Dark Need by Clarissa Wild

Chapter 37

Soren

I can hearher breath falter as she freezes in place.

And I cannot stop watching her face as tears form in her eyes.

Her knees buck, but they don’t collapse as she steps forward, drunk on hope.

It is a picture I plaster in my head so I’ll never forget.

Her black hair floats in the wind as she steps toward the town in front of us, her feet skittish as though they’re not sure if the grass underneath is safe. If it’s real.

But it’s as real as she is to me.

As real as the cult grounds she was kept at not too far from here.

How long has it been since she last saw this place?

I swallow and follow her down the hill as she grows more courageous with every step. Watching her is like watching a flower bloom. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. That smile that grows on her face as she approaches the bustling road.

Halfway down, she stops and glances over her shoulder at me.

The fiery flame growing in her eyes is impossible to ignore, and it humbles me to the point that I don’t know what to say. Because I know what this look says. I know what she’s asking.

Am I allowed?

But I don’t have the answer for her.

All I have is a choice.

And I made mine the second she told me she hated me.

So I give her one big nod. Not to give permission, but to give her courage, and she turns around and walks onto the busy road. She crosses the street, and I follow along, watching her smile at the people she walks by. She doesn’t enter any store or building, doesn’t speak with anyone except those who greet her.

“Hey, April! Oh my God, you’ve been gone for a long time, haven’t you?” one of the passersby says as she stops pushing her stroller.

“Hey, Dani! Yeah … It has been long, hasn’t it?” she replies, scratching her head.

I stand a few feet away, not wanting to intrude, but at the same time, I’m eager to watch this conversation. Not just because it’s my duty to keep the House safe, but also because I want to know what she’s thinking. How she’s feeling. How she’ll react.

“But I’m back now,” April says, and she briefly glances at me again. “Hopefully for good.”

“Well, it’s so nice to see you. We should grab a coffee sometime,” the woman says, handing a toy to her baby.

“Yeah, I’d love that,” April replies with such a cheerful voice.

She’s never sounded like that before, and I’m not sure I like it … or if I’m just jealous.

“See ya soon then,” the woman says, winking. “You still have my number, right?”

April clears her throat and smiles awkwardly. “Yeah, of course. See ya!”

She walks off again, but I can tell from the way she plucks at her own hair that she’s nervous. It must’ve been a long time since she last had a normal conversation with anyone. This is why it makes it even more special. It’s like she finally came out of that cocoon she was hiding in and has now turned into a pretty butterfly. I’m just here for the ride, however short it is.

She walks along the roads, waving at strangers who wave at her. It’s like she knows everyone here, or maybe she’s just excited to be back.

But every once in a while, she looks over her shoulder to see if I’m still there. And after a while, the smile on her face no longer disappears when our eyes connect.

I lick my lips as I watch her come to life in this little town she calls home. Until she comes to a stop in front of a white house with a picket fence, where grass has almost overgrown the pavement leading to the door.

She swallows hard, her fingers skimming the wood, barely able to touch it.

She pauses in front of the small gate that’s still unlocked and blowing open softly in the wind.

“This is—”

“Your home.”

She turns to look at me. “How?”

I shrug. “Eli’s ledger. He keeps records of everyone who comes to the House.”

She raises a brow. “But I never told anyone—”

“The cult members.”

Her lips part in a dubious smile. “Ahh … right.”

She told some of them where she lived, and they, in turn, told their elders, who told our House. Not because they ever wanted her to return there, of course. Mostly so they’d know where to look in case she escaped.

More information to keep someone shackled for life.

But that same information now led to the only place she wished to go.

I fish something I’ve been keeping close to me out of my pocket and throw it at her. When she catches it, her eyes light up. “My keys? But I gave them to those cult guys.” She throws me a look. “All this time, you had them?”

Of course, the elders handed them to the House when they sent her to us. It was an exchange of power, after all.

“Eli gave them to me. In case I’d need to find you if you fled,” I respond.

She makes a face and shakes her head. “Of course.”

“Well, go on.” I egg her on.

She straightens her back and tilts her head, and with more confidence than ever before, she walks toward her house. But the moment she touches the door, she pauses, like an invisible force is stopping her from going inside.

“You didn’t have to do this,” she says.

My stomach drops. “Yes. Yes, I did.”

She clutches the door handle, still afraid to take the final step. “I know you have to take me there. And I know this is only temporary. But … this means a lot.”

I don’t know how to respond.

How to take her kindness when I deserve none of it.

But I will take the crumbs of her happiness and hold them in my palm forever. Because she’s shown me something no one has ever done before. Something worth more than a million words.

The ability to love.

So I stay silent as she slips the key into the lock as though it was only yesterday that she closed the doors behind her. After a heavy breath, she pushes open the door, along with all the unopened letters scattered on the floor.

The place is damp and dark, with sunlight scattering through the closed blinds onto the dust filtering through the air. Pieces of her life still lie on the couch and table, a magazine, a half-finished cup of coffee, a pair of dirty shoes lying in the corner, and a phone on the kitchen counter.

She steps inside and looks around like a stranger in her own home while I stay outside, watching her from afar. I don’t want to intrude on this moment that seems so private.

A fluffy white cat suddenly runs up to me and curls its tail around my leg, meowing loudly. I look down and give it a pet, and it instantly leans into my hand for more.

“Seems Snowball likes you.”

I look up to see an old lady standing on the porch of the house to the left. She shuffles forward and shakes a box. “I’ve been feeding her kibbles every day.”

I frown and look down at the cat again, who runs into April’s home like it belongs to him.

“Since she was gone, of course,” the old lady says. “No one knew when she’d come back. She didn’t leave a note or anything.”

I nod.

Suddenly, April squeals, and I’m instantly on high alert, ready to bust in.

“Snowball! You’re alive.”

I sigh out loud to force my heart to calm down.

“I missed you so much, oh my God.” I can hear her give the cat kisses.

After a while, it runs out again, with April nowhere to be seen, so I guess she’s making herself at home again. I fish a pencil from my bag and scribble something on a small note. I bend to one knee and tuck the paper around the cat’s collar. The cat curls its tail around my calf again, so I give him one more pet and say, “Be a good guardian, Snowball.”

* * *

April

I run through the house, looking into every room like it’s a maze to explore, but I already know every nook and cranny, and seeing them again fills me with indescribable joy that makes me want to scream.

I dance and twirl around my own house like a little kid in candy land, and I don’t care. And the moment Snowball finds me again, I snuggle him close to me. I’m so thankful my neighbor took care of him while I was gone. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” I say, giving him a kiss.

I missed this.

I missed all of this.

And I wish, I just wish I could stay.

But I know a man is waiting for me out there, waiting to take me back to where he must take me.

And it makes the vibrant smile on my face sharp. But I cannot let this moment be ruined by the prospect of my future. I have to love this for what it is. A moment of pure bliss.

So I close my eyes and take in the smell of my old, stinky room, which could really use a deep cleanse. And I laugh to myself while crying and rubbing my hands across my face like an idiot. Because who thinks of cleaning a place that you haven’t seen in so long? Apparently me.

After the giggling passes, I grab Snowball for another hug. But a small piece of paper wrapped around his collar catches my attention.

“What do you have here, Snowball?” I mutter, taking it off.

There’s some text scribbled on it.

It’s an address.

I stare at it for a moment, realizing Soren put it there. But why?

Suddenly, my cat runs out the door.

“Snowball? Come back,” I say.

I scramble to get up and follow him, but he’s already jumped downstairs.

I go down as fast as I can, not wanting to miss a single moment with him, however brief, but my cat is gone.

Along with Soren.

I pause at the bottom of the stairs, clutching the wood as I stare outside, wondering what happened. My heart still pounds in my throat even though my throat has clamped up. And I walk toward the door, still high on euphoria, thinking he’s right around the corner, just like my cat.

But when I peer out the door and look both ways, Snowball is there with my neighbor, happily eating kibbles from her hand … While Soren is nowhere to be seen.

My neighbor looks up at me and says, “Oh, April! It’s so nice to see you again.”

“Thank you for taking care of Snowball for me,” I say.

“Of course, it’s no problem. He’s been a good little kitty,” she replies, chuckling.

I peek around, searching for Soren, but I can’t find him anywhere. “Hey, have you seen where that guy who was with me went off to?”

“Oh, the one Snowball liked so much? It’s so strange. Snowball never likes strangers, yet …” She clutches the kibbles underneath her elbow. “Well, anyway. I didn’t see where he went. But I did hear him tell Snowball to take care of you.”

My heart sinks into my shoes, and my fingers turn icy cold as I struggle to stand.

He told Snowball …

But not me.

It hits me like a brick in the face.

This wasn’t just one last kindhearted gesture, a detour to my old life so I could say goodbye.

It was his way of saying goodbye to me.