Waiting on the Rain by Claudia Connor
38
Luke wasn’t in the best of moods, laying flat on his back. His leg ached and he was bored while Ava bustled around, asking him every two minutes if he was okay, did he need anything. And that’s about all she’d said to him since he’d come home from the hospital two days ago.
“Are you sure I can’t make you something to eat? My mom’s going to be here any minute.”
“I’m good. But you could come sit down for two seconds.” He didn’t consider himself particularly sensitive, especially when it pertained to the moods of women. But he knew when something was off. And something was off with Ava. He’d give her a little time to work up to telling him and if that didn’t work he’d pull it out of her.
“Luke?” She sat down on the coffee table in front of him. “I’ve been thinking.”
And here it comes, he thought.
“I think I should go back to New York. It’s just… It’s the best place for me and…”
She shrugged and he wondered if this was what she’d been working up to saying for days now. “I see.” Of course she had a right to do what she wanted, to live and work where she wanted. But she was acting like it was a foregone conclusion that her life wouldn’t include him. And that was a punch.
Luke’s voice was calm.He didn’t sound angry or upset. Didn’t sound shocked or hurt. There was nothing Ava could discern in his tone that made her think maybe she was making a mistake. Because he knew she wasn’t.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” she whispered.
“Well, that makes two of us.”
“Luke—”
“You know the first thing I thought when we met? Brave. I thought, that’s one brave lady. No way is she a coward.”
She pulled back. “And now you think I am?”
“You’re running. Again.”
His words struck true and hard and she nearly rubbed at the sting in her chest. “You almost died.”
“That’s just bullshit.”
“It’s not! Your blood was on my hands! I called your name and you couldn’t answer me. I couldn’t get you help!”
“You did get help!” He matched her anger with anger of his own.
“I couldn’t drive you to the hospital.”
“It was my own damn fault and if I was unconscious you wouldn’t have been able to get me in the car anyway. What if I’d been alone? Then what? There would have been no one to tie the tourniquet, to put pressure.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been there.”
He cursed under his breath. “It could have happened any time.”
“But it didn’t. It happened then. Because you had to look out for me because I couldn’t look out for myself. And sooner or later something will happen again.”
“So what?”
“So what? Would you say that if the tables were turned?”
“They’re turned now aren’t they? I’m flat on my back. You’re sitting there.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
She wouldn’t cry, Ava thought. She wouldn’t back Luke into a corner where he felt he had to convince her, and himself, that this would work. Because it wouldn’t. If he didn’t know that now, he would.
But for a moment, she’d allowed herself to imagine what might have been. What she might have had with Luke. Even now, maybe if he said, No. Don’t go, she might cave. She might let him convince her and give in to what she wanted more than anything. But he didn’t. Because he knew she was right.
And one day he would look at her, regret where he was and who he was with and she wouldn’t even see it. Even now, she felt that he knew this was the best thing for both of them.
So she quickly slammed the door on maybe and didn’t look back.
* * *
Luke saton the porch listening to the sounds of the country. There weren’t many at the moment. No insects, no power tools, not even a whisper of breeze in the trees. Just silence. He looked at horses, the grass, taking in the scene and thinking he would have given it up. He didn’t know how it would go, him in the city, but he’d been willing to try. Would it have made a difference if he’d told her that?
He’d overdone it and now he was paying the price. He couldn’t even call his sister for more ibuprofen because she’d no doubt tell Nora and then he’d get the wrath of both of them. All three of them, since they’d probably bring Mia over just to make sure they had him good and outnumbered.
With nothing else to do, he sat in a chair on the front porch. Eyes closed, a beer in hand. It’d been a day since Ava had walked out of the cabin and he’d replayed their conversation to the point his head ached with it. He’d wanted to push back and push hard, because, Jesus, she’d ripped his heart out.
He opened his eyes when he heard the sound of a car coming, imaging it might be Ava. Unless she’d gotten a ride from Zach, it wasn’t. Oh, well. He closed his eyes again. It was either Nora, coming with food and TLC, even if she did badger him with her nurse rules, or it was his brother. Probably no food, no TLC, but maybe he’d hang for a while, pass the time.
The truck stopped and he watched Zach get out of the driver’s side, then Nick from the passenger.
“Hey, bro.” They climbed the steps of the porch, gave him a good once over. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks. Hand me a beer.”
“Uh, uh, uh.” Zach wagged a finger at him. “Never mix alcohol with pain meds.”
“Haven’t taken any today so pass it over.”
Zach and Nick exchanged a glance before Zach handed Luke a bottle. “Just one. Guess I owe you for the night you showed up at my door.”
Luke smirked at that and twisted off the top. “The night you were crying.”
“I wasn’t crying and holy fuck. Is that a kitten in your lap?”
“What’s it to you?” He moved his hand over the sleeping black and white kitten he’d named Night Rider.
“Man, I knew things were rough, but… wow.” Zach made himself at home in the chair to Luke’s left. Nick sat on the top step. “How’s the leg?”
“Better.”
“How’s everything else?”
Luke took a drink of the beer. He definitely wasn’t himself because it tasted like shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Nick shook his head. “Told you he wouldn’t admit it.”
“Admit what?” Luke asked, feeling pissy and sounding the same.
“Ava. Unless you’re such a pussy that you’re sitting here pouting and talking to a cat because you got a scratch on your leg.”
“You know what? You can both go now.”
“Pretty sure I told you to tell the woman how you feel,” Zach said. “That’s just how it is, right Nick? You gotta man up.”
Nick shrugged, lifted his beer in agreement.
“You don’t want to screw around as long as this guy.” Zach pointed at Nick.
“Watch it,” Nick said.
“Or you can sit here with your cat. Be the crazy cat man. That’d actually be funny for the campers. The crazy old army guy who lives alone with his cats because he has no balls.”
Luke closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “You know, at least Night Rider keeps his advice to himself.”
* * *
“You sure youdon’t want us to walk you in?” Ava’s mom asked for the third time.
“No, Mom.” Ava stood outside the car in the airport’s drop-off lane. She hugged her mother, held on tight. For once, not minding the protectiveness. Her emotions were raw. “I’m good. You wouldn’t be able to walk me to the gate anyway.”
Her mom squeezed her tightly. “You know you can change your mind. But I understand,” she added quickly and brushed Ava’s hair back on either side of her face. “I understand. If you want, I can go by, check on him. Take him some cookies.”
Ava bit her lip so she wouldn’t cry at the thought. “That’d be nice,” she said, turning her face away and reaching for the handle of her roller bag. She hugged her dad goodbye. She’d already been through the goodbyes with her brother and Connie the night before. Had fought back tears throughout her confession, her explanations, as to why she was leaving the way she was.
And had tried miserably to put on a brave face, telling herself not to be surprised, not to be disappointed.
It’s for the best. She’d repeated that, hoping if she said it enough it wouldn’t hurt so badly. She hadn’t eaten much of her mom’s going away dinner, and barely gotten down a bite of toast this morning.
A heavy fist of tears clogged her throat as she sat on the Norfolk runway. She sipped on a Coke she’d bought in the airport, her lips quivering as she tried to suck on the straw. She could be grateful for the ties she’d strengthened with her parents. And maybe, after time passed, she’d be grateful for the time with Luke.
She couldn’t regret what she’d found with Luke, but she wasn’t too grateful yet. Not for the pain in her heart. She shouldn’t have let herself fall so hard. So deep. Now she’d have to crawl out of that hole and she wondered how long it would take.
Her flight was delayed due to weather. Even now, rain pelted the little window she shared between her row and the row in front of her. Of course it did. Of course it would rain now.
She’d come here to help her parents, but it’d also been for her. Alittle break, a little space from the memories of her old life. She’d thought she’d go back to New York renewed, more settled. Or maybe not go back at all, maybe go to Italy. She’d never considered she’d be going back even more unsettled. In love with someone else and even more heartbroken.