Ryker by Jeneveir Evans
Chapter 35
The crowning experience of all, for the homecoming man, is the wonderful feeling that, after all he has suffered, there is nothing he need fear anymore - except his God.
~Viktor E. Frankl~
Vision
November 19th, 1999
Minnesota
I didn’t think this day would ever get here. I’d spent the last twenty-two years of my life being told when to get up, when to go to bed, when to eat, when to work, when to go to class, when I had yard time, when to be in my bunk for roll calls, when I could take a shower, luckily I had a toilet in my cell, if not, I’m sure I would have been told when I could piss or shit.
I’d done everything I could while I had been inside to facilitate a successful transition into a normal life, whatever the hell a normal life was.
I knew I was luckier than most. I had somewhere to go. I had a place to live. I had a job waiting on me. And most importantly, I had my family waiting for me. Not only did I have my Brothers of ARMC waiting, but my son Jett, my parents, my sister Lacy and her children, and my nephew Beau.
I wouldn’t lack for a thing. Still it was scary as shit to be walking out of this godforsaken hell-hole that I’ve lived in over half my life.
At first when I was tried and convicted, I was bitter, not towards my MC or the girl we were to pick up and protect. No, I was bitter toward the asshole who sentenced me this fucking long in prison.
There had been witnesses that saw that fucker shooting at Dog, Hoss and Jessie. I’d only done what any good Brother would have done, I’d protected my own.
Hell, when the bastard died, I knew I would end up doing time. I just hadn’t thought it would be over half my life.
After a few months inside, I knew I had to get a handle on my bitterness, if not, it was going to eat me up. That, in turn, would have led me to doing stupid shit and never getting the fuck out of here. Every day since then, I had a mental talk with myself. I told myself it could have been so much worse. At least my Brothers, Jessie and I were alive.
It could have been so much harder on me if I hadn’t been allowed to receive and write letters. All my Brothers made it a point to write monthly. They tried to space them so I consistently had mail. Jessie even wrote to me. She had apologized so many times the first couple of months for being the cause of my incarceration that at times, I hated to open her letters. Finally, I wrote her a brutal and frank letter telling her that her continued despair about the situation was bringing me down.
I told her to live life to the fullest. To write to me about good things that were going on in her life. And that is what she immediately started doing. I’d laughed when she wrote telling me she was falling for Hoss. Then I’d receive a letter from him asking me what I thought. He wanted to know if he should go for her. I think he too was feeling guilty that he was at home falling in love while I was behind bars. I’d let him know right quick that if he loved Jessie, he’d be a dumbass to let her escape. Needless to say, he’d taken my advice.
I’d enjoyed watching their short courtship play out in letters. Once Hoss got his head out of his ass and realized he loved her, he’d locked Jessie down tight not just as his Old Lady, he’d also put a ring on her finger. It hadn’t taken them long before they were expecting their first child.
Just like I did with them, I lived vicariously through the letters and pictures that I received from the rest of my Brothers and family.
It had cut me to the quick to learn about Dog losing Beth and his unborn daughter, my niece, in a car accident. That was the first time I’d openly cried since I was locked up. I’d lost my big sister. I wouldn’t ever see her again. I would never see her sweet smile or hear her gentle voice once more. I wouldn’t ever again see the love that shined from her eyes for Dog or Beau. That had hit home hard, knowing that anything could happen to a member of my family and I wouldn’t be there to help out or, in this case, to mourn with them. For a long time afterwards, my world had felt barren.
Next, it had been Undertaker and Pennie dying in a motorcycle wreck. Oh, how I had hated not being there to give my support and love to Blood, Briar, and Brax. To not be with my Brothers.
Then, just months ago, it had been hard to hear about another death. That was a dark day for me when I received the news that Doom had been killed, it was the second time in years that I’d cried hard.
Grieving alone for an inmate, at least for me, had been pure hell on earth.
There had been one thing that for most men would have probably made incarceration harder but, for me, it hadn’t. Instead, it had been one of my main saving graces. I’d found out that my girlfriend at the time, Kyra, was expecting my child. She’d borne me a son.
The first several years had been rough. I’d written at least three times a week to him. Kyra would read the letters to my son, then she would write back and let me know how he was doing. When she sent me pictures of him, I’d stare at them as I ran my fingers over the photos. I was being given the chance to see my son grow up.
Kyra had been good about everything. If she had wanted to, she could have simply not told anyone at the MC that she was pregnant with my child.
Thank God she hadn’t.
The first time she wrote to me, she let me know that she considered us nothing more than friends now. I didn’t blame her for that. I wouldn’t have expected her to wait twenty-two years on me. Besides, I’d loved her with a boy’s love but I wasn’t sure it had been a man’s love. I was happy she had gone on and led a full life. She’d married, had more kids, and the man was decent to my son Jett.
Jett had been my inspiration to better myself. I was bound and determined after I had served my time that my ass wasn’t ever ending up inside a prison again.
That led me down the path of all the college degrees I’d completed. Thanks to that, I knew what I would be doing when I got out.
I’d done it all for Jett.
I think I’d come to know my son better by being on the inside than if I’d only had him on weekends. Because I was sure that Kyra and I wouldn’t have had anything long term together. At nineteen, we hadn’t been ready for that.
Once Jett learned to read and write, he’d written to me every single day. Some days it might have been short and sweet, but he’d written. We had talked about everything under the sun. There hadn’t been any taboo subjects between us. Whatever he asked about, I replied to him with an honest answer. That led to him doing the same. While I might not have been physically with him during his highs and lows, I had been there in spirit and on paper.
My son knew I loved him unconditionally. He loved me the same way. He was who I was looking forward to seeing the most. I know that sounds bad, but I was ready to pull my son into my arms and hug him tight. Hell, I might not let him out of my sight for a long time. I’m fairly sure he felt the same way. He’d asked for permission to be at the compound when I got home and I’d given it.
We were both stoked to see the other.
I looked around the solitary confinement cell that I’d called home this past year. I double-checked to make sure I had everything packed to go. It wasn’t much. We weren’t allowed to keep a lot of things in our cells.
When it came time to try to find someone to visit who wasn’t associated with the MC, Keith had immediately volunteered to do it. His visits had helped keep me sane. Seeing him monthly let me know that one day I would be seeing all of my family again. That they hadn’t forgotten about me. That I was still loved and missed.
I knew Keith was already here waiting to take me home. The warden let me know that when he brought my last breakfast.
I’m thankful as fuck that Keith turned me down when I told him not to come back after the first time he visited. I’d said that to him after he told me that Lucifer’s Wrath had threatened to kill any family member that came to visit me. I’d been scared as fuck that they might try something with him, but they never did. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Keith wasn’t kin to me. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t feel his loss, who knows. I would have though.
He’d initially wanted to come up twice a month. I’d manage to convince him that once was good. He had to drive a hell of a long way to visit as it was, over ten hours one way. He didn’t have to do that. He didn’t owe me anything. He wasn’t a member of ARMC like his brother KJ.
He’d grown up around the club and at one time, he’d considered joining. While he enjoyed riding, he’d finally decided that the MC life wasn’t for him. That didn’t stop him from being friends with all the Brothers and their families and my Brothers reciprocating the friendship. Hell, as it was, I swear he was kin to half the members of the MC.
I was startled out of my thoughts when I heard Lieutenant Hardgrave ask, “Vision, you ready to leave this fine facility.”
Technically, he was supposed to address me by my last name, but over the years, he and I had formed a friendship of sorts. He’d been one of the guards on my former cell block. He was one of the better guards the prison had. He actually got to know the backgrounds of the men that he was in charge of.
When I was put into solitary confinement for my safety, the warden had asked him to transfer to this cell block. To my relief, he had accepted the transfer. There were some guards that hated every inmate, didn’t matter what their situation was. They took it out on the inmates by being major assholes to us. I’d worried that I would get stuck with some of those guards when I was moved to this cell block. Thank goodness the LT wasn’t that way. I’d said as much one day and he let me know that the warden had made sure that when I was moved here that all the guards on this block were decent men. I’d made sure to express my thanks to the warden.
I knew the LT sometimes crossed the line with me in regard to our conversations. We often talked more like friends than guard and inmate. He’d once told me that after reading my file, that it was only by the grace of God that he wasn’t standing in my spot. He said that if anyone had shot at his friends, he would have come out firing too. It was oddly funny in a way, I would miss the man and the friendship I had with him.
I looked through the opening at him and smiled.
“Hell, yeah, I am,” I replied as I placed my hands through the door.
After I was cuffed, he opened the door and stepped back, allowing me to move out into the corridor. He then put the waist chain on me and ran it through my handcuffs. When he was done, I stepped back into my cell, picked up my things and walked out the steel door for the very last time.
I was silent as we went through the various checkpoints. It was surreal to me that I was leaving. I almost wanted to hold my breath in fear because I was afraid someone would put a stop to my departure. When we went through the last door, it finally sunk in that I was really getting out. I swallowed hard as I watched the chains and handcuffs be removed for the last time.
One more door and three gates and I would officially be outside the walls of the prison. I grabbed my things, picked up my paperwork and walked my final walk.
I stopped before the final gate. I stepped to the side and offered my hand to LT Hardgrave. He took it and shook it before releasing it.
I looked him in the eye as I spoke, “Lieutenant, I’d like to thank you for treating me like I was human.”
“It’s Sam, Vision. No thanks are necessary.”
I smiled faintly at him. “Sam, you and I both know that not many guards treated the inmates as a human. We committed a crime so that made us animals.”
“There are a few men inside that are less than human, Vision. Never believed that of you. If you and I had met on the outside, I firmly believe we would have been solid friends.”
“I think that too, Sam,” I responded, then hesitated. “Sam, if you’re ever down south, call Keith. He can get a hold of me and I’ll take you out for a beer.”
He grinned. “I might just take you up on that.”
I grinned back. “You do that, Sam. It would be an honor and a pleasure.”
He then unlocked the gate and I walked through it. I was finally a free man. Keith nodded at Sam through the fence.
“Thanks for watching out for our man, Lieutenant.”
“Pleasure’s been mine, sir.”
“You ready to get on the road, Vision,” Keith inquired.
My jaws ached from smiling so wide.
“Hell, yes. Let’s go home.”
I put my few things in the back seat of Keith’s truck, then climbed in front. I didn’t look back. Not once. That place was my past, I was ready to head toward my future.
~*~
As soon as we got in the truck, Keith told me about our escorts for the trip home. Within a block, we picked them up. Spyder’s men led us out of the state on the most direct path possible. I wanted my ass out of Minnesota and never planned on stepping foot in it again. When we passed into Iowa, I breathed a sigh of relief. Our escort also grew. Now half of Disciples of Carnage MC were leading Spyder’s men and half were behind them.
“You good?”
“Yeah, Keith. I’m finally out of that fucking state. Think the only way you’d get me across its state line again is in a body bag.”
“Understand that.”
“God, I missed that sound.”
“What’s that?”
“The sound of a group of bikes rolling down the road together. Nothing like it.”
“Won’t be long and you’ll be on yours again.”
I laughed.
“You think they still have it?” I queried.
“Know they do, Vision. Gunny and Sarge have rebuilt the engine and replaced several items. They’ve done everything that needed to be done for it to be ready to ride. Ranger gave it a new paint job. It’s as good as new.”
Again I found myself swallowing hard. I had a feeling I would be doing that a lot today. I glanced out the back glass at all the bikes behind us, then I looked farther down the road. I prayed that Lucifer’s Wrath didn’t try to pull any bullshit. I didn’t want anyone hurt on my account.
“You need to prepare yourself, Vision.”
“Why’s that?”
“Even though we’ll be pulling in around seven, you know everyone is going to be there. Plus, Spyder’s men are staying until tomorrow. It will be party central.”
My chest tightened up thinking about being around that many people. It was going to be hard even if it was my family.
“Yeah, that’s gonna be one major adjustment I’ll have to make.”
“Dog wanted me to let you know that he’s not putting you in a room in the Clubhouse.”
This time it was my gut that tightened. Was Dog afraid that I’d hurt someone if I stayed in the Clubhouse? Out of the corner or my eye, I saw Keith glance at me.
“Know what you’re thinking. Get that shit out of your head. Viper told him that it would be hard on you to be around that many people continuously, whether it was your family or not. That you were used to being alone. That it would take you some time to acclimate yourself.
“He convinced Dog to put you in one of the Brothers’ starter homes. That way Jett can stay there with you.”
Damn, I liked the sound of that. I’d rather have my own place. Maybe one day I could handle living in the Clubhouse, but Viper was right. It would be hard to constantly be around that many people until I got used to it.
“Viper ever do time?”
“Nah, don’t think so, but some of the members of his former MC had. Vision, you’ll have to remember that it might take your Brothers and family time to understand that you can’t handle the constant closeness of having people around you. You may always be like that to an extent. Yet, I think one day the pressure will ease off of you. It will sink in that you are around family and safe.”
“Keith, thank you for all you’ve done. You didn’t have to dedicate a weekend a month out of your life for me.”
“Vision, wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
I sat and thought about what he said as we drove down the road. I was steadily looking around at everything we passed. Shit had changed so much since I went in. It was almost like I went into prison in the dark ages and came out in some futuristic world.
We stopped to refuel in Des Moines and the entire time, I kept my ass in the truck. Keith went in and got us something to snack on and a drink. I watched all of Hellboy and Spyder’s men refuel their bikes. Both clubs were constantly looking around. They were taking their job of getting me home seriously.
I breathed another sigh of relief when we crossed into Missouri. We lost the men of Disciples of Carnage and picked up Rulers of Chaos. It was an amazing thing to see these 1%’er clubs coming together to get me home safely. I’m sure Spyder owed them some markers for what they’d done for me.
We made another pit stop right as we were leaving Kansas City, Missouri. I’m not sure if I’d ever truly feel comfortable again at a convenience store. I swear my asshole was puckered tight the entire time I was in the store taking a piss. When we walked out of the building, I noticed some of RC’s men talking to men in a few trucks. After we got on the road again, I constantly kept watch out of the side mirror.
I could see the trucks behind us. When I couldn’t see any vehicles behind the trucks, I noticed that shit started hitting the highway.
“What the hell?” I muttered.
“Think that might be the first of Nightmare’s distraction tactics.”
“What the fuck did they throw out?”
“Not a clue, Vision. Long as it works, I don’t care.”
“I hear that.”
Not long after Joplin, I noticed that they’d dumped something else on the road behind them. This time I just smiled. We were getting close to home now. We had less than seventy miles to go before we hit Rogers. Less than sixty minutes later we crossed into Arkansas. We lost Nightmare’s men but picked up an escort by the sheriff himself. KJ was going to lead me home.
I avidly studied my surroundings. I felt like a stranger. God, it had all changed so much and I hardly recognized anything. Here and there I noticed some stores that had always been there, but the entire area had grown up to the extent that I wasn’t sure if I could even find Highway 12. As we crossed over to Highway 127, butterflies took up residence in my stomach.
My jaw clenched tight as we passed The Watering Hole. Doom had lost his life behind the building.
The pain of his loss hit again.
“Was a rough time for the club,” Keith said quietly. “Eagle wasn’t even staying at the Clubhouse at that time. He had been away for weeks. I watched him at the funeral. He stood alone by the bikes. Don’t ever want to see that happen to any of you again. Not death, not prison, or one of the members isolating himself away from the MC. I worried for months about Eagle.
“It’s a hard thing for a man to watch his grown son struggling and not be able to do a damn thing for him. I can tell you that I’m damn thankful that Bane is home. Not sure what would have become of Eagle if he hadn’t ever made it back.”
“I missed so much. Fuck, Eagle and Bane were just six when I went in. At least I know what everyone looks like. I was thankful for all the pictures everyone sent. I hated like hell to have to send some back home but I couldn’t keep everything that was sent to me. I kept one picture of everyone and one or two of my favorite letters from everyone. It was hard letting that shit go. The only thing that made it okay was knowing I would have more coming in.”
“Vision, this isn’t the first time you will hear it, nor will it be the last, but I’m sorry as hell that you had to go through this shit.”
I blew out a deep breath. “Keith, nothing to be sorry for. It was just one of those things. If I had it to do all over again, I’d make the same decision. I had to protect Dog, Hoss and Jessie.”
“You’re a good man, Vision. A damn good man. Not many would sacrifice themselves like that.”
“The Brothers of ARMC would,” I replied. “We Protect Our Own.”
“That you do, Vision. That you do.”
~***~