The Fireman I Loved to Hate by Jenna Gunn

Chapter 20

“You didn’t need to come all this way,” I say before another choking fit hits me. I have drank so much water in the last day that I’ve spent most of the morning in the bathroom.

“Are you freaking kidding me, Alex? You almost died!”

I roll my eyes and tell her, “Alyssa, I didn’t almost die, the other firefighters were right there when I fell-”

“I swear to god, Alex, don’t pull this ‘fire is no big deal’ act with me!” she was suddenly so angry that I didn’t know what to say. “You and I both know exactly how big of a deal fires are,” her voice cracks and she’s got her arms around me fast.

I sigh. My sister has a hard time even accepting my career, much less saying the word ‘fire’. Her anxiety is bad enough that her family pet is a therapy dog. “You’re right, Lyssi. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like it was no big deal.”

She sniffs and says, “Jerk.”

I laugh, and she pulls back. “I am what I am.”

Her cheeks are tear-streaked, but she smiles. “Couldn’t you be someone else for once?”

“Where’s the family?”

“I told Grant to keep Clara in the hallway, in case you were all wires and tubes, and so we could talk for a minute. Plus, I thought if you needed quiet, instead of little girl loudness, I would keep her out there.”

I shake my head and tell her, “I wouldn’t mind seeing my family right about now.”

“Before I tell them to come in, tell me what happened. You’ve done this hundreds of times, Alex. What went wrong?”

“Nothing, really. Don’t worry about it.”

Alyssa is firm when she says, “Alexander. You do not get to tell me that. Not ever. You owe me the truth. You owe me answers. Remember our agreement, when you decided to choose the worst career in the world?”

“It’s the best career in the world, Lyssi, I-”

“Owe me answers. You swore you would always tell me about your job when I asked, in case I thought you were going too far. I know you need to fight fires and get revenge or whatever on fire for Mom and Dad, but we agreed that if I ever thought you were going too far and taking too many risks, that you would quit, and you will live up to your promise, Alex,” Her voice shakes, but she’s not giving up. “Tell me what happened. Explain to me why I shouldn’t pull the plug on your career. We had a deal.”

“All right, Lyssi. You’re right, you’re right. I remember.” I take a sip, sit back, and think hard. “I had the O₂ I needed. My equipment was functioning correctly. I was well-rested. I did all the same things I always do, and so did everyone else. We were on, and it was a good day, as far as our days go.” I run through the night before and it’s difficult to say the words. “I had rescued four people before things began to go…badly.”

She sits down in the visitor’s chair. “Go on.”

“During the fifth rescue, part of the ceiling fell and hit my helmet. It rang my bell real good, but I was still on my feet. I got her out easy enough. But she told me about the manager who was stuck in the office. But the railing to the office was on fire, and I couldn’t have gotten him out of there that way. I was able to get a ladder and some other firefighters to come with me. They just showed up out of nowhere…I’m still not sure who they were.”

“I’ll find out and send them some treats as a thank you.”

“Hey, where are my treats?”

She snickers, then smacks my arm. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to eat solids. Keep healing, and I might bring you something, too.”

I softly chuckle. “Thank you for that. Anyway, we got the ladder to the viewing window in the office. My body was getting tired, but I was up the ladder and using my axe on the window before I really knew it. You just go on muscle memory at that point, all the training, that’s what gets you through the tough times.”

Alyssa nods and says, “I get that. It’s like when I make a cake. I’ve done it thousands of times. I’m not thinking about what I’m doing. I just do it. Like automatic pilot.”

“Yeah, exactly. So, I get into the office and that little bald guy-”

“Mr. Greene?”

I nod and close my eyes. “That’s the one. He’s kneeling at a safe, burning his hand, I’m sure of it. But he’s in fight or flight, not thinking about anything but the money, because people are not logical in a fire, and I try to get him to come with me, but he’s obsessed. So, I hoist him onto my shoulders and he’s fighting with me…” I can remember the modicum of panic that hit me in the moment my mask seal broke. “And he knocked my mask loose. And the smoke attacks me.”

Alyssa’s eyes shine, but she doesn’t speak.

When we were children, we both had nightmares about a smoke monster that killed our parents. Smoke, maybe even more than fire, is the scariest thing, because it’s what kills most people who die in fires. We were told that by so many well-meaning adults, who kept telling us, “It’s the smoke that kills most people. They probably just slept through it. They didn’t suffer.”

Well, maybe they didn’t suffer. Which means that a sneaking, creeping monster is what murdered our parents. And for months, neither of us slept at all. We kept waiting for the smoke monster to come for us, too.

I swallow my fear down in one hard gulp and choke again. Alyssa pours me another cup of water and I drink it down. “But I had a man on my shoulders to help out of the warehouse. And I pushed through, somehow. The top of the ladder was covered by smoke. But through the smoke, I saw a firefighter’s arms reach out. I handed off Greene and when I couldn’t hear him screaming about the safe anymore, I knew the top of the ladder was clear. I felt my way around it and got on. I felt something snap or some kind of impact, and the next thing I remember, I woke up coughing.”

“What went wrong?” she asks as she wipes her tears away.

“They told me an I-beam fell from the ceiling and hit the ladder, knocked it clean out from under me. I was lucky it didn’t hit me, too.”

She takes my hand and holds it. “We’re all lucky.”

I shrug. “Yeah. The concussion isn’t the worst they’ve seen, and I didn’t break anything important. The lung damage is just smoke inhalation, and not that bad, according to the doctors. I’ll need continuous oxygen and a couple of different lung treatments for a while, but it’s mostly just bruises and bumps. They don’t think there’s any brain damage from carbon monoxide poisoning. Lucky.” I choke on the remaining ash in my lungs.

“I think the brain damage was a pre-existing condition,” she teases.

I laugh. “Yeah, maybe. Still, given what happened…” I shake my head. “What are the chances?”

She smiles and says, “Then it sounds like this is one of those times when I should thank my lucky stars and yours too, and scold you for not sending another firefighter up the ladder when you had a freaking head injury-”

“Hey!”

She shoots me a look that shuts me up. “And tell you that I love you.”

“I love you too, Lyssi,” I smile at her. “And you’re right, I should have sent someone else up. I wasn’t thinking anymore. All I knew was that I had six people to save, not five. I had one more to get. It was stupid, but hey, I had a head injury.”

“Stupid? Yes. But this accident was not your fault.”

I shook my head. “Nope. It was just an accident. Hell, had I been at the bottom of the ladder, I would have been whacked by the I-beam.”

“Strangely, that does not make me feel better.” She sighs. “I’ll grab Clara and Grant.”

“Thank you. And thank you for coming.”

“Is that a joke?”

I frown. “Why would that be a joke?”

“Where in the hell else would I be right now, Alex?” she looks at me like I had lost my mind.

“Sorry, I’m still not all here.”

“Were you ever?” she says with sass.

When Grant and Clara come in, he looks like he’s aged five years since last I saw him. He has bags under his eyes and sallow skin. “Hey, Alex.”

“Hey, man. Are you okay?”

“You’re the one in the hospital bed. Not me.”

“Yeah, but you look like you could use one,” I point out.

“Thing is, my brother in law almost died last night, so I didn’t exactly sleep much,” he says with a smirk.

We’re friends, but I didn’t expect him to worry about me like that. “Don’t worry about me, Grant. I’m tougher than I look.” Then a coughing fit hits me again. Can’t wait for those to be over.

“Klex!” Clara squeaks and climbs into bed with me, knocking the O₂ cannula from my nose. I struggle to put it back into place, while she chants, “Klex! Klex!”

I can’t help but get caught up in her little girl energy. I grin, “Hey, Clara-bee.”

“Why?” She points at the tubes and wires all around me, then loses her balance and almost knocks into my IV.

Alyssa panics and picks her up. “Let’s not play with those right now, or ever.”

I tell her, “I need these to stay alive.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a lot of boo-boos.”

She looks at the bruises on my face and studies them carefully. “Playgown?”

I look to Alyssa, but Grant explains, “Her friend Edison fell off the slide ladder at the playground and broke his arm, bruised his face on the way down. He’s fine, no worries.”

I smile and for the first time all morning, I can feel the bruising when I smile and speak. I wince. “Time for more drugs. Um, Clara-bee, I was hurt at work. Remember when I told you what I do?”

She says, “Wooo, wooo,” like a firetruck.

I laugh, and that hurts, too. Oh goody. I press the button for the nurse. “Yeah. The woo-woo job. Well, sometimes the woo-woo job is rougher than we’d like, and I got beat up.”

“Oooh,” she says in that little girl way. Then, she shakes her head and demands, “No more woo-woo.”

Alyssa squeezes her tight. “Sometimes, Clara-bee, as much as I do not want to admit it, you gotta woo-woo.”

The toddler firmly says, “NO!”

“Yes,” I nod, while Clara shakes her head. I tell her, “I’ll be all right, Clara-bee. I just need a lot more help to get there.” The nurse walks in and I tell him I need more drugs. He leaves us. “That nice man is going to help my woo-woo booboos by bringing me special treats.”

“Treats!” she squeals with girlish glee.

“Oh, now you’ve started it,” Grant chides me gently.

Alyssa says, “And now, someone will be getting a jello at the cafeteria.”

I laugh, then choke, and drink water. When my nurse comes back, he gives me some pills and almost choke when I try to take them. It’s a challenge, but I get them down. Sort of like forcing two lemons down a garden hose. “Maybe something in a needle next time?”

“I’ll ask your doctor. Need anything else?”

“I’m good, thanks, David.”

“How about for anyone else?” he asks the room.

Clara shouts, “Treats!”

He laughs and says, “I have just the thing,” but then he looks at Alyssa and says, “if she’s allowed.”

She nods, “This is her uncle, so she’s deeply distressed. She gets a free pass today. Give her all the sugar you like.”

“Well, I don’t carry sugary treats, but,” he chuckles and kneels down to her. “Have you ever had a fruit rollup?”

“No,” she says, fascinated.

He pulls the tiny flat package from his pocket. “They have magic powers that help you grow up big and strong, like a superhero. They’re called vitamins. Do you want to be big and strong?”

“Like One Woman?”

He looks up to Alyssa, who explains, “Wonder Woman.”

“Oh! Yes, Sweetie, big and strong like Wonder Woman. She takes all the vitamins she can, so she can save people the way your Uncle Alex does.”

“One Woman woo, woo?”

“Firetruck,” Alyssa translates for him.

“Ah,” he nods. “So, how about it, Miss? Do you want to be a hero?”

“Yes!” she claps gleefully.

“Here you go,” he passes it over.

“Tanu! Tanu!”

Alyssa starts to translate, but he says to her, “That one I got.” He turns to Clara and says, “You’re welcome. We need more heroes in the world.” He stands up and says to me, “You know how to reach me.”

I nod and start to feel the drugs kicking in. “Hey, Lyssi, I’m about to zonk out from the pills.”

“We’ll be going, then. Get lots of rest, Alex.” She walks out with her family and I drift away.

-