Hitman Daddy by Aster Rae

13

Christian

"Thanks for coming."

I open the door and usher Rowan into the apartment.

We have shifts this afternoon but Rowan is swinging by for an impromptu play session.

I'm glad as hell he's here because I really need the release.

My insides are a jumbled mess because of last weekend and the wedding.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow's the day I must convince Nikolai's family we’re a real thing.

That's why I need this play session ASAP.

"Anytime." Rowan sets a purple bag on the floor. "I brought snacks, juice boxes, and my favorite teddies. We’re going to have a great afternoon."

"Let's head to my room."

I lead Rowan through the apartment until we reach my bedroom.

"I'm so jealous." Rowan peers inside.

Rowan is clearly referring to the makeover I gave my room last weekend after meeting Nikolai at Hermes.

Nikolai gave me a one-thousand-dollar gift card to the luxury mall and bought out the gift shop where we found the teddy.

I decorated my room with baby pink wallpaper and super cute stuffies.

It's a little's paradise.

But Rowan hasn't even seen the best part.

"Check out my playpen,” I say.

“What?"

"My playpen."

It's like the guy is deaf or something.

I crack open my closet door and lug the oversized playpen to the spot in front of my bed.

Rowan barks out a laugh. "This is insane."

"I know. I never dreamed I'd have an adult sized playpen in my room."

"Your fake boyfriend must really like you. I can't imagine having a Daddy who’d spend that kind of money on me."

I shake my head. "He doesn't know what I spent the money on. He thinks I bought more stuffed animals. Which I did. But I also bought wallpaper."

"And a playpen," Rowan points out.

"And a playpen," I echo. Thanks, Captain Obvious. "But you can't tell anyone. Nikolai will flip if he finds out."

"Your secret's safe with me." Rowan makes a zipping motion over his lips.

After we finished bantering, Rowan sets his purple bag on my bed and rummages through it. He pulls out pinkies, pacifiers, and even a bottle with mini dinos on it.

After removing two pairs of pajamas, he hands one to me.

"I brought these,” Rowan says.

"What are they?" I ask.

"Matching PJs for our play date.”

"These are amazing.” I run the fabric through my fingers.

The pajamas are so soft. My heart immediately swells with joy.

"I brought you dinos from the pre-cretacean period,” Rowan says. “That way you can feel comfortable playing with me."

How sweet is he?

We remove our clothes and slip into our pajamas.

I can barely control myself as I pick up a pacifier and place it in my mouth.

I've never played with another little in person before.

I play pretend with Riley and Karter online but we've never met up for a play date.

Playing with other littles isn't an integral part of everyone's kink.

But it's something Rowan and I find valuable.

When we don't have Daddies, we can make believe with our friends to pretend that we're still loved.

Rowan and I already decided that our play date won't go sexual but it scratches an itch that’s hard to scratch on your own.

I've never played with anyone but Rowan seems like the perfect guy to try it with.

I suck the pacifier and blush hard as Rowan hands me a teddy.

I take the LGBT teddy Nikolai bought me at the mall and hold it tight.

"I feel so little." I take Rowan's hand and help him into the playpen.

Rowan's cheeks flush. "I feel like a real baby."

Rowan knows that part of our kink is feeling small.

Obviously the point isn't to feel like an actual infant although I'm sure some people are into that.

That's not what Rowan, Riley, Karter and I want.

We want to feel safe, snug, and protected. Like nothing can ever harm us in the world. Like we're wrapped in a soft cocoon that will protect us from harm.

That's what I feel right now.

Safety. Warmth. Protection.

I'd feel safer with Nikolai but you can't always get what you want.

"Do you feel safe?" I brush a strand of hair from Rowan's forehead.

He nods. "I like it in your playpen. It feels like nothing can ever hurt me again."

Warmth flares. "I feel the same. I've been nervous about the wedding this weekend and I needed a play date to calm down. Nothing gets rid of my anxiety like a snuggle session with my stuffies."

Playdates are to littles what biker bars are to straight bros with tats.

“Tell me what you want to play,” Rowan says.

"I want to pretend we’re at the zoo,” I confess.

Rowan pulls out a stuffed zebra from his bag. "This is Marty. He's the smallest zebra at the New York City Zoo. He likes eating grass and playing with his friend Teddy. When he's not relaxing in the sun, he's making silly faces at the people behind the glass."

"Is he called Marty because of the movie Madagascar?"

Marty is the name of the zebra in Madagascar.

He's basically the funniest zebra ever.

"Yes," Rowan explains. "His owner loves Madagascar so much that he wanted to name his zebra after the one in the movie. The owner is silly but he treats his animal with lots of love."

I'm assuming Rowan is the owner in question.

"So he’s not like most zoo owners who hurt their animals in captivity?" I ask.

"No. This zookeeper is a nice boy from New York. He’d never treat his animal poorly and he always listens to his needs. Whenever Marty is hungry, this boy gives him extra grass to eat. He makes sure Marty’s water dish is full. And he loves to give Marty treats."

I start to regress.

"What kind of treats do you give him?"

Rowan grins naughtily. "Zebra cakes."

He pulls out a package of Zebra cakes and marches Marty towards the snacks.

"You're so silly." Warmth stews in my body. "Zebras can't eat pastries. They'll get sick."

"Marty is a special zebra who was genetically modified to be able to eat whatever he wants. He's a descendent of Marie Antoinette's favorite zebra. She was talking about this type of zebra when she said ‘let them eat cake.’”

Rowan hands me Marty and I pretend to feed the stuffy Zebra cake.

I break off a crumb and laugh as I engage in pretend play.

My anxiety starts to dissipate. I take a bite of the pastry and lose myself in a world of silly talking zebras and LGBT teddy bears who go to Pride.

Many people wouldn't understand the release I get when I play pretend like when I was a little boy but it's better than drinking, drugs, and it's the most wholesome stress reliever I've ever run across.

I'm so glad Rowan agreed to come over today so I don't have to play alone.

"Thanks for coming by today." I wrap Rowan in a hug when we finish our session.

"It's my pleasure. I like playing as much as you. We should do this more often."

"I agree. Maybe next time we can do it with my Daddy."

"Oh! So you’re going to tell Nikolai you're a little?"

I let out a disappointed sigh. "No. I was being silly.”

Whoops.

I kinda forgot Nikolai isn't my real Daddy.

Rowan pulls out two cartons of fresh apple juice.

After popping the straw through the hole at the top of the one he hands to me, I take a long sip and clutch my teddy.

"I want Nikolai to be my Daddy,” I whisper. “But I'm scared."

"I understand that."

"I've never been in a situation like this and I don't want to screw it up." A chill washes over me. "I've never even been on a date with a man before.”

"Me neither."

"I don't know what I'm doing. But I know that if I tell him I like playing with toy zebras he's going to laugh at me. Worse yet he'll think I'm a lunatic and never talk to me again."

It's like I forget that Nikolai and I aren't speaking after tomorrow anyways.

That's when he transfers the rest of the money into my checking account and forgets I exist.

"Maybe you're overthinking this,” Rowan says. “Maybe you need to be honest and Nikolai will love you for who you are."

Yeah, right.

"Nikolai is a filthy rich businessman who talks like he's in the mob,” I scoff. “He could have anyone he wanted. He could probably even bag a celebrity. Why would he settle for a boy who plays with stuffies?”

"Maybe he's into kinky shit,” Rowan supplies.

"I doubt it."

"You don't know unless you try."

I let out a sigh. Nikolai is a gorgeous Russian who could have anyone in the world.

Call me insecure AF, but why would he pick me?

Rowan crawls towards me. "I'll make you a deal. If Nikolai acts like he wants you tomorrow, then push past your fears and ask for something more. But if not, then chalk this entire experience up to a wonderful memory."

"What do you mean?"

"If Nikolai acts like he wants you, tell him the truth. That's the only way to do this honestly."

"What if he doesn't?"

Rowan shrugs. "Then forget it."

I mull this.

I stumble upon a realization.

Nikolai would have to kiss me for me to confess that I'm a little.

I can't think of anything else that would do it for me.

I’d need a super clear sign if I'm going to let Nikolai into my innermost self.

What's clearer than kissing?

"I'll tell Nikolai the truth about myself if he kisses me,” I say.

Rowan shrugs. "Sounds like a good plan to me. I wonder what Marty thinks."

I pick up the stuffed zebra. "Do you think this is a good plan?"

Marty doesn't answer.

Figures.

That's what I get for seeking relationship advice from a stuffy.

“Trust your gut and you'll be fine,” Rowan says.

Rowan pulls out a bag of Doritos. "But if it does work out with Mr. Russian, you have to set me up with his sexy brother."

"Which one?" I ask.

"The one who looks like a bull in a china shop."

Igor.

I let out a laugh as I picture Igor manhandling Rowan like a wild animal.

Sweet little Rowan would get wrecked.