Finding Ronan’s Heart by Melanie Moreland

Chapter Eighteen

Beth

The kids were in bed, and Paige and I lounged on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a bucket of popcorn. I chewed the buttery goodness, licking the salt off my fingers.

“So, they were there without Ronan knowing?” she asked.

“That’s what they said.”

“I assume his best friend slept with the other girl.”

“Reading between the lines, yes.”

“Were they nice?”

I sipped my wine and nibbled on more popcorn. “Yes, they were.”

“Did you believe them?”

I sighed. “They had no reason to lie to me. Although, neither did Ronan, so I have no idea.”

“So, they said Ronan lied because he wanted to keep you to himself. Because he liked just being Ronan. A regular guy.”

“In a nutshell.”

“Huh.” She inhaled, and I braced myself for her next words.

“If I read between the lines, I’d say since that other girl used him for his money, he decided to downplay that part of his life. Maybe it was a test—I don’t know. He seemed so genuine, I can’t imagine him enjoying keeping things from you. Maybe he was, as his sister and cousin said, enjoying being just one guy—not part of a trio. I remember thinking how odd it was he was unsure about his favorite kind of eggs.”

“Or ice cream,” I added without thinking.

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Just playing devil’s advocate here, Beth, but is it the worst thing in the world finding out your boyfriend, who is crazy about you, is rich and has a big family that is dying to meet you?”

“I don’t like him for his money.”

“That is a fact he will forever be sure of.”

“So, you think I should forgive him?”

“I’m going to be honest. I know you weren’t ready before, but I think you should talk to him. You’re miserable. I’ve never known you to cry, and you do it all the time now. Evan is sad. Hell, even Lucy asks about him.” She huffed. “I kinda miss the big lug, too.” She nudged my foot. “I think you miss him terribly. It sounds as if he is pining for you. Maybe you need to talk and clear the air. Decide if you can trust him again. You can start again with no secrets.”

She was right. I did miss him. More than I admitted. I missed his smile and laugh. The way it felt when he hugged me. Kissed me. I longed for his touch. To watch him inhale something I had cooked and praise it while filling his plate again.

“I’ll call Ava.”

Paige smiled. “Good plan.” She refilled our glasses again and lifted hers in a mock toast. “To secretly rich boyfriends. Maybe your luck will rub off and I’ll find one too.”

We both began to laugh, and I had to admit—it felt good.

* * *

The next morning, Paige appeared in my doorway. “My God, Beth. Your ride is here.”

I had called Ava the night before, and she had asked if I could go to Port Albany the next morning. She promised to arrange a driver for me, and I had assumed it would be her. Paige had encouraged me to go, saying she would take Evan and Lucy out for breakfast and they’d go to the park.

“Okay. Is it Ava or Gracie?”

She clutched my arm. “It’s his brother. The non-triplet one. Heavens, he is enormous. And incredibly sexy.” She fanned her face. “I want to climb him like a tree.”

I followed her upstairs, where Ronan’s brother waited. It was the man from that fateful day who had been with Ronan. The one who wore the leather jacket. He looked bigger than I remembered, which, as Paige said, was enormous. His broad shoulders filled the hallway, but his expression was calm and his eyes gentle. His mouth was curved into a smile as I approached.

“Hi,” I said, holding out my hand. “I’m Beth.”

He enclosed it in his grip, shaking it. “Hi, Beth. I’m Liam. Ronan’s other brother.” He winked, looking directly at Paige. “The non-triplet one.”

I heard her squeak, and I tried not to laugh. There was no doubt he had heard everything she said. His eyes danced, and the smile that broke through was the equivalent of a thousand-watt bulb.

“Considering I’m a landscape architect, the tree reference was particularly pleasing.” His gaze never left her face. “Climbing can be arranged. I’ll make sure Beth has my cell number.”

I glanced over my shoulder. Paige’s face was flushed, her eyes locked on Liam.

“Okay, then,” she responded. “I’ll, ah, I’ll be leaving now.”

She turned and hurried away.

Looking back, I caught him ogling her ass, and I lifted one eyebrow in a silent question.

“Single, right?” he said quietly.

“Yes.” I paused. “With a daughter.”

“Lucy,” he confirmed. “Ronan thinks she’s adorable.”

“She is.”

“I’ll give you my number in the car.”

“Okay, then.”

“Now—” he grinned “—let’s get you to my idiot brother. He has no idea his miserable little existence is about to take an upswing.”

“I only agreed to talk to him.”

He leaned close, mischief once again dancing in his eyes. “I’ve got a good feeling. And, Beth? I am never wrong.”

* * *

Ronan

My feet pounded on the sand, and the only sound aside from my heavy breathing was the water lapping at the shore. I headed toward the trail in the woods, the heavy overhang of the trees casting shadows, the change in temperature immediately cooling my overheated skin. I stopped by an overturned trunk, stretched, then sat down. I grabbed the water bottle from my waistband clip and drank deeply. All around me were the signs of new growth, signaling that summer was fast approaching. The trees were budding, new shoots of green peeking up through the forest floor.

I had seen Liam yesterday, walking around the complex. No doubt he was planning, mentally calculating what spots needed filling, already mapping out what bloomed when and how the gardens would all look once he was done. Every year, he added and changed, thinned out and replanted. He had flowers and plants blooming from early spring until late fall. We all helped with the maintenance, and all the women had their preferences for their own private gardens by their houses, and Liam made sure each one was met. He loved working in the dirt and spent many hours bent over the neatly laid-out landscapes. His own garden was filled with fruit trees, and there was a large vegetable patch we all took care of and had access to.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I had promised him I would help work on turning over the dirt in the vegetable garden later this afternoon. It would keep me busy—at least, my hands and body. My mind, however, seemed stuck in the same place, no matter how hard I tried to move forward.

I was still standing on that street, watching the hurt fill Beth’s eyes. Desperate to erase it. Frozen as she walked away, refusing to listen.

Not that I blamed her.

Selfishly, I had tried playing a game, not thinking of the consequences, and I had lost. I had made her feel as if I were keeping her hidden, as if I were ashamed of her, when in fact, it was myself I was ashamed of. My actions caused her pain. I had hoped if I gave her space, she would cool down and at least let me talk to her. But my phone remained silent, and there was no attempt to reach out.

And the chickenshit I was, I never reached out to her.

I hung my head, a long exhale of air leaving my mouth. I could recall, with finite detail, the look on her face when she saw me with my father and brothers in the hall. The way the color drained from her face. How her dark eyes widened, the pain and insecurity filling them as she stared at me. The conclusions her mind made. As soon as the elevator doors closed, I ignored the shocked, curious stares of my family and headed to the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time. I caught up to her on the street, my long legs easily closing the distance as soon as I spotted her.

The agony in her eyes, the emotion in her voice, destroyed me. She was distraught, unable to process the depth of what she had discovered. What I had hidden from her. She refused to listen, thinking the very worst of me. Thinking she had meant nothing, when in fact, she had meant more than I had even realized.

After she walked away, leaving me staring after her, I had stood, frozen, unable to comprehend how my life had taken such a vast downturn in the space of only a few moments. How long I stood there, staring, hoping she would come back around the corner and let me explain, I had no idea. Liam had appeared beside me, his voice quiet.

“Come on, Ronan. Let’s go.”

My feet propelled me forward, but I didn’t speak. I followed him to his truck, not saying a word as we headed toward Port Albany. At my house, he watched as I walked around, too edgy and upset to sit. He made coffee, sipping a cup as the one he pushed my way went cold.

Finally, he stood in front of me. “Talk. Tell me everything from the beginning.”

So, I did. And since then, I hadn’t shut up. I talked to my parents, my sister, my brothers. Nan and Pops. Gracie had listened to me for hours. Jaxson had shaken his head when I talked to him, offering his counsel.

“You need to tell her, Ronan. Even if it makes no difference. Even if your relationship isn’t able to go forward. You need to tell her.” He sighed as he rocked Kylie, his big hand running up and down her back in gentle passes. “Don’t let her think she wasn’t worthy. That will eat at her the rest of her life.”

“I don’t think she can forgive me,” I admitted.

“It’s a lot to forgive.” He glanced at Gracie, the two of them sharing a look saturated in love and understanding. “But if she cares about you, if she’s the kind of person you say she is, there is a chance she will. And if you care about her the way you say you do, she is worth that risk.”

He smiled. “Trust me, I know about risk. But this is worth it.”

My entire family now knew about Beth. And Evan. I had gone on about Paige and Lucy as well. It was as if now that I had turned on the tap, I couldn’t stop the words from flowing.

I had confessed to what happened with Loni and Dave, letting my family voice their anger over the situation and their distress that I had remained silent. Paul and Jeremy had been distraught over my silence and had listened to me go on for hours, their sympathy and companionship appreciated. They wanted to help, but I told them I had to work this out on my own with Beth. They understood and offered their support. I was grateful but knew this was something I had to fix.

I scrubbed my face roughly and stood, having made a decision. Beth was off today. I had to go to see her. Beg her to let me explain. Jaxson was right. Even if she decided she couldn’t trust me again. If she never wanted to see me—I had to try. I had to make sure she knew how incredible she was, how much she meant to me. I had to make sure she knew the blame rested entirely with me and she was innocent. I never meant to hide her.

She was far too special to hide.

* * *

I walked in the door, weariness saturating my body. I had run a long distance, farther than I normally did. But it only cemented the fact that I couldn’t outrun my demons. I had to face them. Face Beth and let the chips fall where they may.

I had to admit, that terrified me the most.

She might agree to listen, then dismiss me. Decide I wasn’t worth the effort to get past the pain I had caused.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost missed her.

Something, some sense of not being alone, hit me, and I stopped on my way to the shower and spun on my heel to find Beth sitting in the large chair by the window. She looked small and vulnerable in the big piece of furniture. She was pale and nervous-looking, her hands twisting in an unending pattern of finger gymnastics. Her legs were crossed and tucked underneath her. How she got here, I had no idea, and I didn’t really care.

She was here.

I crossed the room and dropped to the floor in front of her, our gazes locked. There were faint smudges of purple under her eyes, and her lips looked as if she’d been biting them constantly.

“I’m sorry, Beth. I’m so fucking sorry.”

She offered me a shaky smile. “I thought you might ask how I got in your house, first.”

“My sister?” I guessed.

“She had a hand in it. But Liam brought me here. He let me in and assured me you’d be home soon. He said you were probably out for a run.”

I nodded, unable to believe she was here. Sitting in my house. “I was. I run a lot these days. It helps calm me down.”

“You look tired,” she whispered.

“I miss you.” I dropped my head to her leg. “Fuck, little bird. I missed you so much.” I started at the feel of her fingers, light and soft, running along the base of my neck and up into my damp hair. Unable to stop myself, I crowded closer to her. Wrapped my arms around her legs and waist and held her tight. She didn’t pull back or push me away. For a moment, I basked in the feel of her. The rightness of being this close. I lifted my head, meeting her watery gaze.

“I want to tell you everything. I want to answer every question you have. Will you let me?” I swallowed. “Can I ask that of you, Beth?”

“Yes,” she replied.

Hope, a small bubble of anticipation, pushed at my chest. “I need to have a shower. If I go do that, will you be here when I come out?”

“Yes, I’m not leaving.”

I took her hands in mine and kissed the insides of her wrists. I felt the rapid pulse beat under the delicate skin, her veins faint blue lines of life that led to her heart. Her forgiving, beautiful heart.

I stood. “Promise me.”

“I’ll be right here.”

I walked backward from the room, never breaking our gaze.