Dark Need by Clarissa Wild
Chapter 38
Soren
It takesdays to get back to the House, every step harder than any of the ones before. Leaving her was the most difficult decision I have ever made, but with every step I take, I grow stronger in my belief it was the right one.
She didn’t deserve to be there.
She was sinless, yet they brought her to us, thinking we could fix her, thinking we could turn her into something she wasn’t meant to be.
So I set her free.
How could I not after the story she told me about how bad they treated her? And just how horrible she thought it would be to have another man touch her, let alone use her just to make babies.
The way her face contorted told me enough. But I was conflicted because of my duty to the house and the vows I made to always listen to my superiors and never fail. And that kept me from making the best decision. From doing what’s right.
Because she deserves to be safe.
To be free.
Far, far away from me.
Even if that meant losing her.
Even if that meant … losing me.
Because giving her this one thing she desired the most will cost me everything.
I sigh out loud as I stand in front of the door to the House. I will have to pay for my sins…
But I still believe it was worth it.
That smile on her face was worth more than my life ever will.
So I hold my head high and go inside to face the consequences of my actions.
Whatever happens, I will not change my mind.
I made my decision the second she told me she hated me, and I’m sticking to it.
I thought I could do it, that I could bring her to that cult, but something inside me broke when she uttered those words. Something broke in her. Something I took for granted. And I would do anything to have it back, even when I knew it would cost me everything.
I can live with that as long as she is happy.
So that’s what I keep in mind as I walk up to the study room and knock on the door. I wait, my heart steady, my head cool, but there’s no response.
Of course.
I’d forgotten what Eli said.
I lower my eyes as I remember his words … that he was done and that it was time.
The final punishment for committing the gravest sin of all.
Eli is gone.
I sigh and lean my head against the wood. “Rest in peace.”
“Well, he’s in peace but not in the ground.”
Tobias’s sudden interruption makes me glance over my shoulder.
“What do you mean?”
My eyes flicker back and forth between him and the book in his hands. “Eli isn’t dead.”
My eyes widen. “How?”
“He chose to leave with his girl,” he replies.
I frown. “Amelia? Why?”
Tobias shrugs. “Don’t ask me.”
“But the final rule …” I mutter.
“He changed the rules for himself,” Tobias says, closing the book in his hand. “Forgiveness is a powerful thing.”
This sounds nothing like Eli. “Where is he?”
“Gone. Doesn’t want us to find him.”
I narrow my eyes. “What happens to the House?”
Tobias’s nostrils flare. “I take over.”
My heart begins to pound. “Can you?”
He cocks his head. “Why wouldn’t I be able to?”
I raise a single brow. “The sinners are gone …”
“We’ll get new ones. The House always continues to do its job.” Tobias closes the gap between us. “But I heard you had something to do with their disappearance.”
“I obeyed the rules,” I retort, standing my ground.
“Eli’s rules,” he quips, not backing down either. “But he is gone.” There’s a deathly stare and a pause. “This is my House now. And you will listen to my commands.” When I don’t reply, he asks, “Do you understand?”
I nod slowly.
I don’t like it, but it is what it is.
I was born to serve, born to follow the leader of this House. And if the leader is dead … a new one will replace him.
I sigh and let out a breath through my flared nose. “What do you need?”
“What did Eli want you to do with that one girl? April, right?” He licks his lips, waiting for a reaction. “Did you bring her back to the ones who sent her?”
I swallow. If I lie … he will find out. All it takes is contacting one person from the records, and I’m done for.
No, I have to tell the truth.
Lying is for the weak. The sinners.
And I have sinned enough.
My payment is due.
“I brought her home,” I say.
His eyes narrow. “The cult … or her house?”
“Her house.”
His face turns sour, and suddenly, he throws the book to the ground. “I knew it! I knew he made a crucial mistake entrusting that girl to you.”
I don’t respond. I just take in his criticism with my head held high.
“Do you realize she could betray us, tell the world about us? This House would be ruined!”
“She won’t,” I reply.
“How would you know? She was the most dangerous one of all of them with her background,” he spits back, tapping my chest. “You left her there without any insurance that she wouldn’t open her mouth the second you left.”
I grab his finger and say through gritted teeth, “She won’t.”
He looks at me for a second.
“She … won’t put me in danger,” I add.
“You seem awfully sure about that,” he says. “Why?”
I take in another deep breath.
It’s about time I came clean.
“The metal is off.”
His eyes widen. “How did that happen?” But before I can answer, his brows furrow, and he gasps. “You used her.”
“She took them off,” I hiss. “She wanted me.”
He laughs. “She doesn’t want you. She was messing with your head so you’d let her go, and that’s exactly what you did.”
“You haven’t talked to her,” I respond. “I have.”
He rubs his chin and shakes his head. “I did not expect this. Especially not from you.”
I have to swallow my pride. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry will not fix this,” he says, clenching his teeth. “Someone has to pay for this.”
I nod. “I will accept any punishment.”
He opens his mouth, prepared to raise his voice, but then he swallows whatever rage he felt and holds his breath for a few seconds. “I don’t know how to deal with this. After Eli left, I’d expected you back in one piece, ready to restart the House and continue where he left off. But now you’re here, completely wrecked by one girl and without your restraints.”
“I can do this, even without the metal,” I reply.
“Do not forget why they were put on you,” he hisses, pointing at my chest. “We are filled with sin. And you have just proven that very fact.”
I lower my eyes. He’s right. We are. No one is exempt, not even us.
Even the punishers sin, and even the punishers must be punished.
That’s why Eli wanted to end it all, to atone for his sins.
But now I find out he never went through with it. Why should I?
“I can still torture and—”
“You disobeyed orders,” Tobias interjects. “And you destroyed your honor. What do you intend to do about it?”
“I will atone for my sins,” I reply.
“Exactly. As we were told. As we have always done.” He picks up the book from the ground and shows it to me. “The rules are here to guide us. Without them … we are nothing.”
He’s right. The rules are the only things that have kept me balanced. Not listening to them is what got me here in the first place.
“You will return to your homeland,” he suddenly says.
I suck in a breath.
I was only to return on one condition.
“Your service to this House has been dishonorably completed.”
There it is.
The dagger to the back.
The one I knew I would get the second I came back here.
I deserve it.
After all, I ignored my duty, ignored the rules. And now I must pay the price.
I close my eyes and blow out a breath.
“You can pack your things, grab what you need, and go.”
“Yes, sir.” I give him a nod and walk down the stairs to the dungeon where I left most of my stuff … along with my soul.
Because this will be the last time I see this equipment, these cells, these walls.
And maybe my life too.