Dark Devotions by Nichole Greene

14

OLIVIA

The brake line on the rental was cut.

Nolan’s last sentence is like a siren screaming on repeat in my head. Thoughts are swirling inside my brain so much faster than I thought possible. The loudest and most obvious, though, is that I killed my parents.

The minute I saw Tripp and fell for his stupid, fake charm was the minute their death warrants were signed. I don’t feel the cold air stinging my exposed skin or feel the icy and snowy ground under my bare feet. I don’t feel anything except the slow disintegration of the last remaining untouched part of my soul.

My heart feels like it’s beating a thousand miles per hour, but how can that be when it shattered at my feet minutes ago? I can’t hear anything over the roaring sound of the blood in my ears. My eyes sting with tears, but they’re not tears of sorrow, they are tears of rage.

My coat is draped over my shoulders, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Lake drop to his knees and put my feet into my boots. When he stands, he steps beside me but doesn’t say anything. His silent support gets me through the next few minutes of looking back at everything.

I think about all the times my parents were around Tripp and how he always charmed them. He charms everyone. The way he and my dad would spend hours every visit golfing. The ski vacation every Christmas. Was he planning this all along? How can you be so warm and open if you know your end game is destruction and chaos? I can’t wrap my mind around it.

It can’t be financially motivated either. My parents were wealthy, obviously but nothing like Tripp’s family. My couple million should have been peanuts to Tripp, literally about as important as couch change.

I don’t know how much time has passed, but Lake finally speaks as he takes my hand. “I don’t know what you’re feeling right now, but it is valid. I’m here. Nolan is here. Sawyer is here. Grant is—”

He stops when I cover his mouth with my hand. “Not him right now.” I haven’t even let myself start to process the hurt of walking in the room to hear him saying ‘pussy is pussy’ about me. To be honest, it’s the last thing on my mind at this present moment.

Another wave of anguish crashes over me as I double over. It feels like someone has reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. I think about the last time I saw Mom and Dad and how tight they held me. I can still feel their arms around me. A keening sob rips through me.

I look up at Lake, his face blurry from the tears I can’t stop. “Why are you guys even bothering with me? I'm just a beaten and broken mess. Any good part of me that was left, Tripp poisoned. You should just let me go.”

I don’t wait for a response before I start walking down to the pond. I take a few shuddering breaths as I try to get a handle on my tears. Crying about it now isn’t going to do anything anyway. The cards have been dealt, and I got a shitty fucking hand.

“You’re wrong. You’re so wrong.” I didn’t even hear Lake approach. “You aren’t broken. You’re so incredibly strong. You were given the chance to run, with nothing, and you took it. You survived years of torture.” He holds a hand up to silence me when I try to deny that. “Locking you in a metal box with nothing was fucking torture.”

My nostrils flare as I fight back more tears.

“I’m in complete awe of you. You are fighting every day. I see it, we all see it. You sought us out after thinking we’d abandoned you for years. You are so fucking brave.”

“What you call bravery, I call desperation.” I swipe tears from my cheeks.

“If we would have turned you away, you would have kept going. You would have found a way to get yourself safe and figure out your next move.”

I would have, but that’s not bravery. It’s just having no other option.

I turn when I hear footsteps crunching through the snow toward us. Sawyer emerges from the trees with his face contorted with concern for me. He takes long strides, eating the distance between us quickly. When he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate before stepping into them. He kisses the top of my head and whispers apologies for things he had no hand in.

“I hate to even say this, but what Nolan told you isn’t the extent of what we know about Tripp.” Sawyer drops his arms and lets me take a step back.

“There’s more?” I ask dumbly.

“There’s more,” he answers solemnly. “You ready to go back inside?”

No. I’m not, but I follow him back up to the house anyway. Lake puts his hand on my lower back as he walks behind me, lending me silent strength.

A blast of warmth hits me when I walk into the living room of the cabin. Grant is adding some logs to the fire and the snapping of the flames setting them alight is the only sound in the massive room. I look over at Nolan and see him sitting with his elbows on his knees and his face covered by his large hands. I can tell how awful he feels by the sadness radiating off him.

Part of me wants to go to him and offer comfort while I simultaneously seek it, but something holds me back. I just don’t have the energy to figure out what it is yet. I sit back down in the chair I had previously been using and wait for Nolan to continue.

He looks up when we’re all back sitting in the room. He looks to me for permission to continue, and I give a slight incline of my head. I don't know what else there could possibly be, but the atmosphere of the room is so heavy I know it must be bad.

“So aside from the information about your parents, I also started digging into his finances. What I found was concerning.” He hands us all bank statements from accounts I recognize and some that I don’t.

“How did you get these, Nolan?” I look up at him in confusion.

“I hacked all his accounts. At least the ones I could find, I’m sure he has some hidden offshore accounts. In fact, if you know of any, it’d be great for you to share that. They’re harder to find but just as easy to crack.”

“What am I looking at?” I murmur as I scan through all the pages. There are accounts I don’t recognize and some with my name on them that I do. And almost all of them are much lower in cash than I would have thought was right. We never had money issues from my perspective. All the money from my parents’ estate is gone. I don’t see it in any of the statements.

“From what I have found, Tripp is using the charity as a front, embezzling money from there, and putting it into a hidden account.”

“Why?” Grant asks.

“Your guess is as good as mine at this point,” Nolan says. “Although, I do have a working theory. I don’t have the facts to back it up at this point though.”

“Tell us,” Sawyer says.

“I think he might be trafficking.”

“What?” My head swings up at that.

“He’s been seen with a well-known West Coast human trafficker. He frequents salons that have reviews for being shady and run down.” Nolan holds eye contact with me. “Do you remember what the women he’d bring back to your house looked like?”

“No, not really. Watching him have sex with other women didn’t really interest me.”

“Fair enough. A few more days of surveillance would have been ideal, but he’s disappeared. I can’t track him down anywhere.”

“This is a lot to absorb.” I meant to say that to myself, but it came out a hushed whisper.

“I know. Livvy, I wish I hadn’t found what I found,” Nolan says with regret in his voice.

I nod, incapable of easing his peace of mind. “Do you guys mind if I go lie down for a little while? I just need to process this on my own.” I don’t even wait for their answers before heading for the nearest bedroom.

I collapse onto Lake’s bed, inhaling his comforting scent. I can hear raised voices coming from the living room, but all I can focus on are all the questions churring through my mind. How did I not notice any of this? Was I just being willfully ignorant? I spend hours sprawled on my back thinking about every moment that led me to where I am now.

The sun has long since set when an errant thought hits me. Nolan said he just got confirmation about my parents this morning. That would have to mean he knew before but kept it from me. I fly off the bed with the bitter taste of betrayal on my tongue.

Walking past Grant in the living room, I don’t spare him a glance. I still haven’t allowed myself to think about him and the hurt he has caused. I find Nolan working on his laptop in the kitchen.

“How long?” I demand as I square up against him across the island.

“How long?” A crease forms between his brows.

“How long did you know about my parents?”

“I told you, I just got confirmation this morning.”

“But you knew or had suspicions before today.”

A look of unease crosses his face. “Yes, but I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure. There was no point in upsetting you if I was wrong.”

“No point?” I look at him through narrowed eyes. “There was no point in telling me a theory about my parents’ deaths?”

Nolan looks over at Sawyer who wisely keeps his eyes locked on his computer screen. His eyes dart back to me before he responds. “I heard it from an associate four days ago.”

I draw in a sharp breath and hot tears pool in my eyes. I turn my back on him for a minute, so I can get a hold of my emotions. I hear him get off his stool and feel his hand on my shoulder as I blink back the tears.

“Livvy,” he says as he tries to hug me. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t want you to be worried and wondering for days. I didn’t know how long it would take until I found a concrete answer.”

I shrug his hands off and step away from him. I know, deep down, that his heart is in a good place, but it doesn’t hurt less. “Is this how it’s going to be with us moving forward? You guys hiding me away and making decisions without my input? Telling lies, be they outright or by omission?”

Sawyer’s head pops up at that. They share another of their irritating looks where they communicate without speaking.

“Stop that!” I slap the counter with my palm. “I just escaped a lying husband. I am not going to allow you guys to do the same thing. I know that I’m a broken mess, but I won’t be that woman that goes from one bad situation to another.”

Lake comes in followed by Grant. The former heads for me, stopping short when I hold my hand up and shake my head. I don’t need them touching me and distracting me. These things need to be said.

“Liv,” Grant says, “maybe you should calm down a bit.”

My head snaps in his direction. “Are you serious?” I ask through clenched teeth. The fucking audacity. My voice begins to raise. “Why are you even here? I’m just pussy. Pussy is just pussy, right?”

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No shit,” Nolan mumbles under his breath.

I look around at the four of them, and I know from the shadows in all their eyes that they aren’t telling me everything. It’s all so clear to me now. If they can’t show me all their secrets, then I have to leave and figure this out on my own. My heart fractures thinking about walking away but I have to start choosing myself first.

“I want to go back to the city tomorrow. I appreciate what you’ve done for me so far, but it’s time for me to move on.”

“No.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Fuck that.”

“Hell no.”

All four of them adopt similar stances. Arms crossed, stern expressions on their faces as they stare me down. If I hadn’t grown up with them, I’d be intimidated.

“I’m not staying here when I know you guys are keeping secrets. I’m not interested in being trapped again, no matter how pretty the cage is.”

“I have to go back to the city tomorrow morning, you can come with me; but until the threat from Tripp is gone, you’re staying with at least one of us,” Grant says.

“What makes you think you have any right to make decisions for me?” I sneer at Grant because anything less hurts too fucking much.

“You did.” His eyes are swirling emerald pools as they bore into me. “When you showed up on our doorstep asking for help. Be smart about this.”

“He’s right, Liv. You do need us.” Lake clenches his jaw. “At least for now.”

“I’m going to make it up to you, Livvy.” Nolan moves closer to me, his face is drawn tight, lines of tension showing on the corners of his hazel eyes.

“How?”

“I’m going to kill the hitman that took your parents out.” The look on his face has me believing him for a second before I shake that thought off. Nolan’s no killer.

I rub my temples, trying to release the pressure building there. My body feels heavy, aching along with my heart. I feel like I need to lie down. I don’t want to sleep with any of the guys tonight, so I walk into the living room, grab a blanket, and lay down on the couch. Sawyer follows me out and sits on the coffee table in front of me.

“You can sleep in my bed, Liv. I’ll take the couch.”

“No,” I answer quietly.

I can feel the weight of his gaze on my face. The air between us is heavy with regret and tension. Finally, he stands and leaves the room but not before adding a couple more logs to the fire. A few minutes later, he’s back with a pain killer, glass of water, and a handful of crackers for me. He sets everything down and places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

After he leaves, I eat the crackers and wash the pill down with half the glass of water. I pass out quickly but sleep fitfully. At one point I thought I saw Grant sleeping in the chair beside me, but it must have been a dream. It does not make sense for him of all the guys to be sitting beside me while I sleep, especially in an uncomfortable chair.