The Fireman I Loved to Hate by Jenna Gunn

Chapter 22

She’s stunning. As in, I’m completely stunned. But that might also be the drugs.

Raina is always gorgeous, even when her hair is wet and crazy or she’s barefoot in the grass. Maybe it’s that she’s shown up unannounced, or the fact I haven’t seen her in a while, but today, she is absolutely stunning.

Even in that outfit.

Raindrops splat on the window and normally, my thoughts would be about Alyssa driving home in the bad weather, but I’m admittedly distracted by Raina. Her curly hair is shagged from the rain. She’s in a souvenir tee shirt and brightly patterned leggings. The clogs on her feet look a size too big.

And I am smitten by the sight of her.

Her voice is quieter than I’ve ever heard it. “How are you?” She doesn’t step closer, as if I’m some fearsome beast. There’s dread in her eyes and I want to destroy whatever put it there. Her hands pointlessly twist the handles of a gift shop bag.

I want to ask her what’s wrong. I want to know who has upset her so much and I want to kick their ass. But I don’t rank in her world of leading men and chivalrous knights, or whatever, so it’s not my place to save her. But every bone in my body wants to save her. I take a deep breath and shrug. “Been better. Been worse.”

She touches her cheek below her eye. “That bruise looks painful.”

I reach up and touch my face in that spot. Then I chuckle to myself. “Oh yeah. I forgot about this one. You should see the other guy.” I manage to smirk, before another coughing fit interrupts me.

After I finish drinking more water, Raina mumbles, “I saw you on the news. And I saw…the other guy. That warehouse is just rubble now.”

I can’t help myself. I have to ask, “Is everything okay? With you, I mean? Your friend Jimmy, he’s still good?”

She nods. “He’s recovering. Thanks to you.”

I shrug it off. “Just doing my job.”

“I know. That’s why you’re here. That’s why I’m here…” She takes the smallest step closer to me. “I can’t believe you ran into that building.”

I laugh, cough, and drink. Every time I swallow water, it’s like broken glass in my throat. I rasp out, “Some of us are born stupid enough to do stupid things. Some of us are smart enough to use our stupid for good things. I’d like to think I’m in the second category.”

Another imperceptible step closer and she mumbles something I can’t quite hear.

“Sorry, but my hearing isn’t that great right now. The fire was very, very loud.”

She clears her throat and asks, “Is the hearing loss permanent?”

I shake my head. “Should be temporary, like last time.”

“You said you’re stupid.”

I smirk and nod. “I am.”

“We have that in common,” she says clearly.

“You can’t be stupid and write books, Raina.”

“I am! I’m so stupid, Alex. And I’m so sorry.” Her voice breaks my heart.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Raina. Tell me how I can help.”

She looks away and says, “There’s nothing you can do, except forgive me for being so damned stupid.”

My throat tightens and I need more water. I gulp more down and ask her, “What are you talking about? I don’t understand.”

She nervously rakes her fingers through her wet hair. “Alex, I’ve been ridiculous and unrealistic and...” Raina paces back and forth at the foot of my bed as she begins to ramble, “I’ve been waiting for a guy who is perfect and chivalrous and brave and dashing, some guy who is straight out of a novel. Some combination of a knight and a gentleman, a Mr. Darcy-”

“A who?”

“Mr. Darcy, from Pride and Prejudice,” she looks at me like I have lost my mind.

“Oh, that Mr. Darcy,” I say with a grin.

She goes on, “But really, I haven’t been waiting for some perfect man. I’ve been a coward. I’ve been using this fantasy to keep myself from getting attached to anyone. And I’ve never been good at attaching myself to people in the first place-”

I nod. “I get that.”

Her voice crackles and she’s uncomfortable, but she soldiers on, “After I lost my family and my boyfriend broke up with me, I withdrew, because if I didn’t get close to anyone, then I couldn’t lose them. And I couldn’t get hurt again. I couldn’t be destroyed by loss again…”

My chest swells and my eyes sting. I know exactly what she means, and I want to tell her that, but I don’t want to interrupt. “Go on. If you want.”

She pushes her hair back from her face, then looks up at me. “But I don’t have an excuse. I’m just so scared of you-”

“What?” bubbled out of me.

“Because I’ve never felt like this before.”

Underneath the blankets, my hands clench and release. I think she’s saying what I’ve always wanted to hear. I hope she is. I pray she is. My heart is on the edge of a knife.

She drops her hands to her sides and finally walks to my bedside. “Alex, I want to be with you. If you can stand to be with someone who is emotionally inept and-”

I grab her collar, pull her down to me, and kiss her. Her soft hands touch my face, and I wince and stiffen up. Couldn’t help it-just a reflex. She pulls back and realizes I’m in pain again. Raina blurts, “God, I’m so sorry!”

I smile up at her and tell her, “I hardly noticed. Come here-”

“I can’t hurt you again,” she says.

“It’ll only hurt if you don’t kiss me right now.”

Her sweet smirk sends a thrill up my spine. Then she kisses me again. She melts against me, as much as she can while I’m still in the bed and she’s dodging the IV. Raina makes these little satisfied groans, and it’s almost as though she’s purring in my mouth.

I’ve definitely become a cat person.

My heart is bursting, and I’m overwhelmed by what I feel for her. I want this. I’ve wanted this for so long. But given our past, I have to ask, “Do you mean it, Raina? You want to be with me?”

“Yes,” she says without hesitation.

I bring her lips to mine once more and revel in the feeling. I finally get to hold her, breathe her in. I want to wrap her around me and wake up with my face buried in her hair. My heart soars, knowing this time, things are different.

Even still, doubt beckons me, tells me to play it safe. She might change her mind. She might pull away. She might be cold again. Things could go very wrong very fast, just like before.

But this time, everything is different. Not just because of how it feels, but because she wants this, too.

Raina leans onto the bed, sitting onto the edge of the mattress. She’s careful not to bump my IV or the nasal cannula. Our kiss becomes heated the longer I can feel her body pressed next to me. She whispers, “Ever do it in a hospital bed?”

“I love…your enthusiasm, but as much as I don’t want to admit it, I am a little too wrecked for that.”

She smiles and cheerfully shrugs. “You can make it up to me later.” Then she kisses me again. Her tongue is warm and soft, and every flicker sends new life between my legs. As my blood courses through my veins, new aches and new hurts pulse. My head throbs, too. But, my god, I want her.

“Oh!” someone near the door says.

Raina freezes up, then looks at our intruder, and blushes. Her voice is breathy when she asks, “Hello?”

My doctor grins and offers, “I can come back later.”

Raina insists, “No, please, doctor. Stay.”

She tells us, “I will be releasing you by the weekend, Mr. Whitmore, provided you keep improving how I expect. I want to keep you here for observation just a while longer, to make sure your concussion isn’t worse than first suspected. They can be very tricky things, and I’m not taking any chances with the famous firefighter. My sister, and the entire lobby, would kill me.”

I laugh and ask, “What are you talking about?”

“Your girlfriend hasn’t told you?”

I look at Raina and ask, “What’s she talking about?”

Her face is still pink from the intrusion. She tells me, “There’s around thirty women in the lobby here to get to know the hero who saved six people last night.”

I laugh and choke and laugh again, before I drink more water. “You’re kidding me?”

“I wouldn’t be shocked to find my sister down there with them,” Dr. Knudsen shakes her head and says, “You are a hero, as far as the news is concerned, Mr. Whitmore. And I’m going to keep you alive for as long as I can. So maybe keep the amorous activities to something manageable. And if you feel anything go wrong, do remember to stop.”

I shrug and tell her, “Whatever you say, Doctor Knudsen. You won’t get any arguing out of me.”

“Enjoy your evening,” she says with a smirk before she leaves.

Once the coast is clear, Raina crawls into the bed with me and snuggles against me. Her wet hair saturates my hospital gown. There’s a trickle from the puddle and it’s teasing its way down my chest. The irritating tickle lets me know she’s really here.

I put my chin on top of her head and I’m grinning like crazy. I ask, “So, this is what you want? A broken firefighter?”

She giggles and says, “You’re not broken. Just a little messed up. Like me.”

Her giggles fill me with a joy I’ve never known before. I kiss the top of her head and cannot believe my luck.

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