Dark Devotions by Nichole Greene
2
OLIVIA
The elevator takesus straight down to the parking garage below the office building and I follow them to a sleek black sedan. Sawyer drops into the driver’s seat, and Nolan holds the back door open for me. I settle in and buckle my seat belt.
Even if I didn’t already know this was Sawyer’s car by the fact that he’s driving, I wouldn’t have any trouble guessing. Everything is neat, clean, and orderly. There’s not even a fingerprint. The Nolan I remember wouldn’t drive a car this fancy, and there’d be receipts and fast-food wrappers all over.
“Okay, Livvy.” Nolan looks at me over his shoulder as he opens a tablet on his lap. “How much trouble are you in, and do I need to scrub CCTV footage of you?”
“A lot.” I blow out a breath and allow myself to relax for the first time in years. “I don’t know what CCTV is.”
“Closed circuit television. Security footage essentially. All I need to know is how you got here, plane, train, that type of thing.”
“I took a bus from Chicago.”
“A bus?” Both of their heads turn as they question me in unison.
“Yeah, I didn’t have much money so I went the cheapest way I could to get here.”
“Okay,” Nolan starts tapping away on the tablet. “I’ll scrub all the footage from the bus station and surrounding street cameras. I’ll also erase the footage from our building. Keep your hood up, and put these on.” He hands me a pair of sunglasses over his shoulder.
“Is that legal?” I ask as I slide the glasses on and tuck my hair in the hoodie.
“Of course not,” he answers with an arrogant smirk.
I don’t know how I feel about them doing anything illegal to help me. It has to be a risk for them. From what little I’ve learned over the years we’ve been apart, they are all hugely successful in their chosen fields. Sawyer is an attorney, hence the attention to detail. Lake runs some sort of mercenary group that does rescue missions. Grant is a restaurateur. I’m honestly not sure what Nolan does. Clears camera footage, apparently.
I keep my head down as Sawyer navigates the city traffic with ease. I’d love to look out the window and watch the city go past, but I’m too nervous. I met Tripp while we were both in college at Columbia. He still has so many contacts in the city.
With every passing minute, I become more comfortable. Being with them brings a sense of safety and familiarity that I didn’t know to cherish before. My eyes start to droop. I start to drift off to sleep when I hear Sawyer ask me a question.
“Do you have anything with you?” His eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. “I know you don’t have a suitcase or purse, but do you have a phone or anything?”
“No, I left everything in my purse in the car I wrecked except for my bus ticket, phone, and cash. I don’t even have my driver’s license.”
“You were in a car accident?” Nolan asks, looking at me critically again.
“Not exactly.” I run my finger over a pulled thread in my leggings nervously. “I pushed the car over a cliff a few miles outside of the town and grabbed the first bus in.”
They share a look at that revelation.
“Let’s just save it for when everyone’s together?”
“Fair enough,” Sawyer responds. “I’m going to have my private physician come check you out at my apartment. Is that okay?”
I focus on my sore ribs and nod. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
He pulls up to a sleek glass skyscraper. The valet opens my door first. Nolan moves close to me but without touching, which I appreciate. They walk me through the lobby, and I skid to a stop when Lake strides around the corner. Where Nolan and Sawyer look the same as ten years ago, he looks completely different.
His skin is still its natural deep bronze, and his black hair is short, but his muscles are twice as big. He has a scar from the corner of his left eye to his hairline. His jaw clenches as he gives me the same once over that I’m giving him. I stand there, frozen and unsure of what to do, when he walks up to me and gently wraps his arms around me.
I feel him give the top of my head a kiss as he breathes my name. It’s like he doesn’t believe I’m real and is afraid I’ll break. Soon he’ll find out that I’m already broken. I doubt any of them could destroy me any more than I already am.
The elevator dings, and I hesitate to cross the threshold. Metal boxes are not my thing anymore. Once again, my breathing becomes shallow and I see spots. The urge to flee the elevator as soon as I enter makes my fingers quiver. I'm so anxious I lunge forward to slam my hand into a lower floor's button just to get off.
“You’re having a panic attack,” Lake says firmly, stepping away from the wall to face me. “Tell me five things you see.”
I stand there for a second, shocked. My voice trembles. “Your shirt, Sawyer’s eyes in the mirror, Nolan’s watch, a fingerprint on the mirror, and the penthouse button.”
“Four things you hear.”
“Your voice, the elevator motor, Nolan breathing, my heartbeat.”
“Three things you feel.”
“The elevator moving, the blister on my foot, and my hoodie.”
“Two things you smell.”
“The elevator and Sawyer’s cologne.”
“One thing you taste.”
“Blood,” I answer as the door opens to their floor, “from biting my lip.”
“Good girl.” He smiles at me, flashing his dimples that I have never forgotten. He falls in step beside me. “When that happens, panicking, do that with yourself. It’ll help ground you and pull you through the hardest moments.”
Nolan stops at a circular table in the hall while Sawyer opens the first door on the left. “Okay, Livvy, that,” he points to where Sawyer is standing just inside a doorway, “is Sawyer’s apartment. That one next to it is mine. The one across from mine is Grant’s place. Lake lives behind door number four. You are welcome in any of them at any time.”
Sawyer holds open his door for me while Nolan and Lake disappear into their apartments to change. His shirt is tight across his back, his broad shoulders pull at the seams. He sets his keys down on an entry table and walks into an open living room area with a kitchen off to one side and floor-to-ceiling windows from end to end. The room is decorated nicely, which isn’t surprising considering Sawyer always had the best style of the guys. Then it hits me, maybe he’s not single.
The thought of any of them being with anyone else brings a pang of jealousy I wasn’t expecting. I can’t lay claim to them. I’m technically still married. If they’ve moved on, good for them.
“What are you thinking about, Liv?” he asks with his head tilted to the side.
“How nicely decorated your place is. I was wondering if there was a woman in the picture.”
“You don’t think I could decorate my place without the help of a girlfriend?” he teases.
“Honestly if any of you could, it would be you.” I glance away from him as my nerves get the best of me. “But it doesn’t change the question. I don’t want to intrude on any of your guys’ relationships. I can find a place to stay—”
“No.” His tone is firm as he interrupts me. “You’re staying here, with us, even if there were women in the picture. There’s not, though. We’re all single.”
I nod, unsure how to classify my feelings and how to respond. I can’t say good, but I also can’t be fake. He’d see right through me so silence it is.
“Do you want something to drink?” He walks to the refrigerator. “I have water, beer, and Gatorade. Actually, I’m giving you a Gatorade. You look like you haven’t eaten in months, Liv.”
I chew my lip again, trying to decide if I should open up and tell him this part before everyone else is here. “I haven’t been allowed to eat regularly for a while,” I finally say, opening up to him. “Tripp said I was getting too fat, so he restricted my food intake to one meal a day, prepared by a private vegan chef.”
He turns away from me and grabs the kitchen counter for a minute. His knuckles turn white—I imagine with the effort of not exploding. Something inside me cracks at seeing the intensity of his reaction, of having someone care so deeply about me. Finally, he turns around and walks toward me. He lifts his hand to my jaw, swiping his thumb under my bottom lip. “I feel like we’re going to hear worse stories than that from you tonight, aren’t we?”
I nod as a single tear escapes my eye. He catches it with his thumb before kissing me on the cheek.
“You are safe here. We won’t let anything happen to you.”
His kindness feels so foreign after years of abuse. I don’t know how to process the changes of the past week. From living through a hellish nightmare, to a rushed and unplanned escape, and back to these men. Once upon a time they were my best friends, my soulmates, my everything. But this isn’t a fairy tale, and I have nothing left to lose.
“I’m going to go find you some clothes to wear,” he says before leaving me in the living room. I sit down on a couch and rest my head on the arm—the exhaustion of everything catching back up with me. I close my eyes, telling myself I’ll just doze for a few minutes.
* * *
Hushed voices from the kitchen wake me up. A glance out of the window tells me I slept a lot longer than a few minutes. The sky is completely dark—the skyline lit up with city lights. I turn my head to the kitchen and see the four of them—Grant must have arrived while I was sleeping—circled up, discussing something, probably me.
I let myself absorb the sight of them all. Each one is commanding in his own right, but the four of them together are enough to overpower anyone. Grant is the only one still in business attire; he’s wearing a pair of gray dress pants and a blue button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up of course. These guys have never missed an opportunity to show off their muscles. His wavy, sandy blonde hair looks like he’s been running his fingers through it all day.
“I think we should wake her to eat,” Nolan whispers. “She’s skin and bones under that baggy sweater.”
“Yeah,” Sawyer agrees, “that fucker was restricting her diet. Had a vegan chef making her one meal a day, and that’s it.”
“The fuck!” Lake roars, startling me as I enter the kitchen. When I jump, he looks across to me apologetically. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”
“No,” I shake my head, “but I could go for some food.” I look tentatively over at Grant who manages to look everywhere but at me. After a minute of trying to get him to acknowledge me, I stop. I try not to let it get to me, but saying it’sa disappointment would be an understatement.
“What sounds good?” Nolan asks as he opens a food delivery app on his phone. “Our choices are literally endless.”
I think about it for a second and then realize I haven’t had a burger in over a year. “I’d love a burger, to be honest. A greasy one with some good fries sounds amazing.”
“Done.” He smiles at me as he punches an order in. “Should be here within a half hour.”
“Let’s sit in the living room and catch up,” Sawyer suggests.
I hang back to see if Grant will finally acknowledge me. He glances over as he brushes past me in the kitchen. “Olivia,” is all he says as he walks by.
It hurts, the vacancy behind his green eyes when he looks at me. It’s like I don’t even register as his old friend. I turn to see Nolan looking just as confused by the interaction as I am hurt. He meets my gaze and holds his arm out. After a second’s hesitation, I tuck myself into his side, calmed by his easy acceptance of the situation.
“Liv,” Sawyer calls out, “I laid some clothes out on the guest bed if you want to change first.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
“First door on the right past the kitchen,” Nolan says as he lets go of me.
I give him a grateful smile and walk down the hall, taking a look around the room to see all the sophisticated touches that have Sawyer’s name all over them. The light gray walls, floor-to-ceiling windows, and plush carpet all scream luxury. On the bed is a Columbia hoodie, a pair of gray sweatpants, and a black t-shirt. I opt for the t-shirt now that I’ve been in a comfortable environment for the past few hours. The chill has finally left my body.
I look over my shoulder and see an attached bathroom. A shower is screaming my name, so I decide to take a quick one before I change. There are towels hanging and bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash already in the shower.
I strip out of my nasty traveling clothes, stiff from hotel soap, and step under the hot spray. A shower has never felt so good. The heat and pressure of the water beating down on me brings me back to life. I feel better bit by bit as I scrub my body clean, being careful not to press too hard on the now yellow and green bruising all over my ribs.
I quickly dry off and pull Sawyer’s clothes on. Luckily the pants have a drawstring that I cinch tight around my waist. I have to roll the ankles a few times. The shirt falls to mid-thigh on me. It’s a V-neck, and unfortunately they’re going to see how my collarbones protrude sharply, and my ribs are visible beneath my breasts.
I really look at myself in the mirror for the first time in months. My face is too thin, my brown eyes look dull with shadows underneath them. Honestly, I look strung out. It’s not a good look and exactly why I stopped looking at myself in the mirror.
When I rejoin the guys in the living room, they’ve each spread out. Sawyer is on one end of the couch with Lake on the other. Grant is standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out into the dark night, his expression lost in the shadows. Nolan is stretched out on a chair with a computer resting on his thighs while he works.
I stand in the corner for a minute watching them. It is an odd feeling, the comforting familiarity of them clashes with how I never feel safe anymore. My gut is telling me I can finally relax, but my mind is stuck in high alert.
“Hey, Liv.” Lake is the first to notice me. “Shower feel good?”
“It did. I’m sorry for making you wait.”
They all look at me when I apologize and then look at each other.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I just walked into the bedroom to change and then saw the shower. I thought it’d be better to shower before putting on clean clothes, especially since I don’t have anything else to wear.”
“Livvy,” Nolan sets his glasses on the table, “you don’t need to apologize for taking a shower. No one here is in a rush for anything from you.” He puts an emphasis on the last sentence which makes me wonder if there is someone who wants to push for answers.
“Sit down.” Lake pats the cushion next to him.
Sawyer shifts on the couch so he can watch me. “Give us anything you feel comfortable sharing.”.
“I don’t want to go into details,” my voice shakes with nerves. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”
“Of course.” He nods. “Just start with why you left, how you left, and what we can do to help you.”
“I left because Tripp was,” the words catch in my throat. I’ve never spoken them out loud before. “He was abusing me. After the last incident, our butler came to me in the middle of the night, gave me the keys to his son’s old car, a little over eight hundred dollars, and a bus ticket. I had twenty minutes, so I left everything behind. I wrecked the car, left my purse and phone inside it, and took a bus to Oklahoma, the train from Oklahoma to Chicago, and then a bus from Chicago to here.”
They haven’t reacted audibly to anything I’ve said but any other reaction I’d miss. I’ve been staring at my knees the entire time. I’m scared to look up at them. Will they believe me? Will they send me back to him?
“As far as what you can do to help me, I guess all you can do is what you’ve done so far. I don’t know why I came to you, but you were the only ones I thought of when I left our house. Even letting me stay for a night before I go on is beyond what I could ask for or expect.”
They were the only ones I could go to for help. My parents died in a car accident outside of Aspen less than a year after I got married. My uncle is no longer living in the US, and I don’t have access to my passport. I’ve been estranged from any of my friends for years, case in point here.
“So you’re just going to keep running?” Grant scoffs derisively. “Not much of a plan if you’re as scared as you say you are.”
“Fuck off.” Nolan glares at Grant. “I don’t know why you’re being such a dick, but there is the goddamn door.” He points while he speaks. “You know how to use it.”
“Food’s here,” Sawyer says after checking an incoming text. “Grant, come help me bring it up.”
They leave, and Nolan slides over so he’s sitting next to me on the couch. “I don’t know what his problem is, Livvy, but don’t worry about him.”
“It’s okay.” I keep my eyes fixed on the window Grant had been standing by. “I’m the one coming back after all these years with no warning. It’s jarring.”
“Doesn’t feel jarring to me,” Nolan puts his hand over mine, “feels like it should have been this way all along.”
“Yeah, like our missing piece is back with us.” Lake fist bumps Nolan across me. “We’ll get you through this.”
“How have you two been? I need a break from talking about myself.” I force myself to relax into the couch, curling my legs up in front of me.
“Things are good. We do all the,” Nolan pauses and looks at Lake, “less mainstream work.” They both nod in approval at his choice of words. “The four of us formed an umbrella business about a year after graduation. I do the IT side of everything.”
“Lake does the…. ah,” he pauses again.
“Security work,” Lake supplies.
“Yes,” Nolan snaps and points at Lake, “security.”
Before I can ask for the real story, because I know they are definitely keeping something from me, Sawyer and Grant come in with bags of food. He starts tossing paper wrapped burgers to everyone while Grant hands out the rest. He makes sure not to make eye contact as he sets my container of fries in front of me.
Every time he ignores me, it’s like a knife to the chest. Luckily, I’m already so broken inside that it doesn’t pierce what vital pieces are left. I let myself fade into the background as they joke and talk as usual. I noticed Lake lean in and say something quietly to Sawyer and Grant when they came back. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a directive to not ask me to open up more tonight.
The first bite of the burger hits my tongue, and it is too good for words. The cheese, the greasy beef, the crisp lettuce. I moan at how much I missed it.
Everyone’s eyes shift to me, and they pause with looks of surprise on their faces. My heart shrinks in fear. If Tripp were here, I’d be punished for making a scene. The first night we attended a black tie gala at a Hollywood mansion, I moaned at how good the dessert was. He backhanded me in the car on the way home for embarrassing him. He apologized as soon as we got home and made love to me, claiming it was stress from a deal he was working on and that it would never happen again. It didn’t for months. Every time the punishment increased in severity until he didn’t care at all anymore.
I set my burger down quickly. “I’m sorry, it’s just been a long time since I had a burger. I forgot how good it tastes.”
“You don’t have to apologize for enjoying food, Liv.” Sawyer’s brow creases. He looks over at Grant whose jaw is clenched.
“Keep eating, Liv.” Lake picks up my burger and hands it to me.
I make sure to keep myself quiet as I devour the burger. I can only eat a handful of fries, so I hand them off to Nolan, who still eats everything left over. I can’t help but smile a bit at that. We used to joke about how he was our human garbage disposal. Grant and Sawyer didn’t even know what a garbage disposal was because they grew up in homes with staff.
Nolan was at our school on scholarship and lived in on-campus housing. Lake immigrated from Costa Rica in elementary school, but his parents had him live in on-campus housing because their offices were in New Jersey.
I only ended up at Founders Prep because my parents were both doctors who traveled for a non-profit providing medical care in poor and rural areas around the world. They homeschooled me until high school and then decided I needed a legitimate high school experience. My uncle had a home in Founder’s Ridge so that’s where I landed.
“I’m going to head out. I need to check on a few things at Seven,” Grant announces as he wads up his burger wrapper. “I’ll see you guys later.” He walks out of the apartment without a glance spared at me.
The rest of us spend the evening watching a movie together. It almost feels like old times again. I feel so at ease and safe with the guys again that I fall asleep on the couch between Nolan and Lake.