Dark Devotions by Nichole Greene
8
OLIVIA
Lake guidesme into the building with a hand on the small of my back. It smells like a gym, a gross combination of disinfectant and stale sweat. No one is in the building, but all the lights are already on. He leads me past a boxing ring, a line of punching bags, weights, and cardio equipment to another closed door.
“This is the armory.” He flips on a light and walks to a metal locker, pulling a key out of his pocket and opening it. “I’m going to have you use the smallest handgun we have in here. It’s a Sig Sauer P238. If you like it, you can keep it.”
He pulls out a small black gun and a larger one that I assume he’ll be using. He grabs a box of bullets. He explains the safety, showing me how to load it and explains it holds six rounds and one in the chamber.
“It’s important to remember how many shots you’ve fired and how many bullets you have left.” His coffee brown eyes hold mine seriously. “Hopefully you’ll never find yourself in a situation where you need to use a gun, but I’d feel better if you kept one with you at all times. Just in case.”
“Right, I’ve never used a gun before. I’ve never wanted to.” I still don’t want to, but I understand why it might be a good idea.
“Eventually we’ll teach you how to defend yourself in other ways, too. Then you won’t have to rely on a gun unless it’s totally necessary.” He motions for me to follow him through one more room.
Inside are two lanes with one of those target sheets you always see in the movies at the end. He stands behind me and coaches me on how to hold the gun, how to stand while I shoot, and how to aim. Every time he moves, I’m momentarily distracted by the spicy scent of his body wash.
Ever since that moment in the kitchen where the tension mounted and the almost kiss happened, I’ve been even more attuned to him. The warmth of his hand on my back. The way his eyes have that handsome wrinkling when he smiles. The same dimple he’s always had on his right cheek that used to tempt me to kiss it. That temptation is back in full force now.
I don’t entirely understand how these desires can be bubbling up inside me after everything I’ve been through. Is it because I know without a doubt that I am safe with them? It can’t be, because while I know I’m safe from Tripp with them, I know there is something they’re not telling me. The types of explanations they give me about their businesses just seems off. I don’t know whether to trust my gut or just let myself go with them. My physical safety isn’t in question, but my heart is already so shattered I don’t know if it’s even worth saving.
“Liv?” He’s looking at me with his brows drawn together in concern.
“Sorry.” I shake my head and look down at the ground.
“Nothing to apologize for.” He lifts my chin with his fingers. “How about I do a demonstration for you?”
“Yeah, that sounds great.”
I’ve never been the type to look at someone holding a gun and think to myself, ‘damn that’s hot’, but watching Lake, I see the appeal. The sleeves of his go-to black t-shirt strain around his biceps. The muscles in his forearms are just as defined, covered by intricate tattoos and bulging veins that I’d love to trace with my fingers. He’s got a noise cancelling headset on, but it doesn’t detract from the strength of his profile. He looks so natural shooting round after round. When I look down at his target sheet, I see he has hit the heart and the middle of the forehead, no other places.
I let my eyes wander back to him. He mentioned how important stance is, so I study the way he’s got his weight balanced evenly between his feet, his left foot a bit forward. He’s right-handed, so I should probably copy that. I allow myself a second to appreciate his ass, which looks amazing in the dark wash jeans he’s wearing. He always did have a nice ass, I used to ogle him while I watched his football practices and games in high school.
“You ready to try?” he asks me with a glint in his eyes. He must have noticed where I was focused.
“Yeah,” I say as my cheeks heat.
He sets his gun down on the table beside us and moves to stand behind me. I can feel the power radiating off him as he positions me properly. One of his legs slides between mine and nudges them apart. I look over my shoulder when he leaves it there, and he winks at me. I turn around with a little smile on my face.
He positions me the way I need to be and coaches me through aiming. I jump the first time I pull the trigger, and the bullet completely misses the paper. He stays calm and tells me how to correct my stance for the next attempt. My palms are sweaty as I fire the gun the second time, but I manage to keep my feet planted, and I actually hit the paper.
“Getting better,” he says with a squeeze of my hips.
We spend an hour working. He suggests stopping when he notices me rubbing a hand over my broken ribs. It’s not even that they are hurting, all my upper body muscles are tense and tired. I yawn as we begin our walk to the house.
“When we get back, you should take a pain pill and a nap.”
I nod around another yawn. “Yeah, that does sound like a plan. What are you going to do?”
“I’ve got some work to catch up on. I’ll probably check in with the guys, too.”
“How long have you had this property?” I have to squint because of the way the bright sunshine reflects off the snow, but I still take in how beautiful the landscape is. I feel completely isolated behind the wall of evergreens towering over the property, within the valley of steep hills. There’s an iced over pond and what looks like a swimming pool, although it’s covered by snow, so I can’t say for certain. I think Nolan mentioned that there was one last night before we fell asleep.
“I bought this land seven years ago when River bought me out of the company.”
“Do you ever regret selling your shares to your sister the way you did?”
“No, not for a second. She’s so much better at running that business. I could never be half as great as she is.” His sister is only a year younger than us. “Working with the guys and running the mercenary side business is what works best for me.”
“Why don’t you have a name for your business?”
His steps falter for a brief moment. “It’s not exactly a legitimate business. We operate in the gray area where morality and capitalism clash. People in the government know about us, but the government does not, if you catch my meaning.”
“Right. Illegal stuff.” I nod. “But how do people find you to hire you?”
He reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet, and hands me a business card. It’s all black with white lettering. There’s a phone number, email address, and a number eight in the corner.
“Each of my guys has a stack of these cards with a number linked to them. When someone contacts us, we ask for their number and cross check. If someone has one of our cards, they know what they’re doing and who they’re working with.”
“I see.”
“Are you uncomfortable with those answers?”
I stop and look up at him while I think about it. The man I know Lake to be is fair and kind, loyal and protective. It strikes me at this moment that I have a pretty clear choice. I can go all in and give them my full trust, or I can bide my time before leaving. Looking up into his rugged face I don’t think I could walk away.
“I’m not,” I say with certainty.
The smile I get in return is just as blinding as the sun and warms parts of me I thought long dead.
* * *
“Hey,” I say as I walk into the kitchen six hours after I laid down to take what I meant to be a short nap. The sun has already set, and Lake has a fire roaring in the fireplace.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Lake looks at me with humor dancing in his eyes. “Are you hungry?”
Right on cue, my stomach growls. “I could eat.”
“Good, I made some tomato soup and I have everything for grilled cheese. Does that sound good?”
“Oh my God, I haven’t had grilled cheese in years. Yes, please.”
I noticed during my shower today that even though I’ve only been with the guys for a few days I’m already looking healthier. My bruises are mostly fading, aside from the ones on my side and I got out of bed after my nap with no pain.
I sit down at the island and settle in to watch Lake cook. He’s still in the same clothes he had on earlier, and I again shamelessly appreciate his physique. It’s obvious that he spends a lot of time doing physical work, be it at the gym or doing who knows what for work. I was never into hugely muscled men before, but the appeal is definitely now apparent. Even more attractive than his muscles is the fact that he moves around the kitchen like a man used to cooking, something I greatly appreciate as a terrible cook myself.
“You done checking me out yet?” He smirks over his shoulder at me while he flips our sandwiches.
“No, I think I’ll keep doing it.” I don’t even think before letting the words pass my lips.
He chuckles and turns back to me. “I’m glad you’re getting more comfortable with me.”
“Me too, with everyone again, really.” Except Grant. I feel my smile falter at that thought.
“Don’t worry about Grant.” Lake somehow reads my mind.
“I can’t help it. It hurts.”
“I know, but I promise you that he’s not upset that you’re back. It’s other stuff he’s got going on. Try not to let it bother you.”
“Too late. He looks at me like my existence in his life is a burden.”
“You are not a burden. For any of us.” He turns and starts plating the food.
“Do you need any help with anything?”
“No, I think I can handle it. This isn’t exactly five-star fine dining.” He sets a plate with the grilled cheese and a bowl of soup down in front of me. “Eat up.”
He walks over and sits down beside me. We eat in silence for a while, soaking up the peace of a comforting meal with a crackling fire in the other room. The silence bothers me though, it reminds me of all the times I was locked away.
“What’s going on up there?” He taps my temple lightly.
“You sure you want to know?” I don’t want to drag down the light feelings from the day with my dark history.
“Yes.” There is no hesitation in his answer.
“I was just thinking about how the silence here reminds me of my time in the box.” I glance over at him and notice his jaw clench. “That’s what I called the panic room in my mind. The box. The only time there was any noise in there was when he’d start the feed from the bedroom when he was with someone else.”
I watch him clench his jaw again and again as his eyes harden. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths as he struggles to maintain his temper. I can feel the anger and aggression rising off him in waves as he fights to stay calm.
My own heart is beating at a normal pace. My thoughts are calm. Tears prick my eyes as I realize how utterly safe I feel with him, even as he’s fighting the urge to erupt.
I reach down and pull his fingers out of their balled-up position in his fist and slide mine between them. He looks over at me as I squeeze his hand, and the pain and anguish in his eyes is too much. Tears run down my cheeks as I lean over and rest my forehead against his.
“It’s okay,” I murmur, my lips nearly touching his.
“It’s not. It’s so far from okay. I’m a violent man on a good day and hearing what you’ve endured makes me want to set fire to the world. We failed you. Everyone failed you.”
I let go of his hand and cup both of his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “I only started crying tonight because I feel so safe with you. You didn’t fail me. None of you did.”
The truth is that I failed myself long before anyone else did. Hell, I failed them when I chose Tripp instead of continuing to explore the possibility of things with them. It was my choice to leave.
Lake leans in, ever so slowly, with a glance to my lips. “Liv,” he says quietly, “I’m going to kiss you now. You have one second to tell me no.”
I don’t say anything. I close the distance between us, my lips touching his first. My hands are still on his face, the scruff of his five o’clock shadow rough against my palms, but his lips are firm as they seal over mine. He grabs the stool I’m sitting on and turns it toward him. He doesn’t stop there though, and soon I’m being lifted into his lap with a gasp.
As soon as my lips part, his tongue is sweeping past and stroking mine. He’s kissing me like he’s trying to win a battle, like he’s on a mission to rid me of any previous kisses. His hands knead my hips as they rock against his hard thighs.
I let my hands drift down from his face to his shoulders and then back up to his neck and into his hair. We sit there, feasting on each other for what feels like hours but also somehow just seconds. He pulls away first but keeps his hands on me.
“Was that too much?”
I lean in and give him a peck on the lips before answering. “No.”
His smile of relief damn near takes my breath away, between the dimple and his laugh lines I’m a goner. “Good. I want more of that, but you need to eat first.”
He swings me around on his lap but holds me in place when I try to move back to my stool.
“Stay here,” he commands as he slides my plate in front of me. “Finish and then we can go get in the hot tub for a while.”
After we clean up the dishes, I walk back to grab the swimming suit that Nolan said I should bring. It’s a basic black bikini, exactly what I would have chosen for myself. I’m not surprised that Sawyer managed to buy exactly the style of clothes I would wear.
When I walk out onto the patio, Lake's already in the water, steam rising up around him into the cold, dark sky. His head is tilted back, and I don’t think he can hear me until he turns in my direction. The way he looks at me with a desire I can feel deep in my bones. I know in this moment, I won’t regret whatever happens between us.
I step down into the steaming and gently bubbling water. He reaches over and hits a switch that lights a fire element around us. I let myself slide down to where the water is over my shoulders and rest my head on the ledge behind me. The sky is so full of stars above us that for a minute I remember all the remote places I lived with my parents and how I took the stars for granted.It’s something you don’t think about when you see it every day.
My relationships with the guys are much the same now that I allow myself the time to think about it. The beauty of my individual connections with each and the unique way we all used to fit together. A part of me, one that I buried deep down in order to survive, has started clawing its way back to the surface. The greedy part who wants those connections back, the one who wants each of her guys.
I can see the flames of the fire dancing in Lake’s dark eyes as he watches me from the other side of the hot tub. The only sound is the gentle bubbling of the water shooting from the jets. I feel the super charged electricity in the air. I want nothing more than to be in his lap, pressed against him—our lips fused as he teaches me how to feel again.
His eyes burn a path from mine to my lips, down my neck and landing on the swell of my breasts where the water hits me. The intensity of his gaze makes me clench my thighs and shift my weight. It’s been so long since I’ve felt desired, even longer since I’ve desired anyone, that I don’t know what to do with myself.
“Olivia.” He motions with two fingers toward himself. “Come here.”
My mind hesitates, but my body doesn’t as I stand and cross the short distance. I stop in front of him, feeling wholly inadequate and unsure of myself. I’m a shadow of my former self, and he’s larger than life now. They all are.
Before my mind can slip away into the darkness, he grabs my hips and pulls me onto his lap. My hand lands on him, bracing myself. I stare at the contrast between the deep, golden brown skin of his muscular shoulder and my pale, slim hand. Lake has always been a ruggedly handsome man, and every year I’ve been away has increased that tenfold.
I can barely breathe as his hand cups my hip and his thumb traces the edge of my bikini bottoms. I shift, straddling his lap, and gasp as I feel him harden beneath me. Heat pools in my core as his thumb sweeps under the material. My fingers dig into his skin.
“We’re going to remind you who you belong to, and it starts with me.”
I lower my mouth to his again, silently giving him permission. As far as I’m concerned, I am his. For tonight, tomorrow, as long as he wants me, I want to give myself to him. With my fingertips, I explore his chest and abs while we kiss slowly. His hands move up my back and untie the strings of my bikini top.
He lifts me a little, so he’s eye level with my chest. A noise that can only be described as a purr comes from my throat as he wraps his lips around one of my nipples. I’m assaulted by so many sensations as the cold air wraps around me, but his hot breath fans over my breasts as he moves from one nipple to another.
He releases my breast with a husky groan of need, pulling me back down fully onto his lap. Our lips tangle in a messy kiss as the passion between us deepens. He tugs the strings holding my bottoms, untying and tossing them to the side of the hot tub. I grind my hips down against the erection tenting his trunks, biting my lip at the delicious friction between us.
His hand snakes between us as he delicately runs his fingers up and down my slit. His gentle and teasing touch makes me whimper with need. He slips a finger into my folds circling my clit with expert precision. I pant with greedy desire as he increases the tempo of his fingers and slides one into me. He strokes my walls until he finds my g-spot.
A cry escapes my mouth as he increases the speed of his thumb on my clit and the pressure inside me. My entire body warms with the impending climax. My toes curl as my muscles tense as I’m driven closer to the pinnacle.
“Look at me, Liv,” he rasps.
I pull back just enough to look in his eyes which look almost completely black now. The orgasm crashes over me in waves, my fingers dig into his shoulder. I ride his hand through it. As soon as I go limp in his arms, he’s turning off the fire element and jets and standing with me naked in his arms.
I wrap my legs around his waist as he quickly carries me into the house and down the hall to his bedroom. The only light comes from the open curtains, the starry night reflecting down on the snow. He pulls the covers off before setting me down in the bed. He strips his shorts off, his thick cock bounces free.
I move to the edge of the bed and wrap my hand around him. His cock twitches in my palm as I circle my thumb over his tip. His chest rumbles as I tighten my grip and stroke his length. Our lips crash together in a desperate kiss, his breath catching as I increase my speed. He groans against my lips, removing my hand from his cock.
“I need to be inside you, Olivia.” He reaches into the nightstand and grabs a condom. “Are you sure this is okay?” He asks as he rolls it on and positions himself above me. “I want you, but I can wait if you aren’t ready.”
“I want this.” I shift to feel his dick at my entrance. “I want you, Lake.”
With those words, he glides into my wet heat. My walls tremble around him as he gives me a second to adjust to him. He pushes further with a rough groan.
“Fuck,” he murmurs as he pulls out and thrusts back in. He keeps a steady pace, working me into a frenzy.
I wrap my legs around him, my heels digging into his ass as he goes harder. A bead of sweat from his temple falls onto my lips, and I lick it off, savoring every part of him. He worships me with his cock, with his hands, and with his lips. But his eyes are what undo me. When he locks them on mine, I feel every single one of his emotions. There’s passion and desire, need, and comfort. There’s also anger but fueling it all is a love that never wavered.
He shifts his hips, hitting me at just the right angle to send me careening into a vortex of pleasure. He moans into my neck as my walls clench around him, trembling with release. I feel him surge inside me as he comes, his hand holding my hip in place as he finishes.
He collapses to my side, rolling me so we stay molded together. We look at each other, expressing all the things we feel without words. I nestle my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat slow to a normal resting rate. The steady thump against my ear lulls me into a peaceful sleep.