Vicious Protector by Maggie Cole

19

Adrian

Disgust takes hold of me.It's not a secret Skylar isn't comfortable with my interactions with Dasha. It's why I had Obrecht meet with her. I pushed her off for almost a month, and I finally figured out Obrecht could eliminate my problem. I didn't expect to have to meet her or that she would have gotten her or us involved in something so dangerous.

I cup Skylar's cheeks. "Don't give her power."

"I don't want to, but I can't help it. When I saw her yesterday..." Skylar's face scrunches. "She still claims she's Mrs. Adrian Ivanov."

I snort. "She's not, and I have the divorce papers to prove it."

"I know. But she was at some point, and she's so sure of herself when it comes to you."

"Listen to me. She can say what she wants. We're through. I also warned her to stay away from you. If she comes near you, I want to know."

Skylar focuses on the ceiling. "So, how many nights are you going to have to be gone to solve her problem?"

My heart beats faster. Somehow, a miracle occurred. Darragh's contact planted evidence on both of Bruno Zielinski's sons, Kacper and Franciszek, for the bones found on the city lot. Right before Obrecht and I arrived at the pub, the police arrested them. In the meeting we had in the back alley, Darragh and Liam informed us Bruno created an alliance with Giovanni Rossi, the head of the Italian mob. Darragh assured us they would arrange for Kacper's and Franciszek's murder in prison.

But it's also clear Bruno is coming after the Ivanovs. Darragh believes it's due to Maksim and his brothers giving too many jobs to Polish workers. When men are employed, they don't need to succumb to men like Bruno or Zamir. I didn't ask Obrecht in the meeting. His eyes told me he wondered the same thing as me. Are we being targeted because of Dasha?

I push a lock of Skylar's hair behind her ear. "Dasha's issue is handled for now. There's no reason for me to see or talk to her. Obrecht will deal with her if needed. I know it bugs you. It's why I pushed off my meeting with her until tonight. If Obrecht didn't need me there, he wouldn't have called me over."

She bites hard on her bottom lip.

Anxiety fills my chest. I know what it's like to spin out. My printsessa having to deal with what I experience over my ex-wife makes me feel ill. "It kills me she's affecting you like this. What can I do so you believe me?"

She pins her gaze on mine. "I do believe you. It's what's so scary, Adrian. When you tell me you don't want her, and you only want me, I believe you."

"I do only want you. It's why you're in my bed every night. I can't stay away from you. You know I'm crazy about you, don't you?" I stroke her cheek. Blood pounds hard between my ears.

A tiny smile plays on her lips. "Ninety-nine percent of the time, yes."

Not the answer I wanted to hear.

My stomach twists. "That's not good enough, my printsessa. What is causing you to doubt my feelings for you?"

"Only when you disappear. It's..." Her lip trembles and tears slide down her cheeks. "I worry about you. I don't know where you go or who you're spending the night with. It..." She squeezes her eyes shut.

I hate myself for putting her through this.

I should let her go and lead a normal life.

I'm a selfish bastard. I can't.

"Look at me."

She opens her pain-filled eyes.

"I'm not sleeping with anyone else. If I could tell you everything, I would. I shouldn't have even discussed the things I told you tonight. I'm sorry about who I am and what I do. If I could escape it all, I would. But I can't."

Her voice lowers. "What do you mean by escape it?"

Crap. Why did I say that?

"Adrian, I don't know what the Ivanovs are involved in, but I know it's not all properties. You can trust me—"

"I do trust you. Do not question my faith in you," I sternly insist.

"I'm not like other women."

"Yes. I know. You're special and—"

"That's not what I mean, Adrian. Whatever you're involved in, I'll be okay with it. Just tell me."

Dasha said that.

I will not lose my printsessa.

"I can't," I insist.

"How can you say you trust me if you don't let me into your world?"

"We've been over this, my printsessa. Every move I make is with your safety in mind. I will never involve you in my other world. You don't belong there."

"Shouldn't I get the choice?"

"No. I will never subject you to it," I state and mean it. Skylar doesn't need to be tainted. And I don't want to change the way she sees me. I brush my lips to hers as I speak. "Are we going to let my job come between us?"

"I don't want it to."

"Okay. Good. Me, either. What can I do so you don't feel this way?"

"Tell me everything."

"You know I can't do that. So what else can I do?"

"I don't know. I...can you call me or at least text when you're gone?"

"I did. Last night before I left and as soon as I turned my phone on. Even if you hadn't sent me a text, I would have messaged you. All I could think of was you. I was worried about what was happening at your work and if you got home at a decent hour to sleep. And I sure as hell didn't want to be anywhere besides next to you."

The car stops in front of my building.

"Could you keep your phone on? Maybe text me a bit more when you're gone so I don't worry?"

Oh, my printsessa. I'm in a trance with blood all over me most of my nights away from you.

"Most of the time, I cannot have my phone on. But I promise you, I will text or call as soon as possible." I hold my breath, waiting for her to give me some indication she can accept our situation and still wants me.

She stays silent.

I fist her hair. "I cleaned my closet out so you have room. I've not done that for anyone."

She smiles. "I saw that. I would clean a part of mine out for you, but we never stay at my place."

"Do you want to? We can."

"No. I love your place."

I move my face next to hers. "Good. I love my place more when you're there."

"You do?"

"Yes. And you know what I think?"

"What?"

I steal a few quick kisses then reply, "Besides these two times I had to be gone for work, I think we're pretty happy together. What's your viewpoint?"

Her eyes brighten, and she nods. "Yes. We are."

"So we've been together for about a month, right?"

"Yes."

I wrap her hair around my fist. "If we've had four days apart because of my work, that means we have at least twenty-six days together. I don't remember any of those twenty-six days being bad, do you?"

"No."

"Okay. So if the majority of the time things are great, does that make the few times I'm away worth it?" My heart races as I wait for her to answer.

What if she says it isn't worth it?

She presses her lips to mine. I hold her to my mouth and part her lips with my tongue. She tastes good. So fucking good. No matter how many times I kiss her, she only gets sweeter. The craving I have for her only intensifies.

"We're good together, my printsessa," I mumble against her lips.

"I know." She rearranges her body so she's straddling me. I wrap my arms around her and end our kisses. "If you don't get your sexy little ass out of the car, I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll never be able to look Bogden in the eyes again." I lean in and lick behind her lobe. "I don't want you in the car. I want you in my bed. You know why?"

She shakes her head. "No. Why?"

I pin my gaze on hers. "Because it's where you belong."

A tiny smile forms on her lips.

"I've not touched any woman since I've met you. Not even before the Cat's Meow."

"No?"

"No. And I've not brought anyone around my mother, or given them access to my penthouse, or wanted to see them every day."

"You haven't?"

"Nope. You know why?"

She stays silent.

"They aren't you. And I wish this wasn't between us. It causes you to doubt my feelings and who we are together. I understand I'm asking a lot from you, but I'm going to ask you to somehow find peace with this arrangement we have. I don't want to lose you, and I can't just do my life over again."

She rubs her thumb over my jaw. "Would you? If you could?"

I take a moment to consider how to answer her question. The truth of my world I can't disclose to her, but I tiptoe close to the edge. "I don't like to live in regret or think about the past. I can't change it. I am who I am. But every day, there's one thing I did I can't hide from. No matter what happens, I think about it. So if there was one thing I could do over, I know what it would be."

"What?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I would never have put Natalia in that cab."

The color drains from her face. She opens her mouth then closes it. Her eyes fill with tears again.

It becomes harder to breathe, and I have to look away. I've never said that statement out loud before. Now Skylar knows my sister's last year on earth she spent in hell because of me.

My printsessa turns my face toward hers. "That's not your fault, Adrian."

I inhale and release the air slowly. "I didn't tell you for you to try and convince me it's not. I know what my role played in her demise, but you asked me, and I won't ever lie to you."

She kisses me. It's sweet and full of everything too good for me. Like every moment we spend together, I feel it all. She deserves better than a man who does what I do. Yet, I can't seem to allow myself to let her go. She's mine, and I will do everything in my power to keep her.

I retreat from her lips and swing open the door. "Come on, my printsessa. Let's go home instead of sitting in this car."

We get out, and I guide her into the penthouse. All night, we stay engrossed in each other. The next few days, everything is back to normal, until Skylar doesn't come home after Nora's dress fitting, so I text her.

Me: Sergey said you had his driver drop you off at your place? Are you coming home? Should I come there?

She doesn't respond, so I call, but it goes straight to voicemail. Any bad vibe I could have annihilates me.

Obrecht walks into my penthouse as I'm putting on my shoes.

"Make it fast. I need to leave," I tell him.

He says in Russian, "I know where he is."

The blood in my veins chills. He is Zamir.

"Tonight?"

"No. Soon."

I should be disappointed. All I've obsessed over for fifteen years was getting my day with Zamir. Instead, relief mixes with my desire to make him pay for his sins. My gut is telling me something is wrong with Skylar. She never has her phone off.

"Good. I look forward to it." I step into the elevator, and Obrecht follows.

"Where are you going?"

"Skylar's. She isn't answering her phone. Igor dropped her off over an hour ago. Hagen said she hasn't left."

Obrecht arches an eyebrow. "Hagen?"

Shit. I forgot no one knows about my tail besides Maksim.

"Yeah."

"Why is Hagen on Skylar?"

"So nothing happens to her. You know how she and her friends are. They don't think about their safety. And now that the Zielinskis have us on their radar, I can't be too cautious."

Obrecht bobs his head as if debating. "Does she know?"

"No. And it's going to stay that way. I'm not giving her any reason to worry or ask questions. Plus, I don't want to spend any more of my time discussing Dasha."

"What does Skylar think you do when you disappear?"

My stomach twists. "I don't know. She worries and hates it."

"What did you tell her?"

"That I can't discuss anything."

Obrecht stays quiet, but I feel his disapproval.

"Do you have any better ideas? I'm not going to lie to her. And you know she can't ever find out who I really am. She'll run faster than Dasha did."

"That's not true."

I grunt. "Of course it is. She's a much better person than Dasha could ever be."

The door opens, and we step into the lobby. Obrecht grunts. "I won't argue that. However, I don't think you can keep her in the dark forever, little brother. Eventually, it's going to have to come out."

"No, it won't," I firmly insist. "We have an understanding."

"This is why I don't get serious with anyone. Keep it light, you don't have to deal with the drama."

"My printsessa isn't someone to casually date," I seethe, pissed at the very notion of the idea.

Obrecht stops walking. "Shit."

I spin on him. "What?"

"You have it bad, don't you?"

I stay silent.

"Jesus. What is it with Aspen's friends and all of you?"

"What does that mean?"

"Sergey. You. If anything goes wrong, you and Sergey are still going to have to see these women."

He has a point, and it's moot. I don't need to talk to Sergey. I know him, and he's in as deep as I am. I tease, "I don't think Hailee's taken if you want a date."

"The kindergarten teacher?"

"Yep."

Obrecht's eyes turn to slits. "I'm not stupid enough to go down that road, but you should rephrase your statement. She's not with an Ivanov."

A chill moves down my spine. "What are you talking about?"

"Did you not notice Liam at the pub?"

My pulse ticks faster in my neck. "What about Liam?"

"He's into Hailee."

"Shit. Tell me she isn't into him?"

Obrecht shrugs his shoulders. "My guess is she likes him."

"She's a kindergarten teacher, for God's sake. She's the innocent one."

Obrecht snorts. "Yep. And Liam O'Malley has his eyes set on her."

"Jesus. Fuck. I should warn her—"

"Really? You're going to let Skylar sit in the dark but go tell her friend to stay away from Liam?" Obrecht glances between us and steps closer. He lowers his voice. "We're no different from him, except he's murdered one man. How many have we tortured and killed?"

"Point taken, but it's Liam O'Malley. Hailee's a nice girl. She's trying to make the world a better place."

"Still not your place to interfere. And if you do, I suspect you're asking for issues with Skylar."

I scrub my hands over my face and groan. "You're right. I need to go. Drop me off at Skylar's?"

"Sure."

Within minutes, I'm standing outside Skylar's apartment. I don't knock and use the key she gave me. When I walk in, she's not in the main room. I go into the bedroom.

The shades make the room dark. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, but she's curled into a ball on the bed. She has her face smashed into the pillow. Faint sobs fill the air.

My heart races faster, and I lunge across the room. I pull her into my arms. "My printsessa, what happened?"

She jumps from surprise then hides her face in my chest. Her body shakes against mine.

I hold her tighter to me. Rage bubbles inside me, but I'm not sure where to direct it. "Please tell me what has you upset."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I-I tried to convince myself it's not important, but it is. I-I don't know how to make it not be," she mumbles so quietly, I struggle to hear her.

My stomach drops like I'm going down the first big hill of a roller coaster. I push my hands in her hair and make her look at me.

Is this the point where she tells me she can no longer deal with my secrets?

My mouth goes dry. I force myself to find out. "What isn't important?"

Her face turns red. She tries to turn from me, but I don't let her. Her mouth opens then shuts. More tears pool in her deep-blue eyes.

"Tell me."

She wipes her face. "I tell myself it doesn't matter. The only thing important is being with you and how happy we are together. I tried to forget about it, but seeing Nora today just..."

Nora?

"What did Nora do?"

"Nothing! I-I saw her in her dress. And she's having a baby. I've never focused on getting married or having kids. I'm not the girl who obsesses about it, but I do want it. So it hit me that if I stay with you, I'm giving it up."

If she stays with me. If being the keyword.

She's contemplating leaving me.

Nausea slams into my gut. "Because of who I am?"

Her eyes widen. "No. I heard you and Obrecht talking."

I scan my memory but don't know what she's referring to. "When?"

"At your mom's. Obrecht commented on your mom nagging you about marriage and kids. You said, 'Mom needs to stop living in la-la land, thinking that scenario is for either of us.'"

My heart drops. I'm such an idiot. "My printsessa, I—"

"You don't have to apologize for what you want. And we've not been together that long. It's not something I sit around thinking about, but I couldn't stop looking at Nora in her dress, with her baby bump, and thinking I'll never have it." She looks away and bites on her lip while more tears drip off her chin.

"It's something I don't think about when Obrecht and I talk about my mom. She..." I stop, blinking hard, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Dasha doesn't have family. She and my mom were close until..." I don't know why I can't talk about this without getting choked up. So much time has passed, yet the wound feels fresh. "We lost Natalia. Several months later, Dasha miscarried. She was six months pregnant. Our son died during labor. I held him in the palm of my hand. He was so tiny, but he..." I clear my throat. "He was beautiful."

Skylar turns into me. "What was his name?"

I smile and blink harder, staring at the ceiling. "Lev. It means lion in Russian. He would have been fourteen this year."

Her hand traces the L-E-V tattoo on my chest. I close my eyes. I don't like talking about any of this, but my words created damage. I'm not going to lose her over this.

She quietly asks, "And that's why you don't want kids or to get remarried? It's too painful?"

I shake my head. "No."

She scrunches her face. "Then what—"

"It's hard to think you'll have something again when it's ripped away from you. It's easier not to expect it or pretend you don't want it. Do I want anything resembling what Dasha and I had? No. Even our first few years, before they kidnapped Natalia..." I blow out a big breath. "I look back and see how wrong we were for each other. But it doesn't mean I would never get married again. And I'm forty, so my window for kids is running out. It's not that I don't want them, but even when you're young, they aren't guaranteed."

She places a knee on either side of my hips. "Adrian, I never know what to say to you. Anything I can think to say to try and offer some comfort sounds wrong. You've experienced so much loss, and nothing seems to feel right."

I slide my hands in her hair. "There isn't anything to say. I know you feel bad about it, and it's genuine."

"I know, but—"

I kiss her. It's heaven mixed with hell. I've hurt my printsessa. She's debating about giving up what she wants for her life for me. I don't want her to give up anything. The fact she's contemplating it pains me. I pull out of the kiss. "If I ever get married again, it's going to be with a woman like you. And I'm open to having kids if you want them, but I can't guarantee it. If I could control it, I would. I'd give you everything you want, but life isn't always fair."

She sniffles. "No, it's not."

"I'm sorry you heard my conversation with Obrecht. It was a stupid thing to say. And it doesn't apply to you."

A line forms between her eyes. "So it's not off the table with you? I'm not saying right now, but—”

I put my fingers over her lips. I tell her what I refused to say to several other women whom I dated since divorcing Dasha. I couldn't give them what they wanted, since it wasn't true for them. "No, my printsessa. Nothing is off the table with you."