Reconcile by Nicole Dykes
I can’t believeI let myself kiss him again. I can’t let him make a fool of me again. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
The other night after I told him about finding him with Paisley, he left in a shocked stupor, and I was grateful. We haven’t talked about it in the two days since, but now that Audrey is asleep and I’m reading out on the patio, he’s found me.
And I can tell he wants to talk.
He takes the seat next to me, facing me, his face solemn. “Piper.”
I don’t lower my e-reader. “Don’t.”
“I’m so damn sorry. For so many things. I’m sorry.”
I hear the anguish in his voice. I lower my Kindle, looking up at him, shaking my head and pleading, “Please don’t. I can’t take it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“We kissed. Twice. I think it does matter.” He looks so damn earnest, but I remind myself to be strong. “We matter.”
I shake my head and sit up straighter in my chair, facing him. “There is no ‘we.’ There can’t be.”
“There could be. I felt you kissing me back, Piper. I know you want it too.”
I snort coldly, dismissing him. “Oh please, Sawyer. I would have kissed anyone back at this point. It’s been a long damn time since I’ve been kissed. Or anything else.”
He looks like I slapped him, pulling back. “That’s not all it was.”
I force myself to straighten my back and lift my chin. “It was. And in fact, there’s a guy at the office who’s been asking me out pretty much nonstop. You want more time with Audrey, so maybe you can watch her and I could take him up on his offer.”
His handsome face morphs in horror. “You want me to watch her while you get laid?”
“I doubt I’ll sleep with him on the first date, but don’t you want some time with her?”
I hate to admit how much I trust him with Audrey already, but I know, without a doubt, he won’t let anything happen to her. He may be even more protective of her than I am. Plus, I need to clear my mind and get it off of Sawyer.
“I want more time with her.”
“Good. So how about this weekend?”
He looks like he’s going to be sick, but I know he’ll be fine. He’s bored, and I’m a plaything. I need to remind myself of that. Over and over. “Okay.”
I nod. “It’s a big deal for me, Sawyer.”
“A date?” he scoffs.
“Leaving Audrey with you. I don’t like leaving her.”
His eyes are steely as they meet mine. “I won’t let anything or anyone hurt her. Ever.” I believe him. “I’m her father, even if you won’t let me tell her.”
My stomach knots, thinking about that fact. That I’m keeping a secret from my daughter and knowing deep down he’s a good father, but I’m still not there yet. I can’t trust him completely yet.
“I can’t deny how quickly you took to fatherhood and how much she already loves you.”
“I love her too.”
My chest aches, and I’m slightly taken aback by his admission. At how easy it was for him to say that. I wasn’t sure he was capable of saying the words, but perhaps that was only to me.
I smile, though, because I’m happy he loves our daughter.
His face drops. “You still think it could be a game?”
I don’t want to believe that. I’ve seen the joy on his face when he plays with her.
“I really hope not.”
“It’s not,” he growls, and I stand up, needing distance from him.
“I need more proof, Sawyer. And an evening alone with her might help that.”
He stands up, his shoes touching my bare toes. “I’ll do anything to be her father.”
I nearly choke on my threatening tears, but my chin remains tipped up, and I make myself stare into his eyes. “You’ve been a great father so far.”
With that, I grab my Kindle and leave because I can’t stand that close to him, even after all this time the pull is too great.
I don’t think that’s ever going to change.
