Dark Devotions by Nichole Greene

6

OLIVIA

At some pointin the night, I must have rolled onto Sawyer’s chest. I wake up with my head resting on his shoulder and Nolan pressed against my back. His arm is tossed over my hip, and his palm is resting on Sawyer’s side. I lift my head and start to try and wiggle free, but Nolan grumbles behind me as he moves his hand to my hip and pulls my ass to him.

I muffle a surprised gasp when I feel his erection pressed against me. I’m sure it’s because it’s morning—it’s a natural thing. Truth be told, I used to dread the feeling of Tripp doing this to me, but for some reason, a part of me wants to lean into it. I’m not put off in the least. It’s like my heart knows there’s healing here.

Sawyer’s eyes flutter open, and after a few seconds, he looks over at me. He rolls over to face me and kisses my forehead. “How did you sleep?”

“Surprisingly well. I felt like I could completely let myself relax for the first time in years. You guys better be careful, or you’ll end up being my personal comfort stuffies every night.”

“I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we wouldn’t mind that at all,” he says seriously.

I’m not sure what to say to that because they’ll all meet women eventually. Women without more baggage than an airliner. Women who are beautiful and smart enough to not fall for the lies of an awful man. Someone worthy of them, and I’ll be there, cheering them on, even if I’m miles away.

“When do you think I’ll need to move out? Will I be able to divorce him without seeing him in person? Do you think it’s safe for me to be here?” I ask not only to change the subject but also because these questions have been rattling around inside my brain the past couple of days.

“I’m not a divorce attorney, but I already had my assistant pull several cases with similar circumstances. I’ll make sure you don’t have to be in the same room with him if that’s what you want.” His eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “I don’t think you should go anywhere you aren’t protected. We’re your best bet for that.”

I nod, but I’m not convinced.

“You don’t agree?” he asks.

“He’ll know you guys were the obvious people for me to come to. I don’t have much family, and I lost all my other friends. I don’t want to drag you guys down with me.”

“Livvy,” Nolan says sternly from behind me, rumbling into my ear. “I want you to listen and really hear me. We are not afraid of Tripp. There is nothing about that cowardly piece of shit that scares us. In fact, I’d love to see him. Maybe in a dark alley. The only thing we care about is keeping you away from him. We will go to psychotic levels to keep you safe.”

Sawyer nods. “There’s literally no line we won’t cross.”

“Why?” The word slides from lips unbidden.

“Because you are one of us. You always have been,” he answers.

“We should have done a better job of keeping an eye on you,” Nolan adds. “I just would see pictures of you two at events and you always looked happy, so I didn’t think there was anything wrong.”

Sawyer’s phone interrupts our conversation. He gets up and excuses himself to take it in the other room. It’s just as well, I hate to hear the guilt in their voices when they talk about everything I’ve been through. It wasn’t their fault, and they couldn’t have changed anything.

“I should probably get up too,” Nolan says. “It’s early. Why don’t you take a couple painkillers and go back to sleep? I’ll make you some toast and bring some juice for you.”

I could use a few more hours of sleep. “Should I go back to my room?”

“Naw, Sawyer won’t mind, and this room gets the best morning light, so if you wake up you won’t be disoriented again.” He pulls his jeans on and walks down the hall.

I drag the covers up to my chin and curl onto my side. I’m still pretty stiff and sore, but I feel better than I was. The guys have been keeping me on schedule with the medicine from Dr. Lawson, and that probably has a lot to do with it. My appetite is slowly coming back too.

Sawyer comes back in with a cup of coffee. “I have to go into the office for a little while this morning. Grant is going to be here to keep you company, but you are welcome to lay around in here all day. The remote for the tv is in the drawer of the nightstand. I’m going to take a quick shower, and then I’ll be out of here.”

“Thank you,” I say with a genuine smile. “I think I will stay here for a while.”

Especially if it means avoiding the awkward feelings between me and Grant.

The smell of buttered toast fills the room as Nolan sets the plate beside me, pairing it with a tall glass of orange juice and my pills.

“Thank you.” I try to remember the last time I felt so cherished. A vision of my mother’s arms comes to mind, and I gently push it away.

“Anything for you, Livvy. I’m going to go over to my place to shower and do some work that I can’t do here but, Grant is out in the living room if you need anything. My number is programmed in your new phone, too, in case he starts acting like an ass again.” He kisses my cheek and disappears out the door.

I finish my breakfast and set it on the nightstand, intending to take it back to the kitchen after I wake up. My eyes are already growing heavy, and I let myself give into the drowsiness. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out.

* * *

Grant is sprawled out on the couch watching one of the Marvel movies when I finally wake up and leave Sawyer’s room. He runs his hand through his messy hair and looks up at me. My eyes are drawn to the slight patch of skin showing between his t-shirt and low-slung sweatpants. He stands and walks towards me with relaxed steps. I have no idea what he’s planning on doing, but I’m not expecting him to wrap his arms around me. Once I’m over the shock, I wrap mine around his waist. We stand, holding each other in silence for a minute. Tears burn my eyes at this sweet embrace andI cling to him a little harder, finally feeling the compassion I’ve been craving from him.

He clears his throat and pulls away. “I know I’m being unpredictable and an asshole but please know how sorry I am. I hate what you’ve been through.”

“Thank you, but there’s nothing to be sorry for. None of you knew what was happening.”

“Yeah.” He clenches his jaw as he looks away from me. “Do you need to eat or anything?”

His tone has completely flipped, and he’s back to being brisk with me. His mood changes are giving me whiplash.

“No, I’m okay. I’m just going to get some water.”

“Sit down, I’ll do it.”

“I can do it. I know where everything is.”

“Sit. Down.”

The severity of the command has me scurrying to obey. I take a seat at the island and wait until he hands me a glass of ice water. He watches me drink it before leaving the kitchen and going back to whatever he was watching on tv.

I decide to take a shower rather than deal with his attitude. I’m not afraid of him, but it is making me uncomfortable. I don’t want to suffer through that anymore. I’ve had enough of that with Tripp to last a lifetime.

I walk down the hall to the room I’m using and start gathering everything for a shower. Taking my time, I pamper myself, using all the skin creams and treatments that Sawyer stocked for me. Every shower I’ve taken here has made me feel that much more human.

I examine all the bruises still covering my body as I dry off. Most of them have almost completely faded, but the ones on my ribs still look pretty bad. I forgo a bra—my breasts are so small from not eating enough that it doesn’t matter. Instead, I pull a tank top on with a pair of yoga pants and lay down on the bed to get to know my new phone.

The impulse to check on what Tripp has been doing is riding me hard. I type his name into the search bar, and, sure enough, articles about my disappearance show up. Some of them think there’s foul play and that he actually killed me. Others are calling me a runaway. In one paparazzi photo from last night, he’s shown with a model whispering in his ear at a gala.

I force myself to look at him in the recent photos. Seeing him smiling and living like nothing is wrong doesn’t make me sad, it makes me angry. I hate him, and I hate the way I allowed him to break me. A tiny, buried part of me awakens, and while I’m still terrified, my rage is building.

The worst part of Tripp is his all-American good looks that lull you into a false sense of security. When I first met him, I was smitten. His beach blonde hair and light blue eyes made him look like the California surfer boy he pretended to be. I was obviously used to good-looking guys, I was best friends with four of the best-looking men in the world, but he was kind and jovial on top of it.

He is smart and driven, other qualities that pushed me toward falling in love with him. I wondered then, and I definitely wonder now, what made him choose me? Why me? I’m not particularly wealthy, at least not until my parents passed, or connected. Now that I know who he is as a person, I don’t see what the benefit was in seeking me out as his victim. I fed him my kindness, and he shattered my soul. I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again.

A text buzzes through from Nolan.

Nolan: Is he behaving?

Me: As much as can be expected.

Nolan: I’ll be over in twenty minutes. Think about what you want for lunch.

Me: Okay

I stay in my room until Nolan comes over, and I hear him speaking with Grant in hushed and hurried voices. I sneak out the door and into the hall, so I can listen. I’m not hiding, but I’m also not making my presence super obvious.

“I told Lake what I found, and he thinks we should go to the compound upstate for a few days. We can each take turns being with her there and living our normal lives here.”

Their normal lives?

My heart sinks.

“Good call. I’ll stay behind since I’m the most recognizable, and the one who’s out regularly.”

Nolan looks up and smiles at me. “Hey Livvy.” He walks over and hugs me as he presses a kiss to my forehead. “How was your day?”

“Restful.” I hug him back, clinging just a little bit longer than should be acceptable. “What are you talking about?”

“How do you feel about getting out of this place for a few days? Lake has an estate upstate with a cabin. It’s cozy. There’s a hot tub.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “There’s also plenty of space for all of us and trails around his property for walks.”

“That does sound nice.” I’m starting to feel a bit claustrophobic in the penthouse. I don’t want to say that and sound ungrateful though. “I obviously have nowhere else to be. You said you found something though. What was that about?”

“That was nothing to do with you. It was unrelated.”

I look up into his hazel eyes and know, after years of being lied to, that I’m being lied to again. I’m too scared to call him on it though. I hate it. I hate knowing something is wrong but being too scared to speak up. I’m safe with them, I know that, but I can’t bring myself to make waves. I just smile and give a slight nod though I can’t help but feel disappointed.

“Why don’t you go grab some of the stuff Sawyer got you? I’ll get one of his bags for you to use.”

“Okay.” I pause, gathering courage to ask more questions, but Grant shoots me a dark look that sends me scurrying off to my room.

I start organizing things into piles and quickly realize that I won’t be fitting all this into a simple duffel bag. He got me so much. Maybe I’ll just take the necessities. I definitely don’t need all this—especially not where I may end up.

My uncle is out of the question. He’s living a retired life in the South of France. I don’t want to show up on his doorstep and ask for help. My godparents are still traveling the world with the same charity my parents worked with. I could easily find my way to them and find work that way. It would be hard for Tripp to find me there. He doesn’t even know who my godparents are, so he’d never know where to look.

I’m so lost plotting my next move that I don’t hear Nolan come in with the suitcase. I nearly jump out of my skin when he drops it on the bed beside me. My heart feels like it’s beating at a hundred miles an hour as my hand flies to my chest.

“Shit, Livvy.” He moves toward me but stops short. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I reach out and grip his forearm. I don’t know why, but touching him grounds me and calms my overstimulated body. He relaxes as I do. I barely hold myself back from wrapping myself around him. I have to learn how to overcome this without using the guys as a crutch. It’s not like they’re always going to be there for me to lean on.

After a moment of watching me intensely, he looks at the suitcase he brought. “Well, I didn’t realize he had his assistant buy all of Fifth Avenue.” He reaches back and ruffles his hair. “Should’ve figured though. His closet could fit all our clothes with room left over.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll end up needing all of it.”

“Just take the essentials and warm casual clothes. It’s cold up there this time of year.”