War and Roses by Kat Baxter
Chapter 2
Five months ago...
Sand Dollar, Texas
Bethany
I've started typing the damn email, like, ten times and I keep deleting it. I don't know what my problem is. I've been writing to Jacob for months now so how is an email any different? I think it's the immediacy of it that scares me.
What if he writes back right away?
What if he doesn't write back right away?
I don't even know where he is, so I don't know what time it is. I'm being ridiculous. I know that.
But I also know that all of my silliness at the moment is caused by the fact that I have a giant crush on this man. A man I've never seen.
I've seen his heart though. In the stories he's told me about his sister and parents. About some of the buddies he's lost over there.
He's an amazing guy and I never imagined all those months ago when I sent him a random letter and some candy that we'd still be communicating. At the end of every one of his letters he asks me to email him. Today, I'm finally going to do it.
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: It's me, your pen pal
Hey Jacob,
Surprise!
I'm finally using that email you gave me months ago. Don't worry though, I'll still send you care packages.
I'm still trying to figure out how to send you some authentic Texas salsa without it exploding all over the box.
So the funniest thing happened today at the flower shop. This guy comes in to get his girlfriend a dozen roses. But he's carrying this box of dog treats under his arm. He proceeds to tell me that his girlfriend's dog doesn't like him, and he wants to try to win the pooch over. So could I figure out a way to add the bones to the bouquet or could I just make a doggie bouquet too?
We don't normally do things like that, but I couldn't resist. Dogs are the best and that was just the sweetest.
I hope you're having a good day wherever you are. And that you're safe.
Bethany
* * *
His response comes back about half an hour later. During those thirty minutes I regret that I sent the email. We had a good thing going with the letters. Yes, I eagerly check my mailbox every day in hopes that I get one of his envelopes. But it's a different kind of waiting.
When the ding comes from my phone alerting me to a new email, it startles me. A completely ridiculous reaction considering I was literally looking at my phone every fifteen seconds. Seeing his name flash across my screen sets loose an entire parade of giant butterflies in my stomach. Like, they've got to be the size of those enormous fruit bats.
I stare at his name for a few seconds before I force myself to read an entire chapter of the book I've been pretending to read, just to prove to myself that I don't have to drop everything for him.
But I'll have to re-read that chapter because I have no idea what happened at all. I was so focused on the fact that Jacob was sitting in my inbox.
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: It's me, your pen pal
Bethany,
It hasn't been the best day over here, but not the worst either, so I guess that's one good thing. The best thing, though, was your email. Just seeing your name in my inbox made me smile and, frankly, I hadn't smiled in a few days.
I agree, dogs are the very best. There are a few strays that wander into our camps periodically, and even flea-ridden and mangy, they're still sweet.
I'd say that someday I'll get one of my own, but the truth is I'm a lifer. You probably aren't familiar with the term. But it's what we call soldiers who stay in forever. So I'll continue to work my way up the ranks, hopefully. I like the front lines though. I'm good at it. I can't really give you any more details than that.
Thanks for the email. Please send more. I love hearing about your day at work. Tell me anything else as you brighten my days.
Jacob
My heart tightens and I want to ask why his day has been bad. But I know he can't tell me. I also want to hug him. I want to hug him so badly my arms actually ache. Or bring him to an animal shelter so he can pet puppies for an hour or so. But I can't so I plan to head to the store and buy him some extra Twizzlers. Anything to make him feel better.
I read the part in his email again about me making him smile. Everything inside me feels warm and gooey. I know I'm in danger of losing my heart to this man. But he said himself, he's a lifer, so we'll never meet. It's just a little crush and I'll survive.
Still, I can't help but wonder if he feels this too. This connection between us.
I can't help myself, so I send him a quick reply. Because why not? Isn't that the entire point of using email? For more immediate reaction and responses?
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: RE: It's me, your pen pal
Jacob,
I'm sorry you've been having a rough day. I'm glad I was able to provide a little brightness. If I could, I'd hug you really tight. Since I can't do that, I'll be sending you an extra supply of Twizzlers.
Hugs,
Bethany
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: It's me, your pen pal
Bethany,
Just knowing you want to hug me has made me feel better. Though I'll always take the Twizzlers. But something tells me that nothing could compete with a Bethany hug.
xo,
Jacob
* * *
I stare at that "xo" for far too long. Analyzing it and overanalyzing it. Finally, I turn my phone off because I know I'm being an idiot. Hugs are platonic.
Kisses aren't though and he did include that "x." Then again, no one signs letters with "oo." So how could he not include the kiss? It doesn't mean anything.
But the truth is, it means something to me. He means something to me. I just need to be careful so that he doesn't mean everything to me.
