexpectedly. I thought about going after her, but was worried about doing more harm than good.

I sat at the island sipping a glass of sweet ice tea, something I had already gotten addicted to since moving to Arkansas. I was waiting for Bane and Eagle to get back. I had a feeling Deb had waited to visit, thinking we were no longer here. Bane needed to go talk to his mom. He needed to explain why we were still here.

It appeared that she had come to see the baby. I hated that our being here was keeping her from doing that. I had fallen in love with Dane and he wasn’t even my grandchild. Bane needed a butt whipping for not letting her know we were staying. I had a mind to tell him that too.

An hour later, Bane and Eagle finally walked through the door, each of them loaded down with bags. I waited until they had everything inside before I began tearing into him.

“Bane?”

“Yeah, Trina.”

“Did you tell your mom that your brothers, sister and I were going to be staying with you?”

He looked at me guiltily as he shook his head.

“No. I didn’t think to do that. Why?”

“Because she came here while you were gone asking if Kenzie and the baby were awake. I let her know they were taking a nap. Then I told her who I was and the way she reacted to the news was heartbreaking.

“Bane, how could you do that? She didn’t give me the chance to explain anything. She left here in a rush. You know she probably thinks I’m Ryker’s Old Lady. She looked like someone who had been impaled with a hot metal spike.

“I have a good mind to kick your ass. You don’t treat women like that, especially your mom.”

He sighed.

“You’re right. I know better than that. I might have been mad at Mom for years for keeping Dad from me, but I wouldn’t deliberately hurt her. I’ll go talk to her now.”

“Good. You do that. And you damn well better grovel for forgiveness too. If you don’t, I’ll make sure that the only thing you eat is what you make for yourself, you got me?”

He winced.

“Yeah, I got you. I’m leaving now.”

He looked at Eagle who was giving him the stink eye.

“You got this?”

“Yeah, asshole. I do. You better go smooth things over with Aunt Deb.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going.”

~*~

Bane

Well, once again, I felt like shit. I had meant to let Mom know about the current situation but had totally let it slip my mind. And, of course, the one paying for it was my mom. Trina was right to take a bite out of me. I’d fucked up. Now, I’d do what she suggested. I’d apologize to Mom. If I had to grovel, so be it.

This time when I knocked on Brax’s door, he answered. He told me that Mom wasn’t in the house, to check in the gazebo because that is where I would probably find her. As I walked down the path, I saw that he was right. She was curled up in a chair. From the way she was rocking back and forth, I could tell that she had probably been crying.

It broke my heart that the thought of Dad still being here bothered her so much. It was very apparent to me that she still had feelings for him. He had hurt her bad and, with all the years it had been since that had happened, that shit was cemented in her brain. She hadn’t let any of it go.

I’m not sure if she would ever be over what went on with Dad. It would take a miracle to get her to forgive him now, especially since she hadn’t managed to get over him in the last twenty-eight years.

I climbed the stairs into the arbor and took a chair across from her. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there. I knew she had heard someone enter the structure. Finally, she lifted her head. I saw relief cross her face. Just that look let me know she had thought it was Dad who was sitting here.

She reached up, wiped her face and smiled shakily at me.

“Hey, Bane,” she whispered.

“Mom, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that Trina and my three youngest siblings are staying with me. I meant to and it slipped my mind. I know that’s not a good excuse.”

“Ryker’s not there?” she questioned in the same quiet tone.

“No, Mom. He and Tor went back to South Dakota. There’s some shit going on with his club and he was worried about Bronte, Taron and Raiden being brought into the middle of it. He asked the MC if they could stay here where they could be protected. The three of them, plus Trina, will be staying with me until Dad gets things settled.”

“They’ll be going home then?”

I sighed. Hell, the news I was about to impart wasn’t going to sit well with her.

“No, Mom. They won’t. Once Dad and Tor get the situation handled, they will be coming back here with some of their brothers.”

“Ryker’s coming back here?” she asked faintly.

“Yeah, Mom, he is.”

“For how long, Bane?”

I rubbed my hands on my pants legs. Shit, she wasn’t going to like this.

“Mom, they’ve been invited to patch over to ARMC.”

Her throat worked as she stared at me, then she dropped her head on her knees and started crying.

“Mom, will it really be that bad if Dad moves here? If he joins the MC?”

It took her several minutes before she finally answered. She looked at me again and this time she didn’t even try to wipe away her tears.

“I guess not for you, Bane. It’s what you’ve always wanted. I’ll need to start looking for a new job. I need to let Brax and Dog know to start hunting for someone else to watch the kids.”

“Why, Mom? Why do you have to leave?”

“Bane, I can’t stay here knowing that Ryker and his woman are living here. I couldn’t handle seeing them. I’m sorry, son. I just can’t do that.”

“Mom, do you still care for him that much?”

She shook her head. I knew she was refusing to answer my query.

“Mom, Trina’s not Dad’s woman.”

“She told me she’s the mother of his two youngest sons, Bane.”

“You’re right, she is.”

“She came with them and is staying with you.”

“Again, you’re right. But, Mom, Dad said there is nothing between them.”

Mom laughed harshly.

“Bane, where was she living before they came here?”

I grimaced. This shit wasn’t going to go over good.

“With him.”

“How long has she lived with him?”

“He had her move in as his house mouse when Tor and Bronte were babies.”

“She’s lived with him ever since, hasn’t she?”

“Yeah, Mom. She has.”

“Then don’t try to tell me she isn’t his woman. She’s lived in his house for years. There’s no way they aren’t sleeping together.”

“Mom, he says they aren’t. That he hasn’t slept with her since she conceived Raiden.”

“How old is Raiden?”

I groaned. “He’s seventeen.”

Again, she laughed that grating laugh.

“You’re a fool if you believe him, Bane. There’s no way I believe that he’s lived in the same house as a woman who he’s fucked and who has borne his children and they aren’t sleeping together.”

“I believe him, Mom.”

“That’s your right, Bane. But, I know Ryker is a liar. I wouldn’t trust a word he said as far as I could throw him. He proved that to me almost thirty years ago.”

I knew it shouldn’t, I tried my best to keep my mouth shut, however, I wasn’t successful.

“Did he really, Mom? Did he really lie to you? Tell me what he lied about?”

She looked startled at my questions.

“He never told me he had an Old Lady,” she immediately responded.

“Did you ever ask if he did?” I popped back.

She didn’t answer.

“You didn’t, did you?”

She didn’t say a word, she just shook her head.

“What else did he lie about, Mom? I want to know, what other lies did he tell you?”

“He never told me he didn’t want children,” she replied softly.

“Did you ask? Was that something you thought about while you were with him?”

She twisted her hands together.

“Answer me, Mom. Did you ask?”

“No, I didn’t ask.”

“So what you’re telling me is you took the word of some bitch telling you he didn’t want kids as gospel truth. That’s not on him, Mom. It’s on you.”

I hated being like this to her. Yet something was driving me onward. Usually I could have said my demon was making me do it, but he wasn’t. He was totally silent.

“What else did he lie about, Mom? Give me something else.”

“He said I was his, Bane.”

“He still says that, Mom. He said there hasn’t been anyone else but you in his heart.”

She snorted. “Yeah, like I believe that. How many kids does he have? Isn’t the woman to two of his younger kids at your house this very minute?”

“She is and I’ve already told you that they aren’t together. I can’t help if you choose not to believe that. As for my other two siblings, Tor’s mom was a club whore that Dad paid to carry his child. As for Bronte, her mom was another club whore Dad paid to carry his child.

“Mom, Dad has said from the moment he met you that he fell for you.”

“Yeah, right, Bane. If that was so true, why didn’t he ask me to go back with him when we first met at the end of the rally?”

“Mom, there were extenuating circumstances.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Bane.”

“Mom, I’m not telling you everything that went on. That’s Dad's place to tell you. If you choose not to listen to what all happened, that’s on you and no one else.”

“Well, I choose not to listen to it.”

“If that’s the way you want to be, then fine, Mom.”

I was so frustrated. She wouldn’t fucking open her mind and listened to a god damn word that I was saying. I could tell her everything that occurred, but she had it in her head that what she believed was the truth. I could sit here all night and not change a thing.

“Mom, I have one last question before I leave. What were you expecting when you went to Sturgis that year? Was it what you were expecting the previous two years you attended? To party, smoke weed, and fuck bikers? That was why you went then, wasn’t it?

“What makes what you did with Dad different? You got exactly what you wanted. You partied, I’m sure y’all smoked pot and we both know you sure fucked. So you got what you went for, why is Dad to blame in all this?

“It takes two to tango, Mom. Neither of you were completely innocent in this. I know he broke your heart, trust me when I say his was broken too. But, Mom, who did the worst damage out of all of this? You knew where he was, if you really and truly wanted him to know, you could have found a way to let him know he had kids. You are the one who chose not to do that. You. No one else. It was all on you.

“You are the one who kept his children from him. You are the one who kept the knowledge of our dad from Leigh and me. It wasn’t him, it was you. Remember that when you sit there on your god damn high horse, Mom.

“Something else to think about, not once has Dad said anything negative about the fact that you kept his kids from him. He could be bitter about that Mom, yet he’s not. He takes all the blame for it when it’s not all his to take.

“I’m sorry for being disrespectful to you, Mom. However, I think you need to hear some truths. That is if you even listened to a word I just said.

“You are more than welcome to come visit with Dane. You just need to realize that Trina and my brothers and sister will be there. If you can’t find your way to visit Dane with them there, then you can wait until Dad is back and they are in their own place. None of those four people have ever done a thing to prevent you from coming to my house to see your grandson. Mom, if you want to see Dane anytime soon, you’ll have to get past whatever is going on in your head. We don’t plan to take Dane out until he is older.

“I love you, Mom. I do. I just wish you would open your damn eyes to the truth and realize that Dad isn’t the villain you have made him out to be.

“There’s always two sides to every story, Mom. Don’t forget that.”

I stood and left the gazebo. I knew if Dad had heard me talk to Mom like that he would have kicked my ass, but I’d had it. Years of hurt and anger spewed from me in the form of questioning her. Of trying to make her see that she wasn’t the only one who was affected by everything that had gone on.

There was a very good chance that I could lose my dad if things went south with this shit that he was involved in. That scared the fuck out of me. I just didn’t have it in me to be involved in Mom’s pity party.

I rubbed my face and ran my hands through my hair as I walked home. I hoped that something I said got through to her. Hell, I knew she had been hurt by what had happened, but so had Dad.

~***~