Dark Need by Clarissa Wild

Chapter 39

April

Three days later

I’ve triedto adjust to life back home.

I really have.

I cleaned my house, took out all the spoiled food from the fridge, got a new job at a local bakery. I even bought a wireless camera system to protect my home from intruders in case anyone tried to grab me again and steal my hard-earned freedom.

Still, something keeps nagging in the back of my head, even as I sit here in my own damn house, eating my own damn cookie on my own damn couch. It doesn’t taste the same. Doesn’t feel the same. Not how I remember it did.

Unexpected.

Like it’s missing something, and I don’t quite understand what.

I take a sip of my tea and a bite of my cookie while listening to the relaxing music coming from the radio. But my heart won’t stop feeling like it wants to cry.

Since coming back here, I’ve never felt lonelier.

Like I actually miss Soren.

But that doesn’t make any sense. He was my captor. He was trying to take me to the cult.

Yet I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since he walked away.

Since he left me in peace. Just like I asked him to.

To be free was all I ever wanted.

Away from the House, away from the cult, back in the haven of my own home.

But it came at a price, one I thought I was willing to pay.

I guess the heart has a way of making you feel guilty even when you know you deserve this.

In the end, he did the right thing.

Was it because I asked? Or because I fled to that car?

I shiver in place from the memories of those boys and how he split their skulls open.

It’s not every day something like that happens … or that a man is willing to risk his life to keep yours safe.

He genuinely didn’t want me to get hurt.

And I told him I hated him.

I meant it.

Until I saw my hometown again.

All the mean-spirited emotions evaporated from my mind. And all I wanted to do was hug and kiss him and tell him how grateful I was.

But then he was gone.

Just like that.

He sacrificed his own loyalty to his House just to give me what I really wanted. Just to make me happy.

And I didn’t even get to say thank you.

Or goodbye.

I take another big sip of my tea and another bite of my cookie, but it jams halfway in my throat.

I can’t swallow.

Not because I don’t want to or because it tastes bad … but because I have a gaping hole in my heart, and it makes me want to cry.

I stop, put my food down, and pat away the single tear sliding down my cheek. I look at the wetness on my thumb, wondering where it came from. But I already know the answer. I just made myself believe all this time this is what I wanted, what I needed.

But what I need is him.

I get up from the couch and breathe in and out a couple of times, trying to come to terms with what I’ve been feeling all this time that I was home. All this time, I thought I just needed more time, but what I truly need is to know that he’s okay.

And there’s only one way to know for sure.

I run to my cabinet and pluck out the note Soren wrote for me. Time to pay someone, whoever is there, a visit.

* * *

It doesn’t takeme long to find the address he scribbled down. It only took me a few hours to drive there. But when I’m right in front of the big building, my nerves begin to weigh down on me. Still, I walk through the door and step onto the elevator, painstakingly waiting for it to arrive on the right floor. I walk up to the door and press the doorbell, swallowing the nerves deep into my stomach.

When the door opens, my jaw drops, but I’m too stunned to say a word.

“April?”

After a while, I stutter, “Amelia?”

One of the girls from the House, one of the other captives, is here in the flesh. I talked to her only once, when we were all together in a room guarded by none other than Soren so we wouldn’t start plotting an escape. I clearly remember her wanting to throw a fight to create some sort of uprising against our captors. And now she’s really here, living her life in freedom.

I can’t believe my eyes, so I rub them to make sure I’m not dreaming.

“You’re really here. How?” she asks, and she grabs my hand. “Are you okay? Come, we’ll talk inside.”

She pulls me in before I can even say anything. I’m just too flabbergasted to form an eloquent response.

I never would’ve imagined the address Soren gave me would lead me straight to one of the other House’s captives.

“How did you find this place?” she asks again as she closes the door behind her.

Her home is so warm and inviting, green and blue colors everywhere, and it smells fresh like a summer beach.

“I … I …” I fish the note from my pocket and hold it out to her.

She frowns, clearly not understanding. “Eli?”

My eyes widen as the man himself steps out from the bedroom. When our eyes connect, he stops in his tracks while my heart begins to beat in my throat.

“E-Eli,” I mutter.

I did not expect to see him here. The mere sight of his dark eyes and the way he walks in that suit of his like he’s the devil himself still makes me choke up.

He approaches us slowly and mutters, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

I lick my lips, finding it hard to believe. The last time I saw him was at the House when he was still the one orchestrating all of the pain the men and women had to endure. He was the mastermind behind it all, and now he’s … here? Living a normal life? Why? What happened?

He holds out his hand, glancing at the note, so I give it to him.

He frowns, clenching his jaw. “Soren wrote this.”

I nod. I’m surprised he recognizes the writing. Then again, they were accomplices for a long time.

“Did he tell you to come here?” he asks.

“He … didn’t say anything,” I reply.

Amelia grabs my hands. “You’re shaking. Come. Sit.” She guides me to the couch and then walks to the kitchen to make some coffee, which I’ll happily chug down right now.

Eli sits down opposite me, and the air suddenly feels thick with the same kind of tension I used to feel with Soren. “Why would he give this to you?”

“I don’t know. I think he wanted me to … find you. If I ever needed it,” I reply, feeling intimidated by him.

“Eli, don’t hound her,” Amelia says, sitting down next to me. “She’s been through enough.” She smiles at me and puts a hand on my arm. “What happened to you?”

Eli shifts in his seat. “Soren was supposed to take her—”

“To the cult,” I fill in, staring him down. “A hellhole I never wished to return to. But Soren made the right decision.”

Amelia gasps. “He let you go.”

When I nod, I look at Eli, who seems mildly intrigued.

Then a smile appears on his cheeks. “I figured he’d do something like that.”

I frown. “So you knew?”

He sighs and grabs his cup of coffee to take a sip. “Yes and no. I knew something was going on, but he never told me what. But I saw him look at you over and over again. He seemed infatuated. And that was before I asked him to take you back.”

It’s hard to fight the blush from creeping onto my cheeks. “Why would you ask him that if you knew how much it would hurt him?”

His nostrils flare. “I couldn’t risk it. You were the most volatile of all our sinners.”

“I was innocent,” I say through gritted teeth. “And you knew it.”

“We do not deny those sent to us,” Eli says, glancing at Amelia for a second. “Even if they are … innocent.”

“It’s despicable,” I respond.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It took me a long time to realize that not everyone needed to be punished for their sins.” He looks me directly in the eyes. “And I want to apologize for keeping you captive.”

I suck in a breath too, and let it sink in.

It’s not often I hear an apology for all that happened to me.

“Did anyone touch you … at the House?” Amelia asks, gripping my hand and squeezing gently.

“No,” Eli answers for me. “We did not.”

I look away. “I was just … forced to eat with them all. Nothing else. Not yet, anyway.”

I don’t know what they eventually had in mind for me, but it couldn’t have been good.

“She was supposed to be handled by Tobias, but he had his mind … occupied.” Eli raises his brow, and Amelia giggles for some reason. Like it’s a joke, but it’s not funny to me at all.

“But that’s all in the past now, isn’t it?” Amelia says to Eli.

Eli nods. “I’ve given up my position at the House.”

I frown. “Didn’t know that was possible.”

“I’ve learned there are some things that are more important than even life itself,” Eli says, and he winks at Amelia, who blushes from his response.

“Guess you two found each other,” I say, rolling my eyes.

Amelia tucks her hair behind her ear. “I was the one who asked him to release everyone. To let them go back.”

I pull my hand away from hers. “So you’re the reason I was almost forced to go back to that cult?”

“I didn’t know he was going to do that.” She gives Eli the stink eye. “I thought he was going to set everyone free.”

“It was a risk to the House. If she’d been free, she would’ve—”

“Told everyone?” I interject, raising a brow. “Because I’m free now, and I still could if I wanted to.”

The silence in the room is chilling.

“But you didn’t,” Eli says after a while. “Because …” It’s almost as if a light switch goes on in his head. “Soren.”

I can’t fight the blush from appearing on my cheeks now.

“I guess that explains why he gave you Amelia’s address,” he says. “I only gave it to him to protect her in case Tobias went after her. But I guess he wanted you to have a way back if you wanted to.”

A way back?

“You have feelings for Soren?” Amelia gasps. “Really?”

I try to hide the shame by picking up my coffee and taking a sip. “It’s not like that. It’s just that—”

“You want to protect him.” Eli folds his arms, smirking. “All three of the men from the House of Sin … fallen to sin. Ironic.”

“What he did was not a sin,” I retort, clutching my coffee to stop myself from shivering. “He was trying to protect me all the way and then freed me even though it would mean he’d be punished for it.”

Eli waves it off. “I’m sure Tobias will be lenient. After all, I was the one who sent Soren on his way. Tobias won’t blame him for trying to do the right thing.”

“I don’t think you understand,” I say, putting down my coffee. “The metal is off.”

This grabs Eli’s attention as he suddenly straightens his back, and his eyes become vulture-like. “How? The key wasn’t in his possession.”

“I tore it off,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “Yeah, I know it was there to punish him.”

“It was there to keep the captives and you safe.”

“Why would you want him to hurt like that?” I spit back.

“I didn’t.” He tilts his head. “The ones who sent him to us did.”

I remember Soren telling me something about an island and that he didn’t actually come from the House.

“In any case, he left you a note to find Amelia. Why?”

I frown and look down at the note in my hands. “Probably because … it’s my only way back to the House. Back to him.”

Eli’s nostrils flare when I look up at him. “I have to find him.”

There’s a twitch right next to his eye now. “No.”

“Eli,” Amelia says, ending with a sigh. “C’mon.”

“No, it would put the House in harm's way. I have an agreement with Tobias. We would be left alone in exchange for the absolute safety of the House.”

“So he can continue punishing people who don’t deserve it,” I hiss.

Eli gets up from the couch. “That’s not what we do, and you know it.”

“Guys, calm down,” Amelia intervenes, and she directs her attention toward me. “I know what this feels like. I’ve been there when I almost lost Eli.”

She turns her head to him. “Can’t you see she’s in the same position as I was? Would you deny her the very thing you allowed me to do?”

His jaw tenses up as he flicks his attention back and forth between her and me. The look in his eyes softens over time with the more pressure she applies.

He sucks in a breath through his nose. “You will not talk about the House to anyone. You will not share the address with anyone. And you will not put either of us in danger. Got it?”

I nod. “I promise.”

He tilts his head. “Good.”

Then he walks off to a cabinet, fishing out a piece of paper and a pen, and he scribbles something down then hands it to me.

“Thank you,” I say, looking up at him.

“Don’t thank me. I am not doing this for you.”

I look at Amelia, who smiles gently at me.

“I know,” I reply, thanking her with my eyes.

Because this … this is all I needed. The one missing piece of the puzzle. A way back … to him.