Denied Mate by Roxie Ray

Prologue

Liv

That wasn’t real. That couldn’t possibly have been real.

My mind raced as fast as my feet. I’d seen it with my own eyes, but I still couldn’t believe it. There was just no way my father would ever hurt someone like that, much less his best friend—his right-hand man.

For as fast as my brain was trying to go, it still couldn’t keep up with everything my senses were pouring in. My footfalls sounded like thunder to me, even though my small paws skated over leaf litter and soil. I could smell the earthy darkness as I churned up the forest floor, even as my tongue lolled out from parted jaws. I’d never run so fast in my entire life. My muscles ached and I could hardly feel it; some part of me felt like maybe I could run on forever, over this hill, and the next, and the one after that, and I could disappear into the New England pines and never be seen again.

A root snagged my foot and I tumbled, a mess of flailing legs and light, sandy fur as I hit the muddy forest floor with a startled yelp. Shifting was supposed to be something wonderful; magical, even. A rite of passage! You weren’t supposed to be startled into your first shift as you watched your father push a man over a ledge; you certainly weren’t supposed to spend the time alone. You were supposed to have someone there as your bones crunched and morphed to accommodate a different body. Someone to keep watch over you until you’ve gotten your feet underneath you. You were supposed to have your pack there to celebrate with you. I was thirteen years old, sure, but I felt as awkward as a baby deer as I struggled to get my legs back underneath me. I didn’t think my father had seen me, but I didn’t want to find out.

It probably would have been wiser to stop and listen to the forest around me, but all I could hear was the rush of blood in my own ears. They were flattened against my head. Was I shaking? I might have been. Probably. I didn’t stop to check. Instead, I got my paws beneath my body and started running again. The path was dark. My mother had sent me out to get my dad from the shed for dinner; he worked there sometimes. He always said that doing things with his hands settled his mind. The door was open, but Dad was missing. The rain had cleared a few hours ago, but I hadn’t expected him to go out for a walk. I’d followed the trail behind our house.

Shit, I really wished I’d just gone back inside and told Mom I didn’t know where he was instead of looking for him.

I stumbled again and hit my chin on the path this time. I couldn’t stop. I had to keep going. I felt possessed, like if I stopped, I’d die. I ran down the trail, barely keeping myself on my feet. When I halted in the woods behind a slate gray house, I realized I hadn’t run back home. In my panic, I ran to my best friend’s house instead. Some part of my brain cheered, a wave of relief sliding over me.

Cal! My tongue rolled out of my parted jaws as my sides heaved.

Get it together, I commanded myself, my ears flattened against my skull. I had to tell someone. I had to. How could I keep this a secret? I certainly couldn’t confront my father! What would my mother think? And my older brother would just think I was making it up, so… My best friend was my only choice, really, but…

His father was the man my dad had pushed.

I sucked in another breath and tried to calm myself again. Maybe I had just been seeing things. It was dark; it was almost sundown when I’d set out into the woods anyway. I hadn’t come out of the tree line when I’d heard shouting. My name had been shouted back and forth like it was some sort of weapon. What if Mr. Meyers was upset with me? What if he’d told my dad about Cal’s and my adventure last week? What if my father was mad at me? About to ground me? Finding me eavesdropping wouldn’t have helped my cause. I probably should have turned around there, but I didn’t.

I wanted to hear more at the time. But now, I wish I hadn’t heard anything at all.

By the time I’d crept close enough to see what was going on, the shouting had stopped, and my father was the only person left on the ledge. Mr. Meyers hadn’t come storming past me, and since that was the only path to and from the outlook… Well, what was I supposed to think?

Sure, I didn’t actually see anything happen, but what was I supposed to do? Waltz over and ask my father? ‘Hey, excuse me, Dad? You didn’t happen to push Cal’s dad over the ledge, did you? Mind if I take a look? Okay, thanks, love you!’ I snorted and shook my head. Maybe running here wasn’t the best idea. Sure, I wanted to tell someone, but how the hell was this conversation supposed to go? ‘Hey, Cal, so don’t freak out or anything, but I think my dad might have shoved your dad over the ledge.’ Yeah, that’d go just as well as the first one.

Loud voices broke my train of thought and I froze, hunkering lower down to the ground. I was glad I hadn’t emerged from the underbrush just yet. My ears tipped forward and I realized it was my father who was yelling. Why was he at Cal’s house? Cal’s mother was yelling back, too. Or… No. Wait. She was yelling at Cal? Or was she yelling for Cal? I leaned a little forward, trying to crawl on my belly when something dark and furry burst into the forest just inches from my nose. I yelped, and the wolf whirled around; his gold eyes were wide and his lips peeled back in an ugly snarl. Our eyes locked. Oh, my brain supplied, ever helpful. It didn’t provide me with a single usable thought. Just that single ‘oh’ and white noise, and something warm and fluttering unfurled in my chest. It made me feel a little dizzy. It was like running track in the middle of the summer and you couldn’t catch your breath. Everything was too hot and the edges of my vision seemed to ripple with the intensity of it. If I wasn’t on my belly, I might have stumbled. Fallen. It was like someone had taken my entire world and titled it on its axis; up wasn’t up anymore, down wasn’t down. My father had told me about mate bonds before, but that couldn’t be right. The dizzying heights sounded like what he had described, but I couldn’t get my head around it. This didn’t make sense. This couldn’t be a mate bond. Surely it couldn’t be formed with the first wolf I set eyes on after my own first shift. What if it was someone I hated? Or someone I didn’t know? What if I had looked at my brother, or a wolf from a different pack? This didn’t make any sense!

“Cal, wait!” I heard Mrs. Meyers shout. The wolf in front of me didn’t waste another moment; with one final look at me, he was off like a shot, disappearing into the shadows as he galloped through the foliage. He didn’t look back.

Cal?

I couldn’t help myself. I followed him, forgetting about the fact that my father was back at his house… forgetting what I just saw, or why I’d even run to his house in the first place. I forgot about the weird flutters that had spread from my chest to my belly. I forgot that I’d just sprinted all the way here; I could barely even feel the burn in my legs as I tried to keep up. He’d never shifted before either, but I could barely keep him in my line of sight. Where I was stumbling and unsteady, he seemed to be surefooted and powerful. I’d even think it was unfair, if I could have spared a thought at all.

He stopped so suddenly I almost ran square into him; I slammed on the brakes and slid on the soil. I gave a half-hearted jump, trying to twist over him like the most awkward pole-vaulter, and landed in a tangle of legs on the other side.

“What are you doing here, Olivia?” he demanded before I’d even turned around.

Olivia? My nose wrinkled. The only one who called me Olivia was my mother.

Wait, how was he talking? I peered back over my shoulder. He—

Naked!

Very naked!

I whipped back around and scrambled to my feet, shooting into the dewy underbrush, tail curled between my hind legs. “Olivia!” he yelled again. I forced myself into a little ball, covering my eyes with my dirty paws. This wasn’t happening to me right now.

A harsh whine bubbled up from my throat as a crushing pain rushed up from my legs. For a split second, I worried I’d broken something in my mad dash and didn’t realize it. What if I made it worse? When I looked down, I was met with a horrifying sight, pale skin and tawny fur shifting rapidly. It was hideous. I couldn’t look away. Were bones supposed to make that crunching noise? Oh, no. Am I dying? It wouldn’t be unheard of for a wolf to be killed during one of her first shifts; you weren’t supposed to shift alone for several reasons. I croaked, eyes wide; I couldn’t even curl up to try to make the pain stop. What a stupid way to die.

When the blood stopped roaring in my ears, I realized Cal had called me again. If I could hear Cal, that meant I probably wasn’t dead. I flexed my fingers…yep, those were fingers, all right. Not dead, and not a wolf any longer. He sounded a little closer. “Don’t look at me!” I shouted hoarsely. My throat felt like I’d just been screaming myself raw for the past two hours. I really had no control over this! I bit the inside of my lip, hating how easily I seemed to slip in and out. And oh, how it hurt! Why didn’t anyone warn me how badly it would hurt?

“Cal?” My blonde head popped up from a scraggly blueberry bush. My wet hair clung to my cheeks as I strained my neck. He was nowhere to be seen. “What’s going on?”

“How should I know?” his voice snapped from behind a tree. “You followed me! What were you even doing at my house?”

I flinched. “Why are you yelling at me? I got in a fight with my dad, and he yelled at me and then this happened and then I came here,” I rattled on. Did I sound like I was lying? I hoped not.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice. “Yeah? Well, your dad is doing an awful lot of that tonight,” Cal spat out. Finally, he poked his head from behind a large pine. His face looked like thunder. My heart did a hopeful little flip-flop anyways. “That overgrown, lying—”

“Cal!” I sucked in a sharp breath. That was my dad. That was our Alpha. “Don’t talk about him like that.”

“Or what? He’ll kick me out?” Cal’s harsh laugh cut through me like a knife. “Oh wait, he already did!” His voice had taken on a hysterical edge. I felt my whole body go cold.

Surely, I didn’t hear that right. My dad would never kick anyone out without good reason. He certainly wouldn’t kick out my best friend!

“Don’t be stupid,” I shot back. “He’d never—”

“Don’t be such a daddy’s girl,” my best friend snapped, the dark look returning to his handsome face. I’d never seen him so angry before; his dark hair was matted against his forehead and his hazel eyes almost looked black in the shadow.

“Don’t—”

Cal wouldn’t let me finish. “Get lost, Olivia,” he snarled, stepping farther from the tree. “You think your perfect dad would never do anything. You can’t even see what’s going on.”

My face got hot. I wasn’t oblivious! I came over here to talk to him, didn’t I? I knew more of what was going on than he did. “You’re my best friend!” I insisted, my voice was angrier than I intended it to be, but I couldn’t stop myself. “He’s my dad and he’s the Alpha, but you’re my—”

“No.”

“No? Cal, didn’t you feel—”

“No.” His voice was steely enough that I actually clicked my jaw shut and blinked. He pointed a shaking finger at me. “No, I am not,” he snarled. I could practically feel the anger radiating off of him. The hurt. The hatred. “Not now, not ever. I’m not your friend, I’m not your packmate, I’m not your anything, Olivia Burns. Get out of my sight.”

He wasn’t shouting anymore, but my ears were ringing with his voice. The finality of it hit me like a punch to the gut; I tried to suck in a breath, and I couldn’t. “But, Cal,” I wheezed. He was turning into the woods. Where was he even going to go? “Cal! Cal, please!”

“If I never see you again, Liv, it will be way too soon. I’ll ruin you.”

I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream, shout, jump up and down, anything, but I was too stunned to say anything. I just watched him go, like I was watching someone else’s life. Like what was supposed to be the best part of my life hadn’t just become my nightmare. I was shaking uncontrollably; my cheeks were wet. It hadn’t started raining again, though. I was crying. Why was I crying?

I hiccupped softly to myself, staring into the dark long after Cal had disappeared.

I had no idea what time it was when I finally wiped my eyes and got myself together. Had I been out there for thirty minutes or a few hours? It didn’t matter. I bit the inside of my cheek until it bled; it was something else to focus on. I was never going to tell anyone about this. I never saw anything happen. I hadn’t shifted yet. I never felt that soul-deep tug. None of this happened. None of this had ever happened, and certainly not to me.

No one was waiting for me to sneak in the back door; it didn’t matter that I let the screen door squeak behind me. My dad was out; he must have taken my brother, Ben, with him. I could hear the sound of The Vampire Diaries coming from the living room; exhausted as I was, I still managed to roll my eyes. My mother had the worst taste. “You’re grounded,” she said around a glass of red wine. She didn’t even turn around as I bolted for the stairs.

At least she didn’t see me naked.

I was too tired to wonder why she hadn’t noticed that I’d just come home without my clothes, except that she had wine and her favorite show. I grabbed my pajamas with shaking hands; my resolve had eroded into something much quieter. I was so tired. Tired down to my bones, to my soul. My father had always told me that shifting was exhausting, but I knew it was more than that. It wasn’t running. It wasn’t even what I’d seen, or that Cal and I had fought. You weren’t best friends with someone since the first grade without fighting.

I crawled under my covers and grabbed a pillow, mashing it against my chest. I curled around it and sucked in a sharp breath. My eyes burned. My throat was tight. My vision became blurry as tears ran silently down my cheeks again. Cal hated me. Cal hated me.He didn’t even know what my father had done, and he hated me anyway. I bit the inside of my lip, worrying it back and forth as I cried. Maybe he didn’t have to know. Maybe realizing I was his mate was all it took. Good friend material, but not mate material.

The thought hurt almost as badly as Cal’s words. I pulled the cover over my head, enveloping myself in my bed. I don’t know how long I lay there, repeating the same words over and over until I fell asleep.

I saw nothing. He had no reason to be mad at me. This never happened, and it definitely didn’t happen to me.