Dark Need by Clarissa Wild

Chapter 23

Soren

I don’t knowwhy I’d say such a thing to a woman like her. To a captive. But I do.

And when the words slipped through my lips, the silence that followed was deafening. Even though I wanted nothing more than to know exactly what she was thinking. What it did to her. How I made her feel.

And I hate that.

I hate what’s become of me.

I’ve become weak.

Caring.

I never care. Not for a single soul.

It’s been scarred into my brain and my body not to ever give a fuck about anyone’s feelings, myself included.

Yet … I cared enough to want her to stop hurting.

To stop myself from hurting her.

Why?

I even tied her to a tree so I wouldn’t grab her and take from her what I wanted, so I wouldn’t greedily ravage her body like I did last time. But I saw what it did to her, how it made her look at me, her eyes full of contempt …

And I swore to myself then and there that she’d never look at me like that again.

I’ve had plenty of women beg me to stop before, and I never listened. Torturing is my job. I live in it. I thrive in it.

But this is a whole different kind of beast … one I can’t seem to tame.

I already ruined her …

I’ll need to repent for that eventually.

But for now, I must control myself. She’s important. She needed to arrive at the location unscathed. It was my fucking job to keep her safe, and I neglected that.

I grumble about as I gather some water from a nearby freshwater stream and fill up the bottle I brought from the house so we have something to drink. But I take ample time gathering more mushrooms and edible plants from the surrounding area just so I can avoid having to go back there. Which I eventually will have to.

I sigh when my bag is all filled up, and I have no more excuses. Time to face my inner demon.

The demon that seems pissed she’s still tied to that tree because of me.

Well, it was that, or risk losing control again as I did back in the cabin.

And if I do that … what will become of me?

What will they do if they find out I ruined her?

With a pang in my stomach, I face the girl who’s clenching her jaw, throwing me back an equally pained look.

“Can you please just let me go?” she asks. “We’ve already been over this. I won’t run.”

I sigh and lean in, a little too close for comfort, to undo the knot around her waist until the rope drops to the ground.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t,” I retort, maybe a little too brisk for her liking.

But I don’t want her to go thanking me. I’m not the good guy, and I don’t intend to be.

She throws me another look … one that is too condescending for my taste.

“Behave,” I growl, pointing a finger at her.

“Oh, like you were?” she quips.

She keeps talking back to me like she can afford it, and I don’t like it one bit.

My nostrils flare, and I pick up the rope and tuck it back into my bag. “Follow me.”

I start walking again, but not before I throw the half-eaten apple at her. I’m surprised she manages to catch it, and when she smiles, I do too. Only for a second because I know I shouldn’t.

We’re not there yet, and there will be a crossing not too far from here that’ll put this whole arrangement to the test. But I don’t think we’ll make it across before nightfall.

“So this place we’re going … Are the people nice there?” she asks.

“No,” I reply.

“Hmm … what a surprise.” She rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know,” I say, swatting away a few branches in my way.

“You don’t know? So you’ve never been there before?”

“Enough.” She isn’t going to like the answer anyway.

Finally, she’s quiet, just the way I like it. Hearing the birds whistle in the trees is the only thing that brings me peace. The only thing that quiets the turmoil in my mind.

“I just wanted to … thank you,” she suddenly says after a while. “For saying you’re sorry.”

I pause in my tracks and look over my shoulder.

So she heard that, eh?

She looks up at me with those same doe-like eyes that coil around my heart and make me feel like a fire is raging in my body.

Her cheeks turn a darker shade of red. “Did you mean it?”

My eyes narrow.

Why does she care? She hates me.

“Does it matter?”

“To me, it does,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear.

I grumble out loud and turn around again. “Yes.”

Facing her while speaking about this is too uncomfortable.

I’ve never had to deal with a situation like this. My normal consists of hurting people, of making them scream, making them bleed and confess. But this? Dealing with … feelings? That’s anything but normal to me, and it confuses the fuck out of me.

And I don’t do confused.

I know what I’m doing.

I know who I am.

I am the one the House can depend on, the one who will honor the rules.

“A while ago, you said it was your first time too,” she suddenly says. “Is that true?”

Heat springs to my face, but I refuse to let my cheeks get flushed.

Fuck.

What is she doing to me?

Did she really have to bring that up?

“Yes,” I retort, trying not to make a big deal out of it even though it is.

Because I wasn’t supposed to claim her. I wasn’t supposed to take the forbidden.

But I did it anyway, and it will cost me.

“It’s just that it surprised me, that’s all.”

“Why?” I retort, maybe a little too aggressive because she immediately returns to her shell, guarding her heart from me.

“Because … most men want … you know.” She clutches her own shirt, clenching the fabric together where her tits meet as though she’s afraid that allowing me a peek will make me succumb again.

She isn’t wrong, though.

“Women,” I fill in for her.

She raises her brows. “So you’ve never wanted a woman before?”

I sigh. “It was not allowed.”

“Not allowed?” She frowns. “They forbade you from … sex?”

She tries to swallow the last word in vain.

“I must stay strong,” I reply. “Men like me thrive on violence.”

She licks her lips. “That sounds like torture to me.”

Torture?

I never thought of it that way.

“The others are allowed, aren’t they? Eli and Tobias, they—”

“They do their job.”

“But they get to enjoy theirs,” she quips.

“I enjoy mine.” My fist balls.

“But you’re always in pain.”

“Only since I met you.”

A pang of guilt shoots through my body the second her eyes tear up.

Fuck.

I should not have said that.

My face contorts, so I look away and continue walking.

It’s not often that I’m forced to think about why things are the way they are. This is just what I am used to. Who I was made to be. I’m a tool. A weapon to be used by someone with more power than me. Nothing more, nothing less.

But now that my restraints are off, I’m no longer able to focus. Violence isn’t my only drive anymore. Something inside me has been unleashed, and I can’t fucking stop it from ravaging everything around me.

I pull the metal from my bag and look at it. The lock is completely broken. There’s no way it can ever be put back on me like this.

But now that I’ve felt what it’s like to be truly free, I don’t even know if I can go back to that.

“I’m sorry too,” April suddenly says.

I glance over my shoulder, hiding the metal, but it’s too late, it seems.

“I shouldn’t have taken it off,” she adds.

I close my eyes and let out a sigh, then look upon the metal again. I used to believe it was a gift. An honor. But now, I’m not so sure it was anything but a cage.

I shove it back into the bag. “Okay.”

“What? That’s it?” She frowns.

I narrow my eyes at her. “That’s it.”

“Oh … okay. So you’re still mad at me?”

I raise a brow. “No.”

What makes her say that?

“Let’s just go,” I growl, and I continue my pace.

I don’t understand one thing about women.

One second, they want to hate my guts, and then the next, they care about my feelings for them as if it matters. What does she want from me? She already got her apology. I’m not going to change, and I’m not going to stop until we get to our destination.

Because I’m sure this is nothing more than a distraction.

Just like when her tits fell out of her shirt and how she landed right on top of me. That was no fucking accident, and it definitely wasn’t an accident either when I needed to let off steam because of it.

She uncaged me … and I can’t help but wonder if she did it on purpose?

To make me want her?

To make me thirst for her and her delicious body?

I lick my lips and glance at her over my shoulder. She succeeded all right. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about all the filthy things I want to do to her since she came with me, and now that the metal is off, I’m finally able.

The only thing that’s certain is that sooner or later, I won’t be able to stop.

And when that time comes, she’d better be prepared.

She’s going to wish I was mad at her.

Oh no.

I’m not fucking mad.

I’m agitated.

Roused.

And the only thing that stimulates me is her and the way she looks at me and the hard-on between my legs.

I groan and close my eyes.

You already had your fill, Soren. She’s not yours. And Eli gave you a task, so do it.

I sigh out loud again, forcing myself to forget the dirty images of her floating through my head while I tread on. We’re near the crossing. I can already hear the water rushing up ahead.

Just a few more steps up this hill, and I’ll be able to pinpoint the direction we need to take. And as I get to the top, I look out at the river down below. She bumps into my back, and a gasp emanates from her mouth as she peers around my shoulder.

“Oh my …” She can’t even finish her sentence as she stands beside me and peers at the water rushing along. Her jaw tightens, and she swallows, visibly strained at the sight.

“What are we going to do?” she asks, gazing at me. “How are we going to cross that?”

I look back at her, a smirk spreading on my lip. “We swim.”